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TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-01-2005
TEENAGE GENIN NINJA HEROES
chapter 2
Five Beginnings, a Departure, and a Memory
JUNE, TWELFTH YEAR AFTER THE ATTACK OF THE KYUUBI
"REEEOOOOOOOOWW!"
"Itai! Itai! Hold -still-, you idiot cat!" Naruto howled, nearly as loudly as his prisoner.
"Don't hold it so roughly!" Sakura scolded. "It won't stop -fighting- while you're crushing its ribs!"
Sasuke counted his way down the checklist. "Ginger tabby, bow on left ear, tomcat, approximately seventeen pounds. This looks like our target." [And,] he carefully did not say, [our fifth perfect mission.]
"Yep," their Sensei, Neshan, confirmed. "This is Tora, all right. Take a good look; you'll be getting to know him -real- well."
"He runs away a lot?" Sakura guessed, holding one hand firmly on the back of the cat's neck while supporting his weight by the other arm. {Who'd want him -back-?} her second personality remarked from the security of her subconcious, with a figurative glare at the way the feline was digging his claws into her arm.
Naruto had been nursing the scratches on his face and bite on his hand after being relieved of his infuriated burden, but now he looked up and grinned. "Ano sa, ano sa, does that mean we get a real mission now?"
Neshan felt free to smirk, since he was turned away from the Genin and it couldn't be seen. "By rights, that question should disqualify you..."
"Ehh? No, wait, I understand! Really! We need to-"
"Understand the importance of details in even the most power-intensive fight." His voice, deliberately stern, wavered on the last word.
Naruto didn't notice. "But, Seeeeennnseeeeeiiii!"
The Jounin laughed. "Oh, don't worry. I'm just winding you up. Once we get Tigger here back to Madame Shijimi, you three can knock off 'till noon. Meet me at the usual field; I'll talk to the Third about having a mission for you tomorrow." None of the students bothered to wonder who or what a 'tigger' was. Their sensei was an immigrant to Konoha, and even after spending most of his life there, was still prone to making allusions to the tales and culture of his homeland - regardless of the fact that no one around him had any clue what he was talking about. Eventually, like gnats or mosquitos, it had simply become something to be accepted.
"YAAHOOOO!" Konoha's Loudest Ninja lived up to his nickname.
* * * * *
"Well, I'll be damned."
Sakura was dancing across the center of the turbulent pool under the small waterfall, running through the fifth of the eight academy taijutsu kata at half speed. Despite her movement and shifting weight, and the instability of the surface underneath her, her feet left not even a ripple to mark their passing.
Sasuke was climbing a tree on the opposite bank, walking slowly up with never a wobble or a missed step. Already he was halfway up with nary a scar on the bark, and from the scuffing of the dirt at the tree's base he'd been at it a while.
Naruto was sitting in the grass at the top of the small cliff, with three different, -large- scrolls spread out before him. Neshan recognized the end-caps on the nearest one - the tactical manual he had given to his student.
"Oi, you," came a voice from behind him. "These the super gifted kids you said'd be handling Gatou's thugs?"
"Just so, Tazuna-san. YO! MINIONS!"
*splishthumpwhap...flutterflutter... bumpbumpbump* At their teacher's shout, all three Genin had abandoned what they were doing and crossed the distance to land if front of him in a single leap.
"Sensei, who's this?" Sakura asked, peering up at the balding, slovenly man in front of her. {Eeeew... if he starts -scratching-, I'll hurl!}
Neshan didn't answer immediately, instead turning to their guest and gesturing towards his students in turn. "Umida-san, these are my students - Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto, and Uchiha Sasuke. Kids, this is our client for a C-class bodyguard mission to the Wave Country. His name is Umida Tazuna."
"Yosh!" Naruto cheered, giving a thumbs up. "Don't you worry about a thing, Pops! Nobody's gonna touch you while -I'm- around!"
"Hmph. I oughta go back and ask for a team without a super loudmouthed idiot on it."
"What?! Hey, you! Don't you think tha-MPH!" Sakura grabbed him into a one-armed headlock and clapped the other hand firmly over her teammate's mouth. Even without accounting for his crush on her, Naruto knew that - with the taijutsu training she'd been doing since graduation - he had no chance of winning a grappling match unless she -let- him do so. He crossed his arms and subsided in bad grace.
Neshan smiled benignly over the scene. "Considering your failure to provide accurate information, I think that we're actually being quite generous."
Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, and Sakura let her hand fall away from Naruto's face as both of them stared on with identical expressions of shock.
Tazuna froze, for a moment, then slumped defeatedly. "You know...?"
"Quite a bit more than you, I think. But, under the circumstances, your credit is good, and the interest on the balance of your payment quite reasonable."
The architecht closed his eyes and sighed. "Heh. Well, I guess that's the best I could hope for in this super-bad situation."
"Right, so. If you're amenable to departing in, say, two hours, then we can let the kids get home and pack, right?"
"Two hours, right." And he turned and walked away, head, for once, held high.
"Sensei..." Sakura said, standing away from her shorter compatriot. "What you said... this is a -B-CLASS- mission?!" {Damn it! Is he trying to -kill- us?!}
He nodded, slowly. "Almost certainly. However... As a Special Jounin, I am prohibited from spending extended periods of time away from the village. This will be the only high-level mission I'll be able to take with you. This will be my -only- opportunity to... show you what I want to teach you. The greater dangers... I believe that they'll help to teach you more than you'd otherwise be able to learn." He adjusted his glasses and looked at them seriously. "And your performance in your training has been beyond my wildest expectations. In terms of pure combat ability... all three of you are already Chuunin level."
"But not in other ways," Naruto said, dissapointed.
Neshan laid a hand on his shoulder. "You've all three of you got some growing up to do. You -could- do it right away, if you had to - but there's no reason you should. You're better off waiting - it'll be healthier in the long run."
"I'm not a child," he snarled.
"If you need to say that - you are. For now." He tapped Naruto on the side of the chin, forcing the smaller boy to meet his gaze directly. "Don't be in such a hurry. Most of the time, adulthood sucks. You work, you worry, you suffer... For every restriction you lose from outside, you gain three more inside your head. The more careful you are about this - the more groundwork you lay now - the smaller the real price you'll have to pay later."
"Price?" Sakura asked, hovering uncertainly on the edges of their conversation.
"Everything has a cost, kid. Maturity's is paid in pain. Now go on. Clock's running."
* * * * *
"MOOOOOM!" Sakura yelled, head buried in her closet.
"What!" came the muffled reply from downstairs.
"WHERE'S MY FIRE KIT?"
"You used it! Replacement's with the groceries!"
"THANKS!"
Fire kit, rations, weapons, medical kit, bandages, more weapons, drug kit, toiletries...
"Aaaaannd a change of clothes!" she said triumphantly, pulling something from amid the shoulder-high mountain of cloth and letting it unfurl to reveal...
A bright green leotard. "Ugh. Not that."
A bra - one of her mother's, which must've gotten mixed in with her laundry. No telling how long ago, given -her- room. "Not yet, dammit."
A bikini top with noticably less fabric than the previous item. *blush* "Um, no."
Her best friend snickered. "Not until it's too small for you, anyway."
"Bite me, Ino-buta." It was so -nice- to be friends with Ino again! Granted, she'd have been just as glad to be spared Anko-sensei's chosen means of forcing them to make up - she -still- couldn't get the sulfer stink out of what -had- been her favorite pair of sandals - but if that was the only thing she lost getting her sister-in-arms back, then she'd count it as cheap at twice the price.
"Why are you even bothering, anyway, Odeko-chan? You know you'll just end up taking another of those tacky red dresses." To hear Ino tell -her- version of the leadup to that entirely-too-memorable night, involving the obnoxious Special Jounin in the conspiracy to rescue their friendship actually -hadn't- been Neshan-sensei's idea... which was kind of startling when you considered that he was basically the psycho-woman's best friend.
"They are -not- tacky!" She whirled, hands going to her hips, then tossed her head, flipping her braid back over her shoulder. "Besides, I lost my last clean one."
The third person in the room decided to calm things down before the other two started one of their fights - again. "How on earth do you find -anything- in here, anyway?" Tenten asked. -That- friendship, though, -was- her teacher's fault. He had taken her to a man he had called 'the Leaf's greatest Taijutsu specialist' to learn what he had described as the perfected variant of the basic hand-to-hand forms that she - along with all the other students in her year - had been taught in the academy.
Whatever she had been expecting, a thirty year old man with a spandex fetish and eyebrows that could have doubled for bottle-brushes was -not- it. That would have been enough of a dissapointment, but the apparition had gone on to cement the impression of complete and pathetic insanity by introducing himself as 'That Friend of Youth and educator of fertile young minds, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast - Maitooooooo GAI!'
Despite his talk of being an educator, though, it had taken Tenten's intervention - spurred by Neshan's offer to teach her the deceptively subtle jutsu he used to give his thrown weapons such force of impact - to convince Gai to polish Sakura's taijutsu techniques.
Tenten had looked at the kunai Neshan had buried most of its own length into the living wood of the large tree at the center of the clearing where Team Gai had been practicing, then walked, head bowed, over to stand in front of her instructor. When she looked up, unshed tears had glimmered across the corners of her eyes. 'If you say no,' she had said, voice trembling, 'I'll cry.'
Gai had refused at first, saying that 'The splendor of her shining youth would be smirched were I to interfere so with her education! By forging its -own- path to greatness, her star will shine far brighter!'
Tenten had sniffled.
That had been enough - almost - to drop the eccentric Jounin into a panic. 'Tenten! Be strong! The glittering shine of-'
- the single tear breaking free and rolling down Tenten's cheek. Gai had agreed to the bargain with an apologetic howl, and no one present had really regretted it. In the end, the two girls had even accounted the greatest benefit as being, not the improvments to their skills, but their new friend.
Sakura crossed her arms, bikini still dangling from one hand. "It's not as disorganized as it looks," she sniffed.
"No," Ino wisecracked. "It's worse."
Tenten snickered. "That's possible?"
The pink-haired girl fumed for a moment, then dropped the bikini, grabbed the nearest throwable object... and ducked, eyes going wide. *fwipTHWAK* "Eep!"
The oldest girl froze in place, staring at the object her kunai had impaled against the corkboard over the desk. Sakura turned to look at it, then stared also.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ino fell over laughing as Sakura blushed and started frantically trying to pry the kunai out and close the book - or at least turn it to a less embarrassing - and less dog-eared - page.
Tenten sat there in horror for a moment longer, then tried to apologize - tried, since the effort kept getting tangled up with the twin urges to laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation and lock up in tongue-tied mortification at exactly -which- of that notorious book's pages had been showing. In the end, she did none of them. "Ano... -Icha Icha Paradise-?!"
*pop!* Sakura finally pulled the blade free - it had gone straight through, all the way into the wall. "you'd think i'd know better than to throw things at you by now... Rrg. My brother's a jerk."
"That wasn't a page a -guy- would turn to, Odeko-chaaaAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ino smirked at the opportunity to deliver a well-deserved zinger onto her best friend, but the other girl's squinting glare had been the final straw needed to shatter her hard-won control and send her spiraling back into helpless laughter.
"Grrrr." Sakura took a short step over the tangled pile of knitting supplies wrapped halfway around the desk chair's back leg, then a long one over the shallow mound of dirty clothes on top of her favorite Go board, then a second short one to balance on top of the heavy staff braced over her stereo and three different piles of scolls by the base of her bed and the surface of the desk. Both of the other girls had been sitting on the bed, since it was by far the largest clear space in the room, and Tenten casually reached out a leg and tripped the younger kunoichi before she could lock her hands around her helpless best friend's throat.
"Ne, ne, Sakura? You can drop by my house on your way out of town and borrow one of my outfits - you really don't have much more time to look, you know."
"Really?" she said, voice badly muffled by the mattress.
"Really-really," Tenten confirmed with a smile.
* * * * *
As passers-by went, he was as unremarkable as they came. Average height, average build, brown eyes and shortish hair-colored hair. Respectably but not flashily dressed, his age was in that indeterminate zone between the late twenties and the early forties, and he moved down the street with the determined stride of a definite Type A traveller.
A slightly drunken gaggle of giggling kawaii passed him on the other side of the street, going the opposite direction. The words 'Uchiha' and 'whipped cream' could be heard drifting up faintly out of the center of the cluster of a dozen or so girls.
The anonymous man shuddered slightly.
Conventional wisdom said that most kunoichi were best suited to act as Genjutsu specialists, and that most Genjutsu users were likewise female. The precise reasoning behind this conclusion varied, of course, but generally ran to the effect of the aptitude being a result - or cause - of female ninjas' more deceptive, manipulative natures. As opposed to the agressive, combative nature of their male counterparts, of course.
The kindest thing Neshan-sensei had had to say about that line of thought was 'Bunk!'
And the development of Team Seven seemed to have borne his thought out. Naruto's tactics had gone from childishly simple to -deceptively- simple, and were well backed by a growing array of quick-acting but power-intensive ninjutsu. Even the short month since the formation of their team had given Sakura the time to begin to explore the wealth of strategies opened up by ever-increasing taijutsu skills... and the exceptional strength and speed that had led to their creation.
And Sasuke - posessing both an observant and detail-oriented mind and the deep chakra reserves neccessary to shape the truly dangerous high-level genjutsu - was well on his way to trading in his title to become Konoha's Number One -Genin-.
The anonymous man smiled, and hitched his pack higher on his shoulder.
He had to meet his team.
* * * * *
Nightcap, pajamas.
The Gatou syndicate was primarily a trading concern. It moved about a quarter of the cargo moving across the Mist Sea, and 98% of that going to the Wave Country.
Kunai, shuriken, Fuuma Shuriken.
Since the Whitefish Guild had gone out of business - leaving Gatou with its current monopoly - the Gross National Product of the Wave Country had dropped by more than a third. Most of Gatou's profits from its control of the Wave trade stemmed from its ability to offer lower wages in the now-destitute Wave than it would in more affluent nations. By locating the majority of its construction and refit yards in the Wave Country, the Gatou Group could cut its operating expenses considerably.
Ramen, firestarter.
While the Wave Country was made up of a large number of individual islands, the straits between them were narrow enough to be easily crossed by ferry - even the broadest would take only an hour or two. In contrast, the trip from the islands to the mainland required most of a day.
First aid kit, canteen.
When it was finished, the causeway currently under construction would be the largest bridge of any type anywhere in the world. More relevantly, it would allow anyone with a cart or a motor-truck access to the Wave, not only reversing the depression brought on by the Gatou Group's high freight rates but probably as much as doubling the Wave's GNP.
Spare jacket, more ramen.
With that much of an improvement in local industry, wages would rise - massively. The Wave's exports of exotic woods and marine delicacies would drive the economy until its standard of living became one of the highest in the world. The Gatou Group's profit margin, when deprived of cheap labor in the Wave Country, would take a massive hit - a fifty percent reduction at the very least, probably more.
Toothbrush, toothpaste.
The head of the Gatou Group, a man by the same name, was known for being both agressive and utterly ruthless. He had no respect for the laws of the countries in which he operated, much less anything as empherial as 'morals'. With the wealth of his company available for the purpose, it was well within both his means and his character to hire legal ninja or missing-nins to assassinate the driving force behind the construction of the mainland bridge - Umida Tazuna.
Bedroll, Gama-chan.
At some point in the future, he would definitely be asked to take missions of equal or higher rating - B, A, or even S class missions so dangerous that they were given only to volunteers - but even if he did, he would never again have to do so with so little preperation. When that day came, his skills would be far in advance of those he currently posessed, and his ability to meet the challenges of those missions likewise improved.
This combination of danger and weakness would not, -could- not be repeated - his life would never be more at risk than it was now.
"Yosh!" Naruto declared, tying the straps of his backpack closed. "I'll make you proud, Sensei!" And, with a bang and a flourish, he closed and locked his apartment's door behind him, then turned and started off towards the village's gate.
"N-Naruto-kun?"
"Eh?" He turned and looked down slightly. A girl, about his age, dark blue hair, pure white eyes - not blank like if she was blind, but -white-, iris and pupil both. The bulky fur-edged jacket and faint blush tickled at his memory. "Ahhh... Hinata-chan, right?"
She jerked, slightly, as though struck lightly. "H-hai! Hyuuga Hinata."
Was she afraid he'd hurt her? "Right, I remember! From the Academy! You were right after Sasuke in Taijutsu!"
She smiled, slightly, and the blush got noticeably deeped. "H-hai. A-a-ano... I was wondering..." she trailed off and started to nibble at the first knuckle of her right hand.
Huh? "Ne, ne, wondering what?" he prompted.
"I was w-wondering if... if you'd..." She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, then bowed her head and blurted, "ifyoudliketoeatlunchwithme!" Then she froze, and her face was the color of a beet as she bit her bottom lip unconciously.
She... wanted to eat lunch... with -him-? That meant... that meant...
That meant she wanted to be friends!
He put a hand behind his head and laughed sheepishly. Now of all times! "Eheheh... Sorry, Hinata-chan, but I can't." She slumped visibly. "Demo, demo! When I get back from my mission I can take you to Ichiraku!"
Her face positively -lit- up, and he could have sworn he saw the wilted blooms in Mrs. Yamada's flowerbox perk up and start to glow with health. [Wow,] he realized. [Hinata-chan's actually kind of pretty.]
"Hai!" She bowed, abruptly. "It's a da- a deal!"
He grinned and waved over his shoulder as he bolted off. "Great! See ya then!"
Hyuuga Hinata smiled softly as she watched her crush rush off towards Konohagakure's main gate. [Naruto-kun... kakkoi...]
"So? Wha'd I tell ya?"
The shy Genin jumped slightly, and turned to face the one who had addressed her. -Why- did she insist on popping out of nowhere like that? "H-hai, Anko-sensei. He... I..." She lunged forward and latched on to the older woman with a fierce hug. "Thank you!"
Anko rocked back on her heels from the impact, and stared down a the blue-tinged head of hair buried against her chest for a moment. Then she smiled, more softly than anyone save her closest friends would have given her credit for, and wrapped her arms gently around her student's shoulders. "You're welcome." After a moment, she tugged at Hinata's shoulders and held her at arm's length. "So! With that done, all that's left for today is to get you set up for tomorrow's mission!"
"N-no." Hinata shook her head sharply. "I-I need to talk to... before my courage runs out. Please, Sensei, where does Team Eight train?"
[This is too fast. When he rejects her, we'll have lost everything we've made so far.] But how to dissuade her without doing the damage herself? Maybe if she-
"I know that you don't think it's a good idea to... to do this this soon," the girl interrupted her thoughts. "Demo... If I go any farther thinking that... that he really thinks of himself as my cousin... and I'm -wrong-, then... It'll all be undermined when I find out. Better... better to know now, and only have to, to build myself once." She gave a shy little smile. "Besides, I'm used... to cold family."
[I see,] Anko closed her eyes and shook her head. [I underestimated her.] "The place you want is a small clearing, about half a mile behind Field Two. Look for the big oak."
Hinata bowed again. "Arigatou!"
* * * * *
*shKRAK* Hit. *shKRAK* Hit. *shKRAK* Miss.
Yamanaka Ino curled the whip back up into a single coil with a deft twist of the wrist and gave a huff of irritation as she glared at the last of the small clay bottles sitting on the irregularly spaced bamboo poles in the center of the clearing. "Sensei," she said, "Why do I have to use -this- silly thing-" She brandished the whip at him. "-rather than a real weapon?"
"Coming from the person you want to be, it is silly," Morino Ibiki agreed, with a smile that tugged oddly at the slashing scar running across his face. "Coming from the person you -are-, though, it'll fit exactly with what your opponents expect... and exactly what they're afraid of."
She blushed. "But, that's..."
"Feh. Just give it up. Your princess act is so troublesome - especially when it doesn't work." Nara Shikamaru had already run through his chakra reserves with their earlier group training, and Ibiki had let him take an hour or so to recover before starting on his taijutsu. He lay flat on his back, staring at the cloudy sky overhead, and didn't even turn his head to look at his teammate as he spoke.
"Shi. Ka. Ma. Ruuuu..." Ino snarled as she turned to loom over him. "Maybe -you- think that-"
"Enough," Ibiki broke in. "Ino. Shikamaru. A ninja can't afford self deception, and he can't afford to alienate his teammates." He turned his head slightly, adressing Shikamaru. "Break's over. Go help Chouji with his tree-climbing. Ino, leave the whip for now and switch to the needles."
Both Genin growled and went to obey, and Ibiki took a moment to rub at the scar where his headache was concentrating most. [Yare, yare. What a team. None of the three of them are that bad alone, but put them together and... What did I do to deserve this?] He paused a moment, reviewing the last month of his professional life. [Don't answer that.]
"Oi, Chouji," Shikamaru was saying as he walked over to the pair. "If you can't move the patch quick enough, try wrapping it all the way around, so that a part of it is -always- gripping without your having to move it."
"Demo, Shikamaru, that means I'd have to hold two different jutsu at the same time," the bulky Genin objected.
"Yes," Ibiki said, interrupting, "but you'd have to learn that before you'd be ready to try for Chuunin anyway. Now's a very good time to start."
"Hmph. Alright. But this new barbeque place had better be worth it!"
The Jounin chuckled. "I've heard nothing but good things. Shikamaru, come on."
"Hai, hai..."
* * * * *
'Dear Mrs. Chin... I regret to inform you that following the full investigation of the incident detailed in my last letter to you, y-' There was a slight flicker as the letter was snatched out from in front of him.
"What'cha doin'?"
Umuino Iruka looked up, then sighed. Devilish grin, tan trenchcoat thrown over the visitor's chair behind her, net shirt, -very- nice breasts... He jerked his gaze to the side. [I wish she wouldn't -lean forwards- like that.] "Ohayo, Anko-sama."
She leaned back slightly, turning to put her perch on the edge of his desk into a more natural posture (and, to his heart rate's consternation, putting her figure above the waist into a perfect profile) and squinted at the sheet of paper in her hand. "Chin, huh? What, ya tossing him out? Nothing's wrong with the kid."
He made a futile grab for the letter. "No, not really. But with the evidence I have, I can't punish the one really responsible. I've put in a reccomendation that Hokage-sama sponsor him for re-admission, but I don't have the authority to do anything else."
She jerked it out of his reach, then sniffed and tossed it on his blotter. "Yer taking these rules too seriously. I mean, what's more important - some ink on a page somewhere or a kid losin' his dream?"
"The child, of course." He sighed and smoothed out the new wrinkles in the letter as she started to rummage through the pile of graded papers sitting to one side. "But there's other things involved, too. These same rules prevent a student from being unfairly dismissed if he offends a teacher, or another one being improperly protected after misbehavior. The fact that this time they're being abused doesn't negate that net value, or make the confidence it gives the students' parents any less vital."
She snorted and started to fold one of the reports, origami style. "A rule ain't a law, and this's why: if it gets in the way of the right thing, then it -should- be ignored. I've had both'a these kids into my office - there's no good that can come of letting some sneering little bully hide behind the letter of the law."
"If he's smart enough to do it, then I can't dismiss him," Iruka said, and his face was very cold. "I -shouldn't- dismiss him. This academy isn't here to raise good people. It's here to -train- -ninja-, and that kind of cunning is a trait that very much suits one."
There was a long, tense silence, and she set the completed paper snake on top of the stack of reports and gave him the oddest look, like equal parts shock, horror, and awe, all mixed in with a little bit of fear. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and subdued, and she did not meet his eyes. "You're right. It's just that..."
He sighed, and nodded. "They're just kids." A beat. "Anyway, was there something you needed?"
Anko shook off the funk and smiled, warmly for once, rather than edged and manic like usual. "Team Eight's doing well."
"Oh?" He perked up and leaned forward. "Tell me?"
* * * * *
"Tazuna-san, please," Neshan said as they walked side by side through downtown Konohagakure. "Our ability to help you is in direct proportion to your willingness to cooperate with us."
The slovenly architect snorted. "I'm willing. I just don't see why you'd need me to go over all this since you know everything already."
The Jounin hitched his pack up higher on his shoulder and shook his head. "We know -some-, and can guess more from that, but any new information is useful, even if all it is is the fact that two different sources agree on a given point."
"Huh." Tazuna scowled for a moment, then looked over. "I don't know if he's hired any regular ninja. If he has, he does most of his business in the Water Country, so they'll probably be from there."
Neshan nodded.
"I think he's got about four or five missing-nin on the payroll. I've only ever seen two, but rumors give consistent descriptions of three more. There're four men from the Mist, and one woman from the Leaf. Two of the men always work together; those're the ones I saw. Black hair, in their twenties, wear these heavy clawed gauntlets. The other two men are supposed together - I think one works for the other - but sometimes show up alone. One's a kid, black hair, long, wears a mask. Younger than you, older than your students. Other's a man, maybe thirty. Bandaged face, tall, carries a huge, cleaver-sword thing about as long as he is." He took a deep breath. "They're supposed to be dangerous - super ruthless - but the woman is worse. Short-to-average, super skinny, wierd colored hair, lots of scars, and eyes that don't match each other or look like anything human. If she's killed half the people she's supposed to've, in a quarter the ways, and if they're only an eighth as bad as they're supposed to be, then she's a super horrible blood-drinking monster worse than anything you ever saw in a history book or head in a legend."
"You believe it," the younger man said quietly.
"I had a friend that said he'd seen her - super reliable man, never told a lie in his life. He said every word of the rumors was true, and I've never once seem a man look so super scared." He gave his escort a sidelong glance. "You sure you can help?"
"My kids can do this," the other said firmly, repeating the statement softly under his breath as they came to the gate.
"My kids can do this."
As they came to a halt, Neshan nodded to himself and looked his students over. Sakura was standing on the balls of her feet with her fingers interlaced behind her, rocking back and forth slightly as they waited for Naruto. She was dressed much as she usually was these days - short, sleeveless burgandy dress with the Haruno clan crest on the back, tight, stretchy shorts underneath for modesty, sandals, and white linen bandages wound tightly around fingers, palms, wrists and forearms to provide an additional measure of bracing during punches and blocks. She had followed his example and braided her hair to keep it out of the way, and had let the loose plait tuck itself under her backpack as she glanced around with a happy smile. Alert, eager, ready. Good.
Sasuke had been the first to arrive, and had dropped his pack while he waited. He was sitting with his back against it, totally relaxed - but he was positioned for the best possible field of view, and his eyes never stopped moving. Conserving energy, but not taking his principal's safety for granted, even at the heart of friendly territory. Good.
*taptaptapTAPTAPTAPskssssshhhhhh*
"Hello, Naruto," he said mildly, with a slight lift of one eyebrow.
The Genin flinched, even as he bent over with his hands on his knees, panting. "Eheheh... Hinata-chan wanted to talk to me... and I'm not -that- late!"
"All right." He gave a quiet snort, then nodded slowly. "Tazuna-san, We're ready whenever you are."
* * * * *
A warm, sunny day was not the best circumstance under which to pay honors to one's deceased. Nevertheless, he kneeled before the simple monument at the edge of the field, and lay a single bluebonnet at its feet. The flower had been his brother's favorite.
"Ohayo, 'Niisan.
"My Genin team has been doing well since graduation. Anko-sensei has asked Kiba and I to try to support Hinata, by praising her successes and helping her find ways to avoid repeating her failures. Oddly, Kiba has had considerably more success at this than I; perhaps an artifact of dogs' social nature and the Inuzuka clan's association with them.
"Overall, I believe that our efforts are bearing fruit. While Hinata continues to stutter, and remains extremely shy and retiring, her ability to operate under pressure has been improving steadily, and she has slowly begun to begin to offer opinions and anecdotes of her own, rather than simply watching while Kiba and I converse.
"Anko-sensei's order that we attempt to teach the others our family taijutsu styles has been particularly effective. Aburame-ryuu's emphasis on avoiding hard impacts and body blows seems to adapt quite well against the Jyuuken's frequent repetition, but is less suited to defeating the Inuzuka clan's grappling techniques. Conversely, however, Kiba has found that placing oneself in any sort of close lock with a member of the Hyuuga clan is tantamount to suicide - while the formal Jyuuken only generates offense from the tenketsu of the fingers and hands, a few moment's concentration can do the same from any part of the body.
"While in the academy, I had always believed that Hinata's grades from our taijutsu instructors was a form of favoritism, brought on by her family's political influence. As the case actually turns out, this was unfair to both her, and our instructors. While she remains unacceptably tenative in actual sparring, I believe that everyone else on the team has been at least as surprised as I was by the level of insight and instructional ability she has shown in -all- forms of hand to hand combat, not just her own preferred Jyuuken style.
"Anko-sensei's comments on the causes and treatment of emotional abuse suggest that healing from it is essentially a matter of willpower - and the more I come to know Hinata, the less credible I find the idea of her ever failing in that respect." He sighed quietly, and settled back from kneeling into full seiza.
"Kiba has successfully mastered most of his clan's hereditary ninjutsu, but is unable to deploy them without the aid of soldier pills. Anko-sensei says that this will continue to be the case for at least the next few months, as the Inuzuka techniques are all B ranked by reason of chakra consumption. Nevertheless, she has had him performing a number of control and stamina exercises in an effort to decrease his reliance on what she calls 'unreliable crutches.'
"More generally, I have found that while my initial evaluation of him as being recklessly agressive and short-tempered is frequently accurate, it is by no means complete. His fearless and arrogant mannerisms cover a considerable degree of observational skill, perhaps even greater than my own. While I have never seen him fail to approach a task within his abilities with ostentatious confidence, he has also proven to have an extremely accurate idea of his own limits, and how they compare to his opponent's.
"For myself, I-" he broke off and looked towards the clearing's entrance as his kikai reported a familiar scent. "Ohaiyo, Kabuto-niisan."
"Ohaiyo, Shino-kun." There was silence for a moment as the older Genin knelt and made his own offering.
"Neshan-niisan is not here," Shino observed eventually - although, as usual, there was little to indicate what he thought about the fact.
"He's on a mission." No more than that was needed, not when all concerned, - speaker, spoken-to, spoken-of and departed - were shinobi, and subject to the same code and expectations. They understood about duty, and so did not need to speak further.
An early cicada rasped. Shino, whether prompted by the insect or some aspect of his own character, shifted slightly and asked, "When they... told us what had happened... everything came from Neshan's report. I realize that you probably do not wish to speak of it, but... it would be... comforting to have even a little clearer idea what happened."
Kabuto was quiet for a long moment, and the younger boy heard a reply in the silence, and so breathed a pained sigh and shifted, preparing to stand and go.
"The client had said that there would be no ninja."
Shino was confused for a moment, but then he understood and composed himself to listen.
"The target and the client were both major merchants, and the first owed the second quite a bit of money. We ha been retained to capture the target and obtain from him the location of sufficient properties and accounts to pay his debt - or as close to it as his means allowed.
"As far as we knew going in, the target was alone in his estate except for about two dozen guards and the night's paid entertainment. So, we used our standard formation for non-ninja targets - Neshan in front to draw their fire and attention, then me close behind to cover him, then your brother some distance back with his kikai spread as a warning net, and to allow him to direct us to targets we would otherwise have missed.
"There were twenty-five guards, as advertised, but they were expecting us. That night's courtesan was a Cloud kunoichi, and the rest of her team had infiltrated themselves among the guards.
"Standard procedure for an operation of the type that we -thought- we were facing is to secure the target first, then neutralize his protectors after it has been assured that he can no longer escape.
"When we entered the target's bedchamber, the Cloud-nin hit Neshan witha genjutsu that had him almost unconcious - I interrupted her before she could finish him, but I wasn't strong enough to defeat her quickly."
Shino became very still at what his kikai were smelling.
"I knew that her partners were attacking him - I could hear them fighting - but until Neshan recovered I could only hope he'd be able to hold out long enough."
"He couldn't," Shino said, voice thick.
"But he took both of them with him," Kabuto answered, with a kind of sad pride that Shino could only understand now that he was with his -own- Genin cell.
There was peace for a moment, and then the very birds in the trees went deathly silent with the tension as the younger asked the elder, "Why did you lie?"
Kikai exploded from their hive clusters deep in his body to race back and forth across the channels just beneath his skin, trying to be ready for the threat they felt. Despite the unsettling sensation, Shino held very still - he was quickly realizing just how unwise it would be for him to provoke the coldly calculating mind behind what had, until just a moment ago, been the calmest of eyes.
"Your destruction bugs smelled it."
"Yes."
And then Kabuto blinked, and was simply a kind, brotherly medic-nin once more. "Because many people would be hurt, if what I'm hiding gets out."
And the kikai smelled that it was the truth.
"If it were only me, I'd have done whatever it took to help him."
And that was also the truth.
"But, under the circumstances, I had - and have - a responsibility to my family... even if it risks my teammates."
Truth.
"And they knew and accepted that."
Truth.
That was all that Shino needed or wanted, but he also had a duty. "Is your secret a threat to Konoha?"
"Not if I have anything to say about it."
Truth.
Kabuto hesitated, then: "For what it's worth... I'm sorry."
"So am I."
It did not occur to Shino until much later - and much too late - that Kabuto had not actually said 'no.'
* * * * *
He didn't need the Byakugan to practice strikes, and so didn't see her coming out of the forest behind him. Nevertheless, she knew that the quiet sounds of her stride and the subtle feel of her chakra told him of her presence even before she spoke.
"Neji-niisan?"
"Hinata-sama." He turned to look at her, and his voice and face were calm - but an unspoken chill and the tension around the corners of his eyes set her heart sinking in her chest.
"I..." she paused, then plunged ahead. "The Hyuuga clan... -needs- to change. When, when we left the Lightning Country, the two-family system... stopped being neccessary. The longer we keep it, the more harm it does, pain it causes. I... I'll be the clan head, but... I won't be able to change things without at least one ally in the Branch family. If, if you want your children to be free of the Caged Bird seal, then... I know that you've... been hurt. I know that, that you probably hate me. I know you have a right to. But..."
He looked at her as she trailed off, and his face was very cold, indeed. "You know nothing. I don't know why you even feel the need to try, but -no- -one- can alter destiny's decrees, let alone someone with your fate of weakness and cowardice. The heavens have appointed the Hyuuga's fate of suffering and hatred, and neither of us can hope to alter it... any more than -you- could hope to defeat me." Something red-fanged and shadowy seemed to stalk in the echoes between his last words.
"You're wrong, Neji-niisan. People... -I-... -can- change. I will. I -have-." Her eyes narrowed slightly as she shifted her weight back and raised her hands into the first stance of the Jyuuken. "And I will prove it to you."
His face, somehow, grew even colder as he matched her readiness. "As a member of the Branch House of the Hyuuga, it is my duty to aid and educate the heir, and try to keep her from folly." She had known he would accept. There had been a chance, a hope, that he would be able to see shy, quiet Cousin Hinata rather than just another main house member - and at that moment and for years to come, she would always wonder if another set of words might have let him do so. But he hadn't, and so all he could think after her challenge was that here, at last, was a member of the hated 'them' who had murdered his father... and that she was within his reach.
Just as she knew, now if not at the beginning, that he could never heal unless he was shown exactly how he was wrong, exactly how free he was. "Just as it is my duty as Heir, to guide and protect those who have lost their way, and forgotten what it means to be family."
He flinched, and paled, enough to be noticable to normal eyes rather than just Byakugan. Then his lips pulled back in vicious snarl. "A CAGED BIRD HAS NO FAMILY!"
His rage nearly cost him the fight as she slipped outside of his leading right hand, and though he managed to avoid the strike that would have slammed across the side of his head and sent him out for the count with a five-day migrane - if he was lucky - the twist of his body and the momentum of his charge left him completely unable to avoid her outstretched leg. He tried to recover - twisted, failed, fell, crashing to the ground with all his weight and speed grinding his left arm across the ground. When he rose and spun towards her - just in time to block her kick - a seeping mass of blood was spreading over a patch of stripped skin and embedded dirt from wrist to elbow.
She backed off a step, then came in again, leading with her left arm. With his damaged like that, immobilizing his right arm would give her a serious advantage - and did, as the locked limbs twisted off to one side and let her naturally rotate her body in closer for a strike against...
The bleeding on his left arm was even more superficial than it looked, and that hand flashed in a long flurry of strikes that scattered pinpricks of fire across her entire right arm. Her palm strike still broke his nose, but the blue flare that would have marked a proper hit was completely absent.
She twisted the other arm around his and slapped her palm against his shoulder. He flinched, and recoiled, leaving them almost at arms' length. His attack had been typical Hyuuga work, precise and deceptively effective, sealing her tenketsu, the external opening points that let her vent chakra for the Jyuuken's strikes - or redistribute her body's energy to operate the limb's muscles. Her strike, on the other hand, had turned her greatest problem into a strength.
The Hyuuga's reputation and the effectiveness of their Gentle Fist taijutsu style concealed a serious weakness - the same genes that passed on the Byakugan were closely, perhaps inextricably linked with an unusually low natural chakra capacity. While the lesser flow made precise control easier, many Hyuuga Genin had to struggle to muster the power for more than a Bunshin or two, and only a rare handfull would ever improve enough to be able to perform more than a single Kaiten before collapsing in exhaustion. A large part of Neji's reputation as a genius was due to the fact that his chakra reserves were actually quite normal - a trait inherited from his mother.
Hinata was a sport, an individual in whom the collision of random, otherwise ordinary genes had produced an effect entirely different from the usual. Where other Hyuuga could direct their chakra with instinctive, casual precision, she struggled. Where they seethed, she grieved.
And where her kin husbanded the contents of a meagre pool of power, and even Neji worked from a simple mountain lake, she held back a sea fit to rival any genius of the Uchiha or Sarutobi.
That simple slap had delivered far more chakra than Neji's system was prepared to channel, and the effect was much like that of a lightning strike on an open power grid. His body would heal the damage eventually, in a few weeks alone or days with the right medical assistance, but in the meantime that shoulder would be useless, and likewise the arm beneath it.
His working arm struck, once, twice, three times before she blocked the fourth and grabbed his wrist as he pulled back. For a long, painful moment she felt her heart stop in her chest before fear kicked it back into operation and set it hammering against her ribs.
Then she jumped - bracing herself against his wrist and shoulder - and brought her knees up against her chest. His eyes widened.
She wasn't able to put very much chakra into the kick that sent him staggering back and threw her out and away in a long, low flip, but what she -could- do was enough to double him over, retching helplessly as she landed and looked up and across the small clearing at him.
"Neji-niisan... Why are you so angry with me?"
He coughed one last time and snarled at her. "Why? You have the nerve to ask? I thought you were different. I thought you were better than them. And instead, you play politics and power games, twisting everything you can reach." He planted one foot underneath himself and lunged upright, good arm leading. "You're just like the rest."
She flinched, fell back one step, two. "I-i-i... No! It's n-n-not-"
"SHUT UP!" he roared, lunging half the distance between them before pulling up and visibly forcing himself back to some semblance of control. "I don't see any more point to this. Hinata-sama."
"B-but-"
"If you're going to accept a fate as just another manipulative little bitch," he snarled, overriding her quiet words, "you'll need to do something about that stutter."
She flinched, but when he turned to go she managed to force a word out. "WAIT!" He stopped, but did not turn, so she walked around in front of him. "Not even the clan head can change the Hyuuga alone, Neji-niisan. I need your help to do what we both want to happen. And if you won't believe me... then I'll have to start by finding a way to convince you. I -am- telling the truth, whatever you're afraid of. All I ask is that you tell me how to prove it."
He snorted and stormed past her.
Once she felt his chakra signature leave her senses, Hinata collapsed down to her knees and looked up to the sky with a quiet, plaintive little wail. "I said... to -him-...?"
--------------------------------------------------------------
w00t, I say. w00t.
Lemme know what you think!
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - The Wanderer - 07-01-2005
What I think?
Good. But you knew that.
The Hinata/Neji fight seems too abrupt this time - it worked well enough in the previous version, but this time it seems like the scene has barely begun when suddenly they're fighting; I don't think there's nearly enough lead-in.
Also, earlier: you seem to make a policy of using certain Japanese words instead of English equivalents or near-equivalents. I don't hold with those who say that "Japanese terminology in a fanfic is inherently a bad thing", but in this case, I think that the use of "demo" is a bad idea - both because simply using "but" will convey what seems to me to be the same effect just as well, and because "demo" is also a word in English, with a completely different meaning; I keep tripping over the word whenever I see you use it, and have to remind myself of what it signifies in this context, and I think that can't help but be an impediment to the fic.
Beyond that... nothing really hits me that I could mention at the moment, I think. I have a few issues about the approach you're taking to training the genin (in re. training to take advantage of natural strengths vs. training to reduce natural weaknesses - I think a balanced approach is essential, and I don't see that in each individual genin), but I'm not being able to put that into words at the moment.
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-01-2005
Quote:*blush*
Good. But you knew that.
Quote:There isn't. Unfortunately, I'm sort of stuck for how to fix it - I couldn't just leave it like it was, because even if the audience didn't, -I- still knew what was missing... but this is only a little better. Help!
The Hinata/Neji fight seems too abrupt this time - it worked well enough in the previous version, but this time it seems like the scene has barely begun when suddenly they're fighting; I don't think there's nearly enough lead-in.
Re: Demo -
Hm. Yeah, I can see where that'd be coming from, although it doesn't happen to me - I only think of the English as either the full word or as part of a stock phrase... neither of which usages triggers from the Japanese. Unfortunately, if I'm going to keep using Japanese exclamations - and I intend to, since it perpetuates the contrast with the fact that Neshan -doesn't- - I can't see making a special exception for this one word.
Quote:I think that you're perhaps incorrect in assuming that it's an either-or situation. Yes, Sakura's training is taking shameless advantage of her control and academic skills - but in the process of working on those, she's also polishing her gen-and-ninjutsu and getting exactly the ideal amount of exercise for her 'chakra muscles'.
I have a few issues about the approach you're taking to training the genin (in re. training to take advantage of natural strengths vs. training to reduce natural weaknesses - I think a balanced approach is essential, and I don't see that in each individual genin), but I'm not being able to put that into words at the moment.
Also, Genin, by my understanding/interpretation, are not supposed to work alone. Ever. Therefore, the early training of any ninja is going to be aimed at how to best integrate them into a team - which means that excellence in a particular aspect is to be prized, and that your own weaknesses can be covered and compensated for by your teammates' strengths. Solo work, and the more balanced skills required for same, come later, at the Jounin and high Chuunin levels.
Finally, I think that having a universally acknowledged area of expertise, where they can approach or even exceed ninja decades senior to them, would provide a very useful boost to a Genin's self esteem and confidence - that, -knowing- that they have respect for their field, they'll be able to compromise and obey more easily outside of it.
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - The Wanderer - 07-01-2005
Sorry, I don't have any ideas offhand for how to fix the H/N lead-in... if I looked at the two versions of that scene side by side I might be able to come up with something, but I don't think I have access to the earlier version anymore, and the odds that whatever I might come up with would actually be helpful are fairly slim.
Quote:Actually, Sakura wasn't the only - or even the primary - one I was thinking of; I could kind of see the sort of thing you're referring to, and there does seem to be room enough for her to be, or to become without much deviation from the path, well-balanced.
I think that you're perhaps incorrect in assuming that it's an either-or situation. Yes, Sakura's training is taking shameless advantage of her control and academic skills - but in the process of working on those, she's also polishing her gen-and-ninjutsu and getting exactly the ideal amount of exercise for her 'chakra muscles'.
What I was actually thinking of most specifically was Naruto himself. In canon, he trains in certain directions, improves in certain ways, and leave gaping holes in his capabilities in other ways. You've moved decisively from the start to work on filling up those holes - but it seems to me that you've neglected, or at the least made it all too easy to (inadvertently or otherwise) later neglect, building up strength in the areas he did develop in canon. I realize that we're in early days yet, and that it may well be difficult to work in both directions at once (especially given just how big a deficit he needs to make up in the more abstract arena), but the hole is large enough and obvious enough to me to leave a general feeling of unease about the whole matter.
Does that make any more sense?
Your remarks about training philosophy are noted and (tentatively) accepted, I just don't have anything in particular to say in response to them.
Oh! Also, in reference back to the chapter itself: did I miss something in Chapter 1, or did that "Shino and Kabuto" scene come out of nowhere? I don't remember any mention of what they're referring to, what Shino refers to as "what had happened"; is it just my memory being bad, or had this thread not been developed previously?
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Rieverre - 07-01-2005
Very sw33t, especially the backstory you're building for Kabuto ... *snicker* *chuckle* *chortle* sorry, but whenever I read about the guy, I've got this mental image of a big green horned thing several stories high, I think it's hardwired into me.
Ahem, anyways, references to oversized aliens aside, the Hinata-Neji interaction was interesting, though yeah, the fight was kinda short ... no idea on how to help with that, though - I do drag-on-brawls, not martial arts duels ... though you might try to put in something about how Neji's feeling during the fight. More specifically, a few sentences about being caught off-guard by how much Hinata had improved would be appreciate. It'd make the fight a bit longer.
OTOH, short fight, minimal number of blows traded for maximum effect ... isn't that what a fight between two nins _should_ look like (at least, if Naruto, as a show, wasn't so centered around the fights).
Ahem ... more!
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - The Wanderer - 07-01-2005
Er, Griever... I don't know for sure how Nathan was reading it, but what I actually meant wasn't that the fight was too short, it was that the lead-in to the fight was too short; there wasn't enough between the beginning of the scene and the beginning of the fight, given that she didn't come there with the specific intention of fighting, to make it seem plausible for them to start fighting that suddenly. I seem to remember the lead-in being longer, and ramping it up better, in the previous version... but this time around, the fight seemed to start too abruptly.
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-01-2005
Quote:Yes, much. Answering it would probably have come up eventually, but as I'm not sure yet how or where, I'll answer directly.
Does that make any more sense?
Neshan's position re: Naruto's power training is that a demon-carrier's own, natural chakra naturally grows to match in strength to that portion of their demon's chakra which leaks out through the seal. The way Naruto's particular seal differs from, say, Gaara's, is that for Gaara, the leakage is proportional to Shukaku's strength - for Naruto, it's proportional to his -own-. That is, the stronger Naruto is at a given moment, the more of Kyuubi's chakra can leak - and the greater the growth it provokes in his own potential. Very much the same sort of feedback loop that Sakura's going through physically.
In the seal's current form, Kyuubi cannot influence or communicate with his host. Neshan believes that, given Naruto's personal chakra levels and regeneration abilities, altering that in any way would be an utterly foolish and unneccessary risk - especially since he's fairly sure that one of the -other- aspects of the Kyuubi-seal is that it's inheritable.
On the other hand, he's taught Naruto a number of different jutsu that the kid never learned in canon - Ryuuka no Jutsu, to name one we've seen before, or Raiame no Jutsu and Kamedate no Jutsu for a couple we haven't.
Whisker-breath isn't the poster child for brute force and massive ignorance anymore, but that doesn't mean the force isn't still there.
Quote:A bit of both - we had known that Shino's older brother had been on the same Genin team as Neshan - N. mentioned it in his conversation with Anko in Ch. 1 - but this is the first place we really learn who the third member was and what happened to Aburame-no-niisan.
Oh! Also, in reference back to the chapter itself: did I miss something in Chapter 1, or did that "Shino and Kabuto" scene come out of nowhere? I don't remember any mention of what they're referring to, what Shino refers to as "what had happened"; is it just my memory being bad, or had this thread not been developed previously?
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Relevant bit of the old version of the last scene's lead-in - Valles - 07-01-2005
He didn't need the Byakugan to practice strikes, and so didn't see her coming out of the forest behind him. Nevertheless, she knew that the quiet sounds of her stride and the subtle feel of her chakra told him of her presence even before she spoke.
"Neji-niisan?"
"Hinata-sama." He turned to look at her, and his voice and face were calm - but an unspoken chill and the tension around the corners of his eyes set her heart sinking in her chest.
[ask for help changing hyuuga]
He looked at her as she trailed off, and his face was very cold, indeed. "You know nothing. I don't know why you even feel the need to try, but -no- -one- can alter destiny's decrees, let alone someone with your fate of weakness and cowardice. The heavens have appointed the Hyuuga's fate of suffering and hatred, and neither of us can hope to alter it... any more than -you- could hope to defeat me." Something red-fanged and shadowy seemed to stalk in the echos between his last words.
{and after this it's the same but expanded.}
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-01-2005
Quote:The problem with this - and it's a good idea, in general - is that the scene is written basically from Hinata's viewpoint, and I'm not quite sure how to overhaul it out of the close third-person. Just commenting on it out loud wouldn't be in character for him, I think, which makes for a bit of a pickle.
Ahem, anyways, references to oversized aliens aside, the Hinata-Neji interaction was interesting, though yeah, the fight was kinda short ... no idea on how to help with that, though - I do drag-on-brawls, not martial arts duels ... though you might try to put in something about how Neji's feeling during the fight. More specifically, a few sentences about being caught off-guard by how much Hinata had improved would be appreciate. It'd make the fight a bit longer.
Quote:I think that that's what -any- fight where at least one of the participants knows his ass from his elbow should look like, and most of the fights in TGNH will reflect that.
OTOH, short fight, minimal number of blows traded for maximum effect ... isn't that what a fight between two nins _should_ look like (at least, if Naruto, as a show, wasn't so centered around the fights).
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-05-2005
Here's a wierd thought: What if the Caged Bird Seal also affects the -Main- Family... by instilling a compulsion to, as it were, keep the cage door locked? To both perpetuate the seal, and -use- it?
'Cause, y'know, I'd say all signs point to the ancestral Hyuuga having both a supremely high opinion of their own infallibility and a less than lively view of the wits and sense of the rest of the human race.
Hmm.
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Acyl - 07-05-2005
Quote:For a while, public garbage cans here had big slogan-stickers on them. To fight littering.
Here's a wierd thought: What if the Caged Bird Seal also affects the -Main- Family... by instilling a compulsion to, as it were, keep the cage door locked?
"PLEASE USE ME"
I'm sorta seeing Neji here, this really, really bewildered look in his eyes...with the seal twisted to spell out that, in big honking chakra-glowing letters, on his forehead.
Neji o_o;
Hinata e_e "Must...use..."
Neji >_
-- Acyl
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-05-2005
*mini-skit*
BWAHAHAHA!
Quote:Well, I figure that they'd have to have a counterpart marking -anyway-, so that the curse seal would know who to react to orders from (because having your guards be vulnerable to -anyone- who happens to know the right seal would be a Bad Thing), so it wouldn't be as complicated as you'd expect.
...er. Ahem. Sorry. Seriously, it's an interesting idea, but how would that...work, exactly? Or do you mean it instills a compulsion in the person who originally plants the thing, at the moment of...forehead-marking?
Oh! And, I think it's fairly likely that the Branch family isn't a divergence from the main 'trunk,' but rather that it was originally a second, completely different clan that accepted a subordinate status in order to gain a share of the Byakugan. Obviously, there's been enough interbreeding since then that that distinction's become basically moot, but I'd bet that that was how the system started
Quote:*bows*
(Oh, yeah. Because I realise didn't say it before...VERY sweet story, really great so far)
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Another draft of the Hina-Neji scene - Valles - 07-06-2005
He didn't need the Byakugan to practice strikes, and so didn't see her coming out of the forest behind him. Nevertheless, she knew that the quiet sounds of her stride and the subtle feel of her chakra told him of her presence even before she spoke.
"Neji-niisan?"
"Hinata-sama." He turned to look at her, and his voice and face were calm - but an unspoken chill and the tension around the corners of his eyes set her heart sinking in her chest.
"I..." she paused, then plunged ahead. "The Hyuuga clan... -needs- to change. When, when we left the Lightning Country, the two-family system... stopped being neccessary. The longer we keep it, the more harm it does, pain it causes. I... I'll be the clan head, but... I won't be able to change things without at least one ally in the Branch family. If, if you want your children to be free of the Caged Bird seal, then... I know that you've... been hurt. I know that, that you probably hate me. I know you have a right to. But..."
He looked at her as she trailed off, and his face was very cold, indeed. "You know nothing. I don't know why you even feel the need to try, but -no- -one- can alter destiny's decrees, let alone someone with your fate of weakness and cowardice. The heavens have appointed the Hyuuga's fate of suffering and hatred, and neither of us can hope to alter it... any more than -you- could hope to defeat me." Something red-fanged and shadowy seemed to stalk in the echoes between his last words.
"You're wrong, Neji-niisan. People... -I-... -can- change. I will. I -have-. And I will prove it to you, if you'll only... give me the chance."
"As a member of the Branch House of the Hyuuga, it is my duty to aid and educate the heir, and try to keep her from folly." His face, somehow, grew even colder as he crouched slightly and brought his hands up into the first of the Jyuuken's five stances. "If you want to break free of your loser's fate, then it's better you see the truth at my hands than those of harsh reality."
She matched his stance. "Then it is my duty as Heir, to guide and protect those who have lost their way, and forgotten what it means to be family."
He flinched, and paled, enough to be noticable to normal eyes rather than just Byakugan. Then his lips pulled back in vicious snarl. "A CAGED BIRD HAS NO FAMILY!"
His rage nearly cost him the fight as she slipped outside of his leading right hand, and though he managed to avoid the strike that would have slammed across the side of his head and sent him out for the count with a five-day migrane - if he was lucky - the twist of his body and the momentum of his charge left him completely unable to avoid her outstretched leg. He tried to recover - twisted, failed, fell, crashing to the ground with all his weight and speed grinding his left arm across the ground. When he rose and spun towards her - just in time to block her kick - a seeping mass of blood was spreading over a patch of stripped skin and embedded dirt from wrist to elbow.
She backed off a step, then came in again, leading with her left arm. With his damaged like that, immobilizing his right arm would give her a serious advantage - and did, as the locked limbs twisted off to one side and let her naturally rotate her body in closer for a strike against...
The bleeding on his left arm was even more superficial than it looked, and that hand flashed in a long flurry of strikes that scattered pinpricks of fire across her entire right arm. Her palm strike still broke his nose, but the blue flare that would have marked a proper hit was completely absent.
She twisted the other arm around his and slapped her palm against his shoulder. He flinched, and recoiled, leaving them almost at arms' length. His attack had been typical Hyuuga work, precise and deceptively effective, sealing her tenketsu, the external opening points that let her vent chakra for the Jyuuken's strikes - or redistribute her body's energy to operate the limb's muscles. Her strike, on the other hand, had turned her greatest problem into a strength.
The Hyuuga's reputation and the effectiveness of their Gentle Fist taijutsu style concealed a serious weakness - the same genes that passed on the Byakugan were closely, perhaps inextricably linked with an unusually low natural chakra capacity. While the lesser flow made precise control easier, many Hyuuga Genin had to struggle to muster the power for more than a Bunshin or two, and only a rare handfull would ever improve enough to be able to perform more than a single Kaiten before collapsing in exhaustion. A large part of Neji's reputation as a genius was due to the fact that his chakra reserves were actually quite normal - a trait inherited from his mother.
Hinata, however, was a sport, an individual in whom the collision of random, otherwise ordinary genes had produced an effect entirely different from the usual. Where other Hyuuga could direct their chakra with instinctive, casual precision, she struggled. Where they seethed, she grieved.
And where her kin husbanded the contents of a meagre pool of power, and even Neji worked from a simple mountain lake, she held back a sea fit to rival any genius of the Uchiha or Sarutobi.
That simple slap had delivered far more chakra than Neji's system was prepared to channel, and the effect was much like that of a lightning strike on an open power grid. His body would heal the damage eventually, in a few weeks alone or days with the right medical assistance, but in the meantime that shoulder would be useless, and likewise the arm beneath it.
His working arm struck, once, twice, three times before she blocked the fourth and grabbed his wrist as he pulled back. For a long, painful moment she felt her heart stop in her chest before fear kicked it back into operation and set it hammering against her ribs.
Then she jumped - bracing herself against his wrist and shoulder - and brought her knees up against her chest. His eyes widened.
She wasn't able to put very much chakra into the kick that sent him staggering back and threw her out and away in a long, low flip, but what she -could- do was enough to double him over, retching helplessly as she landed and looked up and across the small clearing at him.
He spat, sending a spatter of the blood flowing down his face and chin arcing out into the lush grass. "You can't -do- that! A stupid little pampered flower can't be that strong!"
"N-not if it's cut every time it tries to grow... but Anko-sensei's finally given me a chance."
"You haven-ack!" He doubled over and collapsed to his knees in mid-word, hacking blood free from the passages of his lungs.
She raised a hand, as though to offer assistance. "Neji-niisan... Why are you so angry with me?"
He coughed one last time and snarled at her. "Why? You have the nerve to ask? I thought you were different. I thought you were better than them. And instead, you play politics and power games, twisting everything you can reach." He planted one foot underneath himself and lunged upright, good arm leading. "You're just like the rest."
She flinched, fell back one step, two. "I-i-i... No! It's n-n-not-"
"SHUT UP!" he roared, lunging half the distance between them before pulling up and visibly forcing himself back to some semblance of control. "I don't see any more point to this. Hinata-sama."
"B-but-"
"If you're going to accept a fate as just another manipulative little bitch," he snarled, overriding her quiet words, "you'll need to do something about that stutter."
She flinched, but when he turned to go she managed to force a word out. "WAIT!" He stopped, but did not turn, so she walked around in front of him. "Not even the clan head can change the Hyuuga alone, Neji-niisan. I need your help to do what we both want to happen. And if you won't believe me... then I'll have to start by finding a way to convince you. I -am- telling the truth, whatever you're afraid of. All I ask is that you tell me how to prove it."
He snorted and stormed past her.
Once she felt his chakra signature leave her senses, Hinata collapsed down to her knees and looked up to the sky with a quiet, plaintive little wail. "I said... to -him-...?"
===========
===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Ch 3, Scene 1! - Valles - 07-06-2005
TEENAGE GENIN NINJA HEROES
chapter 3
A Loss, a Hero, an Enemy and a Bridge
JUNE, TWELFTH YEAR AFTER THE ATTACK OF THE KYUUBI
"AAARRRGH! -WHY- does he -do- these things?!" howled Haruno Sakura as she scrubbed futilely at the stained fabric of the shirt a friend had loaned her.
"I think it's mostly based on the theory that bad attention is better than no attention," Bakusuta Neshan, the Jounin assigned to teach her and her two teammates the basics of ninja fieldcraft, observed as he leaned over her hunched shoulders and tugged the fabric out of her grip.
"Eh?" she said, then flinched away from the splatter as he snapped the shirt dry with a quick flick of the wrist.
"Hare, rat, rat, ram, hare..." The mud imbedded in the delicately patterned silk shivered slightly, then lifted away to collect into a glistening orb that hovered in mid-air between his hands. "Most useful jutsu in the world. It works on hair, cloth, metal... anything."
"Sugoi. I'll have to remember that. And you're stalling."
"Well, yes. It's not really my place to tell; I've already said more than I should have." And that, she knew, was the end of it.
"Tease."
"It'll do you two good to talk about it." He flicked the sphere of mud out into the center of the stream. "Let's get back."
"Hai!"
They walked through the forest the short distance from the stream to the road, and Uzumaki Naruto, who still had streaks of mud buried in his hair from when his enraged female teammate had ground his head into the same puddle he'd knocked -her- into, looked up, wearing an uncharictaristically chastened look on his childish, be-whiskered face. "Sakura-chan?"
"What!?" she snapped.
"I'm sorry." He bowed his head and figited a little.
She gave him a cockeyed look. "Do you even realize what you're sorry -for-?"
He hesitated. "Aaaahhh... Making you unhappy?"
She shook her head in a sort of horrified wonder. "I didn't-" a hand rested on her shoulder cut her off, and she looked up at her teacher's face. "Sensei?"
"Wouldn't any other answer just mean the same thing, at the very bottom?"
She blinked at him and thought about it for a moment, then sighed and gave Naruto a small smile. "All right. But if you do that again I -won't- be held responsible for the consequences."
Uchiha Sasuke, that year's Number One Rookie and three time winner of the Konohagakure Ultimate Teen Heartthrob Award (Under 15 division), snorted. "Wonderful. Let's go, then."
"Right!" Naruto and Sakura said, grinning, as their charge, bridge architect Umida Tazuna yawned and heaved himself upright from where he's been resting on a tree root.
"Wait." Neshan held up a hand. "Sasuke, heavy dispel."
The last of the Uchiha blinked in confusion, then nodded. "Hai!" Four quick seals, then- "Oukai no Jutsu!"
Two men dropped from the branches overhead to land in the scruffy grass along the south margin of the road. "Heh heh... You're pretty good, Mr. Leaf," said the taller of the two to the Jounin, adjusting his Hidden Mist headband slightly. "But don't think-"
"Kids, sic 'em. I'll play backstop."
All three Genin reacted to the command instantly - Sasuke lunged for one of the Mist-nin, leading his attack with a kunai that had appeared almost magically in his hand, and Sakura literally seemed to teleport from a standing ready stance to a spinning kick more than twelve feet away, right next to the other. Naruto didn't charge immediately, instead taking a moment to generate an escorting squad of Kage Bunshin before he went on the attack.
Sasuke's target flinched back out of range, then dived to one side with the edged chain built into his guantlet flickering out and free in an arc directly towards Sakura. She avoided it with ease, but the two Mist-nin used her momentary disengagement to cut and run, dissapearing into the forest.
"Pursue," the command rapped out, and they did, with Naruto's clones swinging out in a wide arc to cover more ground.
There was silence for a moment, and then Neshan spun and threw a plum-sized sphere in a classic fastball pitch at an apparantly innocuous branch. A couple of feet before impact, the ball burst like a confetti firework, scattering bits of paper barely larger than a speck of dust in a pale cloud around the bough. An instant later, the first spark caught and grew into a shattering explosion that knocked the tree over and sent burning splinters showering across the forest floor.
"You -are- good, spotting my clone like that," said the deep voice thrown to just behind his ear. "But I can't say I know your name."
"Bakusuta Neshan. And you are?" His eyes tracked slowly across the undergrowth of the forest, looking, looking.
"Momoichi Zabuza, once of Hidden Mist... I know that name... what is Konoha's legendary sealing genius doing going on a pissant field mission like escorting an architect?"
Not over -there-, which meant... "I'm hardly -that- great. And I have to teach my team fieldwork -somehow-."
"No," and now the voice was no longer disguised, and coming from behind him... next to Tazuna. "I guess you're not."
All five of Neshan's array of thrown kunai blasted straight through the architect's body and buried themselves deep within the missing-nin's. Both corpses stood for a moment longer, then vanished, one into a puff of smoke and the other into a splash of water.
The younger man brought one hand up and the other down and both back just in time for the massive sword blow aimed at his back to slam into his naginata's interposed pole. A split second later, the butt of the polearm came up and right as he ducked and stepped and spun to the left, slamming the heavy metal pipe into where Zabuza's ribs would have been had the swordsman not pushed down and forward with both blade and feet, hopping high and a little back, out of reach.
"A naginata, huh? That's not a veryWHOA!" Neshan had kept turning as the older Jounin spoke, and added a quick step to the side as the weapon rotated in his grip, trading ends to lead with the razor-edged blade as he came back into striking range and sent it flicking out in a lightning strike that Zabuza barely twisted away from.
The Mist-nin backflipped twice, opening the range before he paused to reevaluate his opponent. For his part, the other simply brought the deceptively slender polearm back into its standard sloping ready position and cocked his head. "What's Gatou paying you, anyway? 'Cause, y'know, we Leaves aren't so terribly pleased with the current Mizukage's 'accidental target misidentification' policy." 'And if you don't piss us off,' went the unspoken part of the message, 'we might be persuaded to see fit to provide some free agent like yourself with the means to do something about that common goal.'
In the blur of combat there hadn't been time for them to take a good look at each other, but in the pause both of them did so. Neshan saw a rangy man of about six feet in height, greasy black hair with a scored Mist hitai-ite, pants and sleeveless shirt in dark blue with the gray mufflers which so many shinobi liked to hide things in on calves and forearms. He knew what Zabuza was seeing, too: a boy or young man in his late teens, with spectacles, Leaf headband, and dark hair pulled back in a knee-length braid, wearing dark grey pants and buttoned shirt under a forest-green high-collared trenchcoat.
"No," the taller of the two said regretfully, "I can't. This time I'm only working for the sake of my hostage to fate." He planted his sword - a massive, squared-off blade almost as long as he was, -without- the arm-length hilt - firmly in the ground and brought his hands together in the first of a blurringly quick series of seals.
Neshan was caught between sympathy for his foe's unexpected motivation and contempt for his choice of tactics, and firmly supressed both as he launched another array of kunai and followed the flying blades in.
Horizontal sweep - he knew that pattern - spinning up and around his back and down from overhead as Zabuza keeps backpedaling - Suiryuudan no Jutsu, the water dragon, and they -were- close enough to the stream for him to use that - lunging forward with the naginata pivoting against the ground towards Zabuza's face like a rake that'd just been stepped on - dragon, snake, rat, he's got seven more to go - then pivoting around the vertical weapon like a pole vaulter to slam both feet into his opponent's chest and knock the larger man flying.
He let the reaction from that impact carry him up and over and back to land on his feet, but by the time he was anchored again Zabuza had recovered and come too close to fight with such a large weapon. He dismissed it, and they exchanged blows for a period that could have been a minute or could have been only a few seconds, and in any event ended with them locked in an awkward grapple with Neshan in a half crouch, one hand trapped between that shoulder and his opponent's chest and the other held outstretched, without the leverage to fight back.
He twitched his wrist back, tapping that hand's fingertips against his opponent's chest, and as he did, sixty-four brilliant streams of chakra erupted from his primary tenketsu and arced up and around to the point of impact. For a fraction of a second - just long enough for the taller man to begin to smile triumphantly - nothing happened.
The ring-shaped secondary shockwave which propagated out perpendicular to the line of the blow was intense enough to scorch skin and set cloth to smoldering, but most of the attack's energy was absorbed carving an eighteen-inch hole through Zabuza's chest and scattering its former contents across a comet-shaped splatter mark fifty feet long. Even the tiny proportion of that force which transferred into the flesh around the hole was enough to knock the fresh corpse flying twice its own length.
"You talk too much," Neshan told the gristly tableau, and then went to find his team.
----------------------------------
And now you've seen what the Shikouseibakuyaku looks like when it's applied -right-.
Ja, -n
===========
===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: Ch 3, Scene 1! - Star Ranger4 - 07-06-2005
??????????
WTH??
Did NESHAN just off the guy they were supposed to be protecting? Just to get at the enemy?????
OK, I just showed my total ignorance with the source material, but the way I was raised that's generall not an approved tactic..."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children
Re: Ch 3, Scene 1! - Valles - 07-06-2005
Quote:*busts out laughing* Okay, not quite the reaction I was going for, but that'll work.
Did NESHAN just off the guy they were supposed to be protecting? Just to get at the enemy?????
Anyway, to not-quite-answer your question, do dead architects usually vanish in puffs of gray smoke? Or do they just kinda lie there and finish bleeding out? And which of these two actually -happened-?
Ja, -n
===========
===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: Ch 3, Scene 1! - Star Ranger4 - 07-07-2005
*goes back*
D'OH! I missed that the first time.
But basicly, to me the rest of the scene felt so right that it was the only thing that stood out... I was looking at it and thinking gods I hope that was only a shadow of the architect or something cause I didnt believe Neshan would throw away the mission just to get an enemy."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children
Chapter 3, Scene 5 - Valles - 07-12-2005
WARNING: The following is not work safe. The following is not kid safe. The following is -especially- not to be read right before bedtime.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
[J.L. vs. Demon Bros.]
* * * * *
[Gai informs Hiashi of Neji's fight with Hinata; neither of them are at all pleased to have H. know about it.]
* * * * *
[meet Tsunami and Inari, discuss bridge, Gatou]
* * * * *
There was a quiet, almost subliminal noise in the background as they made their cautious way through the deserted headquarters, like an unnameable hybrid of dripping liquid and the thin keening of wind through open rafters. Despite its wooden construction, the building had old-fashioned torch nooks every dozen feet or so, but they were empty and cold, leaving jagged swathes of shadow to spiderweb their way across the walls and ceiling.
Sakura paused before opening the first door. "Sensei... I smell..."
"Yeah. Me too."
She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the coppery aftertaste that that scent brought to her mouth.
Then she opened the door, and was immediately occupied with avoiding the aftertaste of that morning's breakfast. She succeeded, barely, and Neshan simply closed his eyes sadly for a moment once he realized what he was looking at. A moment and a soft, sighing breath later, he opened them and closed the door behind him, leaving his student standing in the hallway and - to her relief - cutting off all view of that... pocket of hell.
[Dear gods, please, let me -never- understand how someone could use human skin to do...] her mind shied away from the image. In the back of her conciousness, another part of her mind clenched its metaphorical fists. {This bitch is fucking -dead-,} she vowed, and for once her more public half couldn't have agreed more.
She glanced away as the door opened. "Sensei... do we have to..."
"Yes. Anything we can learn is needed; no matter what we have to wade through."
She swallowed. "'A ninja is someone who does whatever it takes,'" she said, bouncing one of his favorite maxims back at him.
"Exactly." And with no further words needed, they moved calmly through, checking each room as they passed. Fortunately for Sakura's stomach, rooms like the first were rare - some of the others had old bloodstains spread across every surface, but for the most part there was nothing to indicate that people had ever been present.
"Well, at least the kitchen's normal."
"Take another look at what's on the spit."
"...-Thanks-, Sensei. That's -exactly- the image I needed to have in my head before dinnertime."
"You've been spending too much time around me. You're starting to pick up my sense of humor."
"At least we know that Gatou-san isn't a threat anymore."
"Granted, but do you really think that the psycho-bitch needs to get paid for this?"
"Point."
And then, at last, they came to a largeish room just off of the building's massive central chamber. Neshan paused outside of it, and raised one eyebrow in an unspoken question as he met his student's eyes. 'Do you feel it?'
She blinked, then closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. Eventually, she opened them and shrugged. 'No, nothing.'
He opened the door. At the center of the squarish room was a plain wooden table a little more than waist high for an adult. It was slightly inclined, and had deep grooves running its length arranged for maximum drainage. Much of the table was crusted to a dark brick red, as was a broad circular swathe of the floor centered underneath the table's lower end. Thin streams of brighter red flowed slowly down the grooves to drip and splash in the tiny puddles underneath the ends of the gutters.
The person - the boy - lying naked on the table looked like an image out of a nightmare. Vast patches of his skin were either missing entirely or stretched and opened away from the flesh underneath by thin cords depending from the ceiling. More cords wrapped around the table and into and -through- his body, binding him tightly against the rough wood, and still others supported both the several still-living organs held in the air above his motionless body and the blood vessels that kept them as part of the whole.
For a moment, she thought that that nightmarish web of strings was nothing more than simple threat, but as she looked closer she realised that - from their appearance and -where- they penetrated into his body - they had almost certainly actually been woven from living connective tissue.
"What a horrible way to die," she murmured unconciously.
The boy on the table turned his head to look at her, and his eyes were clear and all too lucid amid the horrible scarring and desecrated flesh that had once been a human face. "...who..."
She ran. She turned and bolted and curled up in one of the farthest corners of the main chamber to hug her knees as close to her chest as she could manage and hyperventilate until either she passed out or that image burned into her soul went away.
Some time later - she would never be precisely sure how long - someone rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. Since she had unconciously picked up his chakra approaching, she didn't jump in fright, but instead only looked up into her Sensei's concerned eyes.
"Are you all right?"
She swallowed, then nodded convulsively.
"All right." And she stood when he beckoned, and then followed him back into That Room.
"his name is haku," Neshan said to her in an undertone as he began to divest himself of most of his usual ninja gear. "and what you could see of what that woman did to him is barely even the half of it. i've managed to get him stable enough to move without danger, but we're going to need to get him to a real hospital as soon as physically possible." He paused, hesitating. "don't let him see you."
Then he walked over to stand next to the bandaged form on the table and said, gently. "I'm sorry. This will hurt."
"...w..t..." Haku whispered.
The Jounin leaned closer. "Yes?"
"...where... going...?" he forced out.
"Konoha. You'll be welcome there."
A tear gathered at the corner of one eye, then dropped and started to trace its way through the pattern of those horrible scars. "...never... want...me..."
Neshan smiled. "Konoha was founded by a number of clans who had run from different countries, each for their own reasons. Some wanted to escape being used for others' agendas; others were tired of being persecuted, and still more saw a chance to gain greater power as part of a new nation rather than an old. Regardless, they all went into what was, at the time, an impenetrable jungle full of lethal plants and nin-beasts... and they were all dedicated to building a nation where people with Bloodline Limits like theirs could live as equals rather than tools or demons. Things've changed some since then, of course, but the Hidden Village of the Leaf still holds more Bloodlines than all the other nations put together." He leaned down and adjusted the bandage across Haku's forehead before picking him up in his arms with infinite gentleness. "You'll fit right in."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I am seriously disturbed by the fact that this was one of the easiest sequences to write thus far. OTOH, that ease - and disquiet - make me uncertain as to how far I should take this. On the one hand, it does a -real- good job of driving home the fact that one of this series relevant tropes is Anyone Can Die, and on the other, it's an -utter- departure from the expected Naruto tone... which, for the most part, I think that this series holds to.
Weigh in, folks!
Ja, -n
===========
===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: Chapter 3, Scene 5 - classicdrogn - 07-12-2005
I think it works, really. Enough detail to establish the twisted evil of the perpetrator and yet not so much to feel like you're just going for the grossout factor - and if you've seen the latest fansubs of the anime, it's only greater quantity than what we've seen on screen, from the fake Kabuto - thouh to be fair, he did it to himself, rather than having it done as some torturous vivisection. Still for the squeamish, if you haven't watched the filler arc after Sasuke's defection, skip it.
- CD
What, you think Samuel L. Jackson isn't going to survive the zombie apocalypse?
SERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Re: Chapter 3, Scene 5 - Angryoptimist - 07-13-2005
This is the first time of the several times I've seen an author bring back Haku (assuming he does indeed survive that...) and not make it seem cheap or easy (the cost and difficulty here being obvious).
Also, I believe I haven't said how much I've enjoyed this story to date. I, er, haven't really had much of anything to say commentary-wise besides just that I liked it until now. Two great tastes that go great together!
Re: Chapter 3, Scene 5 - Valles - 07-13-2005
Quote:Oh, he'll survive. In the long run, after a few months in the hands of Konoha's Medic-nin, there won't even be any physical indications left. (Mentally, OTOH... Well, I'm planning to eventually hook him up with Ino, for one thing.)
This is the first time of the several times I've seen an author bring back Haku (assuming he does indeed survive that...) and not make it seem cheap or easy (the cost and difficulty here being obvious).
After all, she'd only just gotten started - and a mind like that can come up with some pretty scary applications for healing and life support jutsu. There'll be another payment on the debt for his life, too.
Ja, -n
(who is very glad you enjoyed the show!)
===========
===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Herr Bad Moon - 07-18-2005
I haven't had a chance to comment beyond the pithy lately so I'll start off with what's new for me to the Massacre in Wave.
Kabuto's either as rotten (but in a different way) as he was or is playing a deeper game since hiding in plain site as a Jounin seems to be a helluva lot harder to. And Shino almost (excuse the pun) flying off the handle seems uncharacteristically rash, as what he thought he could do against a guy of Kabuto's caliber is beyond even him when he thought about it.
Quote:The Hyuuga are from Lightning? Cool. That explains why the Cloud were so torqued to get their hands on the Byakugan as to kidnap the heir from a house filled with people who can see almost 360' degrees.
When, when we left the Lightning Country, the two-family system... stopped being neccessary.
Quote:To quote Goose from Topgun: "Oh Jesus! Oh, you're killing me!" If this kinda stuff happened to Itachi regularly, its no wonder he flipped out and went on a five Village killing spree. Oh, I am dying here.
Uchiha Sasuke, that year's Number One Rookie and three time winner of the Konohagakure Ultimate Teen Heartthrob Award (Under 15 division),
Quote:Still dying.
"Kids, sic 'em. I'll play backstop."
Quote:This is a nice little show of discipline, a far cry from the "everyone runs around and does their own thing" form of group fighting in Naruto.
"Pursue," the command rapped out, and they did, with Naruto's clones swinging out in a wide arc to cover more ground.
Whoa. You aren't kidding with the Anyone Can Die schtick are you. You blew up Zabuza with the first opening he gave. Decisive stuff. I'd also like to compliment you on your fight scenes. Their brisk, tight, and visual. Great job.
Quote:Justice League? Just kidding
[J.L. vs. Demon Bros.]
That's some graphic stuff. But I agree with others who have said that the scene wasn't A: Crossing a line. and B: Gross for the sake of gross. It was horrific, but the act was horrific so it was needed. But...
Quote:What the hell does that mean? Would he be afraid of her because she looks like someone? Or is it just women in general. That's what's called, a loaded statement.
He paused, hesitating. "don't let him see you."
Quote:See, this is one of the problems I have with Naruto. Nothing what you said was bad, quite the opposite this is a fresh and original take on a subject that is skirted over at best. But in canon, the Hidden Villages are ridiculously young. Sarutobi the Third was a kid when the First was still reletively young, and he was supposed to have founded the village. So that makes the village 100 to 120 years old tops. And according to the most recent manga, Sand's no different. And there's constant talk about how some of the clans are so old and have been around forever, so unless the office of Kage is a new innovation in the Ninja world, there's some timeline issues imbedded in the series. But that's a personal pet peeve and doesn't detract me from enjoying this story any.---------------
Neshan smiled. "Konoha was founded by a number of clans who had run from different countries, each for their own reasons. Some wanted to escape being used for others' agendas; others were tired of being persecuted, and still more saw a chance to gain greater power as part of a new nation rather than an old. Regardless, they all went into what was, at the time, an impenetrable jungle full of lethal plants and nin-beasts... and they were all dedicated to building a nation where people with Bloodline Limits like theirs could live as equals rather than tools or demons. Things've changed some since then, of course, but the Hidden Village of the Leaf still holds more Bloodlines than all the other nations put together." He leaned down and adjusted the bandage across Haku's forehead before picking him up in his arms with infinite gentleness. "You'll fit right in."
Leo: (July 23 - Aug 22)
You'll feel a lot better with warm clothes on your back and food in your stomach, proving that cannibalism has a couple things going for it.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Valles - 07-18-2005
Quote:Hm. Lemme 'splain: Kabuto is, officially, a Genin. As far as most of the Leaf is aware, his actual skills -are- higher than that, say, upper Chuunin level. Shino didn't know that he was anything more than a senior Genin - he picked up the lie because his kikai smelled the subtle alterations in Kabuto's scent, in much the same way that a polygraph measures involutary alterations in the conductivity of a subject's skin.
Kabuto's either as rotten (but in a different way) as he was or is playing a deeper game since hiding in plain site as a Jounin seems to be a helluva lot harder to. And Shino almost (excuse the pun) flying off the handle seems uncharacteristically rash, as what he thought he could do against a guy of Kabuto's caliber is beyond even him when he thought about it.
For a deep cover agent, Kabuto's a surprisingly bad actor - we've -seen- how he reacts when he thinks his cover's blown, when Orochimaru was taunting him during the Chuunin exam... he goes all still and tense and basically gets ready to, ah, terminate the potential leak. Until he did that, Shino thought that they were about the same level, and he -also- thought that this guy he had greatly respected had basically betrayed his brother to his death.
Quote:*nodnod* It makes sense to me.
The Hyuuga are from Lightning? Cool. That explains why the Cloud were so torqued to get their hands on the Byakugan as to kidnap the heir from a house filled with people who can see almost 360' degrees.
Quote:I reiterate: Kakashi's an idiot.
This is a nice little show of discipline, a far cry from the "everyone runs around and does their own thing" form of group fighting in Naruto.
Quote:The ninja that we seen in canon are all warriors - in a metatextual sense, they're all playing to the crowd, trying to make things look better. Which, y'know, makes sense.
Whoa. You aren't kidding with the Anyone Can Die schtick are you. You blew up Zabuza with the first opening he gave. Decisive stuff. I'd also like to compliment you on your fight scenes. Their brisk, tight, and visual. Great job.
Neshan wants to win in the quickest and most efficient manner possible, and he's passing it on to the kids.
Quote:I've noticed this too, yeah. My take on it is that the three southern main villages were destroyed a bit over a century ago by an invasion from the non-ninja empire to the south of the area where all of our action takes place... This was possible because Konoha's about the same size as, say, Colorado, and the Jade Empire is best compared to China. Eventually, that emperor died and his heir took a look at the casualty ratios and gave it up as a bad job and went home.
See, this is one of the problems I have with Naruto. Nothing what you said was bad, quite the opposite this is a fresh and original take on a subject that is skirted over at best. But in canon, the Hidden Villages are ridiculously young. Sarutobi the Third was a kid when the First was still reletively young, and he was supposed to have founded the village. So that makes the village 100 to 120 years old tops. And according to the most recent manga, Sand's no different. And there's constant talk about how some of the clans are so old and have been around forever, so unless the office of Kage is a new innovation in the Ninja world, there's some timeline issues imbedded in the series. But that's a personal pet peeve and doesn't detract me from enjoying this story any.
This'll probably come up sometime in the Volcano Country mission - another five or six chapters or so.
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
I just realized... - Valles - 07-19-2005
Konoha Genin teams have two boys and one girl. Always.
Which means that it was actually Aburame-no-neesan who was killed.
Ja, -n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
Re: TGNH - Chapter 2 - Happerry - 07-19-2005
I really like this story, but I can't seem to find chapter one. I was hoping that some one could point me towards it.