Dumbest Statements Ever Personally Heard

[DeputyJones]

As someone who has worked part-time in a restaurant (a BBQ place), I have heard some dumb shit in my time. Such classics as:

"Does that bun have bread in it?"

...and...

"That sandwich, is it a sandwich?"

...to someone holding up a line for well over ten minutes staring at the menu while said line starts literally going out the door, all the while ignoring myself and others attempts to help answer any questions or have them sit at a table with a carry-out menu, only to have them finally order three things... none of which are on the menu.

Do anyone in the forums have any winners amongst the losers that they have heard in person and would like to share?

[Black Aeronaut]

Customer calls up a Papa Johns Pizza where I work.

Customer: "What kind of pizza do you have?"
Me, dead-ass: "Ma'am.  That's like calling up Baskin Robbins and asking them what kind of ice cream they have."

And another one...

Customer: "How many cheese pizzas do you have ready right now?"
Me, dead-ass: "Ma'am.  This is Papa Johns.  We do 'Hot and Fresh', not 'Hot and Ready'.  If you want 'Hot and Ready', you need to go to Little Caesars instead."

And yet another one...

Customer (Elder Gen-Xer): "But why can't I use this coupon code?"
Me: "That code can only be used for online orders."
Customer: "But I don't know how to use the internet!"
Me, dead-ass: "... Sir, you grew up in the generation where they said that in the future, we'll do everything with computers.  That day has arrived.  Welcome to the future."

Man, for some reason that store attracted a lot of stupid.

[hazard]

Customer calls up a Papa Johns Pizza where I work.

Customer: "What kind of pizza do you have?"
Me, dead-ass: "Ma'am.  That's like calling up Baskin Robbins and asking them what kind of ice cream they have."

"I'd still like a listing. I mean, I am asking about your menu."


Seriously Black, about the only one that actually hits my 'dumb statement' mark is the coupon code one, and only if that one noted it was only for online orders (which it probably did, in as small a font as the company could get away with).

[Dartz]

I'm really busy, but I'll try take care of it.

[Ebony]

From my girlfriend's sister:

"Penguins don't have blood, you idiot. They're birds!"

"Richard Nixon... didn't he invent the radio?"

"I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed I had bad hair."


A bit of a blonde is our Madeline.

Ebony

[aku]

An endless stream can be found at the Tales From Retail (Reddit).

[Labster]

Customer calls up a Papa Johns Pizza where I work.

Customer: "What kind of pizza do you have?"
Me, dead-ass: "Ma'am.  That's like calling up Baskin Robbins and asking them what kind of ice cream they have."

So, what kind of ice cream do you have?

[classicdrogn]

In a HS science class that was supposed to be talking about genetics but had turned into poorly-informed whining about GMO foods:

"And just think about the poor boneless chickens, who can't even stand up or flap their wings!"

[robkelk]

In a HS science class that was supposed to be talking about genetics but had turned into poorly-informed whining about GMO foods:

"And just think about the poor boneless chickens, who can't even stand up or flap their wings!"

Are you sure that wasn't a reference to the Far Side "boneless chicken ranch" cartoon?

[classicdrogn]

I won't absolutely rule it out, but the tone of the discussion and the general cluelessness of the person involved (the same one who insisted women must have have one more rib than men, because "the bible says God created Eve from one of Adam's ribs" even after it was pointed out that people who lose, say, a finger, don't have kids also missing that finger, and being shown male and female X-Ray images with the same number of ribs) I am pretty sure she was serious.

[Inquisitive Raven]

I won't absolutely rule it out, but the tone of the discussion and the general cluelessness of the person involved (the same one who insisted women must have have one less rib than men, because "the bible says God created Eve from one of Adam's ribs" even after it was pointed out that people who lose, say, a finger, don't have kids also missing that finger, and being shown male and female X-Ray images with the same number of ribs) I am pretty sure she was serious.

Yeah, that doesn't sound like the sort of person who'd appreciate Gary Larson's humor.


I didn't get a screen cap so I don't think I can adequately replicate the stupid, but I was taking an online business class when this happened. The class using a composting business in India as an example to illustrate a point. Basically, the founders of the business compost sewage and sell it to farmers as fertilizer. One of the other students went off on a rant about how ingesting human waste is dangerous and throwing around words like "autointoxication." (Where's that facepalm emoji? Oh, there isn't one? Well, there should be)

I had to explain how the sewage feeds bacteria which produce food for plants which in turn produce food for people. Seriously, how does anyone not get this?

[Labster]

Ah, is that one of those germ theory denialists?  Just in case you think I'm joking: Deep dive into stupid: Meet the growing group that rejects germ theory  Here's a brief sample from one of this group's test-your-knowledge quizzes, which posits everything bad is caused by toxins:

[hazard]

I didn't get a screen cap so I don't think I can adequately replicate the stupid, but I was taking an online business class when this happened. The class using a composting business in India as an example to illustrate a point. Basically, the founders of the business compost sewage and sell it to farmers as fertilizer. One of the other students went off on a rant about how ingesting human waste is dangerous and throwing around words like "autointoxication." (Where's that facepalm emoji? Oh, there isn't one? Well, there should be)

I had to explain how the sewage feeds bacteria which produce food for plants which in turn produce food for people. Seriously, how does anyone not get this?

Actually, he's not completely wrong.

Using human waste, even composted human waste, directly to produce food for humans is a potential disease vector for certain diseases that inhabit the human intestinal tract. It is considerably safer to use it to grow food for animals and to consume those animals or their products, and to use the waste those animals produce after composting to directly grow food for humans.

He's still otherwise completely and utterly wrong about how that stuff works though.

[Jinx999]

My go to site for stupid customer stories is notalwaysright.com

Not a site I'd recommend if you want to retain faith in humanity.