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+---- Thread: ROTFL, Part II (/showthread.php?tid=818)
Re: Woah... that's some chili. - Bob Schroeck - 06-02-2006
Quote:Definitely... my first reaction (and my second, and my third...) was, "what the hell?"-- Bob
It's more strange than funny in any kind of way.
---------
I loot faster. -- Peggy Schroeck, D&D game, in response to a crisis situation that arises while she's searching the bodies of four recent opponents.
Shadow Fox - drakensis - 06-06-2006
www.fanfiction.net/s/2842610/2/
Pssh, yeah right. Well, who cares about you millennia of knowledge, we humans have something that you will never have
As Naruto said this, he was knocked back for the force of the Kyuubis laughter.
Are you going to tell me that that one thing that you have that I dont is a soul, because if thats the case, then I have heard that many times before.
No, actually, I was going to say opposable thumbs
Kyuubis face froze in shock as he looked down at his paws and growled something that sounded suspiciously like Stupid humans lording their opposable thumbs over me, Ill destroy them all.
D for Drakensis
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
Re: Shadow Fox - HoagieOfDoom - 06-13-2006
It's not fanfic, but I was touring [NSFW] bash.org and found this funny tidbit:
Quote:*********
Ouroboros: lets play Pong
Ok.
| .
. |
| .
. |
| .
| .
Whoops
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org
Re: Bash.Org quotes - Kheram Coldstar - 06-13-2006
My all time favorite quote on Bash.org
*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
!kjv numbers 22:21
Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
First time I read it I literally fell out of my chair laughing.
Kheram
Re: Shadow Fox - Valles - 06-18-2006
In Nomine for Dummies
Dilandau! Hah!
Ja, -n
===============================================
"Puripuri puripuri... Bang!"
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - Bob Schroeck - 06-19-2006
I love it! I need to track down what this author has written, just to see what it's like.-- Bob
---------
I loot faster. -- Peggy Schroeck, D&D game, in response to a crisis situation that arises while she's searching the bodies of four recent opponents.
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - robkelk - 06-19-2006
Quote:There appears to be more artwork than writings on the main website...
I need to track down what this author has written, just to see what it's like.
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - Aleh - 07-31-2006
From Beast Lord,
Quote:-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
Dumbledore sighed. Am I supposed to believe you tied up Fawkes with some Muggle Ducked Tape, dipped him in tar, covered him with neon pink chicken feathers, made him into a weather vane, and put him on top of the North Tower, all for his own good?
![[Image: Aleh.jpg]](http://www.animecubed.com/billy/pics/sigs/Aleh.jpg)
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - classicdrogn - 07-31-2006
"For the greater good, sir. True, it's a little hardship on his part, but now anyone on the grounds can tell which way the wind is blowing!"
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
A kung-fu nun in a leather thong was no less extreme than anything else he had seen that day. - Rev. Dark's IST: Holy Sea World
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - Necratoid - 07-31-2006
Link would be nice.
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - classicdrogn - 07-31-2006
Well, that was just my own smart reply to the question in whatever fic that is.
On a different note, I have to applaud a couple of pairings I've seen listed a few times in my intensive trawl of the Pit of Voles - "Kakashi/IchaIcha" and "Sasuke/Ego"
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
A kung-fu nun in a leather thong was no less extreme than anything else he had seen that day. - Rev. Dark's IST: Holy Sea World
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - ECSNorway - 07-31-2006
Quote:Pickp Lines from the SGC
1) "Are those pants from P38-989? Because you look out of this world!"
(This line is not recommended, as that cute new nurse has one hell of a left hook! Signed, J. ONeill)
2) "Have I died again? Because I think I see an angel."
(Submitted by Dr. Frasier, on behalf of Dr. Jackson) (Accepted by Dr. Frasier. Ha! Siler you owe me 20$, Signed, Ferretti)
3) "Nope, I'm not a figment of you imagination, I'm all real." (Dr. McKays' suggestion has been removed on Major Carter's orders, on the grounds that:
a) He is an ass, and b) He is attached to Atlantis, not the SGC)
And many, many more... --
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - Bob Schroeck - 08-09-2006
Oh, and while I'm here clearing out the spam, let me note that "Pickup lines from Stargate" has updated a couple of times since that post.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - ECSNorway - 08-09-2006
(mutters at double-post)--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - ECSNorway - 08-09-2006
It has?
71) "The word of the Ori is not all I wish to spread..."
(Ok, the idea that a Prior is hitting on anybody just makes me gag. -Ferretti)
(We really have some serious security issues here. -O'Neill)
72) "If I took over the universe, would you be my queen?"
(I am seriously creeped out by the Alternate Reality Apohis that is a Tokra. Anyone else? -Jack)
(Indeed, I do agree with you O'Neill. -Teal'c)
(Hey, at least he didn't say this to you! -Sam)
(On behalf of everyone on base...-shudder- -Janet)--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: In Nomine for Dummies - Happerry - 08-09-2006
51) "The world is about to be invaded. Wanna go see a movie after"
(Walter, we do not get invaded or attacked THAT often. -Gen. Landry)
(What about last Tuesday, when Ba'al attacked? -Col. Carter)
(Or two Fridays past when the Human form Replicators attempted to infiltrate the SGC? -Teal'c)
(And according to Tokra intellegence the Retu are amassing an army. -Dr. Jackson)
(Ok, people. I get the point. -Landry)
52) "My ship is the biggest in the fleet."
(Was this one from Frey or Thor? -Daniel)
(I do believe it was Himendell. -Teal'c)
44) "Would you like to find out what else the Ancient knowledge contained"
(Are you serious Jack? The anthropology department would love to...)
The rest of Dr. Jacksons' reply has been scribbled out
33) "Any System Lord would definitely make you their queen"
(Am I the only one creeped out that Ba'al took the time to pop by and write this? -Jack)
(-shudder- This is so wrong. -Cam)
(Ya' think? -Sam)
34) "The NID aren't the only group that does their best work in the shadows"
(This is SUPPOST to be the most secure base on Earth! How the hell did Mayborne get in here! -O'Neill)
(I have my ways Jack. -Harry)
(SECURITY!)
35) "If you're a Tokra, does that mean you like having snakes in your mouth"
(Don't let Anise hear you Jack. -Daniel)
(I'll tell her you said it. -Jack)
(You wouldn't... -Daniel)
(Try me. -Jack)
36) "Maybe it's just the recent electrocution, but I think we have a spark"
(Siler, only you can make an accident into a pickup line. -Carter)
77) "Let me invade your galaxy."
(Well, the Ori are clearly trying to mess with our heads. Must be getting desperate. -Jack)
(Kind of makes you wonder just what beings made of energy would do... -Janet)
(Doc. Your mind, it's in the gutter, might want to pick it up. -Jack)
56) "Just because I no longer have a physical body does not mean I know nothing of servicing another."
(That glowing ball of white light was an Ancient wasn't it? -Cam)
(I'm positive that was Oma Desala...-Daniel)
(This is one of the strange things I should be getting used to, huh? -Cam)
(Yeah. -Sam)
57) "In Nature, all beings eventually pair off. Would you be interested in this activity?"
(So, let me get this straight. The Nox snuck in, while invisible I might add, just to write a pick-up line? -Gen. Landry)
(Do we have to give you the "stranger things have happened" lecture again, sir? -Col. Carter)
(Hank, we travel through a big stone ring, that is kept 28 stories underground, to go to other planets. Everything about this place is weird. -Jack)
random quotes - katreus - 08-15-2006
Hell hath no fury like a woman with a sword.
-Best I Am Ch. 15
www.fanfiction.net/s/2930684/15/
Unohana would have moved his body if he had died, Kusajishi. Zaraki isnt dead. Hes probably just sleeping.
No! Hes not! I checked! I kicked him, but he wont wake up!
Raising an eyebrow, Hitsugaya frowned. You...kicked him.
Ken-chan says if you kick a guy between his legs and he doesnt make a noise, then hes probably dead! I kicked, Hitsu-chan! A whole lot of times! But he wont wake up!
-Best I Am Ch. 19
www.fanfiction.net/s/2930684/19/
The labor itself didnt last long. I was a month early and obviously my body had panicked into thinking it had to get the children out now. Lee brought water in once or twice but then he made the mistake of getting close enough for me to grab. Neji eventually wrenched him free of my grip but come on, you dont ask a woman in labor if she is enjoying the beauty of giving birth.
-Juppon Buki Ch. 9
www.fanfiction.net/s/2006905/9/
They turned to look at Kakashi, who was still sitting slumped against the rocks. "I hate to interrupt this touching moment of team solidarity, but I am still your client and I have injuries that need to be tended. I'd also like to point out that we're still at the bottom of a defile where I just almost died."
He attempted to look pathetic; Yukiko and Iruka watched him skeptically. "I'm scared of dead bodies!" he whined, unable to disguise the smile crinkling his eye. "Get me out of here! You're supposed to be protecting me better than this!"
-The Way of the Apartment Manager Ch. 7
www.fanfiction.net/s/2422891/7/
Dar looked up. "You trying to get rid of me?" Her tone was light, but wary.
"No." Kerry answered very seriously. "I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get a machine gun mounted on my desk in time." She held up her hands. "Rattataataa."
-Tropical Storm
www.merwolf.com/tropical4.html
Anko pouted. "Are you still mad at me?"
Sakura glared at the older woman. "Stupid, pointless things like food and sleep," she quoted Anko's words from yesterday.
-One Hundred Days Ch. 11
www.fanfiction.net/s/2663204/11/
Prove the Pervert Wrong - drakensis - 09-03-2006
www.fanfiction.net/s/3028183/9/
Ninpou: Ikuji wo Korosu! (Ninja Arts: Kill Self-Confidence!) There were some gasps at the name (including one from Kurenai, who couldnt imagine a genjutsu powerful enough to change a persons self-perception), but he ignored them.
Neji, barely able to move at all, curled himself into a ball and started sobbing. It was a terrifying sight, and one that left Shimaru looking like some kind of sadistic freak. All of Nejis thoughts were suddenly about his own inabilities, weaknesses, problems, and failures. He was completely without happy thoughts, and was even beginning to doubt that he was capable of being happy.
Temari-nee-san, go ahead and fight him.
Gaara, are you insI have no chance against him! Oh yeah, great save
I would appreciate it if you fought him. It could be a favor to me.
Well crap. Damned if you do, damned if you dont, eh? That Naruto guy probably wont kill me, and Gaara will probably be pretty pissed off if I refuse the first favor hes ever asked of me Chikushou She jumped down into the ring, an action she regretted almost immediately.
Whoops I guess I should have toned it down a bit more. The large number of dents in the walls made him cringe, as he just knew that Anko was going to make him fix them all. Uh, Senbon-guy I think shes out Looking around, he realized that more than half of the people in the room were unconscious, including Gaara (whose sand hadnt reacted quickly enough to the unexpected attack). Oh you are too. Baa-chan, is there some way we can declare me the winner without waiting for him to wake up?
Naruto, the idiot that he was, actually believed that Gai wouldnt care who it was.
Well, if you really dont care Its Anko-chan! Unable to imagine a less appropriate teacher, Gai almost fainted. Lee, on the other hand, did faint, and Gai didnt even notice.
Youre training with Mitarashi Anko?
Yeah
What could possibly make her a better teacher than me! Shes not even a jounin!
I thought you said you wouldnt be mad.
Im not mad!
D for Drakensis
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
Re: Prove the Pervert Wrong - HoagieOfDoom - 09-10-2006
Quote:The poster's an ***hole, but I can't stop laughing.*********
ok /b/. Today, there was a free Taking Back Sunday show at Government Center in Boston. I went to beat up emo kids, of course. Now, some ditsy 20something girl has a f***ing pineapple. God knows why. So, of course, i rip it from her hands, and hurl it as hard as I can at the stage, and hit the [one of the guitarists] square in the chest. Discuss.
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org
Re: Prove the Pervert Wrong - ECSNorway - 09-25-2006
Treize was not amused. He could appreciate the thought and energy that was put into the attacks even if he couldnt understand how it was even possible. Eight bases lay in ruin after being flattened by house-sized toads with tempers. Much to his chagrin, Zechs had come up with a name for the peculiar style of combat, which unfortunately seemed to catch on instantly with the troops.
A fly-by frogging.
Cameras had finally caught the culprit on the fourth pass, which had cost them their base in Spain. From the images he could see, Duo Maxwell was hanging out of a plane in a harness, damn near in hysterics and actually glowing black, for all the sense that made. The next shot showed a hundred and ninety seven of him in free fall, still panicking and still surrounded by that vexing black mist. The third picture showed little more than smoke. The fourth and final useful picture only showed an army of mobile suit-sized toads dressed in kimonos.
Treize was completely and utterly stumped.
How did one go about defending oneself from a few hundred armed amphibians larger than the average house? Attacking them didnt seem to work either. The moment they landed a worthwhile hit, the damn things just vanished in a blast of smoke, blinding all of the Oz troops temporarily while the remaining toads just did more damage.
The only thing they could figure out for certain was that Duo Maxwell was to blame. Zechs had organized hundreds of strike teams targeting the braided menace. The only requirement set was that they bring back enough of him to be identified.
'Worlds Apart' -- Duo Maxwell and Naruto Uzumaki bodyswap.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: Prove the Pervert Wrong - ECSNorway - 09-26-2006
"I was thinkin'... say I meet some nice Japanese lady and I want to, you know, impress her. Get things off to a good start. Make her feel at home." He circled his hands as he spoke. "Is there anything I could say or do that might smooth the way to a little 'cultural exchange?'"
"Yeah. Try this. 'Ore wa hentai.' Works every time."
"Ore wa hentai." He repeated the phrase a few more times until he could say it smoothly.
"Not bad, my man. You'll have 'em eating out of your hand in no time." He stood up and thumped the car door. "Now get out there and keep the streets safe and clean. I'll call in when I get the chance, let you all know I got there okay. Sayonara!"--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Re: Prove the Pervert Wrong - Aleh - 10-04-2006
From a so-called "dark Harry" fic that's so incredibly bad that it's actually funny:
Quote:Edit: The worst part is that I'm not sure it's deliberate...
"Yes, I do know, rather foolish decision on the part of Dumbledore's to put my most hated enemy with Muggles," said Voldemort. "Personally, I would have given him a nice clean death but..."
"Then, he killed a group of children that tormented him when he was in Muggle primary school my lord," said Wormtail looking like something bad was going to happen. "Then there was the thing with Lucius Malfoy, and then just last night, he killed Draco Malfoy. He tried to do Snape..."
"Rephrase your choice of words Wormtail, that last phrase gave me the chills," said Voldemort shuddering at the very thought of those two doing anything like that.
"I apologize my lord, he tried to jerk Snape off out of..." said Wormtail.
"Not like that either," said Voldemort. "I'm warning you Wormtail; don't make me put you under the Cruciatias."
"Well, he had Snape by the balls and he nearly blew..."
"CRUCIO!" yelled Voldemort. He could not take any more of the dirty, gutter minded thoughts at Harry Potter and Severus Snape that was going through his mind. Not that there was anything wrong with that but Snape was just disgusting and could have been Potter's father. "Get to the point Wormtail and stop putting images of Potter and Snape doing something unnatural in my head."
Edit2: Okay. Strike that -- it's deliberate. I figured that out well before this quote:
Quote:-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
Wormtail, I ask you what the hell are these things on my chest! screamed Voldemort.
Well My Lord, they are breasts, said Wormtail.
The hell, what did you do to me? asked Voldemort. He had vaguely heard of the female body part known as breasts but had never really touched one. His pursuits of evil had left little time for such activities. That and his liberal uses of Horcruxes had made him sterile and unable to shall we say rise to the occasion.
El-Hazard drabbles - Rieverre - 10-04-2006
Quote:at mediaminer.org/fanfic/vie...5234#fic_c
The Princess Rune Venus gave the command. The strange creature jumped at Makoto, and wrapped itself around him. And purred...
"He's a little young for me... but he is kinda cute..."
Makoto turned several shades of red as he protested. "I thought I was supposed to be protected by URA, not URD!"
Urd smiled seductively and tickled his chin. "Aw, c'mon, kid. Millions of fan-boys wish they were you, right now."
Rune sighed. "Oh... that reminds me of how Alielle always clings to Fatora..."
Londs nodded. "He looks even more like Princess Fatora when he has the nymphomaniac around him."
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm
Re: El-Hazard drabbles - Bob Schroeck - 10-04-2006
Quote:-- Bob
Londs nodded. "He looks even more like Princess Fatora when he has the nymphomaniac around him."
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...
Re: El-Hazard drabbles - ECSNorway - 10-04-2006
Sasuke's answering machine message:
Naruto whatever your going to ask me the answer is NO! Sakura, Ino stop leaving messages on my machine! Kakashi-sensei, your the one that better not be late for practice! Neji, Saturday, the forest, 1:00pm. Don't be late. Yes Lee I still think your weird. Shikamaru, yes, yes, I know Ino! Chougi for the last time I don't have any marshmallows in my house! Kiba I haven't seen, kidnapped, or killed Akamaru. Hinata, I don't know what color Narutos bed sheets are. Gaara stop sending me death threats! Itachi, Yes I still hate you. Orochimaru stop stalking me! And for crying out loud everyone stop calling me! Beep...
Messages on Sasuke's Machine:
Message #15
(Neji) I'm so much stronger than you, I'm so much cooler than you, I'm so much more awesome than you, (Hinata's voice in the background.) Neji! What are you doing? Come on and help me! (Neji yelling at Hinata) I'm leaving a phone message for Sasuke telling him how great I am! (Hinata in the background) Sasuke? Give me that phone! (Hinata) Hey Sasuke! So what color bed sheets do you think Naruto would like? Orange ones? Or ones decorated with ramen bowls? Call me back ASAP!
Message #16
(Gaara) I will kill you Uchiha Sasuke! I will make sure your blood mixes with my sand so that I will be become stronger! (maniac laughing) I will kill you! (Laughing dies down and then a cough) Oh...and...Uh...thanks for the birthday card.
Message #17
(Itachi) Hello my foolish little brother! I just want to make sure that your fine. You still hate and you still want to kill me, don't you? Oh and mom and dad say Hi! I mean that's what they probably would have said, but we can't really know can we! Anyway practice hard everyday so that one day you can kill me.
Message #18
(Orochimaru) Hello Sasuke. I'm just calling to ask you some questions. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite food? What is your deepest darkest secret? What color is your underwear? I need you to answer those questions because Kabuto and I are working on a 100 page profile on you! Call back!
Answering Machine Messages of Konoha--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.