When Teaching Goes Wrong

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

So I was musing on the recurring theme of Doug-as-teacher, and got to thinking about the dark side: where to drop the poor guy such that said role would be... difficult.
Just for starters, what about The Drifting Classroom, in which a populous elementary school is mysteriously marooned in the devastated ruins of distant-future Earth with less than one day's supply of food?
Or on a lighter note, Cromartie High, most of the cast of which sees absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about the student body including a gorilla, a robot, and Freddie Mercury?
Finally... South Park Elementary.
I know this has been briefly discussed elsewhere, but lately I've been wondering how the Loon would react to one particular student... Eric Cartman.
Forget Professor Chaos. Cartman IS a supervillain, a ten-year-old monster, a strategic and tactical genius who will go to extreme and horrific lengths to achieve incredibly stupid or utterly inane goals. What does Doug do when he discovers that one of his students led a neo-Nazi march? That he came within inches of reversing the outcome of the Civil War to win a bet? That he had another boy's parents killed, cooked them into chili, and had their son EAT them?
What... do you... do?

--Sam
"Oo -- evil thought!"

[Bob Schroeck]

I would Not Go There.
Emphatically.
(But some might say that was ducking the question.)
(They'd be right.)
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

Well all righty then. ^.^
One more for the road though, the one that actually inspired this (and which I forgot to include in the original post): Battle Royale.
See, the first thing that novel made me think of was "So this is what Doug's Japan is like!" It's an alternate present in which Japan never provoked the US, and although Germany and Italy still got smacked down, the Home Islands are still a militaristic nightmare.
Of course, having Doug as the homeroom teacher would completely derail the plot right from the start... I'm sure he'd object to the army transporting his class to a remote region and forcing them to kill each other...
--Sam
"SPOON!"

[Morganite]

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Of course, having Doug as the homeroom teacher would completely derail the plot right from the start... I'm sure he'd object to the army transporting his class to a remote region and forcing them to kill each other...

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I would pay good money to see this. >.>
(Though Battle Royale does present an interesting tactical problem in hostage rescue. It's a bit more difficult when you have to stop the hostages from killing each other...)
-Morgan, not really like a cute rabid wolverine. '.'"I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, or espers here, come sleep with me."
---From "The Ecchi of Haruhi Suzumiya"
-----(Not really)

[Jinx999]

I've been vaguely hoping for someone to start a Battle Royale thread on the Anime Addventure. I wanted to have the Diet building stormed by an army of overpowered teenagers and the government overthrown for trying that.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to stomach a Battle Royale story that does not involve those responsible dying horribly.

[mephron]

The problem with Battle Royale is that you need to find a way to disable the detonators for any change to the dystopia to work.
Frankly, that's the kind of world that, if I manage to get my own set of dimension-travel stories out of my head (for my mad gadgeteer, Dr. Eiko Takashima), she'd look at, shake her head sadly, call in the SURTUR, and leave.Brazil has decided you're cute.Brazil has decided you're cute.

[Black Aeronaut]

YIKES... Is it really that bad?

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

Simplest way might be to capture the monitoring station and remotely disarm 'em all.
Of course, in some universes, the military would have a problem getting the collars on in the first place.
--Sam
"You'll never prove a thing copper, I'm just a part time electrician. I... I... I... BAD IS GOOD, BABY! DOWN WITH GOVERNMENT!"

[mephron]

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YIKES... Is it really that bad?

---

It's a world where someone decided that, in order to keep kids from becoming delinquents, once a year an entire high school class would be put on an island, each given a survival pack with something weapon-like (anything from a rifle to a frying pan), fitted with explosive collars that blow out the carotid, with a map that changes safe and immediate-death locations, and then have three days for only one to be left alive. If there's more than one at the three day mark, they all die. If that's the education system, the rest of it must be insane and the planet best dealt with by a weapon that ignites the atmosphere.
(Dr. Takashima is, occationally, very vicious and ruthless.)Brazil has decided you're cute.Brazil has decided you're cute.

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

More than one high school class a year, as I remember the original novel.
But it's only Japan that's quite that fucked up, so far as we know. And the primary purpose seems to be to keep the population as a whole terrorized and paranoid, unable to unite against the military government.
Sorry, but anyone who'd use your recommended course of action in that situation ranks way higher on my needs-to-be-murdered-NOW list than even whichever general came up with the BR system.

---

(Dr. Takashima is, occationally, very vicious and ruthless.)

---

Based solely on your example, I would have to add lazy, stupid, and evil. Sorry, but there it is.
--Sam
"This could happen to you, baby. This could happen TO ANYBODY!"

[Morganite]

That suggests the question of why hasn't the rest of the world gotten involved. '.'
Now, dealing with the collars... I'd be inclined to assume that if anyone stormed the monitoring room, they'd set them all off out of spite. But I'm not sure what would work based on my limited knowledge of the series. EMP might have some possibilities though, or various forms of jamming. If you've got the tech for it, there's always putting the collar on one side of a contoured force field, the person on the other, and detonating it there.
And of course, as was noted before, beating the heck out of the person trying to put the thing on you in the first place is also effective.
-Morgan.
"No trespassing. Violators will be proselytized."

[Jinx999]

Based on the movie, the collars don't actually contain that much explosive and aren't that tight. Jamming some curved metal plate of only moderate thickness underneath, with some padding (A filed down piece of frying pan and a torn up shirt should work), should protect you.

[Black Aeronaut]

Hmm. My solution would be eloquently simple. After making sure that all radio frequencies are jammed, Rhodes would get all the kids together (tricky since half of them are out to kill the other half), get rid of the damn colars (a simple enough matter with a good field-kit and an AI to help), make sure that they know that they don't have to kill each other, and then get in touch with Captain Keyes...
"Captain, this is CPO Rhodes."
"Rhodes, what's going on down there?"
"It's worse than we could have immagined, Cap'n. I'm requesting ODST and Spartan back-up, along with kit and supply for (x-amount) of infantrymen."
"What do you have in mind?"
"We got a new army to train sir, and they're all young, green, and they've all got a bone to pick with their government. We can call it Project WOLVERINE if you like."
Yep, that's right. Take those High Schoolers, train 'em in guerilla warfare, and then turn them loose on their unsuspecting government. For best results find all the high school classes before they turn each other into bloody pulps.
Yes, it would be meddling, but how could you not meddle in an affair like this? Hell, if the story ever went public aboard the Event Horizon and her sister ships, the consensus would probably be something along the lines of, "Serves them right!"

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

[robkelk]

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After making sure that all radio frequencies are jammed,

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...and double-checking that suddenly cutting off the base's transmissions doesn't "failsafe" all the collars into exploding...

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Yes, it would be meddling, but how could you not meddle in an affair like this?

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If we're talking about a Step/Stagger, then this isn't a problem. Doug likes meddling...

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

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...and double-checking that suddenly cutting off the base's transmissions doesn't "failsafe" all the collars into exploding...

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Ah, but of course. ^_^

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If we're talking about a Step/Stagger, then this isn't a problem. Doug likes meddling...

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Are we talking about a collaboration here? *Grins*

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

[mephron]

I haven't read the novel. The parts of the movie I've seen, and the other information I've cared to dig up (very, very little - that kind of movie is the sort of thing I avoid watching) indicates most of the world is in about the same shape.Brazil has decided you're cute.Brazil has decided you're cute.

[Bob Schroeck]

I know nothing about Battle Royale that I haven't seen here, so it's definitely not a Step. But you're welcome to Stagger all over the concept if you want, in any combination of authors you can arrange.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[robkelk]

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Are we talking about a collaboration here? *Grins*

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Not with me ... at least, not until that mythical 36-hour day comes into existance and I have time to finish BSBW first.
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

Amen brother.

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

[Kokuten]

You folks, while generally one of the more intelligent bunches of people on the internet, have completely missed what is possibly the worst educational experience/environment _possible_ for Doug to be involved in.

Battle School.
'cause the bitch of it and the devil in the details here is, that.. well, it's neccesary.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Foxboy]

Not a bad place, per se, but....
Battle Athletess
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

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Battle School.
'cause the bitch of it and the devil in the details here is, that.. well, it's neccesary.

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In the event, it turned out not to have been necessary at all...
--Sam
"The enemy's gate is over there somewhere."

[robkelk]

Going off on a tangent (yes, I have been re-watching Azumanga Daioh, and yes, I do like Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga, and wouldn't that be a heck of a school to send Doug to, too?)...
Doug pops into a late-1980s-era Japan, in a small town near Hiroshima. He gets a job teaching English at the local junior-high school... and discovers that one of his students is a cute, shy, likeable, unsure-of-herself girl named Yurie, who was a normal human just a couple of days ago... How does Doug react to having to teach a god? (The story is Kamichu!, on the off-chance that someone doesn't recognize it.)

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Bob Schroeck]

Wait until DW5 is finished before trying to answer that question, please.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...