ROTFL: Can has Cheeseburger?

[SkyeFire]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5957086/1/

ND!Rei on B5.  Meeting Morden.  I can't quote the ROTFL parts here, I'll end up quoting THE. WHOLE.  DAMN.  THING.

Well, at least 3/4 of it.  The G'kar bits... the G'kar bits are either building up to a CMOA, or a severe heartbreaker.  Probably the latter.

[katreus]

"Now, before we go on to the important information," Persephone said. "Naiki, do you have a telepathic link with someone the way Eija does.""Yeah," the sea demoness said.
"Is she listening right now?" the Queen of the Dead asked.
"Let me check," Naiki said.
TESSA! TESSA! I NEED YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO SOMETHING! ARE YOU THERE?
Captain Testarossa picked up her head from her desk and rolled her eyes.
Naiki, remember what I said about volume control?
"Nope, she's not listening," Naiki said bold-facedly.

-Divine Blood
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5175006/25/Divine_Blood

[Shepherd]

from a Stargate/BtVS crossover (www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22286-2/dogbert ... a+Nail.htm):

“Was your sister part shark?” Janet asked absently, before slapping a hand over her mouth.
“Not the animal I'm thinking she's part, no,” Jack replied, his head slightly tilted to the side as he started reviewing facts in his head.
“Well your nephew is,” Janet said flatly, knowing Jack would have wormed it out of her anyway.
“What?” Jack asked. “I'm afraid I misheard you.”
“No, you heard correctly, Alexander Harris is part shark according to his DNA.”
“How is that even possible?” Jack asked.
“No idea,” Janet admitted.
“We could ask him,” Daniel suggested.
“You'll have to wake him up first,” Sam said.
“Tap on the glass, fish hate that,” Jack said sarcastically.
“He's your nephew not a fish,” Janet growled.
“Can't he be both?” Jack asked, knowing he was pushing it, but unable to help himself as his smart ass genes overrode his sense of self preservation.
“Daniel would you mind climbing in the tank and waking him up please?” Janet asked, ignoring Jack in a way that boded ill for his future.
“I've heard that waking sleep walk err swimmers is a bad idea,” Daniel said nervously.
“Teal'c?”
“Are not sharks the deadliest killing machines that can be found in water?” he asked politely, but made no move to enter the tank.
“Sam?” Janet tried.
“Not a good time of the month for swimming,” Sam said blushing. “Blood in the water is a bad idea around sharks I understand.”

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[katreus]

"Being the only boy in the family is lame." Chrono muttered. "All right, people. Everyone who is staying here at Dr. Shamal's mercy..."

"Care. They're in my care, not at my mercy."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/22/Infinity

[robkelk]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/22/Infinity

Same fic:

"Oh really. After all the work I do supporting you three, here you are ganging up on me." Shamal said, crossing her arms in a pout.

"I feel your pain." Nanoha said, stepping up to aid a comrade in the war against mild teasing.

"Thank you, Miss Takamachi. The next time you are in my care, you will get a lollipop." Shamal said.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jorlem]

"IT WAS MAITO GAI!" Itachi said, self-evidently. "And since when was he a qualified therapist?"

"Kakashi dared him to do it," Sarutobi said. "Something about how Gai would never be able to qualify in a year. Besides, it was either him or Anko. Who knows what would have happened if we left him under her care?

From Vengance! The Musical!, chapter three.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Black Aeronaut]

"Pen Pen?" Asuka asks, "Come here."

The penguin peaks his head out of the freezer, warily staring at Mana and the
DDR machine with the prominent hole in the screen, taking a wide berth around
her before hopping onto the couch next to Asuka.

"What's that?" Mana asks, face still red.

"Pet project," she says, "It's an extension of how we c-can turn mental
signals from Zwei into w-words. I figured we could do the same to Pen-Pen."

Closing the back of the collar with the words 'Pen 2' on it, she removes Pen
Pen's collar, placing the new one around his neck. Humming to herself, she
clicks on her PDA, clicking a button on it and an orange outline of itself
appearing around it, the lights on the collar beginning to glow and outlining
the name in neon.

"Borrowed this from our v-visitor," Asuka says, "Okay. Pen Pen, how do you
feel?"

The penguin stares at Mana for a moment, raising a bushy eyebrow before
turning back to Asuka. He opens his beak, making a careful, measured warbling
sound, before scratching himself behind the head with his claws.

"Wa-I feel fine, dOOd!"

Glancing from side to side, the Penguin narrows his eyes.

"Wa-Okay, that's messed up, dOOd."

"Thanks for making dinner, by the way," he says, "I'm feeling a little
better. At least, not as sick. The antibiotics are working, I guess."

"Good. Hm. Would you be offended if I wanted to leave to spy on Nagisa and
Rei?"

He shrugs.

"No," he says, "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you're planning
on doing that. Mom would be upset if you left because, well, since I'm in a cast
I need someone to help me around. I'm guessing you planned on that?"

"Very perceptive," Kei responds, walking over and standing between him and
the television, "A liberal interpretation says that if you are unconscious, I do
not need to care for you."

He stares at her. Sighing, he shrugs.

"Drugs?"

"Ambien. Four tablets. Mother uses them. I mixed them into the miso."

"Yep," Shinji sighs, "You really remind me of Mom."

"Asuka," Mana says, walking over and standing in front of her, "Misato just
left us alone, to our own devices. We're alone, we could watch TV or shit, but
in all honesty this is an opportunity. Because you can be the most uptight girl
I've ever met."

Asuka glares at her, raising an eyebrow.

"And I mean that in a good way," Mana says, "But as your friend, it is my
solemn and dutiful responsibility to help you get out of that shell. And by
that, I mean get you fucking hammered."

Several blocks away, at a five star restaurant overlooking the Tokyo-3 bay,
Gendo Ikari looks across the table to his wife as the waiter takes the menus,
bowing respectfully to the both of them before retreating to the kitchen. Yui
checks her PDA once again, Gendo sighing and placing his hand over hers.

"We agreed," he says, "No work, tonight."

She sighs, nodding.

"I know," she responds, "Pieter knows what he's doing. I worry, is all."

"It's one of your best traits," he responds with a rare smile, "But still, he
is right. You haven't taken any time off in thirteen years. We can trust
everyone else to fight the war for us for a week."

She smiles back as his other hand clasps over hers. Out of the corner of his
eye, he sees something, looking over her shoulder to the view of the city
and...

Of Kei, trekking across one of the rooftops behind them, a rocket launcher
slung over her should and a machete in her hand. She looks from side to side
before dropping into an alley and disappearing.

"What is it?" Yui asks.

"Nothing," he responds, as the waiter comes by again, "Wine list. Please."

"Okay," he says, and groans, "I'm hopped up on antibiotics and sedative. It's
dark out, we've got an Angel in the city, a full tank of LCL..."

He flicks his wrist, a pair of amber lenses picked up from the end table in
his hand, dropped from a miniscule black portal.

"And I'm wearing sunglasses."

He slides them on. A grin crosses his slightly green features.

"Let's ride."

That last one's going to be all the more epic if Asuka thinks Shinji looks sexy wearing his Dad's sunglasses!  *ROTFLMAO*

[Black Aeronaut]

From Nobody Dies Chapter 50:

The salad is shared between them, their own entrees cooling as they talk and laugh about the time they first met in college. Given, he was older and more or less a delinquent, and she was the star student, but she held her own in that bar brawl.
"I have to say," Yui sighs, "This is the most relaxed I've been in years. We should give Pieter the reigns more often."
"Maybe have him babysit Rei?" Gendo asks.
"Yes, but we want to keep him sane."
Gendo nods, smiling. Which is when, past the window behind Yui, a blue spider tank with their son in a raised, LCL filled cockpit runs by.
"Hurry hurry hurry! Faster faster faster! They're GAINING!"
A twenty foot tall version of the newest Angel runs past, followed by close to three dozen one foot tall counterparts. On their heels is a blue alpine Renault with Kirishima at the wheel and Asuka throwing up in the back seat, and Makinami flying after them, hanging on the antenna.
"What was that?" Yui asks, half peaking over her shoulder.
"Nothing."
The waiter walks over, leaning towards Gendo.
"More wine?"
"Yes," Gendo responds, after a moment, "Leave the bottle. And bring a gun."

*Shatters*
Is there a trope for this sort of scene?  Because if there is I desperately need to know it's name.

[Bob Schroeck]

I listed the action under Thundering Herd, though that wouldn't be precisely right for the scene you've quoted.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[drakensis]

The woman gestured and a barely visible globe of energy surrounded her. "This is not a toy, this is power. While I have this personal shield up I am invulnerable to physical harm. The benefits of such a tool in the hands of the Tok'ra is incalculable."

Jack just snorted, knowing the field only protected against energy attacks and fast moving objects. He'd once bypassed one by simply walking through it and shoving a knife into the Go'auld's side.

"You want proof? Fine! You laborer, strike me with your hammer!" she ordered, spotting Xander and mistaking who he was due to his manner of dress.

Xander, not liking her tone or the fact she had put his uncle and the man he loved in danger, was all too happy to comply. He wasn't sure if he could bring down her magical shield with a single blow, but considering the hammer he was wielding he'd probably at least give her a migraine from feedback.

Before Jack could say anything, Xander had drawn back his hammer and delivered a thunderous blow, turning the shield silver for a split second before sending it hurtling down the hall like a massive hamster ball with the woman inside it spinning end over end.

"I think you might have been a bit too hasty in your assessment, sir." Sam straightened up. "Because personally I'm valuing that hand device much more, now that I've seen her use it."

"Indeed," Murray added. "We will have to prevail upon her for another demonstration if possible."

"With cameras running, after all, we Tauri could learn many things from such an advanced race as the Tok'ra and a picture is worth a thousand words," Daniel finished.

Jack looked at the end of the hall where the woman he'd been yelling at was sprawled unconscious. "I think you're right, the trip was worth the risk."

I Still Say it Looks like a Nail
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Black Aeronaut]

I listed the action under Thundering Herd, though that wouldn't be precisely right for the scene you've quoted.

Hrm...  Needs to be coupled with a trope the likes of "Ignore that man behind the curtain!"

[Jorlem]

I think it's more of an inversion of Look Behind You.
Look Behind You
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Black Aeronaut]

mmmmm... Maybe, but the Thundering Herd elements are still blatantly evident. Also, there is a certain sense of a third trope - you know, from the way Gendo's reaction implies that this is business as usual for these people.

[Jorlem]

Elephant in the Room or Unusually Uninteresting Sight, maybe?
Sorry about the lack of links, by the way. I'm typing this on my ipod right now, and it keeps reloading the page and clearing the text box when I go to other tabs to get the urls.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Black Aeronaut]

BINGO! Elephant In The Living Room + Thundering Herd FTW!

[ECSNorway]

“Are you hesitating, Ranma-kun?” She asked the young boy, who immediately shored up his resolve and sneered.

“No! I’m just sizing up my approach!” Between him and his mother laid a small obstacle course, small by the standards of the Saotome family, but most assuredly suicide by even the most prestigious of skaters save one.

Smiling, his mother brought a whistle to her lips. “Then we’ll begin on the whistle. Ready?” After a moment to allow her son to prepare, he was off, racing down the rink like an Olympic Speed Skater being chased by a drug tester. The first set of obstacles, a simple slalom, was mastered with ease. Immediately after that, a hop, skip and a jump over planks laid across the ice. On landing, he ducked and weaved aroundthe swinging sand bags suspended from the ceiling of the rink. Once clear, he evaded the arrows fired by the Rental Eskimos his mother hired for the task. As the last arrow whipped by, he slid to a halt and immediately filled out the first two pages of the Toudai Entrance Exam, and then tore off again. After narrowly passing the whirling fan blades, jumping over the flamethrowers, and overcoming the entire defensive lineup of the 2009/10 Boston Bruins plus pile driving their goalie into the ice, a panting, singed, and bruised Ranma slid to a halt in front of his mother.

“What…what’s my time?” He asked.

She checked her stopwatch. “Eighteen-point-seven seconds, you’re getting better, but you still have a long way to go to beat the course best.”

Ranma fell to his knees. “What was that?”

“Three seconds.”

Ranma called out to the sky. “F**K YOU, BRIAN BOITANO!”

The Key To A Successful Interview Is A Good First Impression
Chapter 11
(TFF link)
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Jorlem]

"I knew it," Shinji moans, "You're trying to kill me, aren't you? This is all an elaborate revenge for when I told you off nine years ago, isn't it?"

"In part."

"You're not even hiding it! This is one of your half-assed ideas for us bonding! Just like two years ago when you kidnapped me in the middle of the night, took me camping and you had me fight off a bear! I don't know what Mother wants, Dad, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to get eaten by a giant green Space Alie-"

The tranquilizer dart hits him in the arm. Shinji's gaze turns from the dart to his father, who holsters the tranq gun and watches as Shinji's eyes roll up and he collapses to the floor.

"Rei. You will pilot Unit 00."

From NGE: Your Happy Years
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6051185/1/
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[ECSNorway]

Fate bought two skewers of chicken yakitori and handed one to Nanoha. The women nibbled happily as they walked down the street.

"There's one thing I don't really get about this TSAB thing, Fate-chan," Nanoha said between bites.

"Considering that you're a captain in their air force, you probably shouldn't have too many questions," Fate replied, grinning.

"Actually, it's more of a Navy question. I mean, seriously, what kind of rank is Enforcer, anyway?"

Fate blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, just listen to it. It sounds like the kind of title you'd hear for the chief troops of an evil overlord in an RPG or something. You know, like they'd wear these giant suits of armor, with just a little tinge of rust to hint at blood, covered in spikes and engravings of skeletons...or maybe just these cool, menacing black outfits that..."

Her voice trailed off as she glanced at Fate, noting her black uniform.

"W-well, anyway, you know, and they'd have some really evil-looking weapon, something designed to intimidate and strike fear instead of being efficient for combat. Like a giant spiked club, maybe, or an axe with a cruel-looking, twisty head, or maybe even a giant Grim Reaper's scythe or..."

She broke off again, thinking of Bardiche.

"Yes?" Fate asked, burgundy eyes the color of old blood glinting merrily.

"Fate-chan, you...never stopped being a bad guy, did...you...?"

"Nope!" Fate said cheerily. "After all, it's called 'befriending,' not 'begooding,' right, sweetie?" She leaned over and gave Nanoha a quick peck on the cheek. "But really, it's so cute of you to not notice!"

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4665577/3/V ... al_Theater
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[yesilmavi]

Just found this funny.

Its a webcomic on daleks. (dr who, genetically changed cyborgs in the shape of pepper pots)

Transporter humor. (Imagery)

http://www.cg-lair.co.uk/daleks/secemp247.htm

[zojojojo]

'Lesson one: The strength of an angry kunoichi is exponentially proportional to their position, and geometrically proportional to whatever pissed them off. Thus, if you grope a Genin girl, it makes her as strong as Jonin temporarily, a Jonin beyond Kage level for leering. And if you ever meet a female Kage and manage to piss her off? Just slit your throat...it'll hurt less.

Lesson two: Never ever ask, "What can go wrong?" on a similar note never say "At least it can't get any worse" or any other phrase that makes you Murphy's bitch.

Lesson three: Never attempt an escort mission while drunk. (Ask Jin why he's technically a monk if you're wondering why) Come to think of it, don't get drunk on missions.

Lesson four: Never get involved in a catfight. Make sure at some point to use a mud jutsu though.

Lesson five: In a relationship, the woman is always right if you want to be happy.

Lesson six: Never ever, piss off a genjutsu user who knows your sexual preference.

Lesson seven: It's always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for.

Lesson eight: Be polite, be professional, and have a plan in place to kill everyone you meet.

Lesson nine: Don't be emo, that's for the 'prodigies'.

Lesson ten: Keep your friends close. They're the only ones who will keep you from going over the edge.

Lesson eleven: By the same token, enemies come in two categories: 'dead', and 'soon to be dead'.

Lesson twelve: Whatever doesn't kill you better be dead afterwards.

last advice to naruto from a deceased sensei
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4905158/8/Old_School
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[The Wanderer]

From the one-line read-this-fic blurb for La_Blue_Wizard, by canoncansodoff:

Harry Potter embraces both his Shikima and Welsh heritages

There's really no need for the rest of the blurb. And quite possibly no need to read the fic itself.

[Bluemage]

gman391 is just HILARIOUS.  This is from one of his other fics, Nidaime's Apprentice (http://www.fanfiction.net.../6/Nidaimes_Apprentice).

*Beep* Beep**Crunch*
Damn alarm. I was dreaming about
Ramen and Sakura, it was awesome! And then the stupid alarm woke me up.
Now
I'll never get to sleep. Wait...when did I get an alarm?
Well
this just got creepier. I look around and see a note. It reads:
Kid,
you need better locks. For kicks and giggles I have gotten you an alarm
and set it to 07:30. On a related, note
this message was written on an explosive tag.
Wait explosive
tag? Oh son of a-
*BOOM*

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[robkelk]

From the one-line read-this-fic blurb for La_Blue_Wizard, by canoncansodoff:

Harry Potter embraces both his Shikima and Welsh heritages

There's really no need for the rest of the blurb. And quite possibly no need to read the fic itself.

"Now I know why they call 'em lemons. They leave a sour taste in my mouth."
- from Anime Detective: Crossover Crisis, by Pearson "Doc" Mui
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[The Wanderer]

Actually, what I found so funny about that snippet was mostly the juxtaposition, the sheer bizarreness of trying to force those three things to fit next to one another.

[katreus]

Drunken Antics

Jack and Grunt watched in shocked fascination as the bullet tore a path though the kids skull and out the other side.

'FuCK! My BraIn FluIds!'

...missing her brain entirely

'Hah!' Crowed Grunt. 'Even bullets can't find a brain in your head.'

Briefly vault girl wondered if it was worth uncorking her skull to flip Grunt the bird. Preferring to keep her fingers in her head, she settled for kicking off her boot in his direction.

/later

Chakwas shrieked in horror as she entered the room to find Jack, Grunt and Zaeed Sitting in a circle arround the blue haired girl as she poured a bottle of what appeared to be iced brandy into a small bullet wound on the left angle of her forehead.

'Chug, chug, chug, chug!' the others chanted merrily around her. Cheering as the bottle ran itself empty into her head. Stuffing the hole with a small med patch, the kid then started rolling her skull from side to side as the others looked on eagerly. After a few minutes of shaking she tore off the patch and gestured to the others to hold out their glasses.

Chakwas felt her eyes roll up into the back of her head, swiftly meeting the floor as the ancient young lady started pouring drinks.

... *boggle* Somehow, it's both hilarious and sort of creepy!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5848947/39/ ... _the_Vault