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+--- Thread: Black Widows in the Privy and other silliness (/showthread.php?tid=7154)
Black Widows in the Privy and other silliness - Proginoskes - 08-25-2015
A brief little filksong, composed by Heather Rose Jones and performed by Julia Ecklar: Black Widows in the Privy. (It predates Worm, but it could also be called "Taylor Hebert's advice to would-be killers".)
Quote:Everyone knows someone we'd be better off without;
But best not mention names, for we don't know who's about!
But why commit a murder, and risk the fires of Hell,
When black widows in the privy can do it just as well?
Now poison's good, and daggers and arrows in the back,
And if you're feeling desperate you can try a front attack!
But are they really worthy of the risk of being caught,
When black widows in the privy need not be bribed or bought?
So if there's one of whom you wish most simply to be rid,
Just wait 'til dark and point the way to where the widow's hid,
And say to them "I think you'll find that this one is the best",
And black widows in the privy will gladly do the rest!
Effect: One target human suffers the urgent need to use the loo. Whatever privy, washroom stall, or what-have-you the target runs into, there will be a Black Widow spider (if there happens to be an existing one within Doug's AoE, it'll get teleported there, and returned when the song ends; otherwise, a simulacrum Black Widow will materialize), placed at random. Contrary to the song's guarantee, the target will have to provoke the spider into biting (sitting or stepping on it works, but if the spider showed up on the ceiling or a wall, it's not terribly likely).
The Gods Are Not Crazy, written and performed by Leslie Fish. This is probably one of Urd's favourite songs. Note: as you may notice, Fish pronounces "UFOs" in the last verse as a two-syllable word, sounding like "yew-foes".
Quote:Look out the window and what do you spy?
Rain falling out of a sun-shiny sky!
It's changing to hailstones that weigh half a ton,
With seven live frogs hopping out of each one!
It's not the Last Judgement, stop wailing of sin,
It's only the Gods at wine-tasting again!
Quote:CHORUS:
So Drink, drink, to Charlie Fort's memory,
Marvellous doings and marvellous sights!
Drink, drink, we may as well join them:
The Gods are not crazy, they're higher than kites!
When strange objects tumble from out of the clouds,
Stay under cover, for Thor's gotten plowed!
Those odd, manlike creatures are not saucer men,
But shapeshifting Mercurys, plastered again!
It's not Armageddon, it's only a sign
That this season's Ambrosia really is fine!
CHORUS
Weird cloven hoof-prints dance all up and down,
To glow on the streets and the walls of your town,
Made by some creature that ran on two legs!
Plus the sheep are all pregnant, and the roosters laid eggs!
Don't blame the Devil, or run for the hills;
It's only old Pan, and he's crocked to the gills!
CHORUS
Eerie lights blossom all over the sky:
Put on your sunscreen, Apollo is high!
The boulders have moved and the animals talk:
A tiddly Great Goddess is out for a walk.
Don't wail of UFOs, there's nothing to fear…
Just be thankful the drink's not this good every year!
CHORUS
Effect: This is one or both of Area Effect: Falling Down Drunk and Area Effect: Fortean Phenomena.
Never Set the Cat On Fire (Instructions for a child living on a spaceship), by Frank Hayes.
Quote:Never set the cat on fire:
You only will annoy it.
The heat will make the beast perspire;
It surely won't enjoy it.
Likewise do not ignite the dog,
The snake, the gerbil, or the frog.
No, never set the cat on fire.
Quote:CHORUS:
And mind your manners
As circumstances may require,
And never set the cat on fire.
Don't open up the cabin hatch:
The air is sure to leave it.
And air is very hard to catch;
You never will retrieve it.
And even though your life's a bore,
Don't open the reactor door!
Don't open up the cabin hatch.
CHORUS
Don't change the navigator's data:
Someone's sure to see ya.
You know the captain's view of that: a
Very bad idea.
He doesn't want his ship to race
Forever lost in endless space!
Don't change the navigator's data.
CHORUS
Don't start an interstellar war:
It has no helpful uses.
When someone asks you, "What's it for?",
You'll only make excuses.
If thirty trillion folks get hurt,
You'll go to bed with no dessert!
Don't start an interstellar war.
CHORUS
Effect: I'm not sure if this should prevent dumbass attacks, or inflict them.
- robkelk - 08-25-2015
Proginoskes Wrote:Effect: I'm not sure if this should prevent dumbass attacks, or inflict them.With all the prohibitions (never do this, never do that, never do the other thing), I'd say "prevent".
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Don't stuff beans up your nose! - Proginoskes - 08-25-2015
Quote:robkelk wrote:But consider the following:Quote:Proginoskes wrote:With all the prohibitions (never do this, never do that, never do the other thing), I'd say "prevent".
Effect: I'm not sure if this should prevent dumbass attacks, or inflict them.
Quote:The little boy's mother was off to market. She worried about her boy, who was always up to some mischief. She sternly admonished him, "Be good. Don't get into trouble. Don't eat all the cabbage. Don't spill all the milk. Don't throw stones at the cow. Don't fall down the well." The boy had done all of these things on other market days. Hoping to head off new trouble, she added, "And don't stuff beans up your nose!" This was a new idea for the boy, who promptly tried it out.(Cribbed from the Wikipedia project essay, "Don't stuff beans up your nose".) Of course, the logical conclusion from that reading would be that this song inflicts a dumbass attack on the portion of Doug's psyche responsible for song interpretation, which is slightly worrisome. (If he listens to this song immediately before hearing a new power song, he winds up with something absurdly powerful but with a long list of trivial actions that immediately end the effect? Or, under the same conditions, the song interpretation gets inverted, with things like getting ice or water powers from a song about fire?)
Or maybe it just causes all cats, dogs, snakes, gerbils, and frogs within Doug's AoE to burst into flame without being harmed. (They don't enjoy the experience, but they're ultimately just annoyed. Anything at least as flammable as paper that happens to be near a flaming animal, however…)
Or maybe it's a metasong, turning the next song into the ability to suppress abilities similar to the one it otherwise grants. ("Don't play at throwing lightning bolts; you'll only fry some hardware. Where you apply a million volts, you'll surely find a scar there. To think you'll aim a mighty zap by simply pointing is a trap! Don't play at throwing lightning bolts.")
Send in the Silver Gryphons - Proginoskes - 08-28-2015
One of Mercedes Lackey's songs about her stories, Send in the Silver Gryphons as performed here is hilariously bombastic.
Quote:Bad news is coming by to call;Bad times are here.Bad guys are smashing through the wall;Time to know fear.Bad dreams are cruising like a shark,Bad as can be.Bad things are laughing in the dark:Nowhere to flee.Since this song is referring to a specific peacekeeping/paramilitary organization, the obvious power would be to conjure a simulacrum of a generic member of that august corps.
It's time to make a stand; it's time to pay the cost!The reaper's scythe is keening in!Situation desperate, the day is all but lost!There's just one chance you have to win:
Send in the Silver Gryphons!
No way of levelling the odds,No hope to win.No use in calling on the gods:They've got you pinned.No time to make another plan,No breath to shout.No strength to make a final stand:Luck has run out.
Your life is on the line, the blade is at your chest!It's time to play the game to win!Call back the amateurs, it's time to send the best!Call us, or call your next-of-kin!
Send in the Silver Gryphons!
Bad news is coming by to call;Bad times are here.Bad guys are smashing through the wall;Time to know fear.Hard folks make sure the job is done;Hard as the stone.Hard fights can still be fought and won:You're not alone.
Gryphons fight causes that are lost;Gryphons defend.Gryphons don't try to count the cost;You can depend onGryphons: as smart as they are tough!Gryphons don't rest!Gryphons: when good is not enough,Send in the best!
Send the Gryphons.
Send the Silver Gryphons!Send in the Silver Gryphons![[more call-and-response in this vein]
Gryphons!
- robkelk - 08-28-2015
Proginoskes Wrote:One of Mercedes Lackey's songs about her stories, Send in the Silver Gryphons ...Said corps members being silver robots having the head, talons, and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion? (Because that's what I'd assume if I was steering Doug's subconscious and I'd never read the story...)
Since this song is referring to a specific peacekeeping/paramilitary organization, the obvious power would be to conjure a simulacrum of a generic member of that august corps.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
- Proginoskes - 08-29-2015
Quote:robkelk wrote:Well, yes, my proposed power does depend on Doug having met members of the Silver Gryphons while in Valdemar. Failing that, your suggestion seems like the only option available.Quote:Proginoskes wrote:Said corps members being silver robots having the head, talons, and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion? (Because that's what I'd assume if I was steering Doug's subconscious and I'd never read the story...)
One of Mercedes Lackey's songs about her stories, Send in the Silver Gryphons ...
Since this song is referring to a specific peacekeeping/paramilitary organization, the obvious power would be to conjure a simulacrum of a generic member of that august corps.