Quote:Everyone stared at the octopus. San Juan stared at the octopus. The octopus stared back. The arms, San Francisco guesstimated, were a good twenty feet long. Unbidden, probably the worst thing she could have said slipped out of her lips.

"I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going."

That was when the screaming started.

Quote:"Your biggest challenge isn't someone else
It's the ache in your lungs, the burning in your legs
The voice inside you that yells - CANT!
But you don't listen, you just push harder
Then you hear the voice whisper - can
And you discover that the person you thought you were
Is no match for who you really are."

-unknown

Of Snakes and Time Travel Wrote:"Indeed," Orochimaru folded his arms, "For you see, through the power of science, I, the greatest researcher this world has ever known, have mastered time like no other before me! I have successfully projected my consciousness back decades into the past!" he laughed maniacally for a moment.

Jiraiya blinked. "And… what, did you come back to warn us of an impending catastrophe that ended the world? That doesn't sound like you."

"Oh, no," Orochimaru shook his head, "I mean, there is an impending catastrophe, but our apprentices solve that neatly enough. I just did it to see if I could."

(03-13-2018, 09:54 AM)ECSNorway Wrote:

Of Snakes and Time Travel Wrote:"Indeed," Orochimaru folded his arms, "For you see, through the power of science, I, the greatest researcher this world has ever known, have mastered time like no other before me! I have successfully projected my consciousness back decades into the past!" he laughed maniacally for a moment.

Jiraiya blinked. "And… what, did you come back to warn us of an impending catastrophe that ended the world? That doesn't sound like you."

"Oh, no," Orochimaru shook his head, "I mean, there is an impending catastrophe, but our apprentices solve that neatly enough. I just did it to see if I could."

"Of Snakes and Time Travel", by RumbleInTheDumbles. Boruto-era Orochimaru invents time travel, sends himself back to his past, and trolls the universe by enabling the heroes.

Beautiful, glorious, unspeakable crack.

Quote:Together, all the sailors gulped and began mentally preparing their wills. Was this worth it, just to beat the Air Force and Army at football?

After a moment's thought, they all concluded that the answer was yes. Very yes.

Quote:Suddenly, Tenryuu was shoved aside, a snow-haired girl Ukraina recognized as Murakumo taking her place, also grabbing Ukraina's shirt. "You tease Inazuma again," she said, elegantly icy, before slapping Ukraina right on the cheek. "And I'll do a lot worse than that."

Murakumo walked away, and was immediately replaced by Amagiri and Oboro, boxing gloves encasing their hands and gleeful grins on their faces. Just before the punches came in, Ukraina caught a glimpse of some of the destroyers literally lining up behind them: Shikinami tapping a wrench into her palm, Shirayuki and Ayanami with their rigging out, Hibiki breaking a glass bottle on a railing before giving the remainder a few test swings, Miyuki and Ikazuchi twirling their anchors, Sazanami giggling and sorting through a collection of comic books that had Ushio and Sagiri inching away from her, Akebono with a broom and a scowl. Ukraina had just enough time to whimper before Amagiri and Oboro went to work, and after that it was all screaming.

"Huh, must have been classic movie night recently," one of the passersby remarked.

Quote:Colonel Jack O`Niell stepped onto the ramp, straight through the shimmering blue Event Horizon of the Stargate. One minute he was the SGC, the next, in the middle of wide open grasslands, a packed dirt road trailing off towards a forest.

The Stargate shut down behind him, Carter and Teal`c on either side of him, Jackson presumably behind him. "Damn," O`Neill muttered.

"Sir?" Carter asked.

"I was hoping there'd be something the MALP didn't catch... just a whole lotta nothing out here."

Teal`c peered at the forest. "O`Neill, should we not follow the trail before declaring this world to be empty?"

O`Neill gave a sigh, looking through his binoculars towards the forest. More nothing. Great. "That's the problem Teal`c. I'm Air Force. I hate walking."

Teal`c quirked an eyebrow at him. "I do not understand why being in the Air Force would make you so adverse to walking."

O`Neill frowned. He hated having to explain his jokes.

"Perhaps it is because I was trained as what you would call an infantryman. Now that I reflect upon it, the pilots of the Death Gliders always were a bit underdeveloped. Too much time spent relaxing in a padded seat."

O`Neill stared at Teal`c, having to take a moment to confirm that, yes, Teal`c just pulled a Chair Force joke on him. It's the quiet ones you have to look out for.

Quote:

Spoiler

[It was] something with wonderful potential, but then [Wildbow] forced it into a gimpsuit and stuffed a gerbil up its ass while ignoring the safeword. And then he'd go and add a new gerbil every time the last one stopped moving.

Quote:Hermione clenched her fist and held her arm at an angle where Bellatrix could see the MUDBLOOD scar flaunted before her. "You won't touch them," she said. "Any of them."

Bellatrix cackled. "And you think you can stop me this time, little girl?"

"Yes. You know the power the Dark Lord knew not?" Hermione said."It's me!"

(06-08-2018, 12:22 AM)Black Aeronaut Wrote: So, an acquaintance of mine on a Discord server had something rather interesting to say about Worm.  And I feel it belongs here even though what he said is not in any fanfiction anywhere....  Spoilered because you may not want to have these words on a screen at work.  

Quote:

Spoiler

[It was] something with wonderful potential, but then [Wildbow] forced it into a gimpsuit and stuffed a gerbil up its ass while ignoring the safeword. And then he'd go and add a new gerbil every time the last one stopped moving.

This is, by far, the best description of what it's like to read Worm that I have ever seen.

Quote:We need a Sith Order mantra based on this.

Canon is a lie. There is only the setting.
Through setting I gain characters.
Through characters I gain interactions.
Through interactions I gain plot.
Through plot I gain story.
Through story I achieve AU.
Imagination shall free me.

Quote:There is no fanon. There is canon.
There is no trash. There is practice.
There is no setting. There is the world.
There is no obligation. There is enthusiasm.
There is no conclusion. There is imagination.

Quote:A Pride of Craft
Pickpockets 
Pick the pockets 
Of a crowd jeering pickpockets 
Kicking on the gallows. 
This is not [three words or phrases expressing something like recklessness or chutzpah — as a possible example, “impudence, arrogance, or showing off”];
Just a pride of craft.

The Straight Dope's Cecil Wrote:Despite a public response that can charitably be described as tepid, Circus Peanuts are available from several companies. In other words, people compete to sell them! So apparently what we’ve got here is a product that survives not because anybody is genuinely fond of it, but because less than 100 percent of the populace is totally repelled. Strange, but people have used the same principle to become president of the U.S.

(08-23-2018, 06:40 PM)itsune9tl Wrote: You Don't get it, just to mess with Thor, Loki would have been Lilly. Which would make Harry 1/4 Jotun. Worlds smallest Frost Giant ... Giantkin?

Quote:Which would make Harry 1/4 Jotun.

Newbiespud, in the author's notes for 'Friendship is Dragons' Page 1109 - Diss Function, Wrote:Sometimes the consequence of a player chewing ham is that player also having a sharp knife and fork they can point menacingly at you from across the table.

...I'm not sure why my brain came up with this metaphor.

Ranma-sensei, post: 11319206, member: 7579 Wrote:26 pages or so later, I desperately wished I had continued looking for porn.

(09-13-2018, 12:37 AM)Black Aeronaut Wrote: Pffft.  Knowing Ranma-sensei over there?  That thread HAS to be some bad civ, but also something you just can't look away from.  Like a train wreck in ultra-slow motion, with each detail being narrated by Ben Stein's dull drone.