[IC][WIP][Arc 1] How I Managed to Quit Worrying and Love The Grief Seed

[Black Aeronaut]

Okay, edited out the bit where Washu thinks someone might be manipulating them.  She still thinks they're acting out of character, though, but before she could dwell more on that, she has to set that thought aside.

Here's the relevant bit with the edit.

"You know, you could probably use an assistant.  I can’t keep doing this all the time.”

Ben mulled that over for a second before answering.  "I suppose you’re right.  But who would I have as an assistant?  Not Kaname.  Teletha is right out.”

Washu nearly winced at that.  Teletha was right out for a lot of things that had her directly interacting with Benjamin - nearly two months since The Incident and he was still upset with her.  But more than that, Washu had been ashamed of herself.

As were the others.

Benjamin’s scathing indictment that they stood by and did nothing to help him was an uncomfortable truth.  The reasons varied, for certain.  But the point was that he was absolutely right.  Even as Benjamin grew more and more visibly agitated and stressed.  He had been dropping all kinds of hints, and was yet still ignored.

Washu had no idea why they had let it get that far.  It was not like them.  Or at least, not like her.  Or Noike, for that matter.  She would have put a quick end to the situation, but for reasons beyond the woman’s reckoning, she never saw the need for it.

And now there had been this situation with Nanoha and the Goblin King.

In the meantime, Ben continued, unaware of Washu’s musings.

"Noike has the skills, but that’d be a gross misuse of her talents.  And she’s already spending a lot of time with Teletha working out scenarios.  Tenchi has neither the skill nor experience.”

"You may be approaching this the wrong way,” said Washu, setting aside her previous train of thought. "An artificial assistant would probably suffice.”

How does that look?

[robkelk]

That fixes the timey-wimey issue. Much better...

[Inquisitive Raven]

“So first thing’s first,” said Ben.  “How are the girls?”

Remove the apostrophe.

“They’re right as rain,” proclaimed Washu.  “Last night’s sleep over was a big success.”

"Sleepover" is one word.

“The day after tomorrow.  She’s got got a test tomorrow that she needed to cram for.”

“Got it,” said Ben with a nod of his head.  “So, dealing with the Wolkenritter.  I had an idea about that last night, but I want to get your guys thoughts on the matter.”

Okay, I think "your" should probably be "you" and "guys" definitely needs an apostrophe after the "s" because it's a plural possessive.

“…You can’t be joking,” said Marller.  “You’re gonna get the Goblin King involved?”

This should probably be "You can't be serious" or "You must be joking" unless Marller has a history of confusing expressions like that.

“So you would wish away Fate and Alicia?” said Noike.  “Clever.  It would certainly distract the Wolkenritter.  But would it be effective in keeping the the Testarossa girls from harm?”

While part of her doubted the veracity of what Ben was saying, a lot of things she once considered impossible had become not only become probable, but even common place as of late. 

"Commonplace" is one word.

Fate and Alicia looked to each other, and almost at once they both nodded.

Comma after "once."

And just like that, he strode out of the kitchen like as though he was always in there.

I have the feeling that "like as though" may be regional dialect, but it's not, strictly speaking, grammatically correct. Since narrative is more formal than dialogue, that means you can use "like" or "as though" but you shouldn't put them together here.

we strongly believe that it’s delusional mind thinks that Fate and Alicia here are keeping its mother away from her. 

Remove the highlighted apostrophe.

Now, did I not see a full length mirror here-

"Full-Length" should be hyphenated.

“Oh Jareth!” she exclaimed happily.  “It’s so good to see you again!  How is your kingdom fairing?”

Remove the "i" from "fairing."

Ben took in a deep breathe and let it out slowly, recentering himself.

"Breathe" is a verb. The noun form doesn't have an "e" at the end.

Jareth actually made a startled look at that. 

That's awkwardly phrased.  I think "Jareth actually looked startled at that" flows better.

Dear Benjamin’s lot in life will henceforth be fraught adversity.

That should be "fraught with adversity."

It’s almost like as though this was a trap![/quote]

Unlike last time, this time the phrase "like as though" is dialogue. The question here is, is it in character? I could see this going two ways. One, Belldandy is using her host's dialect to set him at ease, in which case no change is necessary. Two, she's being formal, in which case you should drop "like." I read "as though" as being slightly more formal than "like" which is I'm suggesting that specific edit.

And with Keiichi so near by,

"Nearby" is one word.

There wasn’t a single dissenting voice in in the group as they broke up and exited the apartment. 

Hayate needed a bit of extra help, her being confined to a wheel chair, but no one even dreamed of leaving her out.

"Wheelchair" is one word. Also, you can drop the first occurrence of "her."

left her feeling his turmoil almost like as though it were her own.

This is narrative, so you need to drop either "like" or "as though."

Now that was an eye opener!

Add a hyphen to "eye opener."

Polyandry is common where Sasami is from because there’s always more women than men there. 

"Polyandry" is multiple men to one woman. The term you want here is "polygyny" which is multiple women to one man, or "polygamy" which is gender-neutral. BTW, tripping over this is what prompted me to proofread this chapter.

My ability let’s me…

Remove the apostrophe.

they sprung on Benjamin once came really close

"Sprung" should be "sprang." "Sprung" is the past participle where "sprang" is the past tense. Of course, plenty of people would use "sprung" here, but this is a case of what's acceptable in dialogue isn't acceptable in narrative.

[Black Aeronaut]

Thanks much, IR. I got it all fixed up now per your suggestions.

[Black Aeronaut]

Okay, so rather than just wait until I had a whole chapter to throw up here, let's try doing this in bits and pieces.  That way if there's something that necessitates a total rewrite, it's not gonna be as painful.

---

== Chapter 6: Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200 ==
=== January 8, 2017, 10:00 pm CST ===

''Between:''<br />
''SAWS Medio Creek Water Treatment Facility''<br />
''US Highway 90''

It was cold and clear that night. During these warmer winters, they were prone to cold snaps that usually came once the sun went down, and this was one of them.

It actually was nice out, technically speaking. The sky was fair and the moon was waxing gibbous; nearly three-quarters full and shining brightly.

But there was a stiff breeze coming out of the north-northeast. And with the temperature already at freezing and the mercury continuing to drop faster than a lead balloon, the wind had a bite to it that clawed through a person’s clothing and mercilessly stripped away body heat.

Ben both loved and hated nights like this. Cold snaps like this seemed to bring a certain tranquility to the land, as every wild creature and even most humans had bundled themselves up and hidden themselves away from the cold. Ben liked to come out during nights like this, but he could only stand the cold for a few minutes at a time. At least, not without being bundled up.

But this time was different.

The HEV Suit he wore was, of course, modeled after the one used by Gordon Freeman in the Half-Life games. But while it had all of the MkV suit’s features, such as electrical reactive armor and environmental protection, there were also some marked differences.

For one, there was the color. The parts of Freeman’s suit that had been an eye-catching orange was a dull matte black on this armor. There was also additional armor plating on the vambrace of his right arm.

Another big difference was one not easily noticed: the power source. That being Benjamin himself.

It required an implant - a pair of ports in the middle of his back, one on either side of his spine. These tapped directly into his nervous system to draw power from his matter-antimatter reactor. They also provided direct sensory input from the suit. In addition to the information provided by the heads up display, he had tactile feedback from the suit itself. And the connection worked both ways - Ben could command its functions with just a whim, like moving one of his own limbs.

He had been assured by Washu that they would pose no imposition on his daily life, as when not in use they would retract and protective coverings, indistinguishable from his skin, would close over them.

This meant that unlike the suit in the games, Benjamin did not need to find charging stations to power up the suit’s energy intensive features.

As he stood outside in the wide-open field, he certainly felt the cold wind’s bite in his face. But unlike other times, this actually had a pleasant feel to it. The suit kept the rest of his body comfortably warm, though it had a bit of trouble keeping up with the additional heat output from his reactor organ as it worked to power the suit. Normally, Benjamin would radiate this heat from his skin, using his circulatory system to help carry it from the core of his reactor to his outer extremities.

Washu said she’d have to tweak it a bit, but for now, this meant that only Ben’s head was available for heat dispersion. And with that kind of heat going up against that kind of cold, everything evened out nicely.

In his hands he held a weapon.

It was a somewhat crude thing, made from the mangled remains of his Leader A1 .50 caliber bullpup rifle. But rather than a rifle, it was now a war hammer with a heavy, articulated slide-mechanism in the hammer head, along with a magazine box protruding from the underside and running flush against the shaft.

The hammer head carried a live .50 BMG round inside of it. And upon impact, the firing pin would strike the primer, setting off the charge in the casing. But rather than let the round fly free, the hammer head kept it cradled as the explosive force drove it against whatever it had struck. Once the slide mechanism was fully extended, both the round and the casing would be ejected and a new round stripped from the magazine.

Of course, one would wonder why bother with having actual rounds in the first place. But that was were you would get to the really interesting part.

The war hammer can transform from a hammer into its original bullpup rifle configuration, giving Benjamin a ranged attack that did not rely on him bathing the area in gamma rays.

In all reality, Benjamin held in his hands a prototype for an entirely new class of Intelligent Device - one made specifically for what Admiral Harlaown called an Anti-Mage. A person with an ability that was so exceedingly rare that the TSAB didn’t even have functional plans for such a device. This one, though, was made by Washu and with the assistance of Raising Heart and Bardiche. Granted, the two devices could only share how they were constructed and not provide any real guidance in making a wholly unique device, but Washu assured the two that it was more than enough for her to get started.

And by Washu’s standards, this was indeed a very crude first effort - one pushed forward by a time crunch to provide Benjamin with the tools he was going to need to lead from the front.

Because with his new powerset, there was absolutely no other way he could lead. He was now far too much of a strategic asset - capable of ending a conflict in an instant if needs be, and a realistic metaphor for the term “Nuclear Option”. Something to be held in reserve, yes. But never so far away from the front that he couldn’t jump in at a moment’s notice.

At his sides stood three girls and a woman.

Nanoha Takamachi, Fate Testarossa, Alicia Testarossa, and Arf.

“This is your last chance,” said Benjamin, just loud enough for them to hear him over the wind. “Are you really okay with this?”

“Yes,” said Fate. “It’s the only way to draw out the Wolkenritter and reveal the entrance to the Witch’s Labyrinth.”

“Alright then. Nanoha, do you really want to stay here with me?”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” said Nanoha quietly. “Not after what happened last time. You’re too important to me. Besides… with the Goblin King’s help, Fate and Alicia will be fine.”

“Okay. Then I guess it’s time to get started. Sandhog, Polecat, ready to commence operation.”

“Polecat, Sandhog, copy that. White Devil and Black Devil may proceed at their discretion.”

Nanoha looked a bit chagrined at that while Fate gave her an amused smile.

“Once more, it seems you will need to show the Wolkenritter how much of a devil you can be.”

“I can’t believe I said that,” groaned Nanoha.

“At least the ‘Befriending’ meme wasn’t exactly because of something you said,” said Ben, gently teasing the girl with a soft nudge of his elbow.

Nanoha only groaned even louder.

Ben smiled down at the girl and took her hand in his, surprising her just enough to look up at him. It was a rare thing for Benjamin to initiate any sort of physical contact with the girls.

“Just remember,” he told her, “No matter what other names you may earn, you will always be Nanoha to me.”

Nanoha smiled up at Benjamin. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I love you and care about you more than you can imagine.”

Normally, Nanoha would have made some gesture of affection at that, but instead, her face clouded over.

“Benjamin… I don’t like saying selfish things… but if you do love me, then please promise me you’ll be careful.”

Benjamin’s own smile fled from his face.

“I don’t make promises,” he said, bluntly, but not unkindly. “Not if there is any doubt if I could keep that promise. That was something my father had taught me the hard way.”

Nanoha gave Ben a stricken look, but he continued, turning his gaze to the place that was about to become their field of battle.

“Never promise anything. Even to the people you love. Because they’re the ones who’ll be hurt the most if you break your promise. Things go wrong, Nanoha. The unexpected happens. And when it does, you’re left holding the bag as all eyes turn towards you. Don’t ever make a promise unless you’re willing to bet your life on it.”

“Please don’t say that,” said Nanoha fervently. “Your life is not something to be spent like that. Otherwise… is your life really that meaningless? With Fate? With Alicia? Even with me?”

“…No, it’s not meaningless at all. And I’m sorry if I ever gave you that impression. It’s just… if I am going to keep you in my life, then I must be careful about how we do things. Please believe me: pushing you away is the last thing I want to do. But sometimes I need to make it seem that way for the sake of our future.”

“And the fight between you and Vita?”

“I never intended it to go the way it did, Nanoha. I was being as careful as I possibly could, but she went wild back there, tearing the entire mall apart to find me.”

“So… you were never planning on fighting her directly?”

“No. I never had. All I wanted to do was distract one of them long enough to make sure that you were safe. I was actually afraid of getting hurt… but I love you so much… even if you can take one of them on by yourself, things weren’t in our favor. Would you have done it any other way had our roles been reversed?”

“…I guess we’re alike that way. Is this what they mean when someone says ‘You two deserve each other’?”

“Hah. Yes, pretty much. You and I… we can both be so stubborn. And really… I understand. It’s hard for me sometimes to resist that, but I try to.

“I know I said before that I won’t make any promises. Though I will promise that I am going to be stubborn about that. That said, though, I can tell you a truth instead.”

“What is that?”

“The life I have lived, Nanoha… it would have driven lesser people to their end. And it’s only because I am so infuriatingly stubborn that I’ve been able to survive. They haven’t found a way to kill me yet, Nanoha. And not for lack of trying, either!”

Nanoha stared at Benjamin, her face in shock at what he had said, because she knew who the metaphorical “they” was in this case.

And it was definitely not the Wolkenritter. But there was no time to dwell on that, as Alicia reminded them.

“Hey, Big Sis? Are mommy and daddy done fighting now?”

“WHAT!?” cried out Fate in surprise.

“HEEE-EEEEHHHH!?” said Nanoha.

And Benjamin and Arf simply shattered, nearly losing their balance as they practically doubled over from laughing and clutching their sides.

“Gahddammit Aliciiiaaaaaa!” cried out Ben between gales of laughter.

“Heeeeee~,” said Alicia, as she grinned with absolute mischief sparkling in her ruby eyes.

Fate simply sighed, but with a small smile on her face. While Alicia could be a bit trying with her antics, she was still grateful to have her.

Some might think that things would be awkward between the two. After all, Fate was technically the younger of the two. But Alicia didn’t mind one bit. To her, Fate was like a lost sister that had finally found her way back home. And for Fate, Alicia was a vestige of her past she thought she had lost forever.

But the past was not something they really dwelled on. Indeed, it was too painful yet for Fate. So instead, they looked together towards the future.

A future with Nanoha and Benjamin.

And if that future had even a little bit of Benjamin laughing and smiling like this? Fate would take all the slings and arrows her little sister would dish out.

Besides, Fate had to admit to herself that what Alicia did just then was utterly hilarious. In fact, as she looked to Nanoha, who looked to Fate with a bewildered look in her eyes, it was more than the girl could take.

“You too, Feito-chan!?” cried Nanoha as Fate turned away, hiding her face as she tried so very hard not to laugh, and only mostly succeeded.

“Guys?” came Noike’s voice through their devices. “While I can appreciate a joke as much as the next woman, we do have a mission to accomplish.”

Benjamin, Arf, and Fate all managed to slowly pull themselves back together again.

“Oh lardy,” gasped Ben as he staved off the giggles. “Talk about breaking the tension.” He then looked to Alicia and said, “Okay, short stack. You get that one for free, but no more. We really do have work to do here.”

Fate nodded her head in agreement. “Benjamin is right. Please don’t cause any more distractions like that.” She then turned to Nanoha. “Nanoha. We need to get started.”

For her part, Nanoha didn’t make anymore fuss about what had just happened. She simply closed her eyes and breathed, just like her father had taught her once in the dojo.

“Right,” said Nanoha once she felt centered again. “Ready whenever you are, Fate.”

Fate nodded. “Arf. The barrier, please.”

“You got it.” The red-maned familiar stepped forward and cast her arms out as her magic filled the air, arranging itself into the complex mathematical formulas and equations that described how she wanted to seal off a bit of space and time so nothing untoward would happen in the outside world.

“Polecat, Sandhog: barrier confirmed. That should be enough to get their attention, but remember we’re playing this to the hilt. Continue with the operation.”

“Sandhog, Polecat: Copy that. White Devil and Black Devil are about to raise hell.”

“Fate.” Said Nanoha quietly.

“Mmm,” replied the ruby-eyed girl. “Ready.”

With that, the two girls rose into the air. They were such polar opposites of each other. One was Asian, the other European. One wore white, the other wore black. One had blue eyes, the other had red eyes. One came from a close knit and loving family, the other was raised by a single woman in the grips of insanity.

And yet, as Ben watched their mock battle start, he couldn’t help but marvel at how well they matched each other. It was almost like they could read each other’s minds. Rather than a fight, it was more like a conversation, with its own variations of statements, interjections, arguments, queries, and exclamations.

“Wow,” said Alicia in awe. “Look at them go!”

Ben smiled and hunkered down so he could wrap an arm around the much smaller girl.

“Hmph,” said Alicia. “Not as nice with this armor on.”

“Sorry, cute stuff. Gotta be ready to throw down, ya know?”

“I knoooowwwww,” pouted Alicia. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Ben scoffed in amusement. “Adorable little imp.”

And so the two watched and waited as their two most beloved people in the world joyfully exchanged blows in the cold Winter night.

[robkelk]

Ben's going to end up breaking Nanoha's heart, if he can't make a promise to her... but given the circumstances, what else could he say?

[Black Aeronaut]

He won't make a promise lightly, at any rate.  Though Nanoha probably didn't catch that because of my character placing too much emphasis on never making promises ever, so it'll be something they revisit later on.

A potentially interesting aspect of their relationship is that they will become confrontational with each other at times, but not so that one of them can prove themselves right... but instead to seek a better understanding of each other.  "You two deserve each other" indeed.

On another note entirely, I realized now that I completely borked the dates for Volume 2.  While I did intend at first to set it in early December, setting it in the first week of January is better because the weather conditions on the night of January 7th 2017 matches the description in the above scene.  It should pose no interference with the Ice Skating trip.

This will be the last thing I fix for the time being before putting my nose to the grindstone for other things.