I wasn't going to mention this, until robkelk suggested Van Halen's Jump as a song which should be thoroughly off limits, since it'd induce suicide in everyone around. This one belongs in the same category, except that it's targeted to one person. Ruthlessness or no, I think triggering suicide is a bit too mean-spirited for Doug.
Musical: Oklahoma
Song: Pore Jud Is Daid
Curly: Pore Jud is daid,
Pore Jud Fry is daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn't very old
Oh why did such a feller have to die?
Pore Jud is daid
Pore Jud Fry is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
Jud: And serene!
Curly: He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean!
(Spoken) Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting) Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Jud Fry,
who hung hisself up by a rope in his smokehouse
(Spoken) Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting) Jud was the most misunderstood man in this here territory.
People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called
him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer
(Sung) But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant) Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung) There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
Jud: As big as all outdoors.
Curly: Jud Fry loved his feller man
Jud: He loved his feller man
Curly (Spoken): He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field.
He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated
the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children.
He loved everybody and everything in the whole world!
Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung) Pore Jud is Daid
Pore Jud Fry is daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
Jud: Miles Around!
Curly: The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Pore Jud is underneath the ground.
Jud: Pore Jud is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
Curly: Wood...
Jud: And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
Curly: Good..
Both: Pore Jud is Daid; a candle lights his haid!
Curly: He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Both: Pore Jud, Pore Jud.
My favorite line in this has always been, "and he treated the rats like equals, which was right."
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
Musical: Oklahoma
Song: Pore Jud Is Daid
Curly: Pore Jud is daid,
Pore Jud Fry is daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn't very old
Oh why did such a feller have to die?
Pore Jud is daid
Pore Jud Fry is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
Jud: And serene!
Curly: He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean!
(Spoken) Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting) Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Jud Fry,
who hung hisself up by a rope in his smokehouse
(Spoken) Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting) Jud was the most misunderstood man in this here territory.
People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called
him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer
(Sung) But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant) Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung) There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
Jud: As big as all outdoors.
Curly: Jud Fry loved his feller man
Jud: He loved his feller man
Curly (Spoken): He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field.
He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated
the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children.
He loved everybody and everything in the whole world!
Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung) Pore Jud is Daid
Pore Jud Fry is daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
Jud: Miles Around!
Curly: The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Pore Jud is underneath the ground.
Jud: Pore Jud is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
Curly: Wood...
Jud: And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
Curly: Good..
Both: Pore Jud is Daid; a candle lights his haid!
Curly: He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Both: Pore Jud, Pore Jud.
My favorite line in this has always been, "and he treated the rats like equals, which was right."
-----
Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
