Adventures in Babysitting

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Hello, this is Tsjoat's Adventures in babysitting.
Beta & Editor: Blackaeronaut
Please enjoy, this is one of the few fanfics I started that I am taking seriously enough to post.
Summary:
Yuffie changes the course of history by getting on the wrong plane in her
little globe troding adventures, heading to Neibilhim on the day Cloud and Tifa
are stuck on the trail.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Cloud was
clutching her hand so hard that it would have been painful if it weren’t for
the adrenaline rush.  She was a little
more concerned about the canyon under her.

She wasn’t
strong enough - even with the adrenaline rush - to lift herself up, but
amazingly Cloud did.

“You
alright?” Cloud asked her, but all she could do was cry into his chest from the
scare that happened.

Cloud
sighed, but Tifa didn’t notice. If she knew that Cloud was thinking then she
probably would have felt hopeless. 
‘We’re trapped, and the only thing we can do is wait for help…I don’t
know what to do about this whole thing let alone a girl crying on me! What do I
DO!’

“HEY!
Whatcha’ doing down there?!” A voice asked from above.

“Were
stuck!” Cloud yelled looking up with hope, and then felt his heart sink. Tifa
on the otherhand was annoyed. Why couldn’t an adult find them?

It was a
little girl, no bigger than Tifa herself. What was SHE going to do to get them
out? Other than go get her daddy...  Tifa
didn’t want that, but she knew it was going to happen anyway the moment her
friends ran off at the first sign of trouble. To top it all off, they would
likely blame Cloud since they didn’t like him to begin with.

“Here’s a
rope! Can ya climb?!” She yelled, and both Tifa and cloud nodded their heads.

“Alright, I
tied it to this REALLY big rock! Here ya go!” She yelled down to them, throwing
them the rope.

Cloud
grabbed it, and started tying it around Tifa's waist.

“Whaa…what
are you doing?”

“Putting it
around you, so when I get up there I can lift you up.” Cloud answered, and
started to climb, not noticing Tifa’s blush.

“I can
climb it myself!” She yelled at Cloud, but he was already half way up the rope.

She pouted,
but decided not to untie it. Instead, she tugged on it to make sure it was
fastened securely, and began to climb.

She only
managed to get a quarter of the way up before calling for help.

Cloud was
already at the top when he heard her crying out.  He looked back and found that Tifa was
struggling futilely.

“Ok, let’s
pull her up!” he told the girl behind him.  
The strange girl nodded as and started to pull together.

“Climb
girl, climb!” The girl behind him called out as they pulled.

Tifa
huffed, and tried to climb the rope again.

“Not the
rope! The wall! Grab the wall and start climbing!” the girl hollered.  Tifa realized her mistake and began climbing
the wall instead.  With Cloud and the
strange girl pulling from above, Tifa found she was going up faster than Cloud
managed on his own.

Once she
got up the wall, Cloud and the girl were already panting from exertion, while
Tifa was just a little sore where the rope was.

“Your not a
feather.” the girl grumped and Cloud laughed.

Tifa
blushed, and retorted, “Well you’re a little small for a seven year old!”

“I'm a five
year old, missy! And if I didn’t come around you would have been stuck down
there forever!”

Cloud
wisely stayed out of it, but was surprised when Tifa just huffed and thanked
her for helping them.

“So, what’s
your name?” Cloud asked.

“Yuffie
Kagasari! Princess of Wutai!" the girl announced with her chest puffed out
in pride. "And since I saved you’re lives from starving or being eaten by
a grand dragon or frogs or something, you're now my indentured servants!”

Silence.

“What?”
replied Tifa flatly. “Your not a princess! I’m more of a princess then you are!
I’m the Mayor's Daughter!”

Yufi
grinned like a card shark at amateur poker night.  “Oh? How big is his region?”

“Two
thousand acres!” Tifa snapped hotly.

“Well, my daddy’s the Emperor of Wutai, and his
region is a whole continent! So HA! I’m a princess!” Yuffie then stuck her
toungue out and blew a raspberry at Tifa.

“Prove it!”
Tifa yelled, her face glowing red in outrage.

“Tada!” She
yelled, whipping out a scroll and unfurling it to reveal her legal birth
certificate.

Cloud
grabbed it and read closely.

“Holy…” he
began incredulously.

“Leviathan?”
Yufi finished for him, grinning mischievously.

“I was
going to say life stream,” he shot back.

“Bleh!”
said Yufi, gagging dramatically as only a princess could. “As my servents you
shall now worship Leviathan.”

“I am NOT
your servent!” Tifa yelled, and Cloud looked at Tifa worriedly.

“Tifa…I
know this might sound a little strange, but she’s the real deal. If we don’t do
this and word gets to her father, he could send people here to blow us up or
something.”

“Please,
like that could ever happen. ShinRa corporation would stop them from even
getting over here.”

“Like they
stopped me?” Yuffie asked, batting her eyes oh-so-innocently. That made Tifa
stop and think for a moment.

“Cloud! We
have to beat her up!” Tifa announced, illiciting a startled squawk from Cloud.

“Just try
it!” Yuffie yelled, pulling out a green orb and a small paper fan with metal
edges.  That in and of itself might not
have been as threatening, though, as the electricity that arced around her tiny
body.

There comes
a time where one realizes exactly the nature of the predator that one is
taunting.  Tifa got such an epiphany and
darted behind Cloud's back.

Cloud
sighed.  “I’m not going to fight her over
this. She would eventually tell her father about us beating her up.” Cloud
returned the Birth Certificate, and Yuffie cheered.

“Oh. Then
how do we stop this?” Tifa asked, not even realizing that what she suggested
earlier could have been taken as saying 'Let's kill Yuffie.' Unbeknownst to the
three, a single Wutai warrior was watching, ready to kill Tifa and Cloud if
they laid a finger on the princess.

On the
other hand, the warrior reflected, letting them beating her up might be a good
idea. She needed a good spanking, as she was behind on her dues with how much
crap she was pulling.  However, he was
surprised at the line of thought of the boy. In fact, the boy didn't even
realize how right he was - that is if only Yuffie could ever sit still long
enough to tell her dad where to send a strike team or who the target was.  With Yuffie’s ADHD, that just wasn’t going to
happen.

“We
don’t," stated Cloud grudgingly. "Alright Yuffie, what now?”

“I need a
place to crash for the night before we get going, know anywere cool?”

“There is
the ShinRa mansion.” Cloud answered.

“Cloud,
you’re GOING FOR THIS?” Tifa asked annoyed.

“Yeah, it’s
not like Wutai is our enemy or something, and this means that I get to leave
Nibleheim.” The poor boy didn’t realize that the Wutai-ShinRa Border was just a
spark away from catching fire.

“Fine!"
snapped Tifa. "I’ll go too, but I am NOT your servent!”

“Are too!”
Yuffie taunted.

“Are not!”
Tifa shot back angrily.

“are TOO!”
Yuffie yelled.

“ARE NOT!”
Tifa screamed.

“Are
too!" Yuffie finished primly. "That is, until you save my life or ten
years from now. Anyway!”

“Wait, all
I have to do it save your life?” Tifa asked.

“Yeah,”
Yuffie drawled out slowly, wondering what exactly Tifa was getting at.

“Oh, then I
should be free quickly,” Tifa said smugly.

Yuffie
blinked.  “Oh?”

“You’re a
ninja princess," explained Tifa as though Yuffie didn't know. "You’re
going to be attacked by rival ninja clans or something sooner or later!”

“Nuuhh-uuhhhh!”

“Yea-huuuhh!”

“Who would
attack a little girl!”

“I would!”
Tifa growled, holding up a fist.

“You don’t
count!”

“Oh?! And
why’s that!”

“You’re a
little girl too!”

“Bigger
then you!”

“Not as
powerful!” Yuffie yelled right back, now crackling with electricity again.

Cloud was
at a loss for words, until a gust of wind reminded him about how cold it was
out here.

“Hey guy’s,
kinda cold here. Can we go home now?” Both Tifa and Yuffie looked at Cloud, and
blinked.

“Alright.”
Tifa said, and Yuffie nodded her head. “Show me this ShinRa Mansion.”

-0-0-0-0-0-

When Cloud,
Tifa, and a very well hidden Yuffie got to the town, they found Tifa’s father
and several men about to go find them.

“TIFA! My
baby, are you alright!” Tifa’s father, the mayor, yelled while running to her.

“I’m fine
daddy, I went exploring and got a little lost when Chad broke the bridge, we
were on the other side. He needs to lose weight! Him and the others went to go
help before I could tell them I found a way back.”

“And
this…boy?”

“Cloud
helped figure out how to get back, and didn’t leave me all alone like the other
boys.” At this, the mayor stiffened and walked to Cloud.

“Don’t go
near my daughter again.”

“But…”

“No! I told
you to stay away, and that is IT.”

“Why?” Tifa
asked, and the look of anger on her daddy’s face made her take a step back.

“You’re too
young to understand! Go home and get cleaned up for dinner. NOW!” He snapped,
and then just gave Cloud a disgusted look and walked off.

Cloud
looked down. It was always like that with him. But why?

Cloud
walked home, but heard the faint sounds of Yuffie following very discreetly.

When he
came in the door, Cloud announced he was home to his mother, who came out of
the kitchen.

“Oh, there
is my baby boy!” She gushed with a huge smile, then noticed Clouds sour look.

“Oh…what
happened?”

“Mom, why
does the Mayor hate me?”

“Baby, he
doesn’t hate you…he’s just jeleous. Tell me what happened.” And Cloud told her
everything, including what happened with Yuffie, who was uncharacteristically
helpful in revealing herself to Cloud's Mother.

“Oh my…You
do have to go with the princess,” She said, looking at the birth certificate.

“I figured
as much,” groaned Cloud

His mother
then sighed as a thought occured to her. 
“The mayor would never let little Tifa go unless I tell him.  I suppose I'll need to go and handle this
myself.”

The subject
broached again, Cloud seized on it. 
“Mom, why does he hate me?”

“He doesn’t
hate you…”

“He’s
jealous, I know," said Cloud, rolling his eyes.  "But why?”

His Mother
sighed, and deliberated with herself for a moment before going on.

“I don’t
expect you to understand just yet," she started, "but the mayor and I
were… together for a short while when we were younger.  Then your father came around and swept me off
my feet… he was older, more mature looking, and quite wealthy.”

“He doesn’t
like me because I’m dad’s son?” said Cloud in disgust.

“He doesn’t
like you because I chose the wrong man," his Mother replied bluntly.  Cloud felt like he'd been slapped in the
face.  His mother went on, "I won’t
lie to you sweetheart, your father abandoned us, even though he could have
easily taken care of us.”

“I’m a
mistake?” Cloud asked, not sure of anything anymore.

“No son. I
had you on purpose to get your father to marry me. He just chose to ignore his
responsibilities.”

“Who is my
father?”

“His name
is Rufus. That’s all I can tell you.” She said, turning away from Cloud.

Cloud just
stood there for a moment.

“Mom, I
have to leave soon with Yuffie. I’m going to find dad one day, and ask him why
he left us.” Clouds mom gave Cloud a look of disappointment.

“Good luck
Son. Write back to me, ok?”

“I got
e-mail," said Yuffie suddenly. 
"I can let Cloud send ya messages that way.”

“Thank you
princess of Wutai.” Miss Strife said, giving a light bow.

Yuffie
rolled her eyes, but gave a bow back.

“Alright
Cloud, get your stuff and take me to the mansion!” Cloud and Yuffie went to his
room as Miss Strife smiled.

She might
not marry a rich man, but her son might marry a rich princess one day.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“Creepy,”
Cloud muttered, which Yuffie did not hear.

“COOL!”
Yuffie yelled, and slipped though the metal bars of the gate. Cloud managed to
squeeze through himself and ran to catch up with Yuffie.

Yufi got to
the doors and opened them before Cloud could. 
Of course, Cloud was quick to realize they should have been locked.

“I thought
you said this was abandoned?” Yuffie said, walking though the doors.

The place
was a little messy, but there was absolutely no dust.

“I thought
it was,” Cloud said, the beginings of paranoia building in his gut.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Yuffie and
Cloud went to sleep on a HUGE bed. 
Yuffie demanded that he spend the night. Cloud was nervous, this was his
first sleepover, and it was with his boss, not a friend.

They had
some fun with Yuffie telling stories about the Ninja of Wutai, her exploits,
and how she stole her father’s beard and wore it whenever her father wasn’t
looking.

They played
games of riddles, and he was able to beat her by figuring out her riddles, and
giving nothing but easy riddles. He out lasted her, she couldn’t think of one
that stumped him.

She taught
him about Materia and how cool it was. (Her favorite was the Steal Materia for
obvious reasons.)

They had a
pillow fight, and compared scars. (Yuffie won with a scar from tickling a
sleeping Grand Dragon.)

All and
all, as Cloud finally feel asleep, he was glad that his boss was now his
friend.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Cloud
woke up, he noticed a pen on his gut and a mirror right in front of him.

He sat up,
and looked at himself in the mirror

“Damn it
Yuffie.” Cloud muttered, and tried to rubout the ink on his face, then get his
hair out of those damn pigtails.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“Yuffie!”
Cloud yelled, irritated. He had finally gotten rid of the Ink, and he was not
happy with the prank.

“Over here
Cloud, check it out!” Cloud heard from across the walkway.

They were
on the second level, and Cloud sighed and walked over, eventually finding the
annoying girl sliding a... wall... open and closed.

“Cool, huh?
Found it this morning!”

“A secret
door?” said Cloud in astonishment.

“Yeah!
Let’s go exploring!”

“I don’t
know, the last time I went exploring…” Cloud remembered that nasty fall from
yesterday.  They were lucky that Tifa
didn’t die.

“The last
time you went exploring, you met me! So it went GREAT! Now, let’s go!” Yuffie
ran inside, and Cloud had ‘Wait for me.’ On his lips, but decided to not to say
anything and just followed, walking carefully down those steps.

“This is a
bad idea. These steps look like they are rotted, loose, and torn apart…it that
a termite?” Cloud asked, seeing a bug crawl into the railing.

He heard
Yuffie scream a moment later, and ran down the steps, forgetting his earlier
hesitation and fear.

Yuffie was
hanging onto one of those dammed termite eaten rails, that was barely connected
to the steps.

Cloud ran
down the steps to the bottom, and got underneath her.

“Alright!
Let go, I’ll catch you!” Cloud yelled, and Yuffie yelled.

“Yeah
right! You just wanna get out of being my servant!”

“You really
think that?” Cloud asked, dropping his arms, and Yuffie saw the clear look of
sadness on his face.

“I…no.
Look, it’s ok, I got this!” Yuffie said with determination. She started
swinging, and let go of the rail to land on the steps on the level below. Her
foot smashed though a step, but she got up quickly and ran down to cloud.

“See? I got
it!”

“Yuffie?
Are we friends?”

“Of course
silly! That’s why I’m NEVER gonna let you save my life, so I can drag you along
with me! That, and because Yuffie, the amazing ninja extraordinaire, never
needs saving!” Yuffie struck a pose, and Cloud smiled.

“Well? Come
on!” Yuffie said, now marching down the middle of the walk way. Cloud jogged up
next to her, but stopped.

“Yuffie?”
Cloud asked.

“Yeah?” She
asked.

“Door,” he
said, pointing to their left.

“RIGHT!”
She went over, and kicked the door.

Nothing
happened.

“Damn, that
always works in the storys,” she grumbled, then tried to open the door the
traditional way.

By taking
out a set of little slivers of metal.

“What’s
that?” Cloud asked.

“Lock
picks.” She answered like it was totally obvious.

“You’re
going to pick the lock?”

“No, I’m
examining the door’s ear,” she snarked as she rolled her eyes.

Cloud was
miffed, but stayed quiet as the sound of tumblers falling into place was heard,
then Yuffie twisted the lock and laughed.

“Got it!”
And then she took two steps back, and cleared her throat. “Heh heh
heh…HAAAYAAA!” She lept up and spun around, lashing out with her foot, kicking
the doors again, and this time Yuffie was not disappointed when they slammed
open quite dramatically.

“YES! I am
AWESOME!” She cheered.

“Err…Yuffie?”

“Yeah
Cloud?”

“The room
is full of coffins.”

“AWESOME!
Maybe we might find a vampire!”

“What’s a
vampire?” Then a Coffin slammed open, and Yuffie ran behind Cloud.

“That,” she
whimpered, watching as a man in black and red sat upright. He had sharp
features, long black hair, red eyes, and a golden metal gauntlet. He was
wearing black garb, and a red cape. 
Cloud was quite sure that this being was not one to be trifled with.

“Kids?
Here? Whatever…it doesn’t matter. Just go home.” The Vampire said, and the
Coffin lid started to fly back.

“Hey! Are
you a vampire?” Cloud asked, feeling tense.

“What’s a
vampire?” the vampire that was apparently NOT a vampire asked.

“He’s not a
vampire?” Yuffie said, getting out from behind Cloud.  "Damn."

“Why would
you go looking for a monster?” The Man asked, looking at the two children with
a hint of curiosity.

“It’s on my
bucket list,” Yuffie replied blithely.

“Bucket
list?”

“Yeah, a
list of things to do before you die, ‘Kick the bucket’. That’s why they call it
a Bucket list. The last thing to do before I die is ‘Call for Help.’” Yuffie
joked. Cloud looked mortified, and the man in the coffin just blinked.

“Oh come
on! That was funny!”

No one said
anything, and the coffin lid just closed.

Yuffie
sighed, and left the room along with Cloud.

“Why he
sleeps in a coffin when there’s that awesome bed upstairs I will never know.”
Yuffie grumbled.

“Did you
see the gun he had?” Cloud asked, remembering that tri-barreled gun.

“Wait. He
was armed?” Yuffie then look gleeful.

“Yeah….Yuffie?
What are you doing?”

“Stay here,
I got some shopping to do.” Yuffie was gone into the room, and came back a
moment later toting a tri-barreled pistol with three shiny materia.

“This is
AWESOME.”

She spun
the gun a few times, and put it in her pocket.

“How did
you fit that in there?” Cloud asked, his eye bugging out at the sight.

“I got it
expanded, don’t you know silly? Bags of holding are easy to make!”

“Wha?”

“Don’t
worry, space manipulation magic is…COOL!” Yuffie yelled, as they entered a
laboratory lined with books.

“But if we
can do that, why can’t we get rid of our trash?” Cloud asked to himself as
Yuffie ran ahead to look at large tubes of green liquid.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

Hehehe... Yuffie was just annoying in the games, but here she's actually kind of cute, and fun in the dragging-a-straight-man-into-trouble kind of way. So are they going to be there to interfere with Sephiroth finding the records he finds that send him off the deep end, or is this still too early for that, since the Wu-Tai war hasn't kicked off yet? Will Vince chase after them when he realizes the loud one stole his Cerberus? And for that matter, wasn't one of the more powerful materia lying around in Shin-Ra Mansion, just waiting for a curious princess to find it (in a safe that just anyone could pick!) and realize how badly it needs to be kept somewhere safer, like a royal treasure-pocket?

Didn't spot any noteworthy errors, so it looks like BA did a good job there.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Black Aeronaut]

Thanks Drogn. Glad to know that my brother's faith in me isn't misplaced.

To answer your questions... Let's just say that this is gonna go off the rails spectacularly a lot sooner than you think (think somewhat along the lines of when in Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin has a train derailment, airline crash, and earthquake all converging on some farmer's ranch house). Tsojat and I have been on-and-off messing around with this for quite some time... almost a year I think! And while he's the main creative force, I seem to specialize in getting him unstuck as well as throwing out some insane curve balls (the reason behind the title comes to mind).

The best part is... this is gonna read like 100% pure crack... but not one person will be putting a toe out of character.

All because one little Wutai Princess decided to go wandering around Nibelheim.

[classicdrogn]

The best kind of crack, my friend. And yes, sometimes all it takes is a little stubbornly cheerful energy poking the system in the side to make things go completely haywire.

I am still going to hope for some more Vince, because while I haven't played DoC I liked him in Advent Children and while he didn't have much presence in the original story as a secret character, what he did have was interesting. I suppose Yuffie would consider him even more of an Eeyore at this point, though.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Thank you ClassicDrogn, you are the first to comment on this story after reading it, even on spacebattles.

After your points, I am now experiencing a plot bunny...I may have to alter Chapter 2 a bit....
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Ah.

After thinking about it for a moment, the 'Game' would not be made for another seven-eight years timeline wise.

You first play it the game as Zack a day or two before the Neblihime incident, previously Dr. Hojo decided to leave the Mansion due to Vincent Valentine, but left a skeleton crew behind.

This Skeleton crew all left or died off, and the last one makes the game and leaves for Midgar.

Then Dr. Hojo comes back to the lab because of Zack and Cloud almost dying after fighting Sephiroth (And winning somehow!). I guess he felt that Vincent was not a threat after over seven-twelve years.

If she cracks the safe, she won't find the prize (Odin) that that last scientist left behind.

(Frown.) I wish it wasn't like that.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Sirrocco]

This is appropriately shiny.

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Found out some....odd information.

It turns out that yes, Final Fantasy 7 is in the same universe as Final Fantasy 10.

They are separate planets, Gaia and Spira.

The ShinRa family are descendents of ShinRa from Final Fantasy 10, a thousand years ago.

A thousand years ago, ShinRa failed to master the Mako extraction process on pyraflies, but his family eventually mastered it.

Something happened, causing the ShinRa family to leave Spira once they had space capable transportation and they found Gaia.

-Quote-

****Translations concerning the plot-related connection between FFVII and
FFX/X-2**** (005)
As some fans of Final Fantasy VII, X and X-2 may or may not know, the worlds
of the two games share a plot-related connection. The connection's existence
was established during an interview with Yoshinori Kitase (lead developer of
the Final Fantasy series) and Kazushige Nojima (the scenario writer of Final
Fantasy VII, Before Crisis, Advent Children, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy
X, Final Fantasy X-2 and the Kingdom Hearts series) in 2002, as featured in
the Final Fantasy X Ultimania Omega guidebook, an official Square-Enix
publication.

Nojima went on to say that Shinra's attempts to use Vegnagun's remains failed
and that he was unable to complete the concept of mako-extraction, just as
Shinra had predicted. However, some 1000 years later, once space travel became
possible, Shinra's descendants would go on a voyage to the world of Final
Fantasy VII. There, at some point in the future, they would be successful in
utilizing the concept, and would provide electricity from the Planet for a
price; these descendants would found the Shin-Ra Company of Final Fantasy VII.

-End Quote-

There, they created the ShinRa corporation, making guns for the War at the time.

Then they made the Mako Extraction process with lifestream instead of pyraflies.

They eventually became a super corporation, and bought out the government to the point where elected officials are sock puppets, with absolutely no power.

I am going to do even more in depth research, I may re-write this chapter if the direction shifts.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Interesting fact:

Sin is created at the same time Jenova hit's Gaia.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

(Sighs.)

Here are the results of my research.

Cloud at FF7 is age 21, Tifa Age 20, Aerith age 22, Yuffie age 16, Red 13 age 48 (16 in his years.), Zack was born the same year as Aerith according to his birthdate, so he would have been 22 also.

The timeline I have found doesn't make any sense, there are inconsistencies in it, and almost nothing is cited.

So, going based off the ages (Birthdates), and the few cited things in the timeline, I will be doing some deconstruction.

Since FFX is in the same universe, I had to research that as well.

Doing more research, Tidus died and was revived by Yuna on accident when Tidus dies after FFX 2 in a novel, then the story continues in audio drama.

Spira is now in a constant state where the dead keep on coming back to life in various forms now, the stronger the wish for them to comeback, the more real they are.

Someone wished for SIN to come back, likily a Yevon follower who wanted the old ways again, three years after X-2. The story line as a whole kinda stops after Yuna declares that she would defeat Sin again.

I think I now know the direction of the storyline, and trust me when I say that this will be cool.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

BA has not had a chance to look at this yet, but this is what I have changed. I hope he will edit it soon.

It turned out that Tifa is put into a Coma for a week from what happens at this event in canon, I can not ignore that so I am going to change it.
Edit: Changed the age a little for Yuffie, so things make sense.

-0-0-0-0-

Cloud was clutching her hand so hard that it should have been painful...why wasn't it painful?

"Tifa! Stay awake! I'm going to go get help!"

She wasn’t strong enough - even with the adrenaline rush - to lift herself upright. Help for what? She wondered.

Her mind wondered, trying to remember what happened. She ran from home to be alone, but her friends followed, so did Cloud.

Then...she fell. Cloud fell too.

Her mother...she died. She isn't going to be at Mt. Nebel, she would have stopped this from happening. She started to cry, and she heard Cloud come back.

'Tifa! Drink this, it's a Hi-Potion, it'll help you." She opened her mouth, and could gently poured a little into her mouth and she swallowed. She felt a little better, but was crying silently the whole time. She was able to move around a little, and sat upright with Cloud's help. She noticed that her leg was pointing the wrong direction, and wondered why. She clutched onto his shirt to stay upright, and suddenly was feeling sleepy...

“You alright?” Cloud asked her, but all she could do was cry into his muttering about her mother.

Cloud felt afraid, he felt something was wrong, but Tifa didn’t notice. If she knew that Cloud was thinking then she probably would have felt hopeless. ‘We’re trapped, and the only thing we can do is wait for help…I don’t know what to do about this whole thing let alone a girl crying on me! What do I DO!' He eventually just hugged her, praying for help.

Then Tifa just stopped crying, and Cloud looked at her, and almost screamed in panic. Her eyes were closed, and she was getting cold, he couldn't feel her heartbeat on his chest anymore.

He felt a shiver go up his spine.

“HEY! Whatcha’ doing down there?!” A voice asked from above.

“Were stuck!” Cloud yelled looking up with hope, and then felt his heart sink. It was another kid.

"You ok!?" She asked in concern.

"NO! Help us! PLEASE!" He yelled, holding Tifa tightly. He saw her look of realization and started digging though a bag at her side.

"Alright! Catch this and put it on her chest!" She tossed something red at him, and he caught it, barely. It was a dull red, shaped like a feather and felt like a feather, but it was heavy. Before he could ask about it, the little girl answered his question.

"It's a Phoenix down! Is she stiff?!"

"No!" Cloud yelled back, touching Tifa's arm.

"Put it on her! Quick!" Cloud laid her down, and pressed the Phoenix Down onto Tifa, who gasped a moment later.

"What happened?" Tifa asked, and Cloud was now the person crying.

It all came back to Tifa, and she moved to hug cloud, but couldn't move much.

"Hold on! I'll be right down!" Tifa looked up with hope, which was promptly destroyed, turning into annoyance.Why couldn’t an adult find them?

It was a little girl, no bigger than Tifa herself. What was SHE going to do to get them out? Other than go get her daddy... Tifa didn’t want that, but she knew it was going to happen anyway the moment her friends ran off at the first sign of trouble. To top it all off, they would likely blame Cloud since they didn’t like him to begin with.

“Here’s a rope! Can ya climb?!” She yelled, and both Tifa and cloud nodded their heads.

“Alright, I tied it to this REALLY big rock! Here ya go!” She yelled down to them, throwing them the rope.

Cloud grabbed it, and the little girl started to climb down. When she reached the bottom, she ran over to Tifa, and pulled out a green orb.

"Ok...Cure." Tifa was covered in white sparkles, and then her face contorted into the image of pain.

"AhHH!!" She screamed. Cloud looked on in horror, and looked to the little girl with the Orb.

"CURE! CURE! CURE!" The little girl started yelling, casting those spells. Her screams went down, and she started to cry a little. Her leg was no longer pointing the wrong direction at least. The little girl sat down, panting.

"It hurts..." Tifa moaned, and Cloud looked at the little girl, and grabbed the Green Orb, then knowledge flooded into his head, this was how he needed to heal Tifa.

"Cure!" He said, and the white sparkles came back, and Tifa started to look less pale. Cloud looked on with hope, Tifa didn't die and was healing.

Encouraged, he cast the spell twice more and Tifa stopped crying. "It...doesn't hurt anymore." She said, and slowly got back up, Cloud helping her up.

"Ok! Now that that is done, let's get back up there!" The little girl announced, tossing a empty blue bottle to the side.

Cloud nodded his head, and grabbed the rope, and walked over to Tifa.

“Whaa…what are you doing?”

“Putting it around you, so when I get up there I can lift you up.” Cloud answered, and started to climb, not noticing Tifa’s blush.

“I can climb it myself!” She yelled at Cloud, but he was already half way up the rope. The little girl started climbing, and was bugging Cloud to move faster.

She pouted, but decided not to untie it. Instead, she tugged on it to make sure it was fastened securely, and began to climb.

She only managed to get a quarter of the way up before calling for help.

Cloud was already at the top, and the little girl that saved them was climbing up when they heard her crying out. He looked back and found that Tifa was struggling futilely.

“Ok, let’s pull her up!” he told the girl behind him. The strange girl nodded as and started to pull together.

“Climb girl, climb!” The girl behind him called out as they pulled.

Tifa huffed, and tried to climb the rope again.

“Not the rope! The wall! Grab the wall and start climbing!” the girl hollered. Tifa realized her mistake and began climbing the wall instead. With Cloud and the strange girl pulling from above, Tifa found she was going up faster than Cloud managed on his own.

Once she got up the wall, Cloud and the girl were already panting from exertion, while Tifa was just a little sore where the rope was.

“Your not a feather.” the girl grumped and Cloud laughed.

Tifa blushed, and retorted, “Well you’re a little small for a eight year old!”

“I'm seven year's old missy, as of last week! And if I didn’t come around you would have been stuck down there forever!”

Cloud wisely stayed out of it, but was surprised when Tifa just huffed and thanked her for helping them.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Cloud having a Hi-potion is not out of the question, even finding one near by isn't out of the question.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

Eeh... Even though it's not changed from the original (Actually, the original has Tifa guessing she's seven, while the new one says eight) I'm not so sure about Yuffie being that young on second thought - What works for seven or eight, is kind of dicey at five. You might be better just saying the the difference from canon is that Yuffie's a year or two older, so she got a bit farther afield in her search for adventure. I can buy the rest, given that items just kind of condense out of ambient energy to be found in most Final Fantasy games, and that's literally, explicitly how materia form.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

ClassicDrogn wrote:

---

Eeh... Even though it's not changed from the original (Actually, the original has Tifa guessing she's seven, while the new one says eight) I'm not so sure about Yuffie being that young on second thought - What works for seven or eight, is kind of dicey at five. You might be better just saying the the difference from canon is that Yuffie's a year or two older, so she got a bit farther afield in her search for adventure. I can buy the rest, given that items just kind of condense out of ambient energy to be found in most Final Fantasy games, and that's literally, explicitly how materia form.

Maybe I should just change the age ever so slightly......it would be a bit easier to do.
The notable differences on my part are the, Tifa LOOKS like she almost dies (In realty she was entering her Coma from the internal bleeding, broken bones, ect.), and Yuffie comes down there to help, then climbs the rope.
Minor differences, but it gives more credit as for why Tifa's crush starts up.
As for the potion, yes, I can agree about the items made out of energy, I never really thought of it that way.
That would explain a lot actually, that they  planet just spawns them every now and then to help support life on Gaia to help it's own recovery from the first Meteor fall, then ShinRa figured out how to make the potions out of Mako like they figured out how to make missiles out of raw mako with the Micro Missile technique, there by dominating the medicine market as well.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Ok, I gave BA since January 27 to beta this chapter, and he did not do it. Life just comes first, plain and simple and I don't blame my brother.

So, I am posting it Raw, again, with some minor differences.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Chapter 2:

Dr. Hojo was resting his eyes, which did not happen very often. He slept three hours a day, to a man like himself sleep was a waste of time. Even if he took great pleasure in it. So, it was understandable that he grabbed his pistol the moment he heard glass breaking.

It wasn’t because he had two experiments that could wreak the town if they got out, or because of Vincent Valentine potentially getting out. It was because he was going to kill the little fucker that interrupted his favorite time of the day. Nap time.

Dr. Hojo smiled at his pistol, it was a modified Turk Pistol, the 9mm Requiem. It was originally Vincent's hand gun, and just like with Vincent's relationship with Lucrecia, he made it his own and improved upon it. He didn’t like the name, but considering that the sound of the pistol was the last thing their victims heard before dying, the name Requiem was fitting since a Requiem was a funeral dredge.

This pistol used the user’s Mako to make the bullets move faster, a special adaption that he did himself. Each bullet was harder than the average bullet, nigh indestructible. Each bullet contained two small Materia, a Fire and a Drain Materia, which would embed itself into the target.

The Drain Materia would siphon Mako from the target automatically, channeling the Mako into the fire materia, which would overload with Mako in .2 seconds of starting with enough force of a Firaga spell. The whole process took .3 seconds, and normally killed most monsters considering the bullets were normally five-six inches inside of the most armored of monsters.

So, you can image the good Doctors surprise when he saw both monsters, dead, with three bullet wounds to the head each when he was expecting a little scuffle, and two children standing near by a very familiar tri barreled pistol.

“Sir! Help, we’re hurt!” A blonde haired little boy yelled, holding his wrist.

“WAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAA” A little girl with long black hair cried, holding her wrist.

As far as Dr. Hojo could tell, they came down here, woke up the monsters, one killed one monster with a head shot, but dropped the pistol when the kick broke the child’s wrist. Likely the little girl. Then the boy, at least he guessed the boy, picked up the gun and killed the second monster with a headshot when it was about to attack, breaking his wrist as well.

Well, at least they can replace the two test subject they just killed. That was the least they could do for interrupting his sleep time.

“It’s alright children, I got just the cure…” Professor Hojo said, going to a cabinet with two syringes and a few materia, a Cura spell should help them sufficiently. He put down the gun, this was going to be too easy.

“Alright, I’m going to heal you two. But I have to give you a shot, those bad monsters you killed were poisonous, I’m giving you the antidote, ok?”

The two children nodded, snot was dribbling out of the girls nose as she hugged the little boy. Dr. Hojo smiled, healing the two children. The Synge was filled with a cocktail that should knock them out.

“Thank you mister!” The little girl cheered, holding her wrist up in joy.

“Thanks.” The little boy said, clearly unsure of the needle in his hands.

“Ok, now to make sure the poison doesn’t kill you.” Hojo said, feeling a bit of a rush from lying to these children. How much mileage could he get out of them before they became insane?

“But it didn’t touch us.” The little boy said, holding the little girl back.

“It was a gaseous poison, in the air. You can’t smell it, taste it, or feel the effects.” He lied easily.

“Then how come you didn’t inject yourself first?” The little girl asked, now confused. The made Hojo hesitate.

“What…HOJO!” A voice from the hallway yelled in anger.

Hojo looked, and saw the one person he thought was asleep for sure.

“Vincent.” Hojo said calmly.

“What are you doing to these children?” He asked, gesturing for the children to come to him. They did, the little bastards. The worst part was the fact they gave him his pistol back.

“I healed them when they broke their wrists defending themselves with YOUR pistol. I never thought you would so easily give a child a gun that would destroy their wrists like that.” Dr. Hojo snarked, inching his way to the Requiem.

“I didn’t. They stole it from me.” Vincent gave both cowering children a dark look.

“Ah. Thieves. I will turn them over to the authorities at once.” Dr. Hojo said calmly, now so close to his pistol. He made it to kill Vincent if he ever had to fight him, but was going to discontinue doing so since he believed that Vincent would never wake up. Good thing he didn’t.

“We both know what you do to people. I won’t let that happen again.” Vincent said, pointing the Cerberus at him.

“Now, now. We both know that you are just mad that Lucrecia chose the better man.” Vincent’s eyes turned red. Well, redder.

“Wrong answer.” Dr. Hojo dove for the Requiem, but he heard a gunshot, and closed his eyes grasping for his gun.

Wen he opened them, he was in the middle of grasping for the gun while floating in the air, over his dead body, then stared to sink into the ground.

“I’m dead...I am now in the lifestream…” He pondered, going into the ground, now surrounded by green energy.

“How interesting…” He then felt himself being tugged, and decided to go to the object tugging. Maybe it was the reincarnation calling to him, then realized what it was when he heard the sound of the Mako reactor.

“NO! I will not end like this!” He yelled, now unable to escape the reactor.

The Doctors at ShinRa corporation would notice that the reactor at Nibilhim had some strange readings at the at that time, but it was duly noted.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“Now give me my Materia, and you can leave.” Vincent said to the two children.

“What! No, it’s MY Materia now!” Yuffie said, completely forgetting about the dead body infront of them at the mention of Materia.

“Yuffie! Do what he says!” Cloud said with fear.

“Oh, alright. HERE.” She handed Cloud the three Materia, who quickly gave them to Vincent.

“Now go home. I will be going back to sleep.” He twisted around, not even realizing that his cape was bellowing in an overly dramatic way that would scar Cloud’s mind and make Yuffie gush about how cool he was.

He heard the children run by the door to the coffin room as he closed it behind himself, smiling, but then frowned.

“I must now sleep…I still must repent for what I have done…” He said with a deep sadness, as he mentally demanded for the coffin to open.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“Yuffie, HE KILLED THAT GUY!”

“So? He was going to stick us with those BIG needles! Who knows what he was going to do to us.”

“Yuffie…You know what, I give up.”

“YES! One more victory! V!” Yuffie yelled, giving the victory sign.

Cloud sighed, climbing the stairs carefully.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“You burned down Nibelheim.” Tifa asked as they walked away from the smoking ruins of Nibelheim.

“I DID NOT! That big bird did!” Yuffie defended.

“That was the town summon!” Tifa yelled right back. “One of the town mysteries!” She added.

“Phoenix. And it’s not a mystery if everyone knows about it.” Cloud said, clutching a bright red Materia.

“Ok, back up. How did this happen? I was training with my Sensei by the water tower.” Tifa said as they got to a river, sitting down after what seemed to be hours of walking. Her Sensei was near by, looking for food.

“Alright, well, Cloud asked me how I knew where we were going…”

-0-0-0-0-0-

“Yuffie, how do you know where to go?” Cloud asked, walking back home from the mention.

“I don’t know, I guess I got a good sense of direction! And if that fails me, I can get someplace up high and look around, here, let me show you!” Yuffie yelled, she decided to stop hiding her presence and was out in the open. She quickly, a little too quickly, climbed the Water Tower in the middle of the town.

“I can see every…HEY A RED MATERIA!” Yuffie yelled.

-0-0-0-0-

“Hey, wait a moment, I remember you yelling that, I was training with my new sensei, Zangan.”

“We were using the water tower as a punching post!”

“Oh! That must be how the tower collapsed!” Yuffie yelled, smacking her fist into the palm of her hand in a threatening manner.

“Yes, I did collapse the tower, I lost focus when I heard someone above me scream.” A voice said right behind her.

“Heh…heh…Cloud, go ahead and continue the story.”

“Alright.” Cloud said, shaking his head at their antics as Zangan gave the girl the hairy eyeball.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Yuffie grabbed the Materia, and the tower started sagging to the left.

“It’s going to hit my house!” Cloud yelled, panicking as Yuffie made the beginnings of a graceful landing on the ground, then fell on her butt comically.

-0-0-0-0-

“HEY! I did NOT fall on my butt!”

“Relax, he said it was graceful.” Tifa said reassuringly.

“Exaggerated.” Zangan muttered.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“HOLY!” Tifa yelled, diving out of the way of the tower with her sensei, landing right next to Cloud and Yuffie, who’s newly acquired red Materia was glowing. A Large red bird appeared out of nowhere, and the whole town, a dry, wooden town, suddenly caught on fire at the same time of the Water Tower collapsing on Clouds house.

“DEAR GOD! I’M ON FIRE!” Tifa’s father screamed, yelling out of his home, then he fell down, dead. Tifa tried to run to him, yelling out "Daddy!", not understanding what was going on. Then he stood back up, no longer on fire.

“What the…I…how am I not dead? I’m not even burned!” He yelled in amazement. Yuffie quickly gave Tifa the Materia.

“Tifa! You used the Phoenix! Oh no…You need to go, now! Before the town tries to get justice on you! Go, leave now! Zangan, please take Tifa with you!” He begged.

“Very well. I will go.” He said, bowing his head slightly.

“Tifa, I love you. Have a good life.” He said, tears threatening to leave his eyes as he ran away from her to go help the other towns people who were burning alive, then coming back.

“Yuffie? Hold on a moment, I gotta go get my stuff before the town raids my house. We gotta go, soon.” Cloud said, quickly going to his home.

-0-0-0-0-

“I thought you took everything to the mansion!?” Yuffie yelled, clearly annoyed.

“No, I only took a few things. I don’t have magically expanded pockets, remember?” Cloud said, not worried that Yuffie was annoyed.

“The Mansion and Cloud’s home were the only place’s to not burn down.” Tifa muttered.

“Cloud, please continue the story.” Zangan requested.

“Alright…”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“Mom!” Cloud yelled, coming inside the house. Miss Strife looked from out of the kitchen, and called back to him.

“Welcome back son! How was your first dat..Day, I mean day, with the princess?”

“It went alright mom, look, we need to get ready to go…” Cloud said nervously.

“Yes, but you all MUST pack an umbrella, that sudden downpour might happen again!”

“Yeah, mom, about that…”

“I gotta wonder how that could have happened, I swear I heard thunder, and so close by! Then water started leaking in the house! I had to rush to get buckets there, then clean it all up. I am so glad I have the Haste Materia…it makes cleaning so much easier. Then it got hot, and I saw steam getting into the house!”

Cloud shook his head as his mother continued. “It was like a Sauna, I had to start taking off clothes…By the way, don’t come into the kitchen just yet.”

“MOM! I get it, I really do, but I need to tell you about what just happened!” Cloud was now embarrassed, if anyone came into the house right after the town burned down she would have been caught with her pants down, literally.

“Yes honey, you will in a moment…when I come out of the kitchen. I swear sweetheart, we need to fix those holes in the walls and ceiling…” Cloud sighed in frustration, yes, the town was going to help fix that in a month, but not anymore he bet.

“And did you notice how hot it got around here?” His mom asked as she came out of the kitchen, now fully dressed.

“Mom, it didn’t rain, and that wasn’t thunder. The water tower fell onto the house on accident and Yuffie accidentally used the town summon and burned down every house BUT ours.”

“Oh. I guess we got lucky with the water tower huh?” His mother said, smiling.

“Yeah, but I need to go now. Yuffie handed Tifa the Materia, and she is being sent off by her dad to prevent the town from lynching her if they thought she did it.”

“Oh. And since she must go with Yuffie…”

“I gotta go mom.”

“Alright…Good by my son, I will miss you.” She gave him a bear hug, and he choked out a simple phrase.

“Mommy…”

“I packed a lunch for you, and things you will need. I also magically expanded you’re backpack and lunchbox, you have enough peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to last you a week, don’t worry, they won’t go bad in there. I also got you three things for your journey.” She let go of him, and walked to a closet.

“This is a FunPop .22 long rifle, you can’t do much to hurt monsters, but you can hunt with it.”

“I thought a .22 was practically worthless for hunting?”

“Yes, but this is where the ‘FunPop’ comes in, Dr. Hojo, the professor that visits ShinRa Mansion, did me a favor after I did him a favor, let me tell you he is quite the charmer.” She gushed.

“Mom!” Cloud complained. That creepy guy? A charmer?

“Oh, alright. You can make the bullets go faster by channeling Mako into it, and the bullets will blow up when they hit their target if you put the maximum amount of Mako in it.”

“Thanks mom, sorry you had to go near that guy.”

“Don’t worry, I enjoyed it.” She said, blushing a little and putting her hands on her cheeks. That made Cloud cringe.

“Mom, Dr. Hojo is dead.”

“What?”

“When Yuffie and I went into the Mansion, we talked with him for a little bit and a Vampire came down and killed him.”

“A vampire? Don’t be silly, you must be talking about Vincent Valentine. Don’t worry about him, I warned Dr. Hojo that working near by a man that would want to kill you is a dumb idea, but he wouldn’t abandon his laboratory.” Miss Strife said, not caring that Dr. Hojo was dead, nor that his killer was in town.

“Right.” Cloud said, and the awkward silence took supreme rule for about a minute.

“OH! Right, here is a machete, good for exploring.” She handed Cloud the rifle and the Machete, putting the rifle across his back after checking for the safety, and putting the Machete on his belt, it was like a real sword for him.

“And here are a few Materia, I don’t need them.” She offered, handing Cloud a cigar box. He opened it, and found six Materia inside. Four Green, one yellow, and a blue one.

“What are they?”

“Touch them and find out.” And cloud did, reaching for a green one.

“Fire. It makes fire.”

“Yes, now the others?”

“Ice…lightning…this one heals, this one…multiplies a spell across an area of effect?” Cloud looked at her mother.

“It’s called All, and it lets you pick your targets. With the Cure Materia, you can heal all of your friends. With the Fire, Ice, and Lightning materia, you can hit all of your enemies, or just some of them.”

“Cool…and this one let’s me do ventriloquy?”

“Yeah, try it out later, its fun at parties.” Cloud looked doubtful, but took the cigar box, unsure of where to put it.

“And I got you a Tent, some supplies, and a thousand Gil.” She handed her son the Backpack and a money pouch, he smiled at her, and put the Cigar box into the backpack.

“Take care son, I love you.”

“I love you too mommy…” They hugged, and Cloud went out the door.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“You got sandwiches? Share!” Yuffie demanded, as Tifa’s stomach growled.

“Good, we can save the Chocobo I hunted for later.” Zangan said, that was when everyone noticed the very much so DEAD Chocobo behind Tifa’s sensei.

“That’s messed up.” Yuffie muttered.

“I also got a large egg for breakfast tomorrow.” He added, taking out an egg about the size of Cloud’s head.

“Omigash! You KILLED a mommy bird?!” Yuffie yelled, almost at the verge of crying. “And now you want to eat her, AND HER BABY!!!” They waited for a moment, and Yuffie started waling.

“Oh please. You go out into the wild all the time, what do you do for food?” Tifa asked, but privately agreeing that this was kinda messed up.

“I look for my food and hunt male animals and fish!” Yuffie yelled, the tears stopped pouring almost immediately while pulling out a Kunai and throwing it into the river, then pulled the string that was apparently attached to it and a fish came out, stabbed through by the kunai.

“Very good! I might teach you some martial arts young one.” Zangan praised, rubbing his beard.

“Hey, wait! I thought you only did it for money?” Tifa asked, sounding hurt.

“I do. But she is a princess, I’ll bill her later.” Zangan said, thinking of adding a zero for all the trouble she was going to give him.

“Bill me for two, if I learn I want Cloud to learn too!” Yuffie yelled, then the egg was gone, Yuffie had it.

“Steal Materia. Temporarily becoming a master thief. I hate that Materia. You will use no Materia while learning from me.” Zangan said sternly.

“WHAT! How do I even know your lessons are WORTH no Materia!” Yuffie yelled in anger.

“I have 129 students around the world and am the undisputed finest martial arts instructor though out the land. I never pick a student out casually, and even then I must be paid to teach my way of life.”

“So you wouldn’t take a guy with no skill, regardless of how much money they throw at you?” Cloud asked.

“Exactly.” He answered, sounding pleased.

“Sir, what about outside of lessons?” Tifa asked.

“Good question. Use the Materia, they will come in handy in tight situations, especially for lighting the Camp Fire, and making beverages cold on a hot day.”

“Alright, fine. But this better not take too much of our time! I gotta explore the world!” Yuffie yelled, raising a fist into the air.

“Why?” Zangan asked, curious. He himself traveled the world at a young age, not that young but still.

“It’s on my bucket list.” She replied with a grin.

“Stop right there.” Cloud interrupted.

“Oh! I was just about to tell a good joke though!” She complained.

“No, it didn’t work last time.” Cloud said firmly.

“Bleh! Your no fun!” Yuffie said, turning her back to Cloud.

“Moggles.” Cloud muttered loud enough for her to hear, but Tifa also heard and Zangan's trained hearding allowed him to hear it also.

Yuffie snorted, trying to hold back laughter.

“Alright! Your fun!” She gave in, laughing hard.

Tifa and her Sensei just stared at Yuffie who was almost on the ground from laughing.

“Ah…Inside joke.” Cloud explained, and Tifa just put her hands on her hips and gave Cloud a look.

“Sorry?” He said uncertain of what to do, Zangan just looked on with a smile. So, this boy had Tifa’s affections? And this Yuffie girl didn’t have any idea of anything like that, but Tifa thinks she like’s Cloud?

Well, this is going to be interesting.

“HEY! That Egg Shook!” Cloud yelled, staring at the large egg. Then a beak popped out, and Tifa picked up the egg and sat it down in her lap.

“There, there…it’s ok.” She crooned softly.

“Whhhubbrwb!” The Egg shattered, and the new born Chocobo looked around, then stared Tifa in the eye and rubbed it’s head against her head.

“It thinks’ your it’s mother.” Zangan commented.

“What are you going to name…him?” Her Sensei asked, checking the gender real quick.

“Choco.” She said, and Yuffie rolled her eyes.

“Original.” Yuffie muttered. That just made Tifa want the name even more.

“Choco…I like it.” Cloud said, then ‘Choco’ saw Cloud, and squawked.

“What the!” The little bird leapt up, and landed gracefully on top of clouds head, and started scratching lightly.

“HEY!” Cloud yelled, picking up the bird, and it squawked again.

“It was trying to roost, you’re hair is remarkably like a chocobo’s in color.”

“Gee. I feel special.” He muttered, as the bird ran over to Tifa, asking to be picked up, and she obligated her.

“He will grow fast, three months he will be ready for you young ones to ride, one at a time of course.”

“What about food?”

“He will eat the grass, and find Gashyle Greens naturally.” Zangan said, now thinking about getting Chocobos for the others too. That way they could all ride.

-0-0-0-0-

In the middle of the night, Zangan smiled, staring at the Wutai Warrior underneath him, he was asleep in a very well laid out trap; the only way to get to him was by alerting the Wutai Warrior. At least by conventional means.

But Zangan was by no means conventional. But, as he was about to get answers from this man, he sensed someone, prompting him to hide himself quickly. The Wutai warrior snapped to attention, facing towards where that exact moment a howl erupted in the night.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Cloud stirred in his sleep, and woke up to a howl, Yuffie’s foot was on his arm again and Tfia was in her sleeping bag on the other side of the tent.

He noticed that Zangan was not outside of the tent, and poked his head outside.

Only to meet two bright red eyes and a ball of orange slamming into him.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

You want a detailed breakdown of this, since BA is busy with his own stuff right now?
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Black Aeronaut]

CD, Slade would love it if you guys could help him redline this. Like you said, I've been busy with my own stuff. And then some. (It never fails - almost every week I spend at least one day at work a lot longer than I was scheduled for. That, or I get called in on a day I wasn't scheduled. I'm pretty sure that I'm the only Papa Johns Driver in San Antonio that hits overtime as regularly as I do.)

[classicdrogn]

Okay, I'll see what I can put together - in general, though, my reaction to the segment is "Why the heck are these kids not completely traumatized!?" They got attacked by monsters, hurt themselves fending them off, then had the guy who heals them (granted, Hojo is CREEPY AS HELL, but still) murdered right in front of them... and then their hometown burns down around them, just to round the day out. Yikes!

I'll do a more detailed analysis later on today. Still thinking things over a bit.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

That is the status quo for Yuffie, granted she just saw someone die which she would not see regularly.

Cloud doesn't have that excuse...

Being attacked by monsters would be a semi-normal thing for kids living on Gaia, especially those near a Mako reactor, so being attacked by monsters and injured in the process isn't an issue.

Yuffie was distracted immediately afterwards, and nothing seems to stick to her yet as seen in crisis core.

Cloud on the other hand... I will see about that trauma.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

Sorry about the delay, my internet service went out, and then I was asleep. I'll get on it before daybreak, though. (assuming my connection doesn't flake out on me again... it's been off and on since the last snowstorm went through, even though the phones have been uninterrupted.)
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[classicdrogn]

Short one first

Her mind wondered, trying

wandered

She ran from home to be alone, but her friends followed, so did Cloud.

If Cloud followed her with her (parentally approved) friends, it should be "and so did Cloud." If he's included in "her friends" (because what do parents know anyway) and she's wondering about him but the thought trails off, it needs to end with an ellipsis and question mark.

'Tifa! Drink this, it's

You have a single quote at the beginning, and should probably rearrange the breaks - "Tifa, drink this! It's (...)"

opened her mouth, and could gently poured a little into her mouth and she swallowed.

suggest "mouth, and swallowed as Cloud poured it in a gentle trickle."

She felt a little better, but was crying silently the whole time.

I thought she wasn't feeling too bad to begin with? Just kind of disoriented - sure, it's because she's in shock and not really feeling the injuries, but "a little stronger" or "a little more focused" might work better, as well as wondering why she's crying when she doesn't feel too hurt, or else mention that she's crying about her mother being gone. Replacing at least one "She" with her name would also be good, I think.

cry into his muttering about her mother.

into his what?

Cloud felt afraid, he felt something was wrong, but Tifa didn’t notice. If she knew that Cloud was thinking then she probably would have felt hopeless. ‘We’re trapped, and the only thing we can do is wait for help…I don’t know what to do about this whole thing let alone a girl crying on me! What do I DO!' He eventually just hugged her, praying for help.

Well OBVIOUSLY something's wrong, Cloud! You go on and list the things! Honestly. You do need a space after the ellipsis in his thoughts, even if you keep that phrase.

Then Tifa just stopped crying, and Cloud looked at her, and almost screamed in panic. Her eyes were closed, and she was getting cold, he couldn't feel her heartbeat on his chest anymore.

Eh, body heat shouldn't fade that fast - he'd be more likely to notice that she wasn't breathing.

"Put it on her! Quick!" Cloud laid her down, and pressed the Phoenix Down onto Tifa, who gasped a moment later.

Aw, no sparkly SFX? Not even a musical sound as it works? Yuffie got ripped off with low budget Phoenix down.

turning into annoyance.Why

space needed

Tifa and cloud

capitalization

"Ok...Cure."

space

Tifa was covered in white sparkles, and then her face contorted into the image of pain.

suggest, "contorted in pain, as the magic wiped away her body's shock response." Something like that, anyway, to explain why healing makes her suddenly notice the pain of her injuries.

"CURE! CURE! CURE!" The little girl started yelling, casting those spells. Her screams went down, and she started to cry a little. Her leg was no longer pointing the wrong direction at least. The little girl sat down, panting.

You should probably replace the first "Her" with "Tifa" and the second "little girl" with either "Yuffie" since you've already used her name in the text, or "the other girl"/"the new girl"/&c. Giving a reason why she stops before the job is finished - having her sit back and complain about how she hates that tired feeling when she runs out of energy, perhaps - would also be a good idea.

"It hurts..." Tifa moaned. , and Cloud looked at the little girl, and grabbed the Green Orb. , thenSuddenly, knowledge flooded into his head, this was - he know how he needed to heal Tifa.

Cloud looked on with hope,

suggest "renewed hope"

"It...doesn't hurt anymore." She said, and slowly got back up, Cloud helping her up.

space after ellipsis, and you don't need the last "up."

let's get back up there!" The little girl announced,

no capital for "the" - and too many "little girls," not enough "Yuffies"

tossing a empty blue bottle to the side.

"an empty" - where did a bottle come from anyway? Was it from the Hi-Potion? Did she use an Ether to get her SP back? Mentioning it dissolving into sparkles like a dead monster could add a nice touch here, if it's one of those items that just appear out of them in the first place.

“Whaa…what are you doing?”

space

The little girl started climbing, and was bugging Cloud to move faster.

She pouted, but decided not to untie it.

I think you mean Tifa here, but it's unclear since you've been using "little girl" consistently for Yuffie.

“Your not a feather.” the

"You're not a feather," or "Well, you're no feather,"

“I'm seven year's old missy,

"years old, missy,"

I see you did revise Yuffie's age up - seven really does work better here, I think.

And now, the main attraction!

Dr. Hojo was resting his eyes, which did not happen very often. He slept three hours a day, to a man like himself sleep was a waste of time. Even if he took great pleasure in it. So, it was understandable that he grabbed his pistol the moment he heard glass breaking.

suggest "slept just three hours a day, for a man like himself could not abide time wasted doing nothing productive. Even so, those few hours he did allow himself were something he took great pleasure in, so it was"

two experiments that could wreak the town if they got out, or because of Vincent Valentine potentially getting out. It was because he was going to kill the little fucker that interrupted his favorite time of the day. Nap time.

suggest "experimental subjects that could wreck the town if they escaped, or the possibility of Vincent Valentine ending his sulk and getting out; it" It might be funnier if he's angry about having his schedule disrupted rather than nap time being his favorite time of the day - your original version is even stronger than my revision about how he considers it wasted time, a guilty pleasure so to speak. Besides, this is Hojo - his favorite time of the day is SCIENCE! time! Although, he is the type who'll proudly declare that it's always time for SCIENCE!

Dr. Hojo smiled at his pistol. , it It was a modified Turk Pistol model, the 9mm Requiem. It was originally had been Vincent's hand gun, and just like with Vincent's relationship with Lucrecia, he made it his own and improved upon it. He didn’t like the name, but considering that the sound of the pistol was the last thing their victims heard before dying, the name Requiem was fitting since a Requiem was a funeral dredge.

"dirge" and no capital on the last "Requiem."

adaption that he did made himself. Each bullet was harder tougher than the average bullet, nigh lead slug as well, all but indestructible in fact. Each bullet They each contained two small Materia, a Fire and a Drain Materia, which would embed itself be embedded into the target.

The Drain Materia would siphon Mako from the target automatically, channeling the Mako it into the fire materia,

capitals?

which would overload with Mako in .2 seconds of starting with enough the force of a Firaga spell. The whole process took .3 seconds, and normally killed could kill most monsters

with one attack, since the bullets could penetrate five to six inches below even the toughest armor.

So, you can image the good Doctors doctor's surprise when he saw both monsters experiments, dead,

“Sir! Help, we’re hurt!” A blonde haired

no capital "a", and boys' hair is just "blond" (no "e") for some reason.

“WAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAA” A little girl

This looks like she's laughing at first - I recommend just using "The little girl was crying loudly, also clutching her wrist" or something similar.

As far as Dr. Hojo could tell, they came down here, woke up the monsters disrupted his experiments, then one killed one the first monster with a head shot, but dropped the pistol when the kick broke the child’s wrist. Likely the little girl. Then the boy, at least he guessed the boy, picked up the gun and killed the second monster with a headshot when it was about to attack, breaking his wrist as well.[/quote]You already have him mentioning the shots having landed in the heads before - and considering that these critters just got hit with three Firaga equivalents apiece, even center mass shots are not likely to have left much remains, and are much easier to pull off besides.

“It’s alright children, I I've got just the cure…” Professor Hojo said, going to a cabinet with two syringes and a few materia, a

You should decide whether to capitalize materia or not and then apply it consistently - I'd go for no caps myself, but either way works. You should probably also end the sentence and start a new one with the "A"

Cura spell should help them sufficiently suffice. He put down the gun, this was going to be too easy.[s] thinking, 'This will do the trick. All too easy.'[/s]

[s]Given how little time there is to establish Hojo's douchebaggery on camera here, adding a short rant about how no one even comes close to challenging his intellect might also be good.

[/s]

[s]poisonous, I’m giving you the[/s]

[s]poisonous. I'll need to inject the

[/s]

[s]snot [s]was dribbling out of the girls nose[/s][/s]

[s] XP Is this really a necessary detail? Eww.

[/s]

[s]Synge[/s]

[s]syringe, no caps

[/s]

[s]“What…HOJO!” A voice [/s]

[s]In this case, the capital is probably appropriate. Still need a space after the ellipsis, though.

[/s]

[s]a gun that would [s]destroy their wrists damage their own bodies like that.” Dr. Hojo snarked, inching his way to the Requiem.[/s][/s]

[s]
[/s]

[s]fight him, [s]but was going to discontinue doing so though he'd almost cancelled the project since he believed that Vincent would never wake up. Good thing he didn’t.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]floating in the air (no comma) over his dead body [s], t Then stared he began to sink into the ground.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]“I’m dead? [s]... I am now in joining the lifestream…” He pondered, going into the ground, now surrounded by green energy.

“How interesting…” He then felt himself being tugged, and decided to go to the object tugging follow the feeling. Maybe it was the reincarnation calling to him , then? He only realized what it was when he heard the sound of the Mako reactor.

“NO! I will not end like this!” He [/s][/s]

[s] no caps [/s]

[s] yelled, now unable to escape the [s]reactor pull.

The Doctors technicians at ShinRa corporation would notice that the reactor at NibilhimNibelheim(? Nibilheim?) had some strange readings at the at that time, but it was duly noted nothing alarming.

-0-0-0-0-0-
[/s][/s]

[s]This scene break feels a little early - there's still Vince talking to the kids before they leave after all.

[/s]

[s]dead body infront [/s]

[s] in front

[/s]

[s]cape was bellowing [/s]

[s]billowing

[/s]

[s]“I must now sleep…I still must repent for what I have done…” He said with a deep sadness, as he mentally [s]demanded for commanded the coffin to open.[/s][/s]

[s] Ths is one of those things that never made sense to me - what good does it do for him to hide in a basement? If he wants to repent and atone for his past, sulking in a corner ain't gonna cut it. I'd suggest also moving this part with Vince to after the kids climb the stairs and leave, as it makes the scenes flow more naturally.

[/s]

[s]“You burned down Nibelheim.” Tifa asked as they walked away from the smoking ruins of Nibelheim.[/s]

[s]Wait, what? You need to indicate that there's been a significant time skip here. Try this: The three children stood on the crest of a rise on the road out of town, the afternoon sun stretching their shadows until they blended in with the smoke and ruins below. "You burned down Nibelheim," Tifa stated flatly, as they turned and started walking away.

[/s]

[s]mysteries!” She added.[/s]

[s]no caps

[/s]

[s]water tower.” Tifa [/s]

[s] comma, not period

[/s]

[s]look around. [s], h Here, let me show you!” Yuffie yelled, she having decided to stop hiding her presence and was come out in the open. She quickly, a little too quickly, climbed the Water Tower in the middle of the town.

“I can see every…HEY[/s][/s]

[s] space
[/s]

[s]I was training with my new sensei, Zangan.”

“We were using the water tower as a punching post!”[/s]

[s]Is this two different characters speaking? If it's just one, it should be one line, and adding an identifier would also be a good idea.

[/s]

[s]“[s]Heh…heh… Eheh... Cloud, go ahead and continue the story.”[/s][/s]

[s]Is this Tifa or Yuffie?

[/s]

[s]“HOLY!” Tifa yelled, diving out of the way of the tower with her sensei, landing right next to Cloud and Yuffie, who’s [/s]

[s]whose - I was going to make a crack about Aerith being the one with the Holy materia, but couldn't think of a clever way to work it in.

[/s]

[s]A Large red bird appeared out of nowhere, and the whole town, a town full of dry, wooden [s]town buildings, suddenly caught on fire at the same time of the Water Tower collapsing on Clouds house.[/s][/s]

[s] no caps on "large" and "water tower," plus the suggestion above.

[/s]

[s]Tifa’s father screamed, [s]yellingrunning out of his home , then before he fell down, dead. Tifa tried to run to him, yelling out "Daddy!" (no comma) not understanding what was going on. Then he stood back up, no longer on fire.

“What the…I…how am I not dead? I’m not even burned!” He[/s][/s]

[s] no caps

[/s]

[s]Phoenix [s]! ? Why would you...? Oh no…You need to go, now, ! B before the town tries to get justice on townfolk realize it was you! Go, leave now! Zangan, please take Tifa with you!” He[/s][/s]

[s] no caps

[/s]

[s] begged.

“Very well. I will go [s].” He ," Zangan said, bowing his head slightly.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]before [s]the town everyone raids my house.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]the only [s]place’s places to not burn down.” Tifa muttered.

“Cloud, please continue the story .” ," Zangan requested.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]first [s]dat..Day, dat- I mean day, with the princess?”

“It went alright mom, l , mom. Look, we need to[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]Haste Materia…it[/s]

[s] space, and possibly capititlization

[/s]

[s]Sauna[/s]

[s] no caps

[/s]

[s]clothes…By [/s]

[s] space
[/s]

[s]moment…when[/s]

[s] space

[/s]

[s]huh?” His [/s]

[s] no caps

[/s]

[s]“Alright…Good by[/s]

[s]"Alright... Goodbye

[/s]

[s]expanded [s]you’re your backpack and lunchbox , y You have enough peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to last you a week , d - Don’t [/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]for hunting?”[/s]

[s]Cloud asked.

[/s]

[s]“Yes, but this is where the ‘FunPop’ comes in [s], Dr.. Doctor Hojo, the professor that visits ShinRa Mansion, did me a favor after I did him a favor, l - Oh, and let me tell you he is quite the charmer .” S ," she gushed.[/s][/s]

[s]Cloud... your mom is a ditz. And has terrible taste in men... though considering he hooked up with Lucrecia as well, Hojo must have had some level of game.

[/s]

[s]“Don’t worry, I enjoyed it [s].” S ," she said cooed,[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]laboratory [s].” ," Miss Strife said, not caring somehow not seeming to care that Dr. Hojo was dead, nor that his killer was in town.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]cigar box. He opened it, and found six Materia inside. Four Green, one yellow, and a blue one.

“What are they?”

“Touch them and find out.” And cloud did, reaching for a green one.

“Fire. It makes fire.”

“Yes, now the others?”

“Ice…lightning…this one heals, this one…multiplies a spell across an area of effect?” Cloud looked at her mother.[/s]

[s]This bit feels kind of awkward all around... How about this:

He opened it, and found half a dozen materia nestled inside.

"What kind are they?" he asked.

"Touch them and find out," his mother replied cheerfully.

He picked the first up confidently - it's not like his mam would give them to him if they were dangerous, right? - and held it in his hand, peering into the gentle green glow as if he'd find the answer written there. That wasn't how they worked, of course, it simply flowed into his mind. "Fire... it makes fire."

"That's right. And the others...?"

Setting the Fire materia back in the box, he tried the other two green ones first. "Ice, and Lightning. This yellow one heals, and the blue... It makes another spell affect a wider area?"

Also, Yuffie's Cure in the shorter segment is green, so one or the other will need to be fixed.

[/s]

[s]“Cool…and this one let’s me do ventriloquy?”[/s]

[s] "Cool... and (...) ventriloquism?"

[/s]

[s]later, its fun[/s]

[s]"its" = "belonging to it," "it's" = "it is" I believe you intend the second.

[/s]

[s]put the Cigar box into the backpack.[/s]

[s] no caps

[/s]

[s]“Omigash![/s]

[s]"Ohmigosh! - the other spelling has... unfortunate implications...

[/s]

[s]the Camp Fire, and making beverages cold on a hot day.”[/s]

[s] no caps - and I have to agree, Zangbro knows exactly what the best uses for materia are. A warm fire and a cold drink, what more does a skilled martial artist need magic for?

[/s]

[s]“It’s on my bucket list [s].” S ," she replied with a grin.

“Stop right there .” ," Cloud interrupted.

“Oh! I was just about to tell a good joke though!” She the princess complained.

“No, it didn’t work last time .” , either," Cloud said firmly.

“Bleh! Your no fun!” Yuffie said complained, turning her back to Cloud on the boy.

“Moggles.”[/s][/s]

[s]comma here, and is it moggles or moogles? I've seen "mog" for a single one occasionally, but usually with the double "o"

[/s]

[s]Zangan's trained [s]hearding hearing allowed him to hear catch it also.

Yuffie snorted, trying to hold back laughter.

“Alright! Your You're fun!” She gave in, laughing hard.

Tifa and her Sensei just stared at Yuffie who was almost on the ground from laughing.

“Ah…Inside joke.”[/s][/s]

[s]space, and comma not period
[/s]

[s]“Sorry?” [s]He he said (comma) uncertain of what to do (period)

(new paragraph)Zangan just looked on with a smile. So, this boy had Tifa’s affections? And this Yuffie girl didn’t have any idea of anything like that, but Tifa thinks she like’s likes Cloud?
“Whhhubbrwb!” The Egg egg shattered, and the new born Chocobo hatchling looked around, then stared Tifa in the eye and rubbed it’s its gooey head against her head[/s][/s]

[s] (hers or her cheek/face/chest/etc. - head is a little too generic. Also, newly hatched chicks are, indeed, wet and gooey, so I'd expect her to protest about that. It should dry off within a couple of minutes, though, especially if they towel it.

[/s]

[s]It [s]thinks’ your it’s thinks you're its mother.” Zangan commented.

“What are you going to name…him?” Her Sensei asked, checking the gender real quick.[/s][/s]

[s]Ehem. Birds don't have external genitalia, so to check chicks you have to do something undignified with their hinterparts. Cue double-eww reaction from the kids.

[/s]

[s]“Choco [s].” S ," she said, and Yuffie rolled her eyes.

“Original .” ," Yuffie muttered. That just made Tifa want the name even more.

“Choco…I like it.”[/s][/s]

[s]space, and a comma at the end

[/s]

[s]top of [s]clouds Cloud's head, and started scratching lightly.

“HEY!” Cloud yelled, picking up the bird, and it squawked again.

“It was trying to roost, you’re your hair is remarkably like a chocobo’s in color.”[/s][/s]

[s]Who says this?

[/s]

[s]“Gee. I feel special [s].” H ," he muttered (no comma) as the bird ran over to Tifa, asking to be picked up. , and she obligated her. She obliged, with an amused grin.

“He will grow fast, three months he will be ready for you young ones to ride, one at a time of course.” (says who?)

“What about food?” (says who?)

“He will eat the grass, and find Gashyle Greens naturally (comma)” Zangan said, now thinking about getting Chocobos for the others too. That way they could all ride.[/s][/s]

[s]

[/s]

[s]In the middle of the night, Zangan smiled, staring at the Wutai Warrior underneath him, he was asleep in a very well laid out trap; the only way to get to him was by alerting the Wutai Warrior. At least by conventional means.

But Zangan was by no means conventional. But, as he was about to get answers from this man, he sensed someone, prompting him to hide himself quickly. The Wutai warrior snapped to attention, facing towards where that exact moment a howl erupted in the night.[/s]

[s]Ack, an awkward passage of awkwardness! How awkward! How about this:

Late that night, Zangan smiled, looking over the Wutai soldier (at his feet/below the tree he'd climbed/etc.) The man had laid out to take his rest in the center of a very cunning trap. There was no way to get to him without first rousing him, at least by conventional means.

Of course, he was by no means limited to the conventional, but before he could approach to get some answers from the Wutai man he sensed another presence. Zangan quickly concealed himself, while the soldier snapped upright and turned to face the source of the disruption - a loud howl that suddenly split the night.

[/s]

[s]Cloud stirred in his sleep, and woke up to a howl (period) Yuffie’s foot was on his arm again and Tfia was in her sleeping bag on the other side of the tent.

He noticed that Zangan was not [s]outside of the tent visible through the tent flaps, and poked his head outside...

... only to meet two bright red eyes (comma) and a ball of orange slamming that slammed into him.[/s][/s]

[s]

Feel free to use, modify, or ignore the suggested changes as you see fit - it's your story, after all.[/s]
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Wow, I knew there were a lot of issues with it, but still...

Ok, working on it. Thanks ClassicDrogn.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

ClassicDrogn wrote:

---

I thought she wasn't feeling too bad to begin with? Just kind of
disoriented - sure, it's because she's in shock and not really feeling
the injuries, but "a little stronger" or "a little more focused" might
work better, as well as wondering why she's crying when she doesn't feel
too hurt, or else mention that she's crying about her mother being
gone. Replacing at least one "She" with her name would also be good, I
think.

Ah, I forgot to explain this.
Because Cloud used a hi-potion in this timeline, and not in the original, this makes things much worse for Tifa.
Partial healing of the sort of trama that put's you into a coma for three days could kill you, in this case the Hi-potion healed a good deal of the damage, (And even then, a Hi-potion would not fix a broken leg, and would have dealt with the more serious damage to her like the broken spine.) but did not fix the concussion she would have that would put her into a coma that bad.
In fact, Tifa is lucky she didn't start vomiting from her concussion.
She wasn't able to feel her injuries do to damage to nervous system from the prviously broken spine, she manages to feel better because she can still feel from the shoulders up, and she was only a little bruised in that area.
I guess I should explain in more detail in story a little more, sorry about that.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

Ah, I see. Don't worry about lots of questions/suggestions being "bad" - there's always a lot of things that seem different to someone who knows only what you put on the page, rather than the whole thought process. It's the whole reason to do this kind of comment process, to help the words say to others what you meant when you wrote them. (Plus the various spelling/grammar catches that your brain glosses over due to knowing what's supposed to be there, of course.) I'm happy to help; more, higher quality fanfiction on the net is a win for all of us.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Ok, worked on the first bit more, minor changes in addition to what you suggested Classic.
Edit: The Pat on the back bit changed to Patted. I think that is what was wrong with it.

Again, thank you.

-0-0-0-0-

Cloud was clutching her hand so hard that it should have been painful...why wasn't it painful?

"Tifa! Stay awake! I'm going to go get help!"

She wasn’t strong enough - even with the adrenaline rush - to lift herself upright. Help for what? She wondered.

Her mind wandered, trying to remember what happened. She ran from home to be alone, but her friends followed, and for some reason Cloud did too.

Then...she fell, and Cloud fell with her. The bridge collapsed.
She then remembered the details, and couldn’t hold back the tears that were starting to form.

Her mother...she died. She isn't going to be at Mt. Nebel, she would have stopped this from happening.
By the time Cloud came back, Tifa was sobbing, making Cloud panic even more.

“Tifa, drink this! It's a Hi-Potion, it'll help you." She opened her mouth, and swallowed as Cloud poured it in a gentle trickle. She felt a little better, a little stronger and the dull pain on her arms and neck were mostly gone.
Tifa looked at Cloud, and saw how worried he was, it reminded her of mother…
Tifa started to move around a little, and managed to sit upright with Cloud's help. He noticed that her leg was pointing the wrong direction, and cringed. This was really, really bad. Tifa clutched onto his shirt, trying to keep her balance, and she looked tired. She hugged him, and cried, huffing in-between sobs.

“Are you alright?” Cloud asked her, and then immediately felt stupid for asking that question and excepted to be made fun of by her, but all she would do was cry into his shoulder muttering about her mother.

That was when Cloud felt afraid, but Tifa didn’t notice. If she knew that Cloud was thinking then she probably would have felt hopeless. ‘We’re trapped, and the only thing we can do is wait for help…’ Cloud patted Tifa on the back and started telling her that everything was going to be alright. ‘I don’t know what to do about this whole thing, I don’t have any more potions and Tifa’s hurt really bad…’

Then Tifa just stopped sobbing and huffing, making a shiver go up his spine. He looked at her, and almost screamed in panic. Her eyes were closed, and he couldn't feel her heartbeat on his chest anymore.

He understood what just happened, but could not comprehend it happening. He breathed deeply, breath stuttering, and started to cry.

“HEY! Whatcha’ doing down there?!” A voice asked from above.

“Were stuck!” Cloud yelled looking up with hope, drying his tears quickly, and then felt his heart sink when he got a good look at what he hoped would be a way out of this horror. It was another kid.

"You ok!?" She asked in concern.

"NO! Help us! PLEASE!" He yelled, holding Tifa tightly. He saw her look of realization and started digging though a bag at her side.

"Alright! Catch this and put it on her chest!" She tossed something red at him, and he caught it, barely. It was a dull red, shaped like a feather and felt like a feather, but it was heavy. Before he could ask about it, the little girl answered his question.

"It's a Phoenix down! Is she stiff?!"

"No!" Cloud yelled back, touching Tifa's arm.

"Put it on her! Quick!" Cloud laid her down, and pressed the Phoenix Down onto Tifa.
A sharp ringing, like rapid chirps cut though then tense atmosphere, and red sparks showered Tifa, which were absorbed into her body. Cloud dared hope, and silently prayed.
Tifa gasped a moment later, and Cloud bear hugged Tifa.

"What happened?" Tifa asked, and Cloud was now the person crying.

It all came back to Tifa, and she moved to hug cloud back, but couldn't move due to both her injuries and Cloud’s tight squeeze.

"Hold on! I'll be right down!" Tifa looked up with hope, which was promptly destroyed, turning into annoyance. Why couldn’t an adult find them?

It was a little girl, no bigger than Tifa herself. What was SHE going to do to get them out? Other than go get her daddy... Tifa didn’t want that, but she knew it was going to happen anyway the moment her friends ran off at the first sign of trouble. To top it all off, they would likely blame Cloud since they didn’t like him to begin with.

“Here’s a rope! Can ya climb?!” She yelled, and both Tifa and Cloud nodded their heads.

“Alright, I tied it to this REALLY big rock! Here ya go!” She yelled down to them, throwing them the rope.

Cloud grabbed it, and the little girl started to climb down. When she reached the bottom, she ran over to Tifa, and pulled out a green orb.

"Ok...” She muttered, and her face scrunched up for a moment, both Cloud and Tifa stared at her, wondering what she was doing.
“Cure." Tifa was covered in white sparkles, while a tinkling sound was heard. Tifa looked amazed, and tried to grab one of the sparks, only for it to go right into her body.
Then her face contorted into the image of pain, as her damaged nerves were suddenly repaired before the rest of her injuries.

"AhHH!!" She screamed. Cloud looked on in horror, and looked to the little girl with the Orb, who looked just as horrified as himself.

"CURE! CURE! CURE!" The little girl started yelling, casting those spells. Tifa’s screams went down, and she started to cry a little. Her leg was no longer pointing the wrong direction at least. Cloud looked at the little girl, wondering why she stopped healing. She was sitting down, panting and reaching into her bag.

"It hurts..." Tifa moaned. Cloud looked at the little girl, and grabbed the Green Orb. Suddenly, knowledge flooded into his head - he knew how he needed to heal Tifa.

"Cure!" He said, and the white sparkles came back, and Tifa started to look less pale. Cloud looked on with renewed hope, Tifa didn't die and was healing. He spared a glance at the little girl, who was now chugging down a green bottle with the words ‘ether’ on it.

Encouraged, he cast the spell twice more and Tifa stopped crying. "It... doesn't hurt anymore." She said, and slowly got back up, Cloud helping her up.

"Ok! Now that that is done, let's get back up there!" The little girl announced, tossing a empty green bottle to the side.

Cloud nodded his head, but mentally winced as the bottle shattered. He found it odd how the bottle dissolved into green liquid, which then puffed into green smoke.
“Who are you?” Tifa asked, dusting herself off. She winced when she saw the blood on her clothes, that wouldn’t come out for a long time.
“Yuffie!” the newly named girl called, making Tifa look back up. Then look even more up. Tifa did a double take at where Yuffie was a moment ago, and where she was now.
“How did she climb that fast?” Tifa asked, and Cloud just shrugged, grabbed the rope, and walked over to her.

“Whaa… what are you doing?” Tifa asked as Cloud tied a knot around her.

“Putting it around you, so when I get up there I can lift you up.” Cloud answered, and started to climb, not noticing Tifa’s blush.

“I can climb it myself!” She yelled at Cloud, but he was already half way up the rope. Yuffie was bugging Cloud to move faster.

Tifa pouted, but decided not to untie it. Instead, she tugged on it to make sure it was fastened securely, and began to climb.

She only managed to get a quarter of the way up before calling for help.

Cloud was already at the top, and the little girl that saved them was climbing up when they heard her crying out. He looked back and found that Tifa was struggling futilely.

“Ok, let’s pull her up!” Cloud told Yuffie, who nodded as and started to pull together.

“Climb girl, climb!” Yuffie called out as they pulled.

Tifa huffed, and tried to climb the rope again.

“Not the rope! The wall! Grab the wall and start climbing!” Yuffie hollered. Tifa realized her mistake and began climbing the wall instead. With Cloud and Yuffie pulling from above, Tifa found she was going up faster than Cloud managed on his own.

Once she got up the wall, Cloud and Yuffie were already panting from exertion, while Tifa was just a little sore where the rope was.

“You’re not a feather.” Yuffie grumped and Cloud laughed.

Tifa blushed, and retorted, “Well you’re a little small for a eight year old!”

“I'm seven year's old missy, as of last week! And if I didn’t come around you would have been stuck down there forever!”

Cloud wisely stayed out of it, but was surprised when Tifa just huffed and thanked her for helping them.
_____________
Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[classicdrogn]

Very nice! I don't know if I missed it the first time or it's new, but you do have "Cloud pat her on the back" still to fix. Otherwise, though, it's hitting all the technical standards checkboxes, and the rewrite still meshes with the rest of what's already written, so (for what it's worth) you can slap my QA stamp on 'er and ship it
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows