Just a little bit early [snippity thingy] - Printable Version +- Drunkard's Walk Forums (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums) +-- Forum: General (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Other People's Fanfiction (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=8) +--- Thread: Just a little bit early [snippity thingy] (/showthread.php?tid=8173) |
Just a little bit early [snippity thingy] - Jorlem - 08-29-2010 This has been bouncing around my head for most of the summer now, since a bit after the El Hazard/ Nanoha discussion, and I've finally got around to writing it up. It's probably been done before, but I haven't seen it, so... Quote:It’s said that a butterfly I'm not too good with dialogue, and the formatting got a bit messed up, so sorry about that. Edit: Added the word blue to the description of the gem. ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - SCM Writer of 2814 - 08-29-2010 Um, what significance does that gem have? Star Crystal? Pre-Ring-Era Star Sapphire Gem? Silver Imperium Crystal? Phlactery? -------------------------------------- I am the LORD OF THE CRACK! Check out said crack: Takamachi Nanoha of 2814- Green Lantern Nanoha. To START! Now with a TvTropes page! FATE/Holy Grail War of 2814- The Fifth Holy Grail War with Magical Girl Prisma Illya, in the DCAU, from the above story. Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly- the world's first Dresden Files/TvTropes Crossover. VENGEANCE! The Musical! The Story of Uchiha Sasuke - Jorlem - 08-29-2010 Jewel Seed. I'll edit it slightly so its clearer. ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - SCM Writer of 2814 - 08-29-2010 *Wince* Oh, that's going to suck... -------------------------------------- I am the LORD OF THE CRACK! Check out said crack: Takamachi Nanoha of 2814- Green Lantern Nanoha. To START! Now with a TvTropes page! FATE/Holy Grail War of 2814- The Fifth Holy Grail War with Magical Girl Prisma Illya, in the DCAU, from the above story. Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly- the world's first Dresden Files/TvTropes Crossover. VENGEANCE! The Musical! The Story of Uchiha Sasuke - robkelk - 08-29-2010 Jorlem, you are going to develop this into a complete story, right? I'd really like to read it. -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Jorlem - 08-29-2010 *Chuckles* Thanks. It really depends on how much free time I'll have, which isn't looking like much for a while, unfortunately. When I do have time, I'm going to work out an outline, and try to figure out what exactly is going on. I'll need to re-watch the first two seasons, to get a grasp on how the characters talk, and well, it's all a question of time, really. I really would like to develop this though, so we'll see what happens. ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - robkelk - 08-29-2010 (looks at how long I've been writing LoGG) I can wait... -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Jorlem - 04-16-2011 And now, for my 1000th post. If you've wondered where I've been for the last week, I've been prodding at this since I noticed I had 997 posts. I can't quite get it to gel the way I like, so suggestions and comments are most welcome. Quote: Hayate lay in bed, reading. She had been doing so for the past several hours, since she had finished washing up the plates from her dinner, and the outside world had grown quiet. All was dark and quiet, the neighbors must have gone to sleep some time ago, and the sound of a car driving past hadn't broken the silence in nearly an hour. Hayate was free to lose herself in the world of her newest novel, with no sound to break her immersion. No sound, save --I think I've got the formatting worked out. Copying from Word doesn't quite work. I'll try Open Office next time. ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - Epsilon - 04-16-2011 I like. -------------- Epsilon - paladindythe - 04-16-2011 So, how many pages can a Jewel Seed provide? - Black Aeronaut - 04-17-2011 Oh man. Talk about a learning curve! - paladindythe - 04-17-2011 If you feel that there's something missing, try switching to Hayate's point of view as the book activates. - Jorlem - 04-17-2011 blackaeronaut Wrote:Oh man. Talk about a learning curve!And this is taking place before Fate first encounters Nanoha, but after Nanoha has started gathering Jewel Seeds. Probably this would be a night or two before the meganeko episode. So, yeah. As for how many pages a Jewel Seed gives, it's dependent on what the JS was doing, and how it was sealed, and some other stuff. The BoD wasn't meant to use things like JSes as power sources, so when it absorbs one, and it hasnt been sealed yet, the Book will get pages relative to the amount of power it was putting out, and if it was running out of control or granting a wish properly (for a given definition of properly). If the JS has been sealed, it wouldn't provide any pages unless it was activated first. If they can do this, they could get maximum power out of the JS, as they could turn up the output as high as it could go, and then absorb it. Unfortunately, they don't know how to do this. (Yet, anyway). That said, with a viable alternative for filling up pages without harming anyone, (and a rather traumatic introduction to the world of magic) Hayate wouldn't object nearly as strongly to filling up the Book. She is also going to be looking forward to learning how to fly. For more focus on Hayate's viewpoint, how would you suggest I go about doing it? I'd really like to, but I've got her frozen in shock for a good bit of the scene, and this is all happening really fast, in around twenty to thirty seconds. Maybe if I reword some of the descriptions so it's clearer that they are supposed to be coming from Hayate? ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - Black Aeronaut - 04-17-2011 Hrm... That may sort itself out. Signum will not waste any time whatsoever in driving Fate off... and Fate is smart enough to know when she is completely out-classed. Or at least Arf would be. After they beat a hasty retreat, that would be when Hayate is shaken from her reverie by a concerned-yet-stoic Signum... who simply does not know how to react once Hayate starts bawling on her shoulder. As for Hayate's thought process... I would think that it would be a mix of Why are they fighting? and Make it stop! set to infinite loop. At least until Signum shakes her out of it. - robkelk - 04-17-2011 blackaeronaut Wrote:Hrm... That may sort itself out. Signum will not waste any time whatsoever in driving Fate off... and Fate is smart enough to know when she is completely out-classed. Or at least Arf would be.Fate is smart enough to know that she should retreat... but she's also smart enough to know how Precia will react if she runs. Which one wins out? -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Epsilon - 04-17-2011 robkelk Wrote:She didn't kill herself trying to defeat Nanoha, so she'll probably retreat.blackaeronaut Wrote:Hrm... That may sort itself out. Signum will not waste any time whatsoever in driving Fate off... and Fate is smart enough to know when she is completely out-classed. Or at least Arf would be. Once. ------------- Epsilon - Jorlem - 04-17-2011 Smart people. Yeah, a quick retreat is about how I see the battle going. Fate I see as being at around the same level of skill now as in the beginning of A's, just with less experience fighting real people. (Would Fate have been able to train during the timeskip? She was on trial, after all. So she might be able to put up a fight, before retreating via teleport spam.), and was taken completely by surprise. Signum doesn't have any cartridges, but she isn't constrained by any oath to avoid killing at the moment either. So, yeah. Fate's not going to win this fight. A's for Precia, she's not going to be happy when she finds out, until Fate describes the book that she saw. Once she looks at Bardiche's scan report, and realizes what it is, she will be quite excited. Precia believes that the Book of Darkness is a Lost Logia originating from Al-Hazard. On the subject of the snippet, was it clear enough that it was the Jewel Seed was what was returning those error messages? ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - robkelk - 04-17-2011 Jorlem Wrote:On the subject of the snippet, was it clear enough that it was the Jewel Seed was what was returning those error messages?I thought it was the Tome of the Night Sky talking to itself, actually... -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 - Jorlem - 04-17-2011 robkelk Wrote:The blue text is supposed to be the Jewel Seed, acting to grant Hayate's wish for someone to help her by blocking the Defense Program's initial, unhelpful responses. I want it to be clear enough to the reader, but I also want it to seem natural enough that the Defense Program accepts the error messages as coming from itself. Any suggestions on how I could improve that?Jorlem Wrote:On the subject of the snippet, was it clear enough that it was the Jewel Seed was what was returning those error messages?I thought it was the Tome of the Night Sky talking to itself, actually... Maybe if all the magical text was color coded, the disparity would br more obvious to the reader? But then I'd have a ton of rainbow text... ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - paladindythe - 04-17-2011 Jorlem Wrote:I think you'll need some narration there to guide the readers. I certainly missed it.robkelk Wrote:The blue text is supposed to be the Jewel Seed, acting to grant Hayate's wish for someone to help her by blocking the Defense Program's initial, unhelpful responses. I want it to be clear enough to the reader, but I also want it to seem natural enough that the Defense Program accepts the error messages as coming from itself. Any suggestions on how I could improve that?Jorlem Wrote:On the subject of the snippet, was it clear enough that it was the Jewel Seed was what was returning those error messages?I thought it was the Tome of the Night Sky talking to itself, actually... - Jorlem - 04-18-2011 paladindythe Wrote:Yeah, I think you're right. I'll think about how I want to word it for the next few days, then type it up once I have access to a word processor. (I'm typing this on an iPod, which isn't the best for long posts, or saving things. I've lost a number of posts when I've gone to double check things on other websites, which always bugs me, but that's not important now.)Jorlem Wrote:I think you'll need some narration there to guide the readers. I certainly missed it.robkelk Wrote:I thought it was the Tome of the Night Sky talking to itself, actually...The blue text is supposed to be the Jewel Seed, acting to grant Hayate's wish for someone to help her by blocking the Defense Program's initial, unhelpful responses. I want it to be clear enough to the reader, but I also want it to seem natural enough that the Defense Program accepts the error messages as coming from itself. Any suggestions on how I could improve that? ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. - paladindythe - 04-18-2011 I guess what I was getting at with looking at things from Hayate's pov was that the scene is a bit confusing right after she cries for help. |