[RFC][DSKSWDYHMS] A bit of dialogue... - Printable Version +- Drunkard's Walk Forums (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums) +-- Forum: General (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Other People's Fanfiction (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=8) +---- Forum: Hangar 13 (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=36) +---- Thread: [RFC][DSKSWDYHMS] A bit of dialogue... (/showthread.php?tid=8539) Pages:
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[RFC][DSKSWDYHMS] A bit of dialogue... - Black Aeronaut - 07-12-2016 Been trying to get the ball rolling on this again. I figured that Koan would be the type to have a nice little chat with an enemy she deemed 'respectable' before making a good attempt at annihilating them. In this scene Koan has isolated Zeke from any outside intervention by using her violet flames as a barrier. Pretty basic. I didn't even use quotation marks, just line breaks and some emotes. Miss Koan of the Ayakashi Sisters. I’m assuming that this isn’t a social call? You assume correctly. But because you’ve been so polite and respectful, even if we are trying to kill each other, I’ll return that favor. Not terribly comforting, but I’ll take what I can get. Indeed. > Tell me, Mister Darkwood, have you been wondering what our Droids have meant when they call you “Tomorrowlander”? A bit. I was hoping that you might be able to shed some light on the subject. Well, I’ll be the first to admit that it was confusing for us as well. Quite a headache, you see, and I almost ruined one of my favorite dresses with the nosebleed. Butterfly Effect. Ah, is that what you call it? *shrug* I didn’t have anything better at the time. Interesting. Either way, you can imagine how confusing it is to have two sets of memories. It took us a while to sort this out, but eventually we figured out where the point of divergence was. Me. Yes. You. You are the Tomorrowlander. The city builder. The dream weaver that makes fantasies into reality. In the other timeline, you stopped our invasion in its tracks... and so Wiseman sent us here now... ...To kill me. Smart and handsome. What a shame. Wiseman. He’s playing you. Is he? He did say that you would say that. All the more reason not to trust him. Usagi would give your people not only reprieve, but relief as well. And what of all the suffering we have endured? That was her mother’s doing, not her own. Generations suffered because of her! And would you ask that the next one suffer as well? Why demand that of a girl who had nothing to do with it? She barely even remembers being Princess Serenity. She was there. Koan, look. You called me a dream weaver, then let me weave you a dream. This can all be over for your people within days. Nemesis in a stable orbit around Sol, and food and medicine within hours. You kill Usagi and destroy this world, then Nemesis will carry on into the night as it always has. No. Your worlds will be ours for the taking. And instead of Tomorrowland, we will build our capitol in its place. So, this is it then. We try our damndest to kill the other? No. Instead I will be sending out a small army of droids to do their damndest to kill you. You will be doing your damndest to survive. For the sake of our plans, I certainly hope you won’t. Farewell, Mister Darkwood. It was a pleasure meeting an enemy as respectful as you. Forgive me if I don’t exactly share the same sentiment, Miss Koan. And then all hell breaks loose. One of my primary worries is that this may be revealing things a bit too fast. So, thoughts? - Bob Schroeck - 07-12-2016 I like this exchange quite a bit, but not knowing your overall plan or where this scene fits into it, I can't really judge how spoilery it is. -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak. - Black Aeronaut - 07-12-2016 During the 'Tag' competition between Zeke and Lum. - Black Aeronaut - 07-14-2016 Dang. I screwed up big time. I was checking on the backstory of the Black Moon Clan, and discovered that what I remembered was totally off. The Black Moon people were completely from the future, from Death Phantom (who I shall simply call Wiseman because that's much easier to type) on out. Wiseman was once a human and was banished to Nemesis. The Black Moon Clan is a group of humans who were involved in a later, separate incident - a revolt and a subsequent splinter group that left and settled on Nemesis. The current timeline is already butterflied so badly that the events leading to the founding of the Black Moon Clan probably would not happen. And this is before you even consider the presence of Zeke (Mister Tomorrowlander himself) in the timeline! So, damage control. Fortunately, pretty easy to do when you're already dealing with timey-whimey wibbly-wobbley shenanigans and beings of phenomenal cosmic powers. TL;DR version is they simply wound up arriving in Zeke's timeline, and that's pretty much it. As for the Droids calling Zeke the unusual moniker... That would be Wiseman's doing. Once he realized that things were not as they were supposed to be, he used his powers to look into the future... And saw Zeke there, building Tomorrowland out of a (to him) warped version of Nemesis - one that has been purified by Neo-Queen Serenity. Of course, this simply cannot stand. Zeke represents a threat to the future timeline that is even more intolerable than the Sailor Senshi themselves. But what about the Butterfly Effect? Heh. This is going to be exquisitely cruel. Simply put, in Zeke's timeline, the Black Moon Clan will have been futurists that saw what Zeke wanted to build and got on board right away to help create Tomorrowland. That's right. In the alternate timeline, the Black Moon Clan are Tomorrowlanders as well, and those memories they receive - memories of a burning hope and a blazing ambition to create a better world ("MOM! We're only going twenty light-years! I'll be home in time for dinner!") - clash with the dark and nihilistic memories of Nemesis. Suffice to say, Wiseman had to act fast. But despite being caught flatfooted, Wiseman isn't called Wiseman for nothing, and his actions were indeed quick and very decisive. He placed a geas over everyone to force them to focus only on the memories of Nemesis. The memories of Tomorrowland are still there, echoing and haunting them all, but the emotional anguish this causes fuels Wiseman's abilities and reinforces the geas. And, in essence, this means that the Black Moon Clan will be a much meaner bunch than what we saw in the original anime. (I may have to actually sit down and watch Season 2 of the Sailor Moon Reboot for some ideas. :p ) Rewritten dialogue to come soon. In the meantime, though, enjoy this little bit that comes on the night just before the Tag Competition begins... Quote:I stood out there on the bluff, looking into the valley. One arm held out to my side. I let my pendant go, and I can feel it strike the earth next to my feet like I had let a ton of lead fall from my hand.*Hums happily along to Konya wa Hurricane as he writes...* - Black Aeronaut - 07-16-2016 Okay, so here's the updated version... Remember that this is during the tag match between Zeke and Lum... Quote:Miss Koan of the Ayakashi Sisters. I’m assuming that this isn’t a social call? Soooo...? - Rajvik - 07-16-2016 I like - classicdrogn - 08-01-2016 The little snippet that occurred to me isn't related to the above at all, and would probably go better in your other fic come to that, but it's a bit of dialogue and seemed worth sharing in hopes of being helpful, since I certainly don't have any call for it myself, more's the pity. While shopping: She: How do you like this one? He (looking at her face, not the clothes): You look beautiful, hon. She: You're no help... He: Just pick whatever makes you happy; putting a smile on your face is the most the work of mere mortals can do to make you look more beautiful anyway. Yes, I am a great big ol' sap, why do you ask? -- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows - Black Aeronaut - 08-10-2016 Heh. The ones who would need no real help from Zeke in picking out clothes: Rei Lum Teletha (Deimos) Neutral: Chi Miyuki Definite help needed: Tomoko Hmmmm... This reminds me that it's been a while since I've recompiled The List. Zeke's Harem (in order of appearance): Hino Rei (Deimos) Teletha Testarossa Lum Invader Chi Takamachi Miyuki Kuroki Tomoko Princess Kurama Jyurai-Masaki Achika Sousuke Sagara's Harem: Chidori Kaname Aino Minako Xia Yu Fan Xia Yu Lan (Undecided) The only person in the in-story universe that will be more politically connected than Zeke will be Tenchi's cousin, Seina Yamada. Tenchi, of course, will have far more sheer firepower on his end. Zeke's Harem is a generalist group, though skilled in their respective fields. Sousuke's could easily be a Black Operations Harem (Seto is gonna have so much fun with them). In case no one really noticed, I've left out Akikan simply because not many have even heard of it these days. Same with Inukami. There was too much perverted hijinks anyhow - we'll be getting plenty enough of that as is. It leaves me with a hole to fill in Sousuke's group, though. Any ideas? Looking speciifically for someone that can foil Kaname and Minako's firey passion as well as the Xia Yu Twins' cold attitudes. Also, I was thinking of adding Miss Machiko to the laundry list of characters as a teacher at the elementary school. You can learn a bit more about her here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Machiko - robkelk - 08-10-2016 Black Aeronaut Wrote:...If all you're looking for is a compatible-but-different personality, I'd think Amy Limietta (you know, that "bridge bunny" friend of Takamachi Miyuki's little sister) might be a good choice. If you want somebody with her own combat ability, then maybe not Amy. -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Black Aeronaut - 08-11-2016 Hmmm... Not Amy. She and Chrono have a thing for each other that's absolutely adorable. (And, as I recall, they do eventually wind up getting married and have kids.) Kinda hoping to find someone that seems a bit like a total airhead, but then the mooks bust through the door and when you weren't looking she somehow managed to take out half of them. (And she's smiling and happy while sitting on top of a pile of their bodies like as if this was the most normal thing in the world - to the point where even the Xia Yu Sisters are a bit freaked out.) - Rajvik - 08-11-2016 Oh gods who's Seina's ditzy blonde friend that's always having to clean up everyone else's messes. I want to say it's Mihoshi, but I'm not sure. - Bob Schroeck - 08-11-2016 You mean Mihoshi's mom, Mitoto? The peripatetic cleaning lady who moves through time and space the way fanon Ryoga does? -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak. - Black Aeronaut - 08-11-2016 Yeah, not messing with that. AFAIK, she's still happily married. Okay, I think I got this. It's gonna be a bit tricky, but it's workable. And the best part is that it's gonna drive some of the other characters up the fucking walls. Quattro. She was activated in the Midchildan year 61 - at that time Nanoha was 5-and-a-half. Nanoha's adventures don't start until she is an adorably precocious nine years old. By the time it's possible for Zeke and Company to run accross Jail Scaglietti, Quattro should be mature enough to show an interest in the Sergeant. Still working on the why's and how's. My initial brainstorm is that Jail got a little too curious about what the hell was going on on Earth and shit went spectacularly pear-shaped - to the point that Jail and the Numbers are 'Guests' in the House of Darkwood. Con: with this setup, I'd have to do some serious reaching in order to make Vivio come to be, because Jail doesn't start work on her until later in the game - while her "official" year of birth is given as 69 on Midchildan documents, that's only so no one goes cross-eyed over when she was actually cloned, as she was decanted not as an infant but as a young girl. Thus why this is still very much a work in progress. :p EDIT: It suddenly occurs to me that all you really have to do is nail Jail Scaglietti with one well-placed Moon Crystal Healing and then that's it. He was created as a broken human being specifically to fulfill the objectives of the Brains in charge at the TSAB. Usagi's special healing ability is practically tailor-made for people like Jail. Of course, once he's feeling better, the Numbers will follow suit... thoooouuugh Due might need a bit of help too. Jail will still have a strong desire to investigate and research Lost Logia, but it won't be to the point of an all-consuming mania that causes him to disregard public safety and such. Instead, he and the Numbers will form a crack-squad devoted to locating, securing, containing, and researching Lost Logia. Granted, this isn't much different from what the TSAB council had in mind, but in this case Jail has gone to Zeke's side and Seto is asking pointed questions on Jail's behalf about what the TSAB council was really up to. Thoughts? Ideas? Bric-a-brac? - robkelk - 08-11-2016 Quattro wasn't the nicest person in canon, either - she'd probably need some special attention from Usagi alongside Jail and Due. That said, if she's in her "cutesy" personality mode all the time, Soskue and the Xia twins would either go crazy or learn how to relax. (Chidori would lament the fact that "there's two of them now" - Quattro and Minako. Of course, Chidori's been wrong before.) As for Vivio, here's one possibility. As in canon, Jail &co. discover the whereabouts of the Cradle, and discover that only the Saint Kaiser can operate it. Unlike in canon, he approaches Zeke &co. and asks whether he has any ideas. Much discussion takes place (off-screen, because it's boring), and Seto decides it's worth cloning the SK in order to have something this powerful in the Jurayian fleet. (Lum is not amused when she finds out.) Somebody points out that cloning an adult and giving her all of her old memories would result in her having a massive case of culture shock, and somebody else proposes cloning her as a child. Zeke of course suggests the name Vivio. Mind you, the timing is off, so Fate gets an adopted sister instead of an adopted daughter. -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Black Aeronaut - 08-11-2016 The idea I have on Quattro is that she probably wasn't quite that bad from the get-go, and at this point will still be quite impressionable. Therefore, you wind up with the best of both - manipulative bitch powers in the hands of someone that honestly cares about her friends and family. In short, Seto The Second. :V And I do love the idea of her running the cutsey persona just to fuck with people's heads. Besides, for good or ill, that's just one of the things that makes Quattro Quattro. However, I would imagine that Kaname would be the one to just roll her eyes and go "Whatever" and Minako would be the one to have a cognitive disconnect over it - she'll have been the one to see Quattro up-close and in person and know just what kind of a horrible person she can be if she chooses so. As for why Kaname would take it in stride? Easy: Teletha Testarossa. She and Kaname would still wind up being good friends, and after coming to terms with the idea that a girl her age is in charge of enough firepower to overthrow most third-world countries, well... In such a case, the idea that Quattro is a reformed bad guy that gets her jollies off of pretending to be cute while manipulating people (in harmless or helpful ways) will be kinda besides the point - that being that she staked a claim on Sousuke as well! As for how the whole harem shenanigans will be spreading, well... Again, Teletha and Seto. Basically, Seto likes Teletha. I mean, REALLY likes her - like she would adopt Teletha herself if she wasn't already in Zeke's harem. Thus, to make sure that she gets Teletha as one of her Admirals, she's preemptively made all of Zeke's harem into Jyuraian citizens. Whether they wanted it or not. :V This will mean that eventually, Teletha will be working full-time for the Imperial Navy of Jyurai, and that she'll wind up bringing quite a few of her old crew with her. Notably, Sousuke Sagara. Kaname won't mind too much. For one thing it will mean that through Sousuke she's got an 'in' with Washu's Alma Mater, the Galaxy Academy. They just never realized that polyamory was something prevalent throughout the Empire and not just the Royal Family. It won't all happen right away - Teletha needs to take time to wrap up her obligations to Mithril, and there's a few things she's wanted to deal with (like her brother, Leonard). PLus she wants to give whoever else wanted to go with her time to wrap up their own obligations and other affairs. And Zeke is still going to be obligated to work for Mithril for at least eight years. But the citizenship will be the first step for many of them, and thus open the door for shenanigans. EDIT: Sorry, forgot about Vivio. Honestly, I'm not too certain what to do about her. Maybe Jail was already working on her? Hmmmm.... Bear in mind, I'm still gonna run with the idea that Precia, after being fully healed, decides to make a deal with Raven to exchange her life for Alicia's (and on the side have her familiar-bond transferred to Alicia). If we're putting Vivio in with Fate, then this will mean that there will be three Testarossa sisters. (Teletha and Fate, deadpanning: "No relation.") - robkelk - 08-11-2016 Black Aeronaut Wrote:...And none of the Testarossas would have testa rossa - red hair. They're all testa rubia - blonde haired (Tessa slightly differently from the others). Honestly, I proposed Vivio becoming Fate's adopted sister because Lindy wouldn't let Vivio go without a real family. If you use this idea but have a better idea for Vivio's adoptive parent(s), I won't get upset. (Hmmmmm... I could see Lindy and Shoko becoming good friends. Maybe Misaki could get an adopted cousin... or adopted sister? I think we can agree that making her Ataru's adopted sister would be a Really Bad Idea.) -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Rajvik - 08-12-2016 Holy hell's I didn't realize that was Mihoshi's mother - Black Aeronaut - 08-12-2016 Quote:robkelk wrote:Snrk. Quote:robkelk wrote:Essentially, Linnith will be Fate, Alicia, and Vivio's guardian. That said, however, the Takamachi and Harlaon families will factor heavily into this, with Zeke playing Big Brother to them all. Seriously, this is going to be one of those things where the entire village raises the children. Quote:robkelk wrote:Wait, Misaki? Misaki-who? Quote:Rajvik wrote:Yep. VERY long lived folks, Mihoshi's people. It doesn't help matters any that this particular branch of their family is directly descended from Washu. - robkelk - 08-12-2016 Black Aeronaut Wrote:In canon, the lead human character in Angelic Layer. You've changed things for your story?robkelk Wrote:(Hmmmmm... I could see Lindy and Shoko becoming good friends. Maybe Misaki could get an adopted cousin... or adopted sister? I think we can agree that making her Ataru's adopted sister would be a Really Bad Idea.)Wait, Misaki? Misaki-who? -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - itsune9tl - 08-12-2016 Quote:Black Aeronaut wrote:It probably doesn't help but Mitoto is considered at least Command rank in GXP. Mainly to support her clearance level as she goes about cleaning. However, she is considered a capable intelligence asset in the field. I think it's where Mihoshi gets her reporting style. No, I don't mean "Airhead Ditz", I Mean the Whole "Eidetic Playback" thing they do. - Bob Schroeck - 08-12-2016 It's also obvious that Mihoshi inherited her "get into places she can't possibly get into" powers from her mom. -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak. - Black Aeronaut - 08-12-2016 Quote:robkelk wrote:Oh no, no change. I just wasn't recalling the name right off the top of my head (I really need to start keeping a reference guide just for my own sanity). Doesn't help that there's already Misaki Masaki-Jyurai, second wife of the Emperor of Jyurai and mother to Aeka and Sasami.Quote:Black Aeronaut wrote:In canon, the lead human character in Angelic Layer. You've changed things for your story?Quote:robkelk wrote:Wait, Misaki? Misaki-who? Quote:Manytales00 wrote:Ahhh. Did not know that about Mitoto making intel reports. Probably only revealed in the light novels. (Many of us Tenchi Muyo fans have BEEF with AIC for how GXP was perverted adapted.) But yeah, the fun part about the 'Eidetic Playback' is that you gotta cut through that natter... and sometimes even the natter is important. It's why it took the Royal Council of Jyurai THREE MONTHS to get through Mihoshi's initial report. Quote:Bob Schroeck wrote:Bob, I think it's safe to say that Mihoshi is pretty much a prototype of Haruhi Suzumiya. :V - classicdrogn - 08-12-2016 My internet was out for the past day or so, naturally just while I was writing a reply. It doesn't seem like anyone else addresed it, though, so here it is anyway: Given that Jail's cloning process appears to allow wildy variant gestation times, would it be so odd if he'd already started on Vivio but was artificially slowing the development in order to be able to closely monitor the unique and irreplaceable specimen (samples of the Sankt Kaiser's dna can't be easy to come by after all) and intervene as necessary if anything starts going wrong? It's not like the man doesn't understand long-term planning, whatever his other faults. -- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows - Black Aeronaut - 08-13-2016 Now that, there, is a very salient point, and I thank you kindly, CD. Quote:DUN-DUNN-DUUUUUUUUNNNNNN! - classicdrogn - 08-13-2016 Yay! I helped! Edit: Also, since Bluemage didn't use it in his fic, you should totally call the part whee this appears Operation: Jail Bait -- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows |