Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Printable Version +- Drunkard's Walk Forums (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums) +-- Forum: General (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Other People's Fanfiction (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=8) +--- Thread: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived (/showthread.php?tid=7818)

Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 12-18-2005 I'm working on the third chapter at the moment and I could do with a little help. One of the ideas I've been working on is a steadily escalating tension between the protagonist and the staff at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, the initial confrontation with Professor McGongall after the first flying lessons, has gotten out of hand and I'm not sure if I can salvage it or will have to ditch it. I'd appreciate your input. The confrontation as it's written at the moment is as follows: --------------------------------------------------------- Padma shook her head as Michael sat down opposite her. Shes right, Hal, she told him. You and Malfoy are always fighting I heard you punched him on the Hogwarts Express as well. You cant just go on doing that the Malfoys are a very old family and theyre very powerful. Whats he going to do? Michael asked. Get his dad to have my dad fired from his job or something? Might be a teeny bit difficult. But think about the points youll lose Ravenclaw if you keep fighting youre being really selfish. Michael glared at her. Im being selfish? he asked incredulously, leaning forward over the table. Youre perfectly okay with Malfoy getting away with being a theiving bully as long as he doesnt bother you but Im being selfish. And Professor McGonagall reckons it takes two to fight so we should just leave him to get on with it. No wonder Voldemort got away with all this crap evidently no one was willing to stand up to him in case there was a fight or someone docked them points. Gryffindor courage doesnt seem to go very far, does it? His voice had been rising steadily as he spoke and silence had fallen over the Hall after Michael snarled the name Voldemort. Five points from Ravenclaw, Professor McGonagall snapped. A great many wizards and witches died fighting the Dark Lord, Mr Potter. Among them your parents. And you seem intent on making sure no one does fights back again, Michael snorted, rising from his seat to face her. Since you evidently seem to think no one should stand up to a bully and a coward, oh mighty Head of Gryffindor. Professors will deal with such matters, she said flatly, approaching him. Now sit down or you will cost Ravenclaw even more points. Michael put one foot on the bench and shoved his dishes back so that he could sit on the table. Really? he asked sarcastically. Professors will stand up for their students and make sure they arent bullied? Maybe you should ask yourself, Professor McGongall, why didnt anyone go to you? There were more than a dozen students witness to Malfoybeing a theiving git, half of them from your house. But how many told a Professor? Apparently none of them. Do you have any idea whey they might not have any faith youd do anything? Maybe they think youd slap them down like you just tried to do me. There was a cough from the high table and McGonagall turned to see Albus Dumbledore looking at them through his glasses. Detention, she hissed, eyes bright with anger. My office, immediately after dinner. Ill be there, Michael replied coldly as the Professor stalked away. No Quarter, NO QUARTER! You damn well earned your fate. Give Harrington our compliments; we're sorry you are late. - No Quarter, Echoes Children D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - classicdrogn - 12-18-2005 I think if you just tone down Min's emotional content it'll be fine - she can be as icy-cold as an ice age but still keep her professional calm. Frex: "Detention," she snapped, eyes glinting like chips of glacial ice in a face face rigid with disapproval. "My office, immediately after dinner." - CDThat which does not kill us... has made its last mistake. SERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see? CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others. " It's crazy to try to spell out all the mega-nooks and hyper-crannies of a Borg contrivance." - Doug Drexler -- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - chibipoe - 12-18-2005 I'm sorry if I sound stupid, but... are those other chapters available for perusal somewhere? "This hand of mine glows with an awesome power. Its burning grip tells me to defeat you.... Shining FINGER!" -Domon Kashuu, Mobile Fighter G Gundam Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 12-19-2005 Footsteps, and some of my other fanfiction, can be found at: www.fanfiction.net/u/347490/ ----------------------------------------------------- I see what you mean about McGongall's emotions needing to be reigned in. I'm wondering if Michael's own reaction should be toned down to be less confrontational or a less mature arguement (Michael is a little older than Harry, but not adult by any means). D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Bob Schroeck - 12-19-2005 Let me second CD here -- I don't think the scene is bad at all, it just needs a little fine-tuning. McGonnigal would be more self-controlled, even in the face of that kind of provocation. As for Michael's reaction... well, judging by my memories of being that age, he's probably right on target, and finely-balanced at that. The merest change of emotional context could shove him to either more conciliatory or even more in-your-face, but I think the place he is right now is on the money. -- Bob --------- It's a "magical" land. I think "magical" is ancient Greek for "pain in the butt". -- Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance, 11/9/03 Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Dragonflight - 12-19-2005 It's an interesting piece of work. (Just read the two posted chapters.) What's needed though is a little explaining that Michael is really not much older than Harry. A lot of these soul-switched stories imply that the main character is a *lot* older than the original, and probably better informed, so that the character can serve as the representative of the audience. Foxboy's "I Was a Teenage Dummy Plug" is a good example of this. (And he's gone even longer than *I* have between updates, much to my dismay. ) All McGonagall needs is to be written a little colder, as described elsewhere. She never loses her anger in the sense that you see that anger as a "hot" thing. For her, the angrier she gets, the quieter her voice gets. That's a very effective tool for conveying someone who's *so* self-controlled and so driven that when she's *really* mad, she's focussed ALL her attention on you, and *only* you. So the more she seems to tune out the world to focus on one person, the quieter she gets until she's so quiet, the whole room is utterly silent, and her voice cracks like a whip. The students would all be *very* scared of her, I imagine, and would be placing bets on Harry getting kicked out of school if he kept picking fights with the teachers. As for his true identity, I expect Dumbledore knows, if you haven't thought of it already. My reason? The Sorting Hat is kept in his study, and it would have told him that the soul inside Potter's body isn't Harry Potter. The hat suggested in the private conversation they had that it *knew* he was someone else, but chose to tuck Michael away in a corner where he couldn't do any damage until they could get it all cleared up. Also of course, the Hat will tend to obey the desires of the student, and Michael was thinking of Ravenclaw. I'm wondering how you're going to handle the split-soul angle, if Harry every winds up back in his own body, part of a school system he doesn't even know exists, sorted into a House he's probably unsuited for, with people he doesn't know from a hole in the ground. --- Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do. sheepish reply - Foxboy - 12-20-2005 Working on the next chapter of IWATDP, just stalled a bit. Otherwise, I'm off to read the previous chapters before I put my two cents in on this. ''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.'' -- James Nicoll Re: sheepish reply - zojojojo - 12-20-2005 when in doubt, add zombies or ninja... if you're having real problems, add demon zombie ninja! -Z, Post-reader at Medium ---- If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. -Z, Post-reader at Medium ---- If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 12-20-2005 Well, I guess with the weight of the support going for Michael being fine, I'll rewrite Minnie's part a bit and get started on the detention scene. Thank you for all your comments, particularly Dragonflight's description. I will keep that description in front of me while I write the next couple of scenes. As for Harry getting kicked out of Hogwarts, obviously not going to happen. But since neither Michael nor any other students know this, there is one line already written that I will share: Terry groaned. Here we go again another Hal-shaped hole in our House Points, he said resignedly. Ravenclaw isn't going to win the House Cup anytime soon. Not with Hal 'Michael' Potter around. You're probably right that I need to explain more about the relative ages of Michael and Harry - I'll throw in more implications (the Mirror of Erised will be a big clue) and spell it out clearly once the opportunity arises. As far as the Sorting Hat goes, however, I don't get the impression from the books that it necessarily talks to Dumbledore. Also, the conversation with the Hat was deliberately ambiguous on how much it knows, because I wanted to keep the options open. What Michael said could be taken as scepticism about the 'Boy-Who-Lived' pedestal rather than as confession of the identity crisis he's going through. Ravenclaw was Michael's request, of course, but a logical one under the circumstances. As for Harry returning, I might write an Omake for that, although I have plot running as far as the 4th year and if Harry returned under those circumstances he'd probably have more to worry about than his House and friends. It's a bit awkward to be student at a school where you're publically (VERY publically) described the headmaster as an 'honourless son-of-a-bitch' with a sideline in kidnapping and slave-owning. I did mention that tension between Michael and the Hogwarts staff escalates, didn't I? When the break comes it's NOT going to be pretty. D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Dragonflight - 12-20-2005 It occurs to me that if Michael keeps developing such an antagonistic relationship with the teachers, to the point where he openly accuses the headmaster of running a slaving operation, he's going to get kicked out of *Ravenclaw* if not the whole school. I could see him ending up in Slytherin, not because he's a bootlicker like Malfoy, but because he's so hot-headed, Snape would see this as something he could mold into another Voldemort. A driven, powerful, self-righteous and extremely arrogant young man who believes he knows better than his superiors. In short, a sterling Slytherin student... --- Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 12-20-2005 Well, technically it's accusing Dumbledore of trying to own a slave, not of dealing in them (and it's nothing to do with House Elves). Snape certainly thinks of Hal Potter as a 'driven, powerful, self-righteous and extremely arrogant young man'. But he's not quite stupid enough to think he can mold him. After all, he's been an eye witness to the war that's dominated Hogwarts over the last 4 years. The one fought more bitterly, ruthlessly and treacherously than even the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry: the war between Albus Dumbledore and Hal Potter over where Hal will spend his holidays. I'm not sure if it's possible for a student to be expelled from his House but not the school. If Michael were taken out of Ravenclaw, however, he would be more likely to wind up in Hufflepuff than in Slytherin. He's cunning, but not ambitious; loyal but not very hardworking. Also, Snape would rather like to hang onto the House Cup a bit longer and would not want Draco Malfoy to wind up dead. However, the last thing Dumbledore wants is to lose track of the Boy-Who-Lived completely and he's got no reason to believe that he'll ever see him again should he be expelled. Unfortunately, he doesn't realise that by this time he's already burnt his bridges with Michael - even if he had absolute proof of his good intentions, Michael will never forget some of the things he's done and will therefore never trust him.D for Drakensis Contagious, rampant insanity isnt against the rules. D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Dragonflight - 12-21-2005 One possibility which occurs to me (which would further increase Michael's feelings of alienation and abandonment) would be if he was kicked out of Ravenclaw, but the only House willing to take him on is Slytherin. Presumably, Michael doesn't *want* to be associated with Snape (especially since Snape would have a whole bunch of rules he'd want "Hal" to live with, which Michael wouldn't touch, so that would make him a rarity indeed. A student with no house. So what does an unaffiliated student *do*? If none of the houses will take him, where does he go? Does he found his own, fifth house, and try to attract new students to him? If you wanted to highlight the growing antagonistic relationship with Dumbledore, nothing would show his growing individuality and personal power like founding his own House in the school... Just a thought. --- Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 01-02-2006 One point I hadn't noted previously was your reference to Michael's 'personal power'. Michael isn't possessed of especial power or influence. He's not all that popular, and by Ravenclaw standards isn't terribly studious (bright, but lazy). Unlike Harry, he's not even very good on a broomstick. He's got quite the temper though. And he bites. The follow-up to the above scene is below. Comments and criticism would be very welcome. --------------------------------------------------- The other Ravenclaws seemed surprised that Michael had any appetite at all for his dinner. Most of them were merely picking at the meal, but Michael ate heartily. As he pointed to older students who approached him with horror stories about McGonagalls detentions, even a man condemned to die is entitled to a last meal. He lingered a little over pudding, admitting privately to himself that he was putting off the detention as long as he could, but when Professor McGonagall left the high table and went up the stairs to her office, not far from the transfiguration classroom, she found Michael leaning against the wall by the door, a small book open in his hands and a short length of crimson ribbon wrapped around two fingers. Looking up as he heard her approach, the boy used the ribbon to mark his place and the book vanished into the folds of his robe. He said nothing, only standing straight as she reached the door. Silently, her eyes still icy, the Professor gestured to the door, and there was a clearly audible click as the lock turned. A moment later, the heavy oak door swung open, just in time for her to enter without breaking stride. Without prompting, Michael followed her inside standing just far enough inside for the door to swing closed behind him. The sound of the door hitting the frame sounded very loud as compared to the silence between the rooms two occupants. Still they said nothing, although McGonagall seated herself behind a large desk heaped high with neatly ordered scrolls and a rack of scrolls and bottles of ink in various colours. For his part, Michael removed his glasses, wiped the lenses with the hem of his robes sleeve and placed them back upon his nose. On one level, Mr. Potter, she said at last, This feels very familiar. There was no yield in her voice, only an intentness. Your father, along with his partners-in-crime, found themselves stood very much where you are now far too often for my liking and or theirs. There are, however, certain differences. Her eyes flicked down to the Ravenclaw tie that Michael wore. Michael said nothing, meeting her gaze calmly, hands clasped behind his back. Even now, Mr Potter, you do not seem to think that you have done anything wrong, McGonagall stated. I was rather provocative with that mighty Head of Gryffindor bit, Michael said thoughtfully. Aside from that? No, not really. There was a bite of challenge to the last sentence. McGonagall raised one eyebrow. So, she said frostily. Deriding the efforts of those who spent their lives fighting against tyranny is not wrong? Undermining the authority of the teaching staff is acceptable? Publically disputing a Head of Houses concern for her students is unimportant? I would not wish, she said cuttingly, to misunderstand your position. May I defend myself against your assertions? Michael said, eyes blazing, voice soft and angry. McGonagall inclined her head fractionally. The floor is yours, Mr. Potter. Michael returned the gesture with slight bow. The remark that you interpret as deriding the efforts of those who fought against tyranny, he said in a lecturing tone of voice. Was an indirect response to your previous statement that it takes two to fight. You were, if I recall, admonishing me for not letting Draco Malfoy do and say whatever he pleases, even if he is a thief and a bigoted bully. The parallel I was drawing was that if thats right then no one should have tried to stop Voldemort from doing whatever he pleased, even if he did kill people. If it takes two to fight then what happens when one person attacks somone and they dont fight back? Because I think the one who doesnt fight is going to get clobbered and it wont matter if everyone says they were a good person if theyre dead. Lots of people like my Mum, I think - fought Voldemort they because it was the right thing to do and youre the one who derided teem, Professor McGonagall very publically when you said that they shouldnt fight for whats right because fighting is bad. Youre supposed to be the courageous one, but youre teaching people to grovel to tyranny, not to fight it. If me saying that to someone in my House offends you, then thats tough its a free country and I can say what I think if I want to. Professor McGonagalls eyes had widened as she heard what looked like an eleven year old boy turn her own accusation back upon her, using simplisitic but remorseless logic. Her gaze was still cold but behind the mask of her face, she saw the image of James Potter she had overlaid upon Hal Potter shatter. The elder Potter could never have emplyed such a tactic for the most part because he had, at some level, recognised that he was responsible for what he had been punished for, even if he gloried in it. Hal Hal didnt seem to care. With a sudden insight she realised that neither loss of points nor fear of detention had swayed him. Only her interpretation of his actions had stung him. And Minerva McGonagall had to wonder what had shaped him to be so much older than his years, not realising that behind those green eyes was a mind somewhat older and far more seasoned than that of Harold James Potter. As for the authority of the teaching staff, I would be very interested in hearing how I have undermined it? I do not recall disputing at any point whatsoever your right to give orders, assign punishment or carry out any other function as a teacher. I may have discussed whether or not a Professor acted correctly in any of those roles, but that is entirely different from suggesting that they are not authorised to do so. And if you mean to say that I undermined the respect that Professors are entitled to, you have the right to command obedience in some matters. Respect on the other hand, for you to earn. Or lose. Michael folded his arms across his chest and glared. If you dont like having your integrity questioned, perhaps you should answer some of the questions that I asked you in the Great Hall. Why didnt your House approach you about Nevilles Rememberall being nicked? Because if your students dont believe that you care, then thats a pretty serious problem. And if you dont like having your failings made public, well I dont like having my family discussed in public. Do as you would be done by, Professor. Do as you would be done by. It had been a very very long time since Minerva McGonagall had seen red. Fortunately, decades of self-control kept her from saying anything. Because it was very nearly that long since she had felt so humiliated. No first year student should ever take that tone with a Professor. And they should never, under any circumstances, be right to do so. I see, she said flatly. D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - Dragonflight - 01-02-2006 A much tighter presentation of McGonagall. It clearly shows she's human under her icy mask, but that she never shows that to the people she's intimidating. It also once again highlights that Potter is inhabited by a different person, and that this person is older, and somewhat more experienced. Of course, it isn't difficult for a person to be more mature than Harry. In many ways he's a total innocent, since his uncle's family is a parody on the conventional modern English family. The idea that a person actually *lived* in a parody family as a serious member of the family would horrify anyone, and being locked up in a closet most of his life would have cost Harry most of his socializing opportunities before the school. An interesting point here though. You mentioned that his magical abilities are sub-par, and isn't nearly as good on a broom as Harry. If the magical abilities are a function of the spirit, and not of the body, then it should become *more* obvious over time that Harry has none of his "father"'s magical talents, which may start getting people to wondering just why this particular apple has fallen so far from the Potter tree... Also, if a switch occurred, what's Potter doing in Michael's body, with full (if untrained) magical power and a family that accepts him fully, even if he *has* sustained some odd blow to the head that's messed up his memories? (As they'd see it.) Also, while I'm thinking of it, what *caused* the switch? I could see Potter doing it accidentally if he wished hard enough to be in an alternate world where he was liked for himself, but why was Michael the target? Given that Voldemort is going to make soul-contact with him at the Mirror if things continue the way they did in the first book, then eventually these questions beg answers that someone's going to find out. (And as you said earlier, Dumbledore's going to get quite an eyeful when he sees the images "Harry" conjures up when he looks in the mirror. A whole life that Harry never had, and people Dumbledore never met. If he *doesn't* know who Harry is, anyone who looks in that mirror will find out awfully fast... Nice story, very interested to see how these and other questions turn out. --- Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do. Re: Footsteps of the Boy-Who-Lived - drakensis - 01-02-2006 Thank you for the feedback. McGonagall is probably the character I've had most difficulty writing thus far. Michael's magical strength is pretty much average. He is not sub-par, he just isn't exceptional. It's the same as his flying ability - he can get around perfectly well, but he's unlikely to wind up on the Quidditch team. Given that he does better academically than Harry would have, this is liable to be marked down as him taking more after Lily than James. I didn't really plan to explore what happened to Harry, but more recently I've had some ideas. At the moment, I'm considering interludes to look at that. Some questions to consider: 1) Does Lily's blood protection apply to Michael? 2) Does the prophecy apply to Michael? D for Drakensis You're only young once, but immaturity is forever. 's in the blood - Rieverre - 01-02-2006 I would assume (ugly word, but the one to use in this case) that the blood protection applies, if only because it's still Harry's body that Mike's in, Harry's red stuff going through its veins, etc. And Voldie used said blood to regain physical form in GoF, partially because it also let him circumvent the blood protections. Or something in that direction. *muses* Could be that the reason Hal's magic is only rated average at most is that the body and the spirit are still in a minor sort of discord. On the other paw, it could not. Your floor where that's concerned, sirrah. If the blood protections still apply, though, would Hal try to delve into researching blood magic to bend them around into a weapon against 'ol' Tom? As for the prophecy ... well, the _body_ is still marked, so this is a bit iffy. Especially if the original occupant is off somewhere beyond the limits of time and space. Well, that particular segment of time and space. Ahem. You could certainly use this to play with his doubts. What if the prophecy did refer to more the soul than the body? In any case, at least a partial answer would be given when you decide whether or not to have Hal be a Parselmouth (which, I expect, he'd find more interesting than disturbing). You could use this to have an emotional 'If I stand or fall, it's going to be because of what I did, because of what _I_ am, not because of some bit of barely coherent rambling that was uttered before I was ever conscious of the world around me!' moment. Could be fun. When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force. When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm Re: 's in the blood - Dragonflight - 01-03-2006 On that note, what occurs to me is that if the prophecy *doesn't* apply to Michael on the grounds that it's all about the spirit (Lily's spirit protecting Harry's, and the body bore the brunt of the magics, causing the scar), then Mike's going to be both angry and scared in equal measure, because by the time he figures out that Voldemort is still around, he's going to have a pretty good idea that he might not be protected. He's in that case just wearing a body that was marked by the former occupant before he left it. In that case, things would get very ugly very fast, I think. As I recall, Voldie managed to circumvent death in his last few moments after baby-Harry turned aside the death spell by tying his life force to Harry's. And since Harry lived, so did Voldie. So by that token, if he has to consume Harry's soul to regain his power, when he realizes Michael *isn't* Harry, and the soul of Harry Potter has taken up residence in Micheal's old body, guess where Voldie's likely to go next? I think Mike might wind up wanting to go home even more strongly than before if that possibility is what you run with. He'd also be in the extreme peril of being a mediocre wizard when a master wizard is what's needed. Or as I've seen written elsewhere, "Heroes are what usually happens to ordinary people presented with extraordinary situations, and they often don't know it's going to happen beforehand." --- Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.