Crossovers That Should Not Be: The Fandom Menace

[Bob Schroeck]

Makoto Kino's Journey

or...

Kuno's Journey
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Jinx999]

Coped from Shadowjack on the RPG.net forums:
One-Eye had been winning all day, but none of us was able to catch him
cheating. It was therefore with great satisfaction that I calmly spread
my hand and claimed the pot without saying a single word. "A curse upon
you, Croaker," he muttered as I began to shuffle, and then the
Lieutenant came in.

"The Rebel just took Arch," said the Lieutenant, and went back out again.

We all stared around the table at each other for a moment, then got up
and chased after the dramatic son of a bitch. Arch was a thousand miles
to the east, but a key point in some sort of Rebel smuggling operation
that had interested the Taken sufficiently to fly Goblin, Elmo, and
eight picked men out there to support the investigation. Raven went,
too. But it wasn't a field operation; there was plenty of Rebel
activity, yes, the proverbial hotbed, but Rebel armies? None that we
knew of.

I glimpsed a flying carpet shooting out of the fortress, which explained
how the news had arrived so fast, though I didn't see which Taken it
was, and the Lieutenant was turning out the supply sergeants, which
explained what was happening next. But of course I had to ask. "How? The
Lady had a full garrison in Arch."

"Blown away, Catcher said. Apparently the messenger who told him saw
fires fall from the sky upon the city docks in the morning, and by
evening, the city had fallen."

"We have orders to move out?"

"Not yet," he said, angrily, "but do you think they'll sit around?"

He was right.

The next night, another carpet came. Soulcatcher stepped down from the
platform, strode right past me, and in his business voice, said, "Bone
River fell. You'll be moving swiftly." He didn't break his pace, but
walked into the Captain's office while I gawked.

Then I ran back and I started shouting my hospital into packs and boxes.
I got the story from the Captain that night. Fire rained from the sky
on Bone River, and a thunderous explosion had wrecked the dam above the
city. The Rebel was on the move, and showing more power than we'd
thought their sorcerers had.

"They've got something new," I said. "And they're damn confident."

The Captain shrugged. "Did you ever meet a wizard who wasn't?" He had a thousand-mile move to plan.

We didn't actually move out all at once, because they had to relay us by
magic carpet, and the Taken didn't seem certain about just where they
were going to place us. They'd fly some men out, then abruptly run them
to new locations further west, inspired by some new intelligence they'd
received. The Taken seemed flustered, somehow, completely caught
off-guard by the viciousness of this new Rebel attack.

Anything that worried the Taken worried me. Every day or two came more
news, relayed by carpet courier or whatever tricks the Taken used. Blue
bolts of lightning on the garrison at High Forks, a hundred miles north
of Bone River. The Fortress at Delve, taken in a single night with a
poisonous miasma. A flying cauldron shattered the gates of the sacred
gardens at Peony, letting troops march in for the first time in
centuries. A pillar of fire destroyed Stone Bridge. Lightning again at
Two Falls, plus thunderclaps that toppled the towers. Whoever was now
leading the Rebels in the east was, at least, creative in their choice
of magics.

And still no word from Elmo, or Goblin, or Raven. I didn't have the
nerve to ask the Taken directly, so I asked One-Eye if he'd seen
anything. He grumbled at me—he and Silent were very busy, helping with
the carpet relays—but he talked. "I haven't, but I'll tell you this,
this is Taken levels of power. Stone Bridge and Arch are leagues and
leagues apart, but they fell within a week of each other, and it's got
to be the same attacker."

"I thought only the Dominator and the Lady could Take."

"Anything one person can do, another can do if they learn how. So the Rebels finally learned the right spells."

I wasn't enthusiastic about being caught in the middle of a fight
between the Lady's Taken and the Rebel's copies, but what could we do?
We are the Black Company. We have taken the Lady's coin, and wherever
the fighting her for empire is worst, there, inevitably, go we.

"It almost seems like the new one is doing it by himself, like a kid
knocking over anthills. When's he going to stop to consolidate his
gains?"

One-Eye shrugged. "Maybe he's just turning it over to the local Rebels, and moves on to the next target."

"So fast?"

"Don't ask me. It's not like any sort of warfare I've seen."

Eleven days after the first news and seven hundred miles east, I finally
stumbled off a flying carpet and rejoined the Company in a place called
Tower's Cut. Every one of the Lady's garrisons within reach had been
called into thislittle mining settlement which was thought most
defensible, and they and the Company had spent the past week toppling
the forests, damming the creeks, and digging earthworks. We were badly
understrength still, but the Taken seemed in a tremendous hurry. As we
flew in, I saw them below me, walking back and forth on the perimeter of
the encampment, working magics I wasn't sure I wanted to understand.

It was with great relief that I saw Raven waiting for me. Our spy party
had made it out. He led me swiftly to the place where my hospital tent
would be, but as we went through the encampment, I heard soldiers
whispering the news: The Limper had been killed the last night. The
Limper? That quickly? Raven ignored my questions, and I wasn't in a mood
to keep at him; I'd know the details soon enough.

In the tent I found Elmo, bandaged and lying on a bench, cursing
quietly. I checked the orderly's work and discovered some nasty burns,
but I had a salve that was good at preventing infections, so I wasn't
too worried about him. Raven disappeared, probably to talk to his friend
the Captain again.

What worried me was Goblin, who turned up a few minutes later, staring
like a new recruit after his first battle. "This one's bad, Croaker.
Real bad. Maybe you were right about the North."

"So their new Taken killed the Limper. Saved Raven the trouble, right?" A bad joke.

Elmo shook his head. "It's not a Taken, or anything like it. They're men, mercenaries, like us, Croaker."

"Better than us," muttered Goblin. "The Rebel must have mortgaged all their firstborn sons to pay for them."

I glanced at Silent for confirmation, then looked back. What one man
could do, another could do; the Lady hired the best mercenaries she
could find, and so, too, had the Rebel. I could feel a cold sweat moving
up my spine. "Then the stories we've been hearing aren't true? I know
it's hard getting the truth out of frightened refugees—"

Goblin waved his hands and hopped up and down angrily. "No, no, the
lightning, the pillars of fire, men riding in flying cauldrons, it's all
true. But there are soldiers, too, hard as any of our best. I saw
them."

Elmo coughed painfully and lay back down, looking as defeated as I've
ever seen him. "Seven cities in two weeks. We barely rode out of there
alive."

"No men could do all that in two weeks," I said.

"This man can," said Goblin, grimacing. "I don't know where this
mercenary company comes from, but they say their captain's name is
Hammer."

[The Wanderer]

Apart from derailing the path to the "happy ending" of the original Black Company stories, I don't know why this would fall under "should not be". (Though I haven't actually read the other half of the crossover, I just know enough about it to recognize the name.)

Midway through, the combination of "Shadowjack" with "fire from the sky" and "great bolts of lightning" led me to think that perhaps the new element was the (Inner?) Senshi, more experienced and/or more competent than we usually see them...

...and in the first few lines of the story, the first thing that caught my eye was "Rebel", so when I realized this was actually a Black Company snippet my first thought was that it was an AU and the enemy was the "Rebel Alliance" - as in Star Wars.

I'm not sure whether either of those fall under "must be" or under "should not be", but they're each definitely one or the other.

[robkelk]

Apart from derailing the path to the "happy ending" of the original Black Company stories, I don't know why this would fall under "should not be". (Though I haven't actually read the other half of the crossover, I just know enough about it to recognize the name.)

Well, if Hammer's given name is "Sledge"...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jinx999]

Hammer's Slammers

[robkelk]

Yes, I know. Sledge Hammer's Slammers is a CTSNB, IMHO.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Sweno]

and why did I think of Nathan Fillion when someone said 'captain hammer'?
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[Jinx999]

M C Hammer's slammers?

[classicdrogn]

... Schroedinger's Crossover, I think. I can't decide if it Should or Should Not Be Either.

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[classicdrogn]

And here's another: Kamina Rider. Considering that his whole schtick is trying to live a sentai life in a ... well, until later in the series anyway ... grimdark universe, and that his descision to capture a ganman was based on "I want to ride it!" it's not so farfetched as it might seem, but still, is the cat bored or lurking vengfully?

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[RomanFanboy]

Mr. Kruger's Neighborhood

[Necratoid]

We all stared around the table at each other for a moment, then got up and chased after the dramatic son of a bitch. Arch was a thousand miles to the east, but a key point in some sort of Rebel smuggling operation that had interested the Taken sufficiently to fly Goblin, Elmo, and eight picked men out there to support the investigation. Raven went, too. But it wasn't a field operation; there was plenty of Rebel activity, yes, the proverbial hotbed, but Rebel armies? None that we knew of.

I think without knowing anything else that this one is the three named delayers... I hear that as Norman Osborn, a muppet and a Teen Titan.... seriously those three delaying an army are in the extreme background.  The sheer train wreck of those scenes is mind boggling... and they get glossed over completely.  Taunting that is.

[robkelk]

We've secretly replaced Macross F's Clan Clan with Outlaw Star's Aisha Clan Clan. Let's see if anyone notices...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[classicdrogn]

So, wait, you're saying giant-size catgirl marshmallow hell? Why is this in Should Not Be again?

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[robkelk]

Who said anything about "giant sized"? Aisha can't macronize/micronize...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[classicdrogn]

Well, I suppose, but it kind of reveals her by default if she can't fly a Quedlunn Rea.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[RomanFanboy]

Little Snow Fairy Kruger is probably better then Giant Dream Fairy Kruger. I am not sure if they are worse than the notion that warm snow is radioactive snow, making a warm snow fairy a herald of nuclear contamination, leading to the later deaths of some of the cast.

Lying Mee-kun and Broken Mao-Chan is obviously a crossover of GDF Mao-chan with Lying Mii-kun and Broken Maa-chan, with an option on Chung and Halliday's Mao: The Unknown Story for an extra helping of Do Not Want.

[ECSNorway]

Hmmmmm.
Last Exile's Gate
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[yesilmavi]

Darth Knight.
batman/starwars
same:
seperated from their parents when their a kid.
raised by a parental figure that's not related.
depending on a version: being trained by a villian

[classicdrogn]

From one of the discussion posts in http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthre ... 82&page=20]A Familiar Interface:

the scariest thought that came to me from this though is "magical computers" that use runes instead of transistors. If magic can flow through the circuits faster than electricity, it wouldn't matter that the hand drawn diagrams are larger, they could still operate as fast. Then expand on that, and you get a wizard's tower with a magical CPU drawn into each floor, shelves upon shelves filled with books of magical RAM circuitry, and a magical semaphore on top that communicates in TCP/IP... O.o

And that's a dungeonpunk story right there.

Hee!

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Cobalt Greywalker]

Inspired by Doctor Who Confidential: Doctor Who/Airwolf

[robkelk]

A misreading leads to a Halo/Rayearth crossover featuring Master Clef.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Shay Guy]

I haven't read enough of the latter series to know if it's even remotely doable, but I can't seem to get the idea of a Doctor Who/Umineko no Naku Koro ni crossover out of my head. And I'm a bit surprised there aren't any on FF.Net.

---

Pronounced "shy guy."

[robkelk]

Lexx Luthor
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Glidergun]

Courage The Cowardly God
I don't know what it's a crossover with, is the problem. There's too many possible options.