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Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-19-2005
This is a resurrection of a thread that I believe the Hacker destroyed -- Shayne and I started trading bits and pieces of our characters jointly teaching a DADA class at Hogwarts. I lost the spark for a while, and it stalled until it was wiped, but by chance I kept a local copy, which I'm now reposting in the hopes that we can start this thread up again.
(Shayne)
The great hall was abuzz with voices. The professor was
indisposed, but rather than cancel classes or draft one of the
other teachers to fill in, the headmaster had opted to bring in a
pair of guest lecturers for a weekend lecture to make up the lost
instruction session. Students from all of the houses were
A pair of squibs. A snide voice from the Slytherin table could
be heard, deliberately pitched to be audible throughout the room.
What a waste of time.
Not squibs. Another voice added. Ones a Protoean magus.
You mean a cripple. The other voice rejoined. What good is
magic you cant control?
The argument cut off abruptly as the doors to the great hall
swung open.
(Bob)
Two figures strode through the doors side-by-side.
"Quite a lot of good, actually," declared the one on the left, a
lithe, athletic man with short-cropped blond hair and an American
accent. From a strap he held in one hand dangled an object the
Muggle-born students recognized as a motorcycle helmet.
"Is thinking practical demonstration is in order," said the
other, a burlier fellow with dark hair and a twinkle in his eye.
His rumbling voice betrayed some Eastern European influences.
"Is thinking you're quite right," replied the first affably.
"Pick a student to terrorize," he added as he tossed the helmet
in the air. It flipped a couple of times and then dropped neatly
on his head. As he began working at the strap inside and under
his chin he turned to the class. "Good morning, kids. We're
your new instructors, Starsky and Hutch."
"No," growled the burly one as he stalked along the rows of
nervous-looking students.
"The Captain and Tennille?"
"No."
"Wayland Flowers and Madame?"
"No!"
The man with the helmet turned to the class and shrugged
eloquently. "Well, I'm sure we're *somebody*. When we figure out
*who* we'll let you know." A badly-stifled chorus of giggles
erupted from the seats closest to him. He turned to his partner.
"So, who's our lucky vic... student this morning?"
(Shayne)
Am thinking is weedy looking blonde. Thibor growled. Is
writing checks with mouth, is going to have to cash them with ar
bottom. Few is called, none is happy about it.
Thibor stopped next to the podium and stretched. He bent down and
quickly unlaced his boots, stepping out of them with ill grace.
The socks followed, stuffed haphazardly into the boots. He
straightened, the boots dangling loosely from his hands. The
blonde student watched him with an ill concealed contempt, a
sneer twisting his thin, aristocratic lips.
What are you going to do, stink me to death. A ripple of
laughter passed through the students seated around the blonde as
he got up and walked to the center aisle.
No. Am not planning on killing you. Will live through this. An
expression that could, with a little coaching, pass for a smile,
played across Thibors thick, Slavic features. Am Major Thibor
Sawchyk. International Super Teams, am not sure who partner is,
but is pretty sure is having something to do with duck. Is not
having wand. Attack.
Stupef.. The blonde student raised his wand with a quick, jerky
motion and pointed it. He was brought up short as the boots
flashed through the air, one smashing into his extended hand, the
other impacting tread first with his face. He fell backwards,
ending up square on his backside, the boot dropping into his
robed lap.
Lesson one. Is not weapon in hand that makes you dangerous. Use
what is at hand that would be grey squishy thing between ears.
That is true weapon. Thibor said, as muted laughter rose from
three of the long tables. He turned his back on the seething
blond as he addressed the other students.
Stupefy! The blondes hand scrambled against the stone floor,
recovering his lost wand. He pointed it at the center of the
instructors shoulders. The red beam passed through air as the
man easily leapt upwards. What left the ground was a man, but
what landed was not. The huge grey werewolf plucked the wand from
the blondes hand, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and
lifted him easily off the ground. There was a moment of panic
from the assembled students, and several screams as wands
appeared in hands around the room.
Sit!. Thibors voice barked out the command. He dropped the
blonde in a stunned, shaking heap on the floor. Am hereditary
werewolf. Is meaning is not infectious. Lesson two. Never take
what your opponent offers you. If foe is showing you his back,
there is reason for it. Reason is not because is stupid. Is
having their attention now.
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-19-2005
"Lesson three." The other man's voice echoed suddenly from the
rear of the classroom, and many of the students started. The
class as one turned around to see the American leaning casually
against the doorjamb, dozens of wands in his fisted grip. Various
students looked down to discover that what they had thought were
their wands were in fact twigs, pencils, and in a few cases,
brightly-colored tubes of waxed paper labelled "Pixy Stix(R)".
"Situational awareness," he continued. "In a threat environment,
*never* focus on one thing to the exclusion of all others --
there *will* be other threats that *will* take advantage of your
inattention. Like me." He stood upright and began walking along
the tables, returning wands to their surprised owners just as the
students began realizing what he had done. "I am Colonel Douglas
Q. Sangnoir, also of the International Super Teams. And had this
been a true combat situation, most if not all of you would be
dead right now."
A redheaded boy with a broad grin elbowed his neighbor, a boy
with unruly black hair and glasses, and whispered, "Constant
vigilance!" The boy with the glasses chuckled softly.
The colonel apparently heard them, because he nodded as he
returned the last of the wands. "Exactly. Constant vigilance.
That doesn't mean paranoia, though, nor does it mean that you
have to give up everything else in order to put your entire
attention into scanning your surroundings at all times, but you
will need to learn how to *be aware*." With a hop he seated
himself on the instructor's desk at the front of the class. "Case
in point. Had you not been so intent on our little object
lesson, I would not have been able to take your wands from you."
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - jpub - 10-19-2005
Bob, cut it out.
You're making me want to work on my God's Toy step for Harry Potter.--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
![[Image: Con.gif]](http://www.yggdrasil.org/misc/Con.gif)
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - HoagieOfDoom - 10-19-2005
Bob, keep going!
*grin**********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-19-2005
Nah, it's Shayne's turn, if he wants to pick it up again.
But I might rewrite that last bit. My eyes had skipped right over the kids pulling out their wands, and then I have Doug standing in the back of the room holding them all...
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - drakensis - 10-19-2005
sure the kids pulled out their wands... or what they THINK are their wands... anyone for flowers popping out of the ends when they try to cast their next spells?
D for Drakensis
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - robkelk - 10-20-2005
That isn't Shayne's style.
Trust me on this.
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - DHBirr - 10-20-2005
Reading this reminded me: some time ago, one of the other threads quoted a bit of a fic featuring Major Sawchyk having to train a team of teenage girls who called him, to his chagrin, "Wolf Hero Thibor."
I'd be very grateful to anyone who can direct me to a site where I can read the whole thing. Everyone on the thread who read it seemed to feel it was even funnier than the quotes indicated.
DHBirr
"It figures. I can only meet the girl of my dreams in someone else's dreams."
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-20-2005
By purest coincidence, Team Metric Are Go! is currently available on my website.
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - jpub - 10-20-2005
Damnit, Bob! --
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - drakensis - 10-20-2005
> That isn't Shayne's style.
>
> Trust me on this.
Shayne's? No.
Thibor's? Nope.
Doug's? Possibly.
Bob's? Dunno. 'Twas just a suggestion.
D for Drakensis
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-20-2005
Quote:What did I do now?
Damnit, Bob!
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-20-2005
Quote:I rewrote to include a substitution. See above.
sure the kids pulled out their wands... or what they THINK are their wands...
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - jpub - 10-20-2005
Quote:My muse is prodding at me to do an HP story, and I blame you!
What did I do now?
(grin)--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Ebony - 10-20-2005
As opposed to mine, who is whispering about a Thibor story. When it's not poking me and going, "Hey, you still have heroes to kill...."Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com
"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - DHBirr - 10-21-2005
Quote:Muchas gracias.
By purest coincidence, Team Metric Are Go! is currently available on my website.
DHBirr
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - DHBirr - 10-21-2005
Oh, Chaos have mercy!
Quote:I just barely managed to keep from falling out of my chair when I read that. And when he noted, about the four members of a trail of gossip, "Kill, tell father, tell mother, no free food for month" -- Oh, Chaos!
There was no escape, save for perhaps making Byrd disappear, and there wasn't enough hot sauce and relish in the world to make that task possible or palatable.
DHBirr
Tohdfraug Admiral: I don't like where this is going.
Petey (not-quite-omnipotent AI): Oh, good. I was hoping you wouldn't.
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
Re: Doug and Thibor at Hogwarts - Bob Schroeck - 10-21-2005
If people want to see more Thibor stories, all the ones that Shayne has made available to me are on my IST World page. I think "Queen Bee" is incomplete, though...
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Next Segment - Rev Dark - 10-28-2005
Bob, I will be adding to this. I am still trying to decide which lesson is next 'don't brush your teeth without a backup plan' or 'If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying."
Shayne
Re: Next Segment - ECSNorway - 10-28-2005
Hmmm. One wonders how the Slytherins and Gryffindors will react to that last one...
![[Image: wink.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/wink.gif)
ETA: Aside, of course, from the old standby of "poorly, with much snarking at each other over it".--
"Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of General Zod has been approved."
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: Next Segment - jpub - 10-29-2005
A good lesson I'd like to see Doug's and/or Thirbor's take on is the "situational awareness" one.
A version I remember (and liked) was having someone walk in and shoot the teacher with a starter pistol, and run out.
Then look at what the students did, and what they remember. --
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
Re: Next Segment - robkelk - 10-29-2005
Quote:In the version I heard about, the "someone" shot the teacher with a banana.
A version I remember (and liked) was having someone walk in and shoot the teacher with a starter pistol, and run out.
Of course, that could be fatal at Hogwarts...
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Re: Next Segment - Star Ranger4 - 10-30-2005
Only if the sucker is playing Second bannana..."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children
Re: Next Segment - Bob Schroeck - 10-31-2005
Quote:There's definitely something to be said for that idea or an implementation of something like it...
A version I remember (and liked) was having someone walk in and shoot the teacher with a starter pistol, and run out.
-- Bob
---------
It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03
Tag! You're it! - Rev Dark - 11-09-2005
Example. Who has gone to bathroom today? Thibor waited for the shocked giggles to die away. Typical. Nothing like a dose of lowest common denominator humour to set the average, or even mystical British school brat chortling. Then again, the American was laughing too, although it was muffled by his helmet. And is not meaning little blonde shi student. You can go back to seat now.
You! Thibor pointed to a slightly baffled looking student. What do you do when you go to bathroom!
You just go The student stuttered slightly.
Great plan. Awesome plan. So is merely dropping kecks and pinching off loaf? Lighting bum cigar? Dropping friends off at pool? Playing Bran-vil chorus?
There was another chorus of giggles, and at least one devastating scowl from one of the Hogwarts teachers. Judging by her expression she hadnt pinched one off in several years. It was the only possible explanation.
Situational awareness. Thibor said. Is checking to see if there is paper? Or soap in dispenser over sink? Or previous scum-laden motherf fellow who has sprayed down seat.
Constant vigilance. The mantra rose from one of the tables again, but this time it was punctuated by several giggles.
Or better yet. Have backup plan. Thibor reached into one of the wide pockets on his fatigue pants and brought out a package of tissue. Now for next lesson
Get down! The werewolf was blown backwards in a spray of blood as a swift, lithe figure sprinted into the main hall, fired five shots, and then vanished, darting out the way she came.