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Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 08-28-2017
(If you don't want to see a random complaint about the writing process, feel free to close this thread now.)
The fight at the end of chapter two -- the one with Jadeite at the radio station at the end of episode three -- is driving me nuts. I've written or started to write three different versions of it now, and none of them worked. I wish I could figure out what it was that my subconscious wants out of this scene, because I'd gladly provide it. At this point it's entirely possible that I want this chapter to be done far more than any of you do.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Re: Finishing Chapter Two - Shepherd - 08-29-2017
Maybe you're facing a PoV problem? Whose PoV is most interesting in the context of the scene? Doug? Sailor Moon? Luna? Jadeite? Flau, the Youma? A random radio station technician? Does Tuxedo Mask show up? Does the fight go out live over the radio, and some other character hears things that way?
That last possibility - 'showing' the fight from the PoV of someone who isn't even there and only hears it on the radio in an Orson Welles 'War of the Worlds' manner - reminds me of an episode of Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles, where they didn't have the time/budget to show a bunch of cops getting mauled by a Terminator, so they cut from the cops bursting into a motel room/apartment to a slow motion view from underwater in the nearby pool as dying cops get tossed in one after another. You can see it on youtube under 'TSCC FBI vs Cromartie Scene' if you're interested.----------------------------------------------------
"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
Re: Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 08-29-2017
While the external POV is an interesting idea, it really doesn't work here -- like the canon version of the fight, most of it takes place on the roof of the radio station after the youma blows a hole in it and everyone heads outside. (But I'll have to remember that idea for a later fight. It's too good not to use.)
I'm still turning this over and over in my head. I have two solid data points -- a quip that works only in this fight, and how it ends. If you're familiar with the episode (or can find a copy to watch), I'm stuck on how to get from Jadeite stopping Usagi's tiara cold to the end of the fight I have to have. Up until this point the fight runs effectively as in canon despite Doug's participation, but here it takes a wild left turn. I just have to find the right left turn. <sigh>
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Re: Finishing Chapter Two - robkelk - 08-29-2017
Bob Schroeck Wrote:... I just have to find the right left turn. <sigh>
It's probably in the pile that Bugs Bunny didn't take in Albuquerque ... <g>
On that note, would injecting a moment of humour (surreal or not) do the trick?
Re: Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 08-29-2017
Sadly, no. Not with what I need to accomplish. Oh, right, third data point -- Usagi's first exposure to Doug's power in action and wondering what's with the song. Important for the first part of Chapter 3...
You know, what, Rob? I should take this to the prereader list, where I can go into detail about what I need to do, and how it's not coming out right.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
RE: Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 10-02-2017
And of course right after that was the whole move-the-board mess, so I haven't taken it to the prereaders. And I've thrown out yet another version (or rather, moved it to chapter three to use in a different fight however I can, again), and I'm having Doug go with an old reliable for his first fight with Jadeite. Let's see if I can get past the start of the song...
RE: Finishing Chapter Two - DeputyJones - 10-02-2017
Reading this thread, I had an odd idea I thought I'd throw out. Other than mentioning of the "Hollywood Wildfire" incident, I do not recall us ever seeing Doug's power activating when he doesn't want it to. Considering the fight is at a radio station, such a situation as his metagift activating from an inconvenient song could be used either seriously or for kicks.
RE: Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 10-03-2017
That would be a cool idea to use except, well, the station is doing a talk show at the time, and the majority of the battle is on the roof of the building anyway.
RE: Finishing Chapter Two - robkelk - 10-03-2017
(08-29-2017, 03:02 PM)Bob Schroeck Wrote: ...
You know, what, Rob? I should take this to the prereader list, where I can go into detail about what I need to do, and how it's not coming out right.
...
(looks at how empty the prereader list has been the last two months)
RE: Finishing Chapter Two - Bob Schroeck - 10-03-2017
Well, I just dropped a message into the list right now. Hopefully there'll be a little activity in response.