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+--- Thread: Humans, Humans, Pay Your Dues (/showthread.php?tid=7066)
Humans, Humans, Pay Your Dues - DHBirr - 07-19-2012
Gremlins by Leslie Fish. I'm mind-boggled that it took me this long to think of it -- and that nobody else had posted it. Do I need to spell out what results it's likely to have on any bad guys' mechanical/electronic devices in the area of effect?
CHORUS: Humans, humans, pay your dues;
Just two paths that you get to choose:
Feed us right or fight and lose--
Gremlins everywhere!
Little sprites of the ancient woods
Used to come to the door;
Get paid off with a bowl of milk,
But not anymore.
Watching humans make machines
And treat the Wild with scorn,
Little sprites swore a great revenge;
Thus were gremlins born.
CHORUS
Woods cut down and farmlands spoiled;
What should gremlins do?
They all moved to this brave new world,
Seeking pastures new.
They found a home in machinery
Among the whirling gears;
They moved all their families in
And they've been there for years.
CHORUS
Gremlins love coal, iron, and steam,
Copper and glass and steel.
Dumb machines have no defense--
They can't think or feel.
Gremlins feast on rubber and oil;
Plastic makes their lunch.
Silicon wafers heated well
Are what they love to crunch.
CHORUS
So if you're bugged by machines that break,
Best thing you can do
Is make peace with the gremline horde;
Make them work for you.
Drop some oil on an incense coal,
Sacrifice antifreeze;
Ask 'em to leave your stuff alone,
And go bug your enemies.
(Are you kidding? It worked in World War II!)
CHORUS
Yeah, gremlins everywhere!
The line "Dumb machines have no defense--They can't think or feel" may in fact mean that AIs are immune because they can think and feel. Also, if Doug's subconscious feels like giving him a hard time, he may have to perform the ritual offerings described to keep this from zapping friendlies' equipment as well as the bad guys.
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
- Bob Schroeck - 07-24-2012
This is a delightfully evil song and effect. I have got to work it in somewhere.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.