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+--- Thread: Well, *that's* a relief. (/showthread.php?tid=9770)
Well, *that's* a relief. - Bob Schroeck - 05-20-2009
Vatican declares "the internet is blessed".
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Blessed be - Rev Dark - 05-20-2009
Of course it is, it is for porn.
The Internet is for Porn,
The internet is for Porn,
Even Benny grips his papal horn,
For Porn, Porn, Porn
- Bluemage - 05-20-2009
Blessings are, with all things, in what you do with them. If the Internet was blessed, it'd be because it was a benefit to humanity.
So the Vatican is only what, ten years late on this one?
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
Well there is a saint for the internet - Rev Dark - 05-21-2009
This is pretty blue, so you have been warned. The Vatican it not really that late to step up to the internet plate (or the internet collection plate.)
Set you wayback machine to 1999, when I wrote this.
Good Morning,
Okay all you keyboard junkies, wireheads and assorted data surfers listen to the
word! His pointy-hattedness, pope jp the sequel is at it again. Those with an
interest in such things, have noted that the man from the vatican, big daddy church, his infalliableness is one of the most prolific saint-makers in the
history of catholicism. At this point, if you can do a clever trick with coins or cards you are up for beatification,
canonization, and revered status. You also have to cry whenever someone touches themselves, but that's the lot of a
saint. With JP deux at the reins, saints have been springing up like erections at a Russ Meyer film. If there is an aspect of human life that is unassigned, JP is there to hang a saint on it.
There is a mandatory waiting period on guns, but the one on saints has been struck down, no thirty days to think it over and check for mental
illness. Three hail Mary's a splash from the cistern and you are holier than trout.
If this canonization pace keeps increasing, we are going to be in danger of drive by saintings, where an indiscriminate pope is going to hose down the
crowd in an effort to get at his target.
So what about us, here in the warm womb of the Cult of Father
Darwin. Who looks after us? Whose medal hangs from our fob chains? To whom do we pray when something goes wrong. Observation of other information technology
users seems to point to a being named "Fuck." I don't know how many times that I have heard "Fuck!
The damn thing isn't working." Such prayers are also indirectly addressed as the priests of this god are
included - "Microsoft has Fucked us again." Noting that this evil, uncanonized and suspiciously pagan god is
running amok on the internet (russmeyer.com? Fuck! would you look at those hooters!), his pointy hattedness is trying to get his own bully boy into the
market.
Enter Saint Isodore. Yes, this Spanish
Holy man (560-633AD), writer of an encyclopedia called Etymologies has been given the metaphysical tap as the patron saint of the internet. You have no more need of that pagan Fuck! We have given you a JC approved watchdog for the
net.
A church insider said: "When e-mails go astray or their computer crashes or
their browser freezes, they can say a prayer to Saint Isodore to put things right."
Wow! If that isn't a tried and true
RC statement, I don't know what is. No need to learn about technology. No
need to be pro-active in your technology needs. Just pray to Saint Isodore and all is taken care of for
you. Please oh Saint, tell us what web sites that we may visit! Please oh
Saint, stop crying, we won't download porn any longer! Oh gentle Saint Isodore, my provider hosts things naughty in
your sight, please smite him with boils upon his face and coffee upon his keyboard! Oh Isodore, beloved patron, can you
drive the unsightly from the web so that your beloved bandwidth is open for us to download good, pious material. It
isn't spam, it is a message from our lord!
Personally, I think we would all be better served to call upon the previous,
pagan deity of Information technology. Saint Isodore can get Fucked!
Best Wishes,
The (getting some virtual exorcise) Reverend Shayne Dark