Just had an idea...

[Bob Schroeck]

We have so many Crossovers That Must Not Be.  What do people think of collecting up the "Best of" each of the threads and posting them on AO3 or TTH?

[robkelk]

It would cut down on the duplicates we all make...

[Bob Schroeck]

There is that, but that's a bonus side effect.

[Bob Schroeck]

Okay, so the original CTMNB thread seems to have vanished long ago -- as in circa 2006 -- I started with the second thread. Here are my choices for its "Best of". As always, this is colored by my own biases and preferences, so if anyone wants to add other items, I will have no problems with that.

---

Best of "Crossovers That Should Not Be, Take 2"

Invader Lum
(Evil Midnight Lurker)

Tuxedo Koumori: I don't think those jewels belong to you, Sailor Mooncat.
Selena (in a purple leather seifuku, running a finger around the rose in his lapel): I do have to check if they're the Ginzouishou after all, detective.
(classicdrogn)

The story of a psychotic, demonic blooded, berserker that is forced to bend to the will of a ghost and learn its craft... or it will become too sick to move if it tries to kill anyone...
Orochi No Go
(Necratoid)

Kimagure Orange Road Warrior.
Psychic teens battle for control of the post-apocalyptic wastelands while trying to resolve romantic entanglements! Move over, Kenshiro...
(Evil Midnight Lurker)

Touched By An Anvil
(me)

Casper, the Friendly Ghost in the Shell
(Herr Bad Moon)

Battlestar Galactus
"... leads a rag-tag fugitive fleet in a lonely quest, for a shining planet - known as lunch."
(Rob Kelk)

The Government in Britain has gone horribly, horribly wrong. The core of moralizing self-abnegation and restrictions had always been there, ever since the Wars, but it was the Disease, and the terrorist attacks that released it on an unsuspecting populace that really rocketed the Norselight party into power. Elected on a semifascist platform, they moved quickly to true fascism. They consolidated power, first in the organs of government, then in the media, then in eliminating their rivals, then in dismantling the organs of democracy. They instituted a curfew, and the police forces ran rampant after hours. News was replaced by propaganda, and everyone was left under watchful eyes. They seem near-unstoppable, save for one man. One man is brave enough to oppose them - one man, donning the facemask and dramatic black cloak that stand as stark symbols of an earlier rebellion against the government and the status quo - that remind us all that revolt is not only possible, but necessary. One man who still dares to wield the Powers of the Dark, oppose the might of the Aurors, and defy the corruption that has seized the soul of Wizarding Britain.
V for Voldemort.
Remember remember the fifth of November,
Unspeakables, treason and plot?
Well, theres one more reason Unspeakable treason
Should never be forgot.
(Sirrocco)

Classic Saturday Night Live and Zero Wing:
All your baseball are been berry, berry good to us. -- Cats Esquela
(me)

"I'm Rei. This is my sister Rei, and this is my other sister Rei."
(Evangelion/Newhart)
(Morganite)

a Sailor Moon/Harry Potter crossover...
(with appropriate "a wizard did it" handwaving)
done at least partially on the basis of what *role* each character fills.
Harry, of course, with the Great Destiny, the Tremendous Power, and the great capacity for friendship, would be Sailor Moon.
"Why am I in a skirt?"
Ron, who does let his emotions get the better of him from time to time, would be Sailor Mars.
"Mate? Why are we in skirts?"
Hermoine's a shoo-in for Mercury
*immediately starts trying to figure out, out loud, why they are in skirts, each possibility presented causing them more and more dismay*.
But that's not all. There are *supporting* characters to consider as well.
McGonagall, the teacher, adviser, and house-mother, fits in neatly as Luna.
"Oh, thank goodness."
Tuxedo Mask - the dashing figure who sets the hearts of the *cough* heroines *cough* aflutter, who stands back that they might fight their own battles, stepping in only when absolutely necessary to deliver a well-aimed blow and a few well-chosen words of encouragement to spur them on to victory? Albus Dumbledore.
"Well, of course."
*Dumbledore shows off his tight-fitting tuxedo*
"Mate...?"
"No, Ron. Don't say it. This isn't real. That's all. It just isn't real."
And, finally, Sailor Pluto - distant, dark, broadly supportive of the protagonist's major goals, but at times brought into oposition. Truly, there could be only one choice.
"Potter, what are you doing in a skirt?"
*Harry lifts his head blearily, and speaks in a voice nearly deadened by successive horrors.*
"Sir? But you're in a skirt, too."
*there is a pause*
"Your powers of perception astound me, Potter - and *that* was my *next* question."
(Sirrocco)

The most loyal minions of the Dark Lord...
The Black Riders that patrol his Kingdom of England...
Chosen by thestrals, granted unique powers by their bond,
They enforce their master's will on muggle and wizard both...
They are...
The Heralds of Voldemort!
(nemonowan)

Heimdall, White-god, of nine mothers, stood watch at the gates of Asgard. Ever-wakeful, ever-watchful, patient as the Yggdrasil.
In the distance came a blurring, came a people to the Bifrost, Still so distant none could see them, marching 'cross the Bifrost bridge.
None could see them, save for Heimdall, he who saw to the worlds-ending. raised to his lips Gjallerhorn. Took a mighty breath to blow.
Still he paused a moment longer, 'fore he summoned forth the war-gods, 'fore he called the slain Einherjar from their revel-slumbers deep.
Eyelids narrowed, vision seeking. Something strange about those coming. Ears could hear no weapons clanking, ears that heard the growing grass.
These were not the host of Giants, Sons of Muspell, gone a-raving. This was not the final battle, marching 'cross the bridge
This indeed was something stranger, men and women, peaceful walking. Holding hands and thoughtful watching, warriors not a one.
At their vanguard, frog and pig strode, seemed the leaders by their actions. Plucked from lips then was Gjallerhorn. Heimdall let them come.
Pig had look of the Valkyrur, Frog had look of manner mild. Frog did quiver 'neath the god-gaze, still drew breath to speak.
"Hi there, I'm Kermit D. Frog, and we're here to make a petition. We want you to change the rules about who gets in heaven."
"Who are you? then thundered Heimdall, "that you would seek change in heaven? Who this host to tell the Aesir we must change our ways."
Shrank then back the little frog, and bristled then with rage his pig-friend. Shrank he back until the sight of allies once more steeled his nerve.
"The lovers, the dreamers and me, but that's not the point." said Kermit. "Making heaven just for warriors is wrong and doesn't work."
"The world's moved on, and warriors aren't as important as they once were. no one tells the Aesir stories, and the dead mostly go to Hel.
"It isn't fair to everyone who's worked hard to make the world better. Gods should be fair and just and true, and right now you're not."
Bristled Heimdall at the statement, but he saw its honest giving. Raised to his brow mighty fingers. Of *those* headaches would this be.
(Sirrocco)

It is a dark and blasphemous tome... Well, all right, it isn't that dark. In fact, it's a pleasant shade of pink (inasmuch as any shade of pink can be described as "pleasant"). But it is blasphemous. Filled with descriptions of Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, But Are Too Damned Cute To Avoid, this text warps its readers in strange and unnatural ways that always involve soft fur, pointed ears, long tails, and a knowledge of Japanese.
It is... the Nekomimicon.
Never open it if you value your sanity, or if you're allergic to cats.
(Rob Kelk)

[classicdrogn]

I have no object too its inclusion per se, but coming at it cold over a decade later, I want that Batman/Sailor Moon thing in the Should Be list...

[robkelk]

Looks like a pretty good list... but I'd add this one to it. Because every list needs a musical interlude.

[robkelk]

I had reason to go into the old threads... and found CTSNB thread 3 while I was at it. So, here's the link to save you a search.

[ECSNorway]

Hmm, well.

A rather unlikely seeming vampire hunter. A reluctant warrior, goofy, loyal, fun loving, and brave. The less combat oriented one, who can get in anywhere, legal or not. The member of a secretive British organisatrion who saves the world with careful training and a whole lotta books. We know the classic Scooby Gang, right?
But these ones all have long red coats. Well, except the librarian, who prefers brown.
Hellsing's Alucard, Vash the Stampede, Carmine Sandiago, and Yomiko Readman... Sunnydale may never recover.

Courtesy of classicdrogn

From Sirocco:

also, just an image - a horde of Narutos, wearing futuristic battle garb, carrying batleths, crying out "today is a good day to die" in ferocious unison.
Klingon Bunshin No Jutsu

And also:

There are two stories. Both of them I think you know.
Both focus around the life of one man, and, at times, of those close to him.
In both, that man is split in two. With each man, one side seems harmless, even comical. The other is a creature to be feared - even its name striking terror and rage into the hearts of its enemies, a being who has sacrificed much on the altar of duty. Both men serve only themselves - only themselves and their own sense of honor and justice. Both men have seen too much of death, and now refuse to kill, regardless of the circumstances.
So, what would be the harm if we just... mixed them around a little?
Hitokiri Batman.

Courtesy CattyNebulart:

Indiana Jones and the Lost Logia

Morganite:

So, I was at a convention with a lot of Bleach merchandise, which had me thinking about Bleach.
Specifically, about Kon, who seems like a nice enough guy who deserves to have something better than a stuffed animal. Of course, the problem is that it really shouldn't be a body anyone *else* is using.
Since a stuffed animal isn't a problem though, other things that aren't ordinary human bodies should work as well...
In fact, I bet he'd probably be able to animate a boomer body...
... And that's where the "This is a *bad* idea" kicked in. '.'
-Morgan, notes that Orihime in a hardsuit is also a bad idea. A very good bad idea.

Me, Myself, and My Neuroses:

You see, Kusajishi Yachiru, bored, is heading off to check out just what's going on with her Captain/Father-Figure, Zaraki "Kenny" Kenpachi. It seems he's having to replace his gigai rather frequently. Unfortunately the last thing she knew about his whereabouts was something about going undercover in a small Colorado mountain town called "South" something...-- p

The British Secret Service's expert mathematicians deduce the possibility of, then open a gate to, Seireitei, and run headfirst into the Arrancar War.
Charles Stross and Tite Kubo collaborate in Bleaching the Laundry.

deadpan29 proposed:

A teenage boy in formfitting combat armor, defending a city and all of humanity, while trying to work through his issues with a cold, calculating, emotionally distant father figure.
His two female teammates, one an extremely extroverted redhead, and the other pale and withdrawn.
A semi-humorous animal sidekick.
A tech expert who feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of humanity.
Teen Titangelion

And the Evil Midnight Lurker (what Lurks at Midnight):

Mutineers' Sailor Moon.
"In the name of Dahak, I will punish you! STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY HYPER MISSILES!"

There were times when Dahak regretted spinning off subordinate AIs as assistants and conversationalists. Now was one of them.
"You can't be serious!" Luna sputtered. "We can't install that... that scatterbrained klutz as..."
"She is a direct female-line descendant of Fleet Senshi Serenity, and the first non-mutineer human to board this vessel in fifty thousand years. And despite her quirks, she is an officer in the local space force. I assure you, Captain Tsukino will be able to carry out her duties with skill, if not with style."
------------
"You can, of course, choose to decline the manalink enhancement procedure. But if you face the mutinous Senshi in your condition, there won't be enough of you left to identify."
------------
"This is your idea of a military outfit?!"
"I believe the mutineers introduced the concept to your Earth navies. How it became a school uniform is beyond me."
-------------
"The mutineers have access only to the magical resources of Earth, and must split those energies among themselves. You will wield my full power. Further, I control access to the starseed core tap crystals emplaced on each other major body in this system during our initial survey. Luna and Artemis will return with you and seek out candidates for manalinking."
-------------
"Fleet Senshi (Engineering) Galaxia and her minions must be stopped, and soon. Three early warning beacons to the galactic east have been destroyed. The Silence is coming."

Elsa Bibat gave us:

"Following in his father's footsteps as a mobile suit pilot, Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. suffered a crash while landing his Hizack on a buffeted carrier near Axis. Diagnosed with night blindness, Harm transferred to the Federation's Judge Advocate General Corps which investigates, defends and prosecutes the law of the stars. There, with fellow JAG lawyer Major Sarah McKenzie, he now fights in and out of the courtroom with the same daring and tenacity that made him a Top Gun in the earthsphere."

And I'll finish with Our Host's

Horton Hears A Dr. Who

[robkelk]

Here are my picks:

It was raining that evening as Haruhi Suzumiya walked home. As usual, nothing of interest had happened all day.
She crouched down to look at a puppy that someone had left in a box by the side of the road. It looked back up at her with it's shiny eyes and barked cutely.
"It's no use giving me that look. I see the same thing from other dogs all the time," Haruhi informed it.
The puppy whined.
Suddenly the tableau was interrupted by a voice shouting, "MOVE!! IT'S A TRAP!"
Haruhi turned and saw a girl wearing the same uniform as she was, holding a baseball bat.
The mysterious girl began viciously beating the puppy with the bat. "This -thud- is a -thud- dangerous -thud- altered space organism. -thud- -thud- -thud-"

---

Narue no Sekai no Yuutsu - The Melancholy of the World of Narue.

As usual, the five of us were gathered in the SOS Brigade clubroom. And as usual, Haruhi was about to launch into some insane scheme. But there was one thing different...
"Hey, Haruhi, why did you make us come here now? It's already after sunset."
I shouldn't be surprised that such a reasonable question was completely ignored.
"Since we haven't had any luck finding aliens, time travellers, or espers, I decided to look into reports of magical items!" Haruhi started pulling things from her bag. The first was a strange octagonal ring. "If someone with a pure heart looks into this, they're supposed to see something. But I didn't see anything, so it's junk." She tossed the ring into a corner.
I'm not surprised by you not seeing anything in it.
The next item was an ornately decorated tube. "This thing was supposed to work the same way, but it's junk too." The tube followed the ring.
Then she pulled out the last object. "But this, this one is really special." It was a small chunk of translucent crystal that had a colorful heart-shaped crystal embedded in it's center.
"The lady at the shop said not to let the light of the full moon shine on this crystal. And since everyone knows that the most interesting things happen when you use magical items in ways you're not supposed to, that's exactly what we're going to do!" Then Haruhi turned and exposed the crystal fully to the moonlight shining in the window.
The crystal began visibly shaking. Before we could do anything, it had shattered, and I had to cover my face with my arm to shield it from a strong wind that had sprung up out of nowhere.
After the wind died down, I didn't see the crystal anywhere. Haruhi, who looked like she was peacefully asleep, was lying on the floor by the window.
Curled up next to her, one arm thrown across her chest, was Haruhi.
Flat on her back on the table, with arms spread wide and her mouth open, was Haruhi.
All in all, there were now seven Haruhis, all quietly napping there in the clubroom.
It was the moment when I saw Yuki Nagato's eyes widen in shock that I realized we were truly doomed.

---

Seven of Haruhi.

She was supposed to attend the prestigious Hogwarts, but was turned down at the last minute.
Forced to wander the streets of Hogsmeade, she fell in with a band of witches who acted as a detective agency.
Daphne Greengrass In The Brilliant Blue

>...and, on that note, a crossover of Revolutionary
>Girl Utena with Pinky and the Brain as the greek chorus.
"What are we going to do tonight, ChuChu?"
"The same thing we do every night, Anthy... Try to Revolutionize the world!"

"What would you do to see her again?"
Nemuro looked on each of the assembled in turn.
"Would you risk your life?"
Miki nodded. "And more."
"Would you give up your dreams?"
"I already have," Saionji countered.
"Would you endanger your immortal soul?"
"I would," Juri stated.
"Would you brave the perilous offramps of World's End?"
"All this and more," Anthy replied, "even if for just one moment with her."
"Then it seems you have no choice," the undead professor mused, "but to revolutionize the world. But you will need a driver who knows those uncharted motorways.
"Fortunately, we have one ready to hand."
With a measured tread, Kiryuu Touga descended the stairs, a wicked grin on his face. "So, who calls shotgun?"
REVOLUTIONARY CARIBBEAN PIRATE QUEEN UTENA: At World's End
--Sam
"Look! An undead Chu-Chu!"
Edited: Put Touga where he should have been. ^.^;

(Scene: Mikuru Asahina approches a tall, elegant elven woman. The woman gives Mikuru an inquisitive look.)
(Mikuru blushes and starts pulling the woman's clothes off.)
Mikuru: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

---

SOS wo Karu Mono Tachi?
-Morgan, possibly with minor style influences from Masamune Shirow's Orion...
"You, as a Nagato-lover, are the least qualified to comment on my preferences."
-Kyon

In every generation, there is a Slayer... But sometimes the Slayer has to go to where the vampires are. What better cover than as part of a touring musical act, preferably a well-known one? They go everywhere! Actual talent is irrelevant (although desired); they just have to look good so that the Slayer will blend in. Or, if not "good", then "cute". And thus was born Buffy Ami Yumi.

When they were still children, they had promised to get into Tokyo U. together, and then marry. But too many failed entrance exams threatened the dream. When Grandmother had offered the job as manager of her hot springs resort, it seemed like a perfect opportunity -- an easy job that left lots of time to study and prep for another try at getting in.
Only Grandma hadn't mentioned that she and Grandpa were going on a round-the-world trip, and were leaving the entire maintenance and upkeep of the resort in her lap. And Grandma certainly hadn't mentioned that she'd turned the resort into a boys' dormitory. Or that her archenemy and best friend Akito Hayama -- the very boy with whom she'd made the promise! -- would be living there with her. Or that the other five boys in the dorm would turn out to be devoted fans...
Sana Kurata didn't realize it at first, but her life had become much more complicated than it usually was.
Miho Obana and Ken Akamatsu present... Love Sana.

[Bob Schroeck]

Ah geeze, now I have to go through and make my own choices...