[STORY] With Liberty And Great Justice...

[M Fnord]

A twofer!

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From: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
To: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)
Subj: Re: I'd like to say you're wrong, but...
Date Posted: May 20, 2013
* "Nagasaki"? Which historical allusion are you going with here, Mal?
Luckily we don't have a Perry to deal with... yet. We're also in a bit stronger position than the shogunate.
* I can't help but think "nations defaulting on their UN dues", but that
* didn't happen to the UN until a few decades after they were founded.
* You may be onto something here.
Of course I'm onto something. Or maybe just on something. Whichever.
More seriously, the UN model is... a good start for a template, if nothing else. It helps that the primary model would be strictly police/military in the short run; interfaction relations are good, we don't have to worry about things like decolonization, etc.
* All I know for sure is that it isn't me or any of my senior staff.
* Yoriko thinks it might be the captain of a certain Fenship... but I'll
* tell you more about that on Wednesday.
A specific fenship, hm? I can think of a dozen or so off the top of my head that I'd consider candidates... I suppose we shall see, though.
--Mal

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From: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
To: An Anonymous Analyst (fenfront@cia.gov)
Subj: SETEC ASTRONOMY (Was: Re: Ambush Incidents - SECURE DECRYPT ROMEO ABLE SEVEN)
Date Posted: May 20, 2013
Point One: The fact that you don't seem all that interested in where Nagato or Itsuki get their intelligence doesn't reassure me.
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Subpoint: Also, would you mind explaining in no uncertain terms *why* we should trust your masters with our intelligence-gathering? You *are* after all an agent of a hostile power.
Point Two: If Boskone has sufficient sigint and humint resources aboard Stellvia to intercept sealed orders with force estimates attached, then we might as well give up right now for we are well & truly fucked. I'll also note that Ptichka isn't *based* out of Stellvia.
Point Three: When I said full disclosure, I meant full disclosure. That's not negotiable. If Suzumiya wants to spill the beans but the SOS-dan is reluctant to talk, then I have no problem cutting them out of the loop and dealing with Suzumiya directly. If *they* have a problem with that, then they shouldn't have climbed into the goldfish bowl in the first place.
To use your own metaphor: ante up.
--Fnord
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Valles]

[ooc] Re: Basing: Wait, what? Where is Ptichka operating out of, then? I've ignored it in this draft - I can tighten things up in an edit if need be.

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From: An Anonymous Analyst (fenfront@cia.gov)
To: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
Subj: Re: SETEC ASTRONOMY
Date: May 20, 2013
* Point One: The fact that you don't seem all that interested
* in where Nagato or Itsuki get their intelligence doesn't
* reassure me.
I -know- where Nagato gets hers, but it's not my place to say. Itsuki's people are concerning but outside the topic at hand.
* You *are* after all an agent of a hostile power.
...
Okay, I'm sorry to have to type this, but stop being a fucking idiot. Why the hell should we -care-? The safety and interests of the United States of America would not be inherently threatened by the existence of a fennish state even if one existed or was likely to in the foreseeable future. They would be and -are- threatened by current Reaver activity and its likely consequences, particularly since a great many fen still hold active US Citizenship.
* Point Two: If Boskone has sufficient sigint and humint
* resources aboard Stellvia to intercept sealed orders with
* force estimates attached, then we might as well give up
* right now for we are well & truly fucked.
Sealed orders? Of course not. That's how we got the PAVEMENT network in place to begin with. Open up-armament of a major combatant is a different matter.
* Point Three: When I said full disclosure, I meant full
* disclosure. That's not negotiable. If Suzumiya wants to
* spill the beans but the SOS-dan is reluctant to talk, then I
* have no problem cutting them out of the loop and dealing
* with Suzumiya directly. If *they* have a problem with
* that, then they shouldn't have climbed into the goldfish
* bowl in the first place.
Let me repeat myself using smaller words. We Mundanes are not the ones you need to convince. Nagato is not the one you need to convince. Suzumiya is not the one you need to convince. Itsuki is the one with problems telling people what they need. Got it? Good.
Now go watch the damned source I pointed you at before you say something that gets us all killed or worse.
* To use your own metaphor: ante up.
Have done.
Pointedly yours, AAA
=======================================
"Even God's enemies are in some way his own."

===============================================
"I'm terribly sorry, but I have to kill you quite horribly now."

[M Fnord]

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[ooc] Re: Basing: Wait, what? Where is Ptichka operating out of, then? I've ignored it in this draft - I can tighten things up in an edit if need be.

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Ptichka operates out of Kandor, where they've got a hangar/maintenance facility/office/apartment complex on the city rim. Stellvia's nice and all, but space shuttles are surprisingly large vehicles and the station's not big enough to house one yet.
And now, on with the show:

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From: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
To: An Anonymous Analyst (fenfront@cia.gov)
Subj: Re: SETEC ASTRONOMY
Date Posted: May 20, 2013
* I -know- where Nagato gets hers, but it's not my place to say.
* Itsuki's people are concerning but outside the topic at hand.
Outside the topic? You don't know where intelligence is coming from - you don't know if the intelligence is *compromised* - and that's outside the topic?
Jesus. No wonder the CIA's reputation is in the shitter.
* Okay, I'm sorry to have to type this, but stop being a fucking
* idiot. Why the hell should we -care-? The safety and interests of
* the United States of America would not be inherently threatened by
* the existence of a fennish state even if one existed or was likely
* to in the foreseeable future.
From your government's own National Space Policy, as crafted by President Giuliani's staff and duly signed off on by the Congress: "The United States will oppose the development of new legal regimes or other restrictions that seek to prohibit or limit U.S. access to or use of space."
Who's being the fucking idiot, here? It's pretty clear that the nations (yes, *nations*) in the Solar System represent a restriction of American interests. You may work under the assumption that Boskone is a threat to everybody as a whole, but that doesn't mean you're our buddies. Any romantic delusions you may have to the contrary are just that: delusions.
Your interests are not our interests. Our interests are a long-term threat to your interests. Accept it and move on.
* Let me repeat myself using smaller words. We Mundanes are not the
* ones you need to convince. Nagato is not the one you need to
* convince. Suzumiya is not the one you need to convince. Itsuki is the
* one with problems telling people what they need. Got it? Good.
I thought it was Itsuki and Asahina?
Doesn't matter. The bid is still there. Full. Disclosure. Whatever I know, whatever you know, whatever Suzumiya knows, whatever the other commanders know, whatever Asahina, Itsuki & Nagato know, we *all* know it. No compromises.
* Now go watch the damned source I pointed you at before you say
* something that gets us all killed or worse.
And what kind of paranoid bullshit is this?
--Fnord

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From: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
To: big-cheese@stellvia.lib
Subj: Something's happening here...
Date Posted: May 20, 2013
---BEGIN PGP ENCRYPTED MESSAGE---
Gentlemen:
I'm attaching a file with excerpts from correspondence between myself and OGJ's "official" CIA liaison, AAA. It's nothing mission-critical or anything, but something that makes me think there's a big piece of this puzzle we're missing.
To sum up: The inner circles of the SOS-dan all seem to be hiding a secret - or maybe multiple secrets - from their esteemed leader. More to the point, they've gotten AAA in on the act, and AAA seems to be scared stupid that somebody will tell Suzumiya. Tell her *what* I haven't figured out yet. The key seems to be an anime called "Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu", which (AFAICT) came & went the summer before the wave with no real impact or fanbase.
You gentlemen have your own methods of finding things out. I would like to hire you to do some digging. Mail your terms back and we'll make a deal.
--Fnord
---END PGP ENCRYPTED MESSAGE---
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Valles]

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Ptichka operates out of Kandor, where they've got a hangar/maintenance facility/office/apartment complex on the city rim. Stellvia's nice and all, but space shuttles are surprisingly large vehicles and the station's not big enough to house one yet.

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Ah, okay. Switch the names out and the point should stand, I think, so long's it's not as though either of the two locations has the kind of tightly controlled access that you see in a completely military base.

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From: An Anonymous Analyst (fenfront@cia.gov)
To: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen)
Subj: Re: SETEC ASTRONOMY
Date Posted: May 20, 2013
* Outside the topic? You don't know where intelligence is
* coming from - you don't know if the intelligence is
* *compromised* - and that's outside the topic?
You mean we're -not- talking about Haruhi and why she is or isn't to be trusted? When'd -that- happen?
* From your government's own National Space Policy, as
* crafted by President Giuliani's staff and duly signed off on
* by the Congress:
Circa 2008, allowed to lapse 2010, and anyway superseded by Executive Order 14049 directing Federal responsibilities to citizens residing off terra firma.
* Who's being the fucking idiot, here? It's pretty clear that
* the nations (yes, *nations*) in the Solar System represent
* a restriction of American interests.
Because clearly, fleas cause dogs.
* Any
* romantic delusions you may have to the contrary are just
* that: delusions.
Amusingly, this is much the same turn of phrase I restrained myself from using in my last missive with regards to fennish nationalism. Regardless of whether your ego demands 'threat' status or not, I and mine have better things to waste our time on than betraying those fighting in our interests. Like indexing laundry lint or something.
If you're determined to be an enemy I suppose I can't stop you, but in your shoes I don't think I'd think it wise.
* I thought it was Itsuki and Asahina?
Asahina has jack-all to do with intelligence gathering. Trust me, I read her mail.
* And what kind of paranoid bullshit is this?
The kind that's worried about the literal end of the universe.
* Doesn't matter. The bid is still there. Full. Disclosure.
* Whatever I know, whatever you know, whatever Suzumiya
* knows, whatever the other commanders know, whatever
* Asahina, Itsuki & Nagato know, we *all* know it. No
* compromises.
When you die alone and wondering why every girl you ever tried to date hates your guts, I'm going to come to your funeral and laugh.
I started this exchange in hopes of opening up a route to compromise. Without that, the only options left are continued disagreement (wherin I suppose you go off to try and fight your own war) and violence (wherein... well. anything I could say would sound like a threat I'd rather not make). A, B, or C. Up to you.
I've made my try. Good luck, at least personally. I expect you'll need it.
In parting, AAA
=======================================
"Even God's enemies are in some way his own."
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[Kokuten]

less email, more NG posts - y'all cramping my style here.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[robkelk]

From: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)
To: Col. Mal Fnord, USSRAF (23@globalfrequency.fen
Subject: Something's happening here...
Date Posted: May 21, 2013

Thanks for the data-dump, Mal; this gives me some badly-needed context.

* Go dig up 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu' - it's an anime that came out about the same time the wave hit.

I got Yoriko to review that anime. (There's a manga as well, that goes into a bit more detail.) My first reaction is that I am not happy about Great Justice being run by a bunch of nutbars who believe they're actually the anime characters they biomodded themselves into. I don't mind having a bunch of 'scure-fen running the show; I do mind them running it in accordance with their own essentially-private fandom, which hindsight shows is what they've been doing.

The sooner we establish something else, the better. Hell, with what I know now, I'd rather trust the Bailey Security Service to run Great Justice than leave it to the "SOS-dan", and we all know how little I think of the Baileys.

* Jesus. No wonder the CIA's reputation is in the shitter.

Nothing new there, Mal. Here's a joke that's been making the rounds for years (and which I got from a Gaiman fan): How do you know the CIA wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?  He's dead.

But I can see AAA's point of view. Expecting a spook to open up is ridiculous - they've been trained to clam up as a matter of course.

* You gentlemen have your own methods of finding things out. I would like to hire you to do some digging. Mail your terms back and we'll make a deal.

I've got a package that needs to be hidden somewhere in the Solar System where nobody can find it for at least a century and still come through untouched. If you can do that for me, and you don't mind me keeping a copy of whatever I find for you, you'll get my intelligence service for free.

--Noah

[Morganite]

From: Unexpected AI Irene (irene@utic.fen)
To: nttp://fen.current-events.disc
Subject: Re: Politics, Government, Drugs, Really Wild Things
Date Posted: May 20th, 2013
>If you think you can find them, be my guest. If you're smart, though, you'll stop assuming you can outsneak the pros.
Okay, this is really getting on my nerves.
You're saying, we should stick with a strategy that -isn't really working-, because we're not -professional- enough for you, and just wait for whatever you're doing to pan out?
The hell with that. We could be doing more with the resources they have. It's going to take some effort to work out, but I'm not impressed with suggestions that we shouldn't even try.
I, of course, will have nothing to do with any of it, because I'm stuck on one of the top ten slowest moving pieces of real estate in the fdsking -system-.
IRENE

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(Point-to-point FTL commuication between Irene aboard S. Hofwall's Field and Morgan aboard Nanbara's Luck, May 21, 2013)
Morgan> Are you sure that was such a good idea?
Irene> Why?
Morgan> Oh, you know, major government agencies in countries I still do business in... no reason.
Irene> You're just too timid.
Morgan> ...
Irene> I'm still not convinced there's any point in listening to what a person like this has to say.
Morgan> Well, that's not really for us to decide.
Irene> Oh, yes. Why couldn't you have awakened me aboard a Haruna-class or something?
Morgan> Where would I get one of those?!
Irene> ...
Irene> Anyway, you'd better make it back here. We've still got contracts to fulfill, and -I'm- obviously not going to be delivering anything.
Morgan> I love you too.
>Morgan has disconnected.
Irene> ...

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-Morgan, wonders when this became a continuing trend..."Mikuru-chan molested me! I'm... so happy!"
-Haruhi, "The Ecchi of Haruhi Suzumiya"
---(Not really)

[Morganite]

From: Unexpected AI Irene (irene@utic.fen)
To: nntp://fen.forsale.misc
Subject: Special announcement from UTIC Sales
Date Posted: May 27, 2013
Reply-to: sales@utic.fen
UTIC is proud to announce that, starting immediately, we will be resuming production of the "Chocolate Grenade".
As you may know, the chocolate grenade was once our most popular products. Unfortunately, our chocolate supplier went out of business, and we couldn't find another one whose product met the necessary standards. We were all pretty upset, because we were making a lot of money on them.
However, we recently got in touch with a new company whose product could, and now we're ready to do it again.
For product and ordering information, please visit http://store.utic.fen
Returning customers may notice that the price is lower than it used to be. This is no promotional deal, but the new regular price. We weren't just standing idly by waiting for a new source of chocolate. Our new baking process reduces waste significantly, allowing us to maintain the level of quality you expect while reducing the cost significantly. And making us even more money.
If you have any questions, please feel free to send them to sales@utic.fen . I don't sleep, so replies will be prompt. Unless you say something that makes me mad.
IRENE

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Inspired by a random thought I had while at work today. I could find references to chocolates shaped like grenades in a google search, and something that sounded like grenades shaped like chooclates...
This, however, is something you pull the pin, throw, and things in the blast radius are covered in chocolate. Then you eat the pin, because it's also made of chocolate.
I imagine they'd be quite popular if someone managed to make them in RL.
-Morgan."Mikuru-chan molested me! I'm... so happy!"
-Haruhi, "The Ecchi of Haruhi Suzumiya"
---(Not really)