DEMENTIA 2000!: Dr. Demento's 30th Anniversary Collection

[Valles]

Disc One:
Tom Lehrer - The Elements: Every time a specific element is mentioned, a 500lb anvil of that substance manifests at a position within Doug's area of effect, which one being his choice. Gaseous elements appear under extreme pressure, and therefore -appear- to be explosions.
Ozzy Fudd - Kill the Wabbit: Doug is the Rabbit. Everybody else in range is a Fudd. Backfire, obviously.
Jim's Big Ego - Stress: For three minutes and twenty-seven seconds, Doug is Too Much Caffiene Man.
Ivor Biggun & The D. Kups - Bras on 45: ...Shadowalker probably doesn't let him play this one.

Disc Two:
Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan - Tennessee Bird Walk: Doug's area of effect is caught in the middle of the described migration (a phenomenon that only the song itself can adequately describe).
Loudon Wainwright III - Dead Skunk: Stinking Cloud. Any questions?
The Toyes - Smoke Two Joints: It's like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, only without the hallucinations.
Blessed be.
-n
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[Bob Schroeck]

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Ivor Biggun & The D. Kups - Bras on 45: ...Shadowalker probably doesn't let him play this one.

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Damn straight. It's bad enough when Peggy glares at me when this one comes up on one of the comedy mix CDs I have...

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Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan - Tennessee Bird Walk: Doug's area of effect is caught in the middle of the described migration (a phenomenon that only the song itself can adequately describe).

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Oh remember me my darlin'
When spring is in the air,
And the bald-headed birds
Are whisperin' everywhere,
When you see them walking southward
In their dirty underwear,
That's the Tennessee Birdwalk...
Uh, yeah, maybe not as much destructive potential as "76 Trombones", but certainly a hell of a distraction...

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The Toyes - Smoke Two Joints: It's like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, only without the hallucinations.

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Oh, so it has no effect at all?
(Edit: Got one word wrong in the Birdwalk.)

-- Bob
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There is no spork.

[cpt kangarooski]

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Tom Lehrer - The Elements: Every time a specific element is mentioned, a 500lb anvil of that substance manifests at a position within Doug's area of effect, which one being his choice. Gaseous elements appear under extreme pressure, and therefore -appear- to be explosions.

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Yeah, uh, a lot of those are radioactive or toxic, and 500lbs would be more than a critical mass for some of them. This would not be the safest song to use.

[mephron]

Let's take a walk through one element at a time, shall we?
(Dear god, I must be mad!)
There's antimony (metal)
arsenic (poisonous!)
aluminum (metal)
selenium, (possible a liquid, depending on the local temperature)
And hydrogen (gas, flammable)
and oxygen (gas, flammable)
and nitrogen (gas)
and rhenium (very dense)
And nickel (thump!)
neodymium (rare earth, used in very small magnets)
neptunium (radioisotope, may go boom!)
germanium, (natural semiconductor, used in crystal radios)
And iron (thump!)
americium (used in smoke detectors! Transuranic, may go critical!)
ruthenium
uranium, (radioisotope, may go boom!)
Europium (rare earth)
zirconium (flammable! transparent to neutrons!)
lutetium (rare earth)
vanadium (thump!)
And lanthanum
and osmium (Powdered osmium is oxidized in air at room temperature to form highly toxic osmium tetroxide)
and astatine
and radium (radioactive!)
And gold, (thump!)
protactinium (highly radioactive and toxic!)
and indium (thump!)
and gallium (inhale)
And iodine (A song about Iodine)
and thorium (radioactive, but slowly)
and thulium (rare earth)
and thallium. (rare earth)
There's yttrium, (used in lasers!)
ytterbium, (rare earth)
actinium, (precursor to the heavy radioactives)
rubidium (just need some cesium and I can make intradermal translators!)
And boron, (BO-RING!)
gadolinium, (not so rare earth)
niobium, (was she just a rad driver in that third Matrix movie?)
iridium (thump!)
And strontium
and silicon (thump!)
and silver (thump!)
and samarium,
And bismuth, (isn't that the capital of North Dakota?)
bromine, (oh, THAT old bromine.)
lithium, (our friend in a pill!)
beryllium (bologni!)
and barium. (ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Barium Manilow!)
(Isn't that interesting?
I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes, because there's gonna be a short quiz next period.)
There's holmium (wholenium?)
and helium (it's a gas)
and hafnium (And here's Halfnium!)
and erbium (Erbie! Wasn't he a Volkswagen bug?)
And phosphorous (BURN! FOR THE ROYALTY!)
and francium (cheese-eaters!)
and fluorine (it's in our water to control our minds!)
and terbium (atomic turbium to speed!)
And manganese (thump!)
and mercury, (cutest of the Senshi... wait, wrong universe)
molybdinum, (thump!)
magnesium, (ignitable!)
Dysprosium (is it 'pro' or 'dis', make up your mind!)
and scandium (Finland!)
and cerium
and cesium (oh THERE it is.)
And lead, (thump!)
praseodymium, (say THAT five times fast)
and platinum, (thump!)
plutonium, (radioisotope, may go boom!)
Palladium, (makers of twinky games for far too long)
promethium, (he gave fire-ium to the Greeks!)
potassium, (yay!)
polonium, (a game played with ponies)
and Tantalum, (My Tante Lum told me I'd go mad one day.)
technetium, (....ow)
titanium, (thump!)
tellurium, (inhale)
And cadmium (you cad!)
and calcium (milk! it makes a body good.)
and chromium (shiiiiiiiny)
and curium. (radioactive, and named after a woman.)
There's sulfur, (stinky)
californium (dude!)
and fermium, (sweet!)
berkelium (like, wow)
And also mendelevium, (named after the first guy to make a periodic table of the elements, Dmitri Mendeleev)
einsteinium (named after Albert Einstein, who discovered that if you were smart enough no one cared about your hair)
and nobelium (named after Alfred Nobel, a prize guy)
And argon, (glowing gas)
krypton, (Superman came from here)
neon, (another glowy gas!)
radon, (it's a gas! it's radioactive! It'll kill you TWO ways!)
xenon, (more glowy gas)
zinc (this now has everything, including the kitchen zinc)
and rhodium (it carries the instruments for the rest of the elements)
And chlorine, (bleach!)
carbon, (thump!)
cobalt, (changes color when dry!)
copper, (thump!)
Tungsten, (thump!)
tin (thump!)
and sodium. (BOOM in water)
These are the only ones of which the news has come to Hahvahd,
And there may be many others but they haven't been discovahed.

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I started getting a little silly there. Sorry.Brazil has decided you're cute.

[Bob Schroeck]

Sheesh, Geoff. There goes my geekery award for calculating Sailor Mercury's rate of fall...

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And iodine (A song about Iodine)

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All I could think of when I saw this was the voice of Arlo Guthrie: "Alice -- remember Alice? There's a song about Alice."



-- Bob
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There is no spork.

[offsides]

OK, that's a fun one - and there's even more things to blow up than the ones you mentioned
Most notably the alkaline earth metals under Hydrogen (Lithium, Sodium, Ceseum and a couple others that I don't recall offhand), all of whom will spontaneously oxidize in air (and Ceseum is a liquid at room temp!), and a few of the high-end transuranics, which not only would likely go critical, but probably have never even existed in the quantities we're discussing here
Geoff - you had way too much time on your hands, and way too little sleep on the brain (but we knew that
Offsides
Drunkard's Walk Forum Moderator and Prereader At Large

[mephron]

Fear me today then. Three and a half hours sleep after a day of work and a D&D game, and then work and D&D again tonight (I swear, I need to kill the GM for asking about 'make-up sessions' and smack him with a powered moon or something)Brazil has decided you're cute.