I Can Has ROFL Nyao? Or, The ROTFLMAO of the Catgirl

[stormcloud]

Big Human on Campus: After School  Chapter One was very good.
What did you think of Chapter 2? I found it interesting if very WEIRD.

[Shepherd]

Big Human on Campus: After School  Chapter One was very good.
What did you think of Chapter 2? I found it interesting if very WEIRD.

Definitely one of the strangest things I've ever read, although the occasional moment of levity was well placed to maintain reader interest.
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Shepherd]

Genesis: Why is that girl crying?
Anole: Blindfold can see the future.
Genesis: Oh. That can't be good.

Wolverine and the X-Men #9

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[robkelk]

And now, http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?617 ... st15394554]the conclusion of In Which Shadowjack Watches the Sailor Moon S Movie

Ami: "I'd just like to say how much I appreciate your assuming I know what I'm talking about."

Rei: "Oh, hello, Usagi, late as always. ¡OH WAIT! It's Mina. ¡I couldn't tell! What with you being so late."
Minako: "I take my body doubling seriously."
Rei: "You must take lessons."
Makoto: "Well, Usagi did offer, but Mina showed up late."

Luna: "You're just prejudiced against cats! You'd let me in if I was human!"
Luna: "Well, okay, maybe you wouldn't, but I could cross your path some day, and then you'd be sorry! Yeah!"

Luna: /trips.
Luna: /knocks over stack of cosmetics.
Luna: /falls to floor, scrambles to feet, runs around room for no reason, stops where she was before.
Luna: /Cat Sign: I Meant To Do That.

• Le Café Swank
Because properly iced coffee is a necessity for autumn crimefighting.

Michiru: "It's quiet."
Haruka: "Too quiet."

Pause.

Michiru: "I don't think this is working."
Haruka: "I have a bad feeling about this."

Pause.

Haruka: "What could go wrong?!"
Michiru: "There has got to be a better way to find out if those abominable snow women are coming back or not."

Ami (via gizmophone): "I, AMI MIZUNO, HAVE FOUND THE ENEMY BASE!"
Usagi: "Good work! Transform and roll out!"

Minako: "I am contractually obligated to remind you that the power of the Silver Crystal will kill you!"
Usagi: "One, hasn't yet. Two, gonna happen anyway. Three, don't you always tell me that user manuals are 'just guidelines'?"

Usagi: /sinks to her knees. "…urrrrrgh…"
Minako: "She's not quite dead!"
Usagi: /groggily. "…kill V before she quotes the rest…"
Rei: "As you wish."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Norgarth]

A licence plate I saw last week:

12BEAMUP
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[robkelk]

From today's Darths and Droids:

R2-D2: Congratulations. Your life expectancy just went from "senile pensioner with a space-bus card" to "missing your next birthday". Which, by the way, is actually tomorrow.
C-3PO: Happy Birthday!

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LilFluff]

This is an awesome bio.

Dr. Sun-Tzu Liao is Seldon Professor of Psychohistory at the Capella Royal University. A member of the Capellan Union's former ruling family, Dr. Liao served in the Union Armed Forces with distinction during the War of Two Terras. At night, he's Batman.

from; http://forums.spacebattle...erent-btech-isot.223278/

I rather like this bit, short chunk that was originally edited out to improve flow. The scene for those who haven't read is after a mysterious ship arrives in the New Avalon system and in mere minutes is approaching the planet at 1/10 the speed of light. Then instead of issuing demands broadcasts music on nearly all frequencies...

“You are listening to Radio KAOS, the gigawatt blowtorch of New Avalon!
Coming to you live, whether you want it or not! Next up on the show
we’ll be taking your requests. Normally, we’d have a phone line set up
but hey! There’s no phones in space! So if you’ve got a request
for Auntie Mel, broadcast at 10.666 gigahertz on the Ku band in the
general direction of our transmitter, and if we’ve got it, we’ll play
it! In the meantime, here’s a blast from the past: the one and only
Ronnie. James. DIO!”

(...a little bit later)

“This is Radio KAOS, the unstoppable voice of a generation! We’ve had
quite a few requests come into the studio in the last half-hour.
Unfortunately, guys, I don’t know ‘please stop, for the love of God.’
Maybe if you hum a few bars, I could fake it. Anyway!"

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[firvulag]

In Which Shadowjack Watches Sailormoon wrote:

I hear the Broncos may win the, uh, pennant? Cup? Gosh, I'm bad at this. Wait, I've got Google, I can fake it. YES I TOO ENJOY YOUR EARTH FIELD ATHLETIC DISPLAYS LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN. Thanks, Google. That ought to work. 

[CattyNebulart]

“Your body weight to height ratio is above the socially acceptable threshold! Your chances of finding a mate have dropped in proportion to your above average storage of calories!” Wait, what? “Social stigma and blocked personal goals depress you! Despair! Now focus on sending that over to me!” The Kyuubey watched the stunned Louise expectantly.

“Wait, did you just call me fat?”

From unforseen consequences. Surgeons General Warning contains a highly concentrated amount of Awesome. Do not read if you are pregnant, nursing, or have a name other than Kamina.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7733374/1/U ... nsequences
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[LilFluff]

A few days later....
“Is Forge still here?” Xavier asked Xander.
“Yeah,
he's holed up in a guest room. He was doing an Internet search for his
parents but he got distracted.” Xander told the Professor.
“By what?” Xavier asked him.
“Internet Porn. He made his way through the software block in like two minutes. He's been in there ever since.”
“Oh dear.” Charles said.

From Alexander Creed, Chapter 36
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[ECSNorway]

From Top Gear 3025, Battlemechs on the Cool Wall:

Hammond: Now we have something a little smaller; the Centurion.

Clarkson: Uncool!

Most of the audience seems to agree with him.

Hammond: What? Why is it Uncool?

Clarkson: Because it's boring. It's the kind of 'Mech a Volvo driver would pick.

He walks up to a man in the audience.

Clarkson: You said it was Cool; are you really that mad?

Audience Member: It's a very good 'Mech that gets the job done.

Clarkson: So does my lawnmower, but I wouldn't say it was 'Cool'.

Audience Member: I have to disagree with you there; a lot of people underestimate the Centurion to their peril.

Clarkson: Who are you, Justin Allard?

Audience Member: As a matter of fact, yes.

Clarkson: Seriously?

Audience Member: Yes.

Clarkson: 'Cool' it is then...

He grabs the picture off of Hammond and places it on the board, a close to the Sub-Zero as he can without touching the line.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Ebony]

"I've met people with foreheads so big, they should have been called "fiveheads." MODOK was at least a sevenhead." - Shocker, Transistor, Chapter 15
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[ordnance11]

Superman got up, absorbing the sunlight once more as he looked at the metallic being in front of him.
''Who are you? What you are doing here?'' Superman asked.
''I AM A SUPERHERO!'' the Dalek told him, head lights flashing. That was something that gave Superman pause.
''Seriously?'' he raised an eyebrow. ''What is this?''
''I AM A SUPERHERO!'' the Dalek said.
''Then what about the fight with Lobo?''
''SELF-DEFENSE!''
''And the fight with Guy Gardner?''
''TRADITIONAL SUPERHERO MISUNDERSTANDING. IT IS QUITE COMMON!''
''And blowing up Pluto?''
''IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I WILL MAKE RESTITUTION IF YOU WISH!'' The Dalek said.

__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

[DHBirr]

A visual one this time, which I at least saved under the filename "Dead Tired Nanoha":

-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Shepherd]

A scene from Legend, a Buffy/Star Trek crossover (www.tthfanfic.org/Story-24717-41/ShayneT+Legend.htm).

Seeing three drones approaching, the Buffybot maneuvered into her fighting stance. She was standing on a catwalk and she could see that it was a long way down.
Buffy would have gone down with a quip, but this had never been the Buffybot’s best feature. She thought of the scariest things she could say, and then she flashed on a conversation she’d overheard from Xander in his work in construction.
There had been something he feared as a construction foreman…
“I’m with OSHA!” she said brightly. “You have a number of safety violations!”
The first drone stepped through the force shield and the Buffybot said, “These railings aren’t at all compliant with safety standards. They are far too low. People could easily fall.”
She grabbed the Borg by its metal arm and flipped it over her shoulder. It flew over the railing, presumably to its death. As it fell, it passed through the force field as though it wasn’t there.
“These railings aren’t well secured,” she said, pulling a metal bar free from its mounting. “Substandard workmanship.”
She smashed the metal bar into the head of the second Borg to come against her, and then hit it in the side. It too went flailing over the side of the railing.
“People could get hurt!” she said, shoving the bar through the chest of the third Borg.
As the fourth came up from behind her, she switched tactics. A line from Monte Python occurred to her, suddenly.
“What is your favorite color?”
The only thing missing as the Borg fell was the screaming. Apparently the Borg had no sense of humor.

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Sirrocco]

Tony Stark discussing a recent flight, where he was attacked by drones with heat rays

Tony grimaced. "Figuratively speaking. If I were anyone else, I'd be a neatly fried blob on the sidewalk, so it's clear that Stane's not the only one who has a hate-on for my company." Tony rubbed his shoulders and grimaced. "I got awfully close to being flambéed."
"…You're aware what that word means, right?"
"Yes. Drenched with liquor and set on fire. I had a glass or two before I got into the suit." He paused. "Well, maybe a few more. I was relaxing! Stop judging me!"

http://www.fanfiction.net...77168/17/Wand_and_Shield

[Shepherd]

I cleared my throat, undaunted and glanced at the girl behind the counter. "Leslie, she'll have a coffee. Make it really strong. Might as well squeeze out the grounds into the mug, and an éclair. Put the éclair on a plate though. Don't squeeze that into the mug.""My name's Brittany."
"Oh, sorry, luv," I said, making sure I laid on the English accent rather heavily. "You look so much like my sister, God rest her soul. I forgot myself."
I learned that lesson long ago, when I forgot the name of the girl I was dating. Of course, I made the mistake of saying that when we were in bed at the time. That just made things rather worse for me, but it's guaranteed to work in every other situation.
"Oh… that's okay," she said with a smile.
See. American girls are so easy.

www.fanfiction.net/s/8187641/2/Deaths_Knight
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[ECSNorway]

Our very own General Fnord provided this gem, in discussion of his Fenspace/Battletech mashup project:

To be honest I had the mental image of Hanse arriving on campus to observe a "lab accident" that had the entire Physics building suspended five hundred feet over the rest of the campus, a dozen assault mechs using ropes to keep it from drifting off in the breeze. "Well that's something you don't see every day."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

This little gem from the Drunkard's Walk Forums Drunkard's Walk XIII: Glory Hound forum:

Bob Schroeck wrote:

---

Star Ranger4 wrote:

---

Jorlem wrote:

---

But it makes the pause far more... dramatic.

/And gives you a chance to slip on your .... Sunglasses/

YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!

#include "WontGetFooledAgain.mp3"

Snrk...

[LilFluff]

“As I thought,” said Star Swirl. “I believe that those abilities are
related and Pinkie can’t perform any of them while being watched.”
 
“Why not?” asked Sue.
 
“I
believe that it relates to the predictions of the physicists Fine Line
and Wizened Birch,” began Star Swirl. “Fine Line discovered that the
fabric of space and time could be manipulated and in fact was
automatically done so by gravity. I believe that Pinkamena Diane Pie,
Bearer of the Element of Laughter is manipulating this fabric to create
portals which she uses to manifest these powers.”
 
“So it’s based on gravity manipulation?” asked Blinkie.
 
“Possibly,” replied Star Swirl. “I’m still in the early stages of my study. “
 
“Well,
it would make sense as gravity manipulation is the traditional way that
earth ponies grip with their hooves,” Blinkie shrugged.
 
“What!?” cried Star Swirl. “We can grip stuff with our hooves!?”

From An Earth Pony's Guide To Magic chapter three, in which Star Swirl the One Hundred Forty Seventh is seeking to figure out how to live up to her name-sake ancestor when she was born an earth pony rather than a unicorn. Hindered perhaps a teensy bit from having grown up in a unicorn family.
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Sirrocco]

“You’re not wanted for crimes in six countries like her last boyfriend, right?” Mother asked West Wind skeptically.

“MOTHER!” I shouted, then buried my face in my hooves.

“Your brother never dates international criminals,” Mother said chidingly to me.

http://forums.spacebattle...-bringers-of-war.230821/

sequel to Friendship Is Adventuring

[robkelk]

The notes to today's Darths and Droids:

It's interesting to think about the traditional character alignment axis of Lawful-Neutral-Chaotic and how it would actually work in practice. Especially among groups of villains.

Try giving your villains, if not strictly defined alignments, at least distinct personalities and approaches to what they want. Having your bad guys bicker amongst themselves a little bit gives them an air of realism. You probably shouldn't get too carried away with it though, lest they make your heroes entirely redundant.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LilFluff]

From My Little Alicorn, chapter 9 Making Friends in which a prank gone awry leaves Princess Celestia age-regressed to a school aged filly. (Longish quote, but from a much longer chapter. -- A warning, while this snippet is humorous the story has definite dark elements)

My research has told me everything I need to know.  All I have to do
is take a few steps into the room, say “Hello,” and bam, instant
friendship.  Twilight’s reports make it sound so simple, I’m amazed I
never tried it before.
 
...
 
Coughing a bit, the princess tried to shake herself clear of those thoughts.  You
are Princess Celestia, Steward of the Sun and Crown Princess of the
Nation of Equestria.  You have faced everything from dragons to
griffons, defeated Manticores and Windigoes, and dethroned that monster
Discord.  You have ruled Equestria for over a thousand years, and under
you, the land has thrived into a paradise amongst the world.  Why are
you scared of a little girl?
 
Her newfound confidence quickly
vanished as she took another look at the filly, still blissfully
unaware of her royal stalker.  “But…what if she doesn’t like me?” she
whispered.
 
Everypony loves you!
 
“And what if she tells everypony what happened to me?”
 
Do you want friends or not?!
 
Celestia shrank back even further.  “I don’t know who she is.  How am I supposed to talk to her?  What am I supposed to say?”
 
You command an entire country, you foal!  Surely you can speak to one filly?
 
“B-But…What if I do something wrong?  What if I’m a jerk to her, like I was to Luna?  Wh-What if she’s mean to me?”
 
You’ll
never know how she’ll treat you if you just sit here and hide.  And
besides, you may have made mistakes with Luna, but she still…maybe…loves
you.  You’ll be fine.
 
Celestia nodded to the vast empty
space before her.  “Yes, that’s right.  If I can rule a country, I can
certainly handle myself around a filly.  Thank you…”
 
Her
thoughts suddenly trailed off as a realization struck her.  She had just
spent the last few minutes arguing with, for lack of a better term,
herself.  The filly gave a deep, heavy sigh, her muscles visibly
relaxing as the tension washed away in a great wave.  The situation’s getting the better of me.  I just have to walk up to her, say “Hello,” and everything will be-
 
“Hello.”
 
The
sound of the young voice completely shattered Celestia’s concentration.
 The terror within her welled up yet again, sending the filly hopping
straight up a good ten feet before spinning about and landing, her fur
standing on end like a startled cat.  The same little filly she had been
trying to befriend was now standing directly behind her, looking almost
as scared as the princess.
 
The two stood there, completely
unable to move, for about ten seconds before the filly spoke up again.
 “Um…Hi.  My name’s Lofty.  What’s yours?”
 
All right, Celestia, you have your cover story.  Your fake name is…
 
“HELLO I AM A PRINCESS ARE YOU A PRINCESS TOO!”
 
Celestia
immediately covered her mouth with one hoof, her cheeks burning red
from the nonsense she had just blurted out.  Lofty took a few steps
back, seeming very, very afraid of the strange child before her.  The
princess, for her part, was quickly reverting into a bowl of jelly.
 Never before had she been so, for lack of a better word, shy.  “I mean,
my name is…er…Sunlight.”  The princess began to bow.  “And I am very
grateful to-“  She quickly caught herself mid-curtsy and returned to her
usual standing position.  “I mean…it’s nice to meet you.”

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Sirrocco]

They'd gotten a letter, shortly after Naruto had been enrolled, from the school principal. It was a reminder that school policies were, indeed, to be followed, no matter what 'that terrifying redheaded girl and her enabling, obviously brainwashed accomplice' seemed to otherwise believe. He'd attached a list of crimes committed by Naruto's parents during their academic years, to support his claims. Naruto had caught his mother sitting at the kitchen table, laughing until tears rolled down her cheeks, the list crumpled in her fist. The next day, he'd found it taped to the refrigerator door and covered in little heart stickers.
So, no. Not a lot of familiar faces as he climbed the steps to the school's entrance. But he saw plenty of teachers, the older ones who looked like they'd been here a while, make 'oh shit' faces as he strolled past. Any other kid might have slumped his shoulders in embarrassment, or tossed out reassuring smiles to try and silently inform the faculty that no really, my parents don't define me, I promise I won't light the banisters on fire.
Except that Naruto's parents were made of awesome, and he really kind of wanted everyone to know that they'd raised him right. So his toothy grins instead implied fuck yes my parents define me, fire is so my favorite thing, your banisters will be funeral pyres.

Ricochet  Naruto The-author-insists-it's-not-an-AU.

[robkelk]

Well, I'm running a bit behind.

Shadowjack has watched Episode 117...

Usagi: "No, I mean, was the outfit part of your plan? You had to beat the Outers in a barfight or roping competition or something?"
Mamoru: "No, I just asked them to talk to me."
Ami: /grumbles. "Off-screen and between episodes."
Mamoru: "Look, there's got to be some explanation for how I came by this information, so please just go with it for now."

Ami: "…Pluto isn't a gas giant with multiple moons."
Mamoru: "It isn't now."
Everybody: /gets very quiet.
Mamoru: "So, uh… I think that's kind of where they're coming from in all this."
Makoto: /feels threatened.
Rei: /feels sympathetic.
Ami: /feels sad.
Luna: /feels guilty.
Artemis: /WEEPS MANLY TEARS AT THE OUTERS' DISPLAY OF STOIC BUSHIDO SPIRIT.
Minako: /sighs and offers hanky. "Boys."

Usagi: "Ow! No pinching!"
Chibi-Usa: "I can pinch you as much as like off-camera! Since no one sees it, it's not reproducible violence, and it saves on animation budget!"
Usagi: "Oh, yeah? Then I can pinch back! OW! No biting!"
Chibi-Usa: "I told you, I can do anything I want off-camera and you can't stop me! Nyah nyah nyah!"
Usagi: "Oh, yeah? WHOA! No chainsaws!"

Haruka: "And best of all, in a closed stadium, there's no way the Inners will be able to stumble into the line of fire."
Chibi-Usa: "Hi!" /glomps Sailor Pluto.
Haruka: "What the f—"
Michiru: /covers Haruka's mouth.

Hotaru: /brain freeze.

• Several Minutes Later
Usagi: "Okay, we can stop padding the episode now. Give him the letter."

Undohkai: /rolls Hayase around until he's too dizzy to resist, then…
Undohkai: /…thumps onto him in an aggressive, fully-clothed cowgirl position.
Hayase: /raises an eyebrow.
Undohkai: /grins.
Hayase: /smiles sheepishly back.
Hayase: /belatedly realizes that if a monster grins, it's probably not good for the human.

Mimette: "Why were you helping some kid?! YOU'RE A DAIMON!"
Undohkai (muffled by the shell): "That doesn't mean I'm a monster! I mean, she looked hurt! I couldn't just leave her!"
Mimette: "You ARE a monster! MY monster! You eat souls!"
Undohkai (muffled by the shell): "Only one at a time."

...and Episode 118

The Professor: "Those FOOLS at Health and Safety—"
The Professor: "—may have had a point, actually. Perhaps we should have scheduled a tighter maintenance cycle, scrubbed off some of the carbon scoring, do you think?"

Chibi-Usa: "Hotaru? Why do I see the ocean outside your window instead of the city?"
Hotaru: "I don't know."
Chibi-Usa: "What's outside the other window?"
Hotaru: /looks. "Portmeirion, Wales."

Ami: "Hmm, looks like this house got connected to an alternate dimension."
Rei: "You say that so casually, like this sort of thing happens all the time."
Ami: "Doesn't it?"

Rei: /smacks forehead. "Duh, Sailor Teleport. ¿Wow, we're really on the ball, today, aren't we?"
Minako: /salutes the Professor. "Fear not, citizen! We are privately supported, so none of your taxes were spent on this ramshackle operation!"

Usagi: "How can you say 'inside'?! We just went over a waterfall in the freaking jungle! I can see the sky!"
Ami: "I don't want to mess you up for the exams, since multi-dimensional physics aren't a part of them this year."
Usagi: "You mean I'll have to study this some year?"

Makoto: "I think I'm going to be sick."
John: "Excuse us, can you point the way toward Pepperland?"

Makoto: /hand on Ami's shoulder. "Yeah, this onee-sama here will find a way, guaranteed!"
Ami: "(I told you not to call me that in public!)"
Makoto: "(Oh, hush, you.)"

Ikasaman: "Wait! I'm a pacifist monster!"
Usagi: "In what way does trapping people in a rapidly-disintegrating multiverse filled with lions and bottomless pits with the goal of killing us and stealing our souls make one a pacifist?"
Ikasaman: "In whatever way doesn't involve me suffering any consequences personally."

Ikasaman: "I'm cool. A CHALLENGER APPROACHES. TWO OF THEM."
Chibi-Usa: "OLD MAID!"
Ikasaman: "Hey! Oh, the game. Hoohoo!"

Ikasaman: "She has fallen, but who could go against a smiling face like that? You have shown me the value of true sportsmanship, Hotaru Tomoe, and although I shall free you now, I hope you will return some day as a friend."
Chibi-Usa: "Really?"
Ikasaman: "NO OF COURSE NOT! I'm an evil monster who was never going to play fair anyway! You're all mine, MINE! Bwahahahahahaha!"

The Professor: "Muahahahaha! Someday, you'll regret that you ever saved her, Sailor Soldiers!"
Minako: "Hey, Prof, you're using your inside voice on the outside."
The Professor: "Oh, sorry. Er… hooray for the power of friendship!"

(And I'm still not caught up yet.)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012