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+---- Thread: [Story]The Genesis of Excalibur (/showthread.php?tid=1888)
[Story]The Genesis of Excalibur - kentmagus - 04-14-2008
"Good morning, is this Dr. Clark Sanders?"
"Yes, yes it is. " He stated groggily into the phone. He looked at the clock.
"This had better be really important. "
"Ah. England's asking for our help in contacting the handwavium occult expert known as Kemwer. "
"Didn't you guys send your supersoldiers to recruit him by any means necessary?" Dr. Grey asked.
"That was an unsanctioned operation and water under the bridge. There's a guy in England who claims that he has Excalibur and is the rightful king of
England. "
"Don't the Redcoats just take the sword from him and lead him to the local nuthouse. " Dr. Sanders hung up. The phone rang a moment later.
"What?" He snarled into the receiver.
"The request comes from the highest levels of the United States and British Governments. " Agent Green spoke in a controlled, fast
voice.
"You tried to kill him. " Dr. Sanders revealed.
"I already told you it was unauthorized. Would he really leave England in the lurch when they need his help? "
"Transfer the call to Kemwer, Marduk. " He announced to the clinically insane AI.
"The winds of Babylon shall carry the message forward. " That selfsame AI replied.
"Kemwer. What's the situation?" Kemwer's voice was clipped. He hated being woken up at three in the morning. He knew it would be important if
Dr. Sanders had woken him up. Dr. Sanders explained it to him.
"Aren't you the guys that sent those guys to kill me?" He asked Agent Green.
"It was an unsanctioned and unauthorized operation. "Agent Green repeated for the third time.
"What's it worth to get me out of bed at this godforsaken hour to work on this project that you called Dr. Sanders to wake me up for?" Kemwer
inquired.
"What would you want?" Agent Green asked as they got down to the negotiating.
"Independence, expense account, five thousand dollars in untraceable bills, complete access to this supersoldier program and any others the U.S and the
British Empire know about, and anything the United States and England knows on Dr. Grey and Boskone"
"Done. " Agent Green stated immediately. Kemwer blinked. He looked at Marduk's terminal display.
"I'll be there in thirty minutes. "
"I've been working on a new manuever with that Oscillator Overthruster. "Marduk bubbled. "I disassociate myself from the Earth's
rotation and voila. "
The scenery whipped by for about a minute before Kemwer realized something.
"Marduk, are we able to breathe when we're intangible?" He asked carefully.
"Breathe?" Marduk replied in a confused manner. Kemwer closed his eyes.
"This is Kemwer, Marduk's new trick has left us with a rapidly deteriorating store of air. . "
"Wait, wait, I can fix it. "Marduk corrected hurriedly. Kemwer then breathed easier.
"All I needed to do was mass-shift everything we're coming in contact with to breathe. "Marduk beamed.
"Marduk. Marduk. If we mass-shift everything,. we would hit that TRUCK!" Marduk jerked the starship with an AI's reflexes. This was why only the
sideview mirror of the truck was dragged along with the starship.
"Marduk. Mass-shift the air in and that's it. "Kemwer calmly explained. He was then bowled end over end as the wind hit him as he was pressed
flat against the back of the starship.
"We're here. "Marduk chirped after a long ride.
"Reduce the speed of the air next time. " Kemwer glared at the Marduk's terminal screen.
"Temper, temper. " The starship chided. He calmed his breath as he remembered the Second Trial. He was calm and composed as he exited the starship
under the cloak of the Ring of Air. He also left the babble of one Dr. Clark Sanders behind
"Agent Green. " Kemwer appeared as the mists parted to reveal him.
"Do leave the parlor tricks aside would you?" Agent Green requested.
"But parlor tricks are my specialty. That's why you called me. " Agent Green listened to his earpiece. .There was only silence.
"Ah, sonar, lidar, radar, thermal, orbital satellite, is that a handwavium detector?Next time I must remember to request no surveillance. " Kemwer
returned as he scanned the adjoining buildings with his eyes.
"I don't know why'd you bother. They seem to think you're late. "Agent Green fought the urge to grit his teeth.
"Agent Green. Our consultant has arrived. "He tapped his earpiece. There was an excited babble through his earpiece. He just knew that incredibly
dangerous two-bit charlatan was listening to both sides of the conversation somehow.
He showed the digital videorecorder tape
"I wield Excalibur, and I have pulled the sword from the stone. " He thrust Excalibur into the air. from the scabbard he wore on his hip.
"You're under arrest, for disturbing the peace, and property damage. " A police officer came up to him in the proper prcoedure just far enough to
block him if he tried to run.
"You will be the first witness to my reign. " The nutcase declared. He swiped Excalibur as the Beefeaters who moved to block his entrance in to the
palace and gates and then demolished the entire company with sword skill. This was especially impressive as whenever the British troops blocked with their
rifle, their rifles ended up sliced in half. Agent Green ended the video,
"What you need is a fencing champion. " Kemwer remarked.
"We tried that already. He's recovering from superficial wounds in the hospital. " Agent Green admitted unhappily.
"It's not that hard to solve. " Kemwer told Agent Green.
"Eh? You realize that he's been shot at with a cannon and has recovered?" Agent Green exclaimed.
"I was half-expecting that. " Kemwer admitted. "It's still a simple matter. Where is he?"
"He's in Buckingham Palace. " Agent Green informed Kemwer.
"Hey, Your Prospective Majesty! " Kemwer called as he walked down the hallways.
"Hahahah .Are you the new champion they sent? " The man lounging on the throne had his feet propped up on the arms as he was stretched out sideways.
"No. I'm more of an outside consultant. " Kemwer told him.
"What are you here for then?" The man asked him.
"Your Majesty, it occurs to me that if you proved your identity to the people in the palace, they would stop trying to send people to challenge your
authority. " Kemwer spoke carefully.
"I see no reason to do so. Is it not written in the Bible to not test the Hebrew God?" The man returned to his lounging disdainfully.
"But if you are the rightful ruler of England, you will have to prove it.. " He told the prospective ruler.
"I do not have to. I AM-"The man's eyes blazed.
"Would Arthur refuse such a challenge?" Kemwer asked. ". If you are truly the rightful ruler of England, then this challenge will be as air.
"
"I mislike enchanters. You have the look of them. You keep your face hidden from sight. How do I know that you will not use some black art of sorcery to
unbalance the test?"
"What oath would you believe?" Kemwer inquired.
"That you swear upon your magic that what you say is the truth. No unbalancing the test. " The man replied.
Kemwer thought about this. If he swore upon his magic and lied, that meant his handwaved objects would never respond to him again if at all. One had to be
either neutral or believe a little in their objects to work and if he didn't... the only powers he would have left would be his longevity.
"The vow will begin when we're at the site of the examination, when the time is at hand. . Not before.And the vow will end once the exam is over. You
will tell no one of this vow and never do it again. " Kemwer told him firmly.
"An hour after the exam is over. " The man countered.
"Done. " Kemwer and the man echoed.
"Agent Green. " Agent Green started as the wind whispered Kemwer's voice to him. He muttered some profanities.
"Don't do that Kemwer. You know how much I hate that. "
"Yes. Be at Glastonbury Tor with the royal family with a few other items when it can be arranged. "
The day settled upon the royal family and other noble claimants who wanted to test their mettle. Being who they were, they seated in comfort with security
details clearing mile-wide area around Glastonbury Tor.
"If this is Arthur, does that make you Merlin?" one of the noble ladies asked Kemwer.
"Alas, I am not the son of a fairy princess. "
"I thought he was the son of the Devil. " One of the other aristocrats corrected.
"I like my version better. " Kemwer stated.
"Are all the claimants here?"He looked.
"Very well. Agent Green assisted me in this matter by procuring a rock. " He looked at the tiny pebble Agent Green gave to him. He must still be sore
about how well Kemwer had stood up to the augmented soldiers.
"Thanks, Agent Green. " He answered drily.
"Anytime. " Agent Green smiled. Kemwer scanned the stone and melted stone in a tiny inscription on the pebble.
"You promised not to use your black sorcery to unbalance the test. " The man told him.
"I did not unbalance the test. My sorcery isn't black either. " Kemwer informed him. He dropped the pebble on the ground.
"Now plunge Excalibur into the stone, Your Prospective Majesty. " He told Arthur.
"You are a fool, enchanter. Clarent was the sword pulled from the stone. You have made a fatal error. " He plunged the sword into the tiny pebble on
the ground. It slid smoothly in. Then he pulled on it.It stayed rooted to the ground as if it was stuck.
"What the hell?" He pulled on the sword Excalibur and it wouldn't come out. "But that's not right. Sorcerer, at least you have lost your
powers. "
"No I haven't. " Kemwer conjured a ball of light to float over his shoulder. "I didn't tamper with anything. "
"But the legend says that one must pull Clarent out of the stone, not Excalibur. " The man shouted in rage as the pebble remained firmly rooted to
the ground.
"Really?" Kemwer smiled.
"Let Us try. " The Queen stepped up and pulled the sword out of the stone as smooth as butter. She put it back and slid it in and out a few more
times.
"Is it just me or is this disturbingly phallic?"Kemwer's voice whispered to Agent Green.
"It's not just you. The Queen has transferred the equivalent of five thousand dollars to you in pounds to your Swiss bank account. "
"And the files access. " Kemwer continued.
"Some of it's coming, the rest will be along later. " Agent Green looked uncomfortable now that the crisis had been resolved.
"You!"The man launched himself at Kemwer in a rage. Kemwer neatly sidestepped as the man launched himself down the hill and and then fell, gathering
speed as he rolled down the hill.
"You know he'll have broken arms, legs, and ribs, right?" Agent Green asked.
"Actually, I expect him to have escaped, I just don't like people trying to kill me. " Kemwere answered.
"So how did you do it?" Marduk asked.
"It's simple. I recognized the prop sword that was used. I looked it up on the Internet, and there's only one sword in recent years that had the
special powers and the colors and was was a duplicate for the prop. His mistake was taking a prop and expecting it to occur like the legends. In this movie,
Excalibur was the sword pulled from the stone. Inaccurate legendry, but the prop sword was based on that movie and not the historical myth. "
"Why did you expect him to be back?"
"Everybody forgets about the scabbard. " Kemwer mourned.
"But the scabbard in the movie had demonstrated no special powers. " Marduk exclaimed.
"Exactly. It was free for that guy's mind to take control of whatever it's function was. And people know that Excalibur's scabbard heals
people. "
"It's nice of the Queen to pay us that lifelong retainer of twelve thousand dollars per year. " Marduk moved on.
"It's hush money. She wants us to keep quiet about the fact that we saved her kingdom from being taken over by a madman with Excalibur. . Officially,
Excalibur belongs to us and we're licensing it to her. " Kemwer told Marduk.
"The stone wasn't handwaved? " Marduk asked
"I thought about it, but really, the legend says whoever pulls the sword out of the stone is the rightful ruler of all England. I just melted that
inscription on the stone and handwaved Excalibur took care of the rest of the details. "
"I thought if the man held the sword it would obey him. " Marduk stated.
"In the movie, ir says only the rightful ruler of England can pull the sword from the stone. Excalibur is the sword in the stone. The guy knows he's
not the rightful ruler, so that worked. He thought it had to be Clarent to pull the sword from the stone. He knows he's not the rightful ruler, the sword
knows he's not the rightful ruler, ergo, couldn't pull the sword from the stone. Clarent had nothing to do with it. If he believed only Clarent was to
be pulled from the stone, and the masses contradicted him, he could have pulled the sword from the stone. But he knows he's not the rightful ruler, the
sword knows he's not the rightful ruler, and all the people who watched that movie knows that only the right ruler can pull Excalibur from the stone, which
is historically inaccurate by the way, so himself plus those masses, outweighed his knowledge that it was Clarent that was pulled from the stone and remained
stuck. " Kemwer analyzed.
"What if he had known he was the rightful ruler?" Marduk asked.
"Then England gets a new king. " Kemwer answered.