Quote:“So who is watching Pumpkin Cake?” I asked. “Oh, I’m watching bo…” There was a great and terrible silence.
“PUMPKIN CAKE WHERE ARE YOU!” Pinkie shouted and ran off to find
her, while I followed, keeping Pound Cake suspended in the air. If you have ever wondered, a baby Unicorn can try to eat ten pounds of sugar, but it won’t actually *work* very well.

Quote:Quick Pick Convenience Store #1173
Samantha City, Taurus
Taurian Concordat
November 9, 3025

“What the hell is a taquito?” Phil Sheridan, field agent for MI-4
muttered to himself as he watched the long crispy-appearing cylinders
rotate over a heating element. It looked like a stick of rolled
tortillas—and just about as hard, but a pureed filling leaked out from
the ends, the scent of beef, beans, and spices filling the air.

He grabbed a pair of tongs and lifted one—and he took a sniff. He
winced. But then he sighed and he opened a bag and put the nasty greasy
item inside, followed by another dozen. Along with all four of the
sausages that had rolled on the machine beside them. He put several
packets of salsa and more of sour cream into the bag as well and set in
within the shopping basket he carried, and then he walked over to the
chillers containing cold drinks.

Energy drinks in a dozen flavors all in metal cans, cans of distilled
water, canned iced coffee, canned sweat tea (cans, what the hell was it
with Taurians and cans?) . . . but almost no carbonated
beverages. And the few imports that were present were three times the
price a drink would normally be worth in the heart of the Federated
Suns. But liquor? Beer? Wine? That covered three-quarters of the
wall . . . along with an entire freezer just containing glass bottles of
MILK. Almost the only item NOT in a can, at least, Phil thought with a shudder.

Sighing, he began to put an assortment of the multi-hued cans into his
basket—not even looking at the labels—and then he froze. Son of a . . .
!

Standing four feet away from him (and looking just as shocked) was
Victor Li . . . a Maskirovka agent with whom Phil had often sparred in
the worlds of the Capellan March and the St. Ives thumb. Both men
reached for their waist-bands—for the concealed weapons each carried
under their jackets—but then they stopped at the same time.

Victor shook his head. “Long time, Phil,” he said. “What brings you to
sunny Taurus? The food?” he said, pointing to the basket. “I’ve got
to warn you—those are a bit spicy.”

“I’m on vacation,” Phil answered. “Yourself?”

“Strangely enough, so am I,” Victor replied with a smile. “I heard that the fishing is good off-shore.”

“Fishing? I’ll have to look into that.”

“Never know what you can catch if you spend an afternoon just casting lines, eh?”

“Right,” Phil answered, glancing to his left and right—and noting that
Victor was doing the same. The store wasn’t—quite—full, but it was far
from empty . . . and Phil nodded. Starting a gun-fight here and now
would just bring the local Constabulary down on their asses—and pose
questions that Phil really didn’t want to answer. Nor did Victor, it
seemed, because he nodded and slowly lowered his gun-hand; Phil did so
as well.

“Another time, eh, Phil?” the Capellan asked with a grin.

“Be seeing you around, Victor.”

“Not if I see you fir- . . . SHIT,” the expletive was not shouted, but was heartfelt all the same as Phil felt the barrel of a gun prod him in the back.

“Okay, both of you—why are you two on Taurus?” a harsh voice asked.

“Who are you?” asked Victor.

“I’m asking the questions here, Cappie,” the man spat in a thick Marik accent.

“Wait just a damn minute,” Phil said as he half-turned in recognition of
the voice, and then sighed. “Victor Li, meet Walter Krogh—the SAFE
liaison at the Marik embassy on Taurus.”

“SAFE? SAFE?” Victor asked in disbelief. “What are you planning
to do, Mister Krogh? Shoot us down in the full view of the customers
of this store?” Some of which were beginning to notice the whispers—and
drawn gun—and began to back off, a few dialing numbers in their mobile
phones.

“Both of you are coming back to the Embassy with me to answer
questions,” Walter answered. “If you try to run, I’ll shoot him dead.”

Victor laughed, and Phil groaned. “Did you just tell me—a Capellan—that if I run, you will, as means to stop me, shoot a Davion?”

Krogh didn’t answer, he just jerked his head to one side. “Let’s go.”

“Excuse me, are you paying for those?” a woman asked.

“What?” Krogh said as he half-turned—and grunted as a petite red-haired
woman swung a fist clad in brass knuckles into his jaw. The SAFE agent
dropped like a sack of bricks, and the customers began to applaud—two
even gave wolf-whistles.

“That’ll teach you for trying to rob my boy-friends!” the girl shouted,
and she winked at Victor and Phil before lowering her voice to a
whisper. “Time to run, boys.”

“WHAT THE HELL?” hissed Phil—and then he saw Victor cradle his face in both hands.

“Phil Sheridan, meet Nicky Kirkland—of the Magistracy Intelligence Ministry.”

“MIM? Oh could this cluster-fuck get any worse?” moaned Phil.

A siren sounded outside and flashing blue and red lights began to dance off of the glass.

“You had to ask?” said Victor.

“There’s an exit in the rear,” Nicky said.

“I’ll bet there’s an entrance too,” Phil muttered, drawing a harsh glare
from the Magistracy agent as the three of them left the Marik spy
unconscious on the floor and headed into the backroom.

“HEY! YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!” the clerk shouted. Phil threw a wad
of 20-Bull notes into the air in answer—and the crowded store erupted as
people started to grab money.

The fire-door opened to an alley way—and a spot-light illuminated the faces of the three agents.

“HALT! SAMANTHA CITY PD—HANDS IN THE AIR!” a voice amplified by a loud-speaker called out.

“Well isn’t this lovely?” asked Phil—and then five gun-shots rang out
and the spotlight died away, leaving two officers bleeding out on the
ground next to their car.

Phil, Victor, and Nicky drew their weapons—but none of them fired as a
fourth man exited the shadows. “I’d advise you to run; they’ve got your
faces on video,” the stranger said, lowering his hood.

“Oh the shit has hit the fan,” muttered Phil. “ROM. Victor, Nicky, meet Adept Robert West—what the hell did you shoot them for?”

The ROM agent smiled. “Because they have your pictures—not mine. And while they are chasing you, they aren’t chasing me.
But I do believe,” he said stepping back into the shadows and into a
doorway set in the wall of the alley, “their fellow officers are rushing
through the store to get back here to the sound of those shots.” He
then closed the door and locked it. “Good night and good luck,” Phil
faintly heard after the lock clicked.

“Suggestions?” he asked.

“Running sounds good,” replied Victor as he put his words into action.

“Yeah, don’t have to outrun the local cops, FedRat,” Nicky said as she took off, “just have to outrun you.”

Damn it all, Phil thought as he too began to run into the night—and I still didn’t get any food!

Quote:“We aren’t afraid of you, Nightmare Moon,” declared
Sweetie Belle, standing in front of Monster with her head held
high.  “Well, not a lot.  Maybe just a little.”
“Where is your fear?” snarled Nightmare Moon, stalking closer.  “Why do you not fear me?”
“We ride in Scootaloo’s wagon!  It takes a lot to scare us.”

Quote:"Power!" the newborn Catalyst states, "I am no longer your slave, Viator! I am now the God of the Relays! In my right hand, I hold the sword to cut you down! In the left, I hold the greatest weapon of all! The greatest weakness of the Reapers!"
Standing above him, four arms larger than a man each, the forbidden soul of the Great Maker centers upon the god with a pustular eye.
"The access codes for the Relays?"
The Catalyst thrusts out the left hand, the glowing sphere behind it flashing. "No, Viator! Worse!"
And then the skies above them open, flowing light and sound and sunlight as a channel is opened directly to realms above. There is a sound like flapping wings, of scratching upon walls as the signal is given.
And the Viator of Nullspace is subsequently buried under one billion years of missed paperwork.

Quote:Minnows do indeed swallow whales when they are cyborg magitech minnows with the magical equivalent of rocket launcher arrays.

Quote:...It was supposed to be an easy job: steal relics from Ancient Belka and
make a getaway to sell them on the black market. What the planners
failed to take into account was that A: Yuuno Scrya was the head of the
presentation, and B: Shirou Emiya had promised his friend that he’d be
there. So when the four trucks filled to the brim with illegal mages
busted through the front door of the building they found themselves
beset against impossible odds. Out of the fourty mages that went in,
only five made it out...

Quote:“Initialize dedicated processes for bombardment.”

“Wa—that’s unreasonable, Hayate-chan! You know you’re not that good at aiming!”
“If the spell is large enough I don’t need to aim.”

Quote:Something bounced out of tree cover, rooting around at the base of a
bush. It clearly hadn't expected any humans; it froze, puffy tail
twitching madly as it stared at them with large black eyes.
Zuko stared back, in sheer disbelief.
Then it turned and darted away.
Toph cleared her throat. "Um, Sparky?" she said slowly, looking baffled. "What was that?"
"…I think it was a squirrel," he said slowly.
"You mean a squirrelfox?"
"Nope."
Very, very slowly, her head tipped to one side. "A squirrelchuck?"
"Nope."
Her eyebrows rose a little. "A bat-squirrel?"
"Nope."
"Just a squirrel?"
"Yep."
"…This place is weird."
"Very."

Quote:Day 1, Joker finds himself in a happy, smiling community full of public
minded but stupid citizens. And its caped crusader is even more
incorruptible. It's perfect. So, he starts a scheme, raises the stakes,
makes some threats.

Batman makes a speech about The Duties of a Citizen, or Not Giving In When Crime Makes Threats, and it's even more perfect!

Sure, he gets caught. But the mask will crack. Even if it doesn't, he'll have a foe who'll show his wear, who'll wish he could break.

Then he breaks out. Manages some mayhem. (He'll notice these things
normally have more of a bodycount, but that can come later). Batman
makes a speech when he's caught.

...Hang on. That's the same speech as earlier. Like, the exact same one.
It's like Batman isn't impacted in the slightest. It's like... he
doesn't notice. This is just another day at the office for him.

Then the Joker runs through his kills. Surely someone died, he'd have to... no-one is dead. It's like nothing he does matters.

Day 83. The Joker realizes he's in Hell.

Batman judges a pie eating contest; declares the real winners the judges
for getting to try so many delicious taste treats made by hard working
Americans, the backbone of democracy.

Quote:This is going to be as wank-free as I can make it while still having Superman in the story.

Quote:I'm reminded, tangentially, that the advice "write what you know" explains why there are so many novels about dissatisfied literature professors thinking about having affairs. . . .

Bill Stoddard

Quote:• Denouement
The taiko performance is about to begin. Chibi-Usa is getting a piggy-back ride from Usagi.

Usagi: "This is so unfair. Every time I gain a base, a small child shows up."
Mina: "Well, that is the general idea, isn't it?"
Ami: "Recent research in evolutionary biology suggests that small children instinctively interfere with their parents', er, intimate time, so as to focus available childcare attention upon themselves."
Mako: "Are we at all surprised that Usagi's child goes over-the-top?"
Usagi: "Yes, but isn't it stupidly dangerous for her to interfere before she even exists?"
Rei: "Well, she is your child."
Usagi: "Har de har har."
Chibi-Usa: "It's a good thing I'm too small to understand this conversation."
Usagi: "Seriously, does your mom know you're here?"
Chibi-Usa: /looks at Usagi. "…Yes."
Usagi: "That's NOT what I meant and you know it!"
Michiru: /just passing by. "Oh hai."
Usagi: "Frell."
Haruka: "…Do I detect a family resemblance?"
Usagi: "Yes, she's my illegitimate daughter."
Chibi-Usa: "HEY!"
Haruka and Michiru: "…"
Haruka and Michiru: /start to do the math…
Chibi-Usa: "I'm her cousin."
Haruka: /phew.
Michiru: "And a very cute one you are! Haruka likes that, I'm sure."
Haruka: "Hey!"

The drums begin.

Usagi: "Seriously, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
Chibi-Usa: "Mom said I needed to get some training in the 20th century."
Usagi: "Oh, well, that makes perfect sense."
Usagi: "Get Luna-P over here! Get Pluto on the phone— No! Get your Mom. I think I and I have to have a heart to heart."
Chibi-Usa: "Awwwwww." "But you're cooler than Mom."
Usagi: "You're darn right I am. Who do I think I am, shoving my kid off onto me when I'm trying to do dangerous work? I'm so irresponsible! Don't I know I can't take this responsibility?"

Quote:"When did you guys get here?”
“About the time you kicked him off the bridge tower...” Cyborg looked like he was about to laugh, but kept turning serious when Robin looked at him. Starfire was giggling. Robin looked pissed. And Raven looked confused.
“I told you to intercept Mumbo, not play him like a fiddle,” Robin said.
“I couldn't hear his fears,” I said, fiddling with the wand, and not looking at the team leader. “I had to improvise.”
“You call what you did there improvisation!?”
“I'm not finding a word to describe it other than improvisation, actually,” Raven volunteered.

Quote:Did no one ever give you The Talk, Mister Potter?
The Talk?
The birds and bees? How a man loves a woman, and what they do with each other in the bedroom?
Err...
I'm surprised. You spent time with Arthur Weasley and Sirius Black, and no one gave you that talk?
There was a moment of awkward silence.
I'm not going to give you that talk, Mister Potter. Ask James. Or Sirius Black. Or the werewolf. Or even Severus. Anyone but me.
Sirius tried, I think, once, said Harry, hesitantly, recalling their last Christmas together. He was pretty drunk at the time, though.
There was a sigh on Riddle's part. It was a strange mixture of terror and resignation.
I am still not going to give you The Talk.

Quote:“HULK SMASH!” He spoke in all-caps and slammed his ham-sized fists into the ground. The earth shook, and two trucks behind him exploded. He did that cool thing where he didn’t look back as the explosion back-lit him.
No one out-posed Faith. She was capable of twisting her spine in directions that simultaneously showed off her ass and tits. She crouched low while flaring her right leg out and held up a waiting hand. The katana she’d used against Banner came flying through the air, propelled by the explosions, and landed gracefully in her out-stretched hand. She slowly lowered it into an en garde.

Quote:Captain Piett: Interesting fact about shields: they take an enormous amount of power, which—
Admiral Ozzel:
Captain Piett: Admiral, do you need a glass of water? An average glass of reclaimed water contains—
{Ozzel collapses}
Darth Vader: Keep up the good work, Captain Piett.
Captain Piett: Oh, thank you for not promoting me, sir. Did you know the mean life expectancy of Admirals in your service is—
Darth Vader: Admiral Piett.