A Truly Sick Song Idea

[Aleh]

I just had a truly sick idea for a song and effect. I'd put it in the thread for songs that Doug should *NEVER* play, except for the fact that it's... well... sick. Have I mentioned that this idea's just plain sick? Anyway... scroll down for it.

Do Not Scroll below this Point if Under 18.

"Every Sperm is Sacred", by Monty Python.
Possible Effects: General increase in fertility rates, including an increase in multiple pregnancy, in the area, sudden disappearance of condoms... you get the idea.

[Aleh]

Of course, all of those are from the first part of the chorus, "Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good, every sperm is needed, in your neighborhood."
I shudder to think about what would happen if Doug's metatalent latched onto the *SECOND* part of the chorus:
"Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate."

[Bob Schroeck]

Doug's not going to force God -- any god -- to have any emotional reaction He doesn't want to have. So don't worry.
I'm more concerned about a horde of super-sperm, a la Larry Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex".

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Logan Darklighter]

Darn you Bob, just darn you to heck for mentioning that essay before I could. ^_^
It's the "...diving to fertilize the beach balls... " line that breaks me every single time... ^_^
-Logan

[Bob Schroeck]

You know, I think that about three messages back I should have invoked Takahashi's Law: "I don't think about that, and neither should you."


-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Aleh]

<<Doug's not going to force God -- any god -- to have any emotional reaction He doesn't want to have. So don't worry.>><br><br>Actually, I was more worried about sudden natural disasters, lightning bolts, etc. striking people who use condoms. God wouldn't have to do (or think) a thing; Doug's metatalent would do it for him.

[Bob Schroeck]

Mmm... but remember that the most commonly repeated or emphasized element of a song is the part most likely to inspire a power. One specific line probably won't do it. Now, if we had a song about smiting...

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Aleh]

But there *ARE* lines about smiting. What I listed was just the chorus.

[Bob Schroeck]

Hm. Gonna have to give that a listen again, then.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Aleh]

Let the heathens spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall strike them down for,
Each sperm that can't be found.

[Xenoproctologist]

You know, if Doug's metatalent decided to interpret this as "every sperm must find a target", the use of this song could cause a pregnancy plague of epidemic proportions.

Heh...drop Doug on some Planet of the Amazons kind of deal where all the menfolk have been killed off and the human race is dying out. All he'd have to do is wank to the joyous strains of this song a couple times and the problem would be solved. Granted, the gene-pool would be a bit unbalanced, but that'd even itself out after a few generations.

[Logan Darklighter]

ROTFL
Okay, okay... I think we've taken this thread about as far as it will go... Yeesh... ^_^
-Logan

[Bob Schroeck]

Shustal!
-- Bob
(EPU fans know what I mean. And a few others, I'm sure.)
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[offsides]

Aggreed. Perhaps it's time to lock this thread?
Offsides
Drunkard's Walk Forum Moderator and Prereader At Large

[Bob Schroeck]

Nah, I'm just going trust folks to leave it alone. I'm only locking in extreme cases.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.