I was going to send this as an actual email to the Homestar Runner guys, but it's buried in a flash gadget that makes Mail pop up and ask to be set up. Since I don't have POP email at all, this makes it completely useless, and I couldn't find an official-looking forum. I suppose I should strip out the references to Strong Bad as a proper name, but there's only actually the greeting, tentative title, and legal note when I look at it. Eh, whatever. Without the possibility of getting it approved, call this Masterless Badassery (the game) instead.
Dear Strong Bad,
You know those games where people pretend to explore some underground base and fight a bunch of monsters to take their stuff? This is one of those. Now, normally, playing pretend is probably just too wimpy for anyone as awesome as you to think about, but this one skips most of the boring crap, so don't go deleting it yet.
*** Aside from talking some other people into playing it with you, the first thing you need is a couple of dice. Since the square ones are the easiest to find, we'll use them.
*** Next, everyone needs a character sheet. Grab a couple pieces of paper and write three headings across the top of one, STRONG, BAD, and CRAP. These are your character's basic stats, which will determine how well you can do things.
STRONG measures how good you are at running, lifting or breaking things.
BAD determines how well you can do things that are (or should be) illegal, and thinking up really good insults.
CRAP is for everything that's not awesome.
Roll one die and add two to the number, four times. Keeping track of them on a different piece of paper is probably a good idea. Erase the lowest of the four results, then assign each of the other three to one of the stats. Bigger is better for stats. If they all really suck you can start over, as long as your friends agree.
*** Now, pick two things that your character is really good at, like fighting with a giant sword, throwing blasts of fire and lightning bolts, sneaking around, healing people when they're hurt, not getting lost in the woods, and so on.
Decide which of your stats you want to use when you're doing these awesome things. You can use any stat you want, as long as you come up with a good excuse for how they go together - take throwing lightning bolts for example. The traditional answer is that this takes a bunch of studying to learn, and falls under CRAP. A BAD caster doesn't care about traditions or nerdy physics, he ignores the rules and throws lightning bolts anyway, while a STRONG caster just PUNCHES THE UNIVERSE IN THE FACE until it gives up and lets him use magic.
Sneaking would usually be BAD, but being STRONG also means you're good at physical things, like moving without making lots of noise, or you could pull some CRAP like wearing soft-soled shoes and throwing a rock so people to look the wrong way when they hear it land.
STRONG is the obvious attribute for fighting people, but you can also bone up on weak points with CRAP or just go for a nut-punch with BAD.
Write your special talents under the stat that they apply to, which have to be different. You get an extra +1 added to that stat when you try to do something that you can come up with a convincing reason they're related to.
*** Talk to your friends, and pick one of their characters' talents that your character is not good at. Hey, no one's awesome all the time!
This one doesn't apply to any one Stat, but any time you try to do something related to it, so write it further down, or in a box or something. When you have to do something related to the thing you're not good at, you subtract one from the stat being used. If you can come up with a way that one of your talents applies too, they'll cancel out and you use the normal stat number. Making it almost the same as one of the things you're good at so this happens a lot, means that a lot of the time you don't get a +1 when you could have if you made sure to make it different...
*** Next you need to decide what your character looks like, and what kind of gear they have. Draw a picture off to one side, along with any weapons or armor or wizard hats or whatever. Yes, a stick figure will work, if ART is the thing the player isn't good at. If your character has an item related to something you're trying to do, you get another +1 to the stat when you roll. If your character looks ridiculous because of how much crap he's carrying around people will laugh at him, so don't go overboard.
*** At the bottom of your character sheet, draw two more boxes, one labeled HITS and one labeled ENERGY. Add up all three of your stats plus one more die roll, then divide the result between these two however you want. You need at least five Hit points (don't expect to live long if that's all you have) but you don't have to have any Energy.
HITS is how much your character can get hurt before dying. You get them back when the characters stop exploring to rest, or when someone heals you.
ENERGY is how many spells or special attacks your character can use in a row. It can also be used to add +1 to any stat check. If you want to add to your check to cast a spell or make a special attack, you can do that too, but it costs 2 ENERGY. You'll get one ENERGY point back each time you enter a new area or when the characters stop to rest.
*** Fill any spaces left that look too blank by writing down spells your character can cast, martial arts moves he knows, the names of his parents, pets, and friends, treasures he'd like to find or monsters he hates, or anything else that seems like a good idea. These don't add to any checks, but they'll help you come up with things to do.
*** There's always going to be someone who takes an hour drawing a lifelike character portrait. Fill the time by making a few spare characters, that you can use in case your first one dies or to use as NPCs.
*** Once everyone is ready, each of you roll one die, settling ties with another roll or rock-paper-scissors or Rochambeau. Once you've got the order figured out, the person who got the lowest roll gets to start telling the story. Rolling low numbers on the dice is always good, once you're done making characters. Speaking of which, here's some random tables in case you don't have any ideas for where to have the characters start.
*** Locations:
1: In a tavern
2: On a road through some woods
3: On a boat in the ocean
4: In a swamp
5: Running away from bees
6: In jail
*** Situation:
1: there's a Non-Player Character there
2-3: no one else in sight
4: level 1 monsters
5: level 2 monsters
6: level 3 monsters
Tell the other players where you all are. They'll ask questions, and try to do stuff. Answer the questions, decide whether the stat, talent, and equipment they're trying to use actually apply, and if their weakness applies. Have them roll two dice to check when they do something tricky, make an attack, or are attacked. Normal things don't need a roll, but important actions probably should get one.
Checks are made against the total of stat plus any talent or equipment that apply, minus a weakness if it applies, and plus one more if the character uses a point of Energy. The goal is to roll UNDER this number on two dice. For most actions it doesn't matter how much you succeed by, but to attack or defend you'll need to subtract the die roll from the stat total to compare it against the opponent's. For the outcome of attacks, there are six possibilities:
* Both attack and defense fail: Nothing happens
* Attack fails, defense succeeds: No damage, defender gets +1 to their next check
* Both attack and defense succeed, defense is higher: Attack deflected, no damage
* Both attack and defense succeed, tie: 1 pt damage to both.
* Both attack and defense succeed, attack is higher: 2 pt damage to defender
* Attack succeeds, defense fails: 2 pt damage to defender, attacker gets +1 to next check
Spells or special attacks work just like normal attacks, but do twice as much damage, and even on a tie the attacker does not take any damage. Attacks using ranged weapons such as a bow and arrow, gun, or yard darts will also prevent the attacker from taking damage, but do one less point of damage than melee attacks, to a minimum of one point on a tie or better. The bonus on a character's next check from exceptional success doesn't have to be made on a combat check, it can also be used to flee or heal an ally, or for a non-combat action if the battle ends before it's used. The bonus is only lost if the characters leave the area or rest before it is used.
Monsters are rated by levels, and are essentially like characters but simpler to keep from taking too much time to create. Most of them only have a single stat value, GRRR, and a couple of spells or special attacks to keep things interesting. There should be about as many monsters as PCs at Levels 1-5, while Mini-Bosses and Bosses have one or two lower level minions.
Level 1: GRRR 4, 10 HP, 2 En, 2xp
Level 2: GRRR 5, 12 HP, 3 En, 5xp
Level 3: GRRR 5, 12 HP, 3 En, one special, 10xp
Level 4: GRRR 6, 14 HP, 4 En, one special, 15xp
Level 5: GRRR 7, 15 HP, 6 En, two specials, 20xp
Mini-Boss: GRRR 7, 21 HP, 14 En, two specials & 1 talent, 25xp
Boss: GRRR 8, 32 HP, 16 En, three specials, 1 talent, & 1 equipment, 35xp
NPCs can use a spare character sheet or be basically the same as a Level 3+ monster, except they probably won't immediately attack, and usually will want to talk about something.
Magical attacks or special martial arts moves cost one point of ENERGY, regardless of the check result, and En spent to get a bonus on the stat total are also used even if the check still fails. Additional points of ENERGY can also be spent to attack more monsters at once, one extra target per point. A single attack roll is made for the whole attack, but depending on the defense checks damage may still vary.
All the characters and opponents take turns doing something until one side is defeated, whether they fight to the end, surrender, or run away. All the player characters involved in the battle get the XP listed for the highest level monster involved, and can use them to improve their STRONG, BAD, or CRAP by 1 point per 100xp, which also adds a point to either HITS or ENERGY. The maximum for any stat is 9. When you reach 9-9-9 and 100xp, YOU WIN! The prize is getting to start a brand new character who can do different things.
*** Most likely, by the time combat ends at least one of the characters will be hurt. They can stop to rest and recover, or use first aid or healing spells on each other. First aid is like any other action check, and restores as many HITS as the stat plus all bonuses minus the die roll. Healing spells cost one ENERGY but restore twice as many HITS. Healing spells don't cost ENERGY if the check fails, but if the character also spends an En point for a +1 bonus that point is still lost on a failed check.
*** When the characters are finished in the area, the person who got the next-lowest result for storytelling takes over. All characters recover one point of ENERGY each time they begin a new scene.
I call this "Strong Bad's Crappy Adventures, the game," though obviously the name is unofficial unless you decide to endorse it. Aside from those sentences which include “Strong Bad” as the proper name of the trademarked character, I am placing it under the Creative Commons Attribution license.
From a jail on a boat being chased by bees in a swamp surrounded by monsters,
dialNforNinja
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Dear Strong Bad,
You know those games where people pretend to explore some underground base and fight a bunch of monsters to take their stuff? This is one of those. Now, normally, playing pretend is probably just too wimpy for anyone as awesome as you to think about, but this one skips most of the boring crap, so don't go deleting it yet.
*** Aside from talking some other people into playing it with you, the first thing you need is a couple of dice. Since the square ones are the easiest to find, we'll use them.
*** Next, everyone needs a character sheet. Grab a couple pieces of paper and write three headings across the top of one, STRONG, BAD, and CRAP. These are your character's basic stats, which will determine how well you can do things.
STRONG measures how good you are at running, lifting or breaking things.
BAD determines how well you can do things that are (or should be) illegal, and thinking up really good insults.
CRAP is for everything that's not awesome.
Roll one die and add two to the number, four times. Keeping track of them on a different piece of paper is probably a good idea. Erase the lowest of the four results, then assign each of the other three to one of the stats. Bigger is better for stats. If they all really suck you can start over, as long as your friends agree.
*** Now, pick two things that your character is really good at, like fighting with a giant sword, throwing blasts of fire and lightning bolts, sneaking around, healing people when they're hurt, not getting lost in the woods, and so on.
Decide which of your stats you want to use when you're doing these awesome things. You can use any stat you want, as long as you come up with a good excuse for how they go together - take throwing lightning bolts for example. The traditional answer is that this takes a bunch of studying to learn, and falls under CRAP. A BAD caster doesn't care about traditions or nerdy physics, he ignores the rules and throws lightning bolts anyway, while a STRONG caster just PUNCHES THE UNIVERSE IN THE FACE until it gives up and lets him use magic.
Sneaking would usually be BAD, but being STRONG also means you're good at physical things, like moving without making lots of noise, or you could pull some CRAP like wearing soft-soled shoes and throwing a rock so people to look the wrong way when they hear it land.
STRONG is the obvious attribute for fighting people, but you can also bone up on weak points with CRAP or just go for a nut-punch with BAD.
Write your special talents under the stat that they apply to, which have to be different. You get an extra +1 added to that stat when you try to do something that you can come up with a convincing reason they're related to.
*** Talk to your friends, and pick one of their characters' talents that your character is not good at. Hey, no one's awesome all the time!
This one doesn't apply to any one Stat, but any time you try to do something related to it, so write it further down, or in a box or something. When you have to do something related to the thing you're not good at, you subtract one from the stat being used. If you can come up with a way that one of your talents applies too, they'll cancel out and you use the normal stat number. Making it almost the same as one of the things you're good at so this happens a lot, means that a lot of the time you don't get a +1 when you could have if you made sure to make it different...
*** Next you need to decide what your character looks like, and what kind of gear they have. Draw a picture off to one side, along with any weapons or armor or wizard hats or whatever. Yes, a stick figure will work, if ART is the thing the player isn't good at. If your character has an item related to something you're trying to do, you get another +1 to the stat when you roll. If your character looks ridiculous because of how much crap he's carrying around people will laugh at him, so don't go overboard.
*** At the bottom of your character sheet, draw two more boxes, one labeled HITS and one labeled ENERGY. Add up all three of your stats plus one more die roll, then divide the result between these two however you want. You need at least five Hit points (don't expect to live long if that's all you have) but you don't have to have any Energy.
HITS is how much your character can get hurt before dying. You get them back when the characters stop exploring to rest, or when someone heals you.
ENERGY is how many spells or special attacks your character can use in a row. It can also be used to add +1 to any stat check. If you want to add to your check to cast a spell or make a special attack, you can do that too, but it costs 2 ENERGY. You'll get one ENERGY point back each time you enter a new area or when the characters stop to rest.
*** Fill any spaces left that look too blank by writing down spells your character can cast, martial arts moves he knows, the names of his parents, pets, and friends, treasures he'd like to find or monsters he hates, or anything else that seems like a good idea. These don't add to any checks, but they'll help you come up with things to do.
*** There's always going to be someone who takes an hour drawing a lifelike character portrait. Fill the time by making a few spare characters, that you can use in case your first one dies or to use as NPCs.
*** Once everyone is ready, each of you roll one die, settling ties with another roll or rock-paper-scissors or Rochambeau. Once you've got the order figured out, the person who got the lowest roll gets to start telling the story. Rolling low numbers on the dice is always good, once you're done making characters. Speaking of which, here's some random tables in case you don't have any ideas for where to have the characters start.
*** Locations:
1: In a tavern
2: On a road through some woods
3: On a boat in the ocean
4: In a swamp
5: Running away from bees
6: In jail
*** Situation:
1: there's a Non-Player Character there
2-3: no one else in sight
4: level 1 monsters
5: level 2 monsters
6: level 3 monsters
Tell the other players where you all are. They'll ask questions, and try to do stuff. Answer the questions, decide whether the stat, talent, and equipment they're trying to use actually apply, and if their weakness applies. Have them roll two dice to check when they do something tricky, make an attack, or are attacked. Normal things don't need a roll, but important actions probably should get one.
Checks are made against the total of stat plus any talent or equipment that apply, minus a weakness if it applies, and plus one more if the character uses a point of Energy. The goal is to roll UNDER this number on two dice. For most actions it doesn't matter how much you succeed by, but to attack or defend you'll need to subtract the die roll from the stat total to compare it against the opponent's. For the outcome of attacks, there are six possibilities:
* Both attack and defense fail: Nothing happens
* Attack fails, defense succeeds: No damage, defender gets +1 to their next check
* Both attack and defense succeed, defense is higher: Attack deflected, no damage
* Both attack and defense succeed, tie: 1 pt damage to both.
* Both attack and defense succeed, attack is higher: 2 pt damage to defender
* Attack succeeds, defense fails: 2 pt damage to defender, attacker gets +1 to next check
Spells or special attacks work just like normal attacks, but do twice as much damage, and even on a tie the attacker does not take any damage. Attacks using ranged weapons such as a bow and arrow, gun, or yard darts will also prevent the attacker from taking damage, but do one less point of damage than melee attacks, to a minimum of one point on a tie or better. The bonus on a character's next check from exceptional success doesn't have to be made on a combat check, it can also be used to flee or heal an ally, or for a non-combat action if the battle ends before it's used. The bonus is only lost if the characters leave the area or rest before it is used.
Monsters are rated by levels, and are essentially like characters but simpler to keep from taking too much time to create. Most of them only have a single stat value, GRRR, and a couple of spells or special attacks to keep things interesting. There should be about as many monsters as PCs at Levels 1-5, while Mini-Bosses and Bosses have one or two lower level minions.
Level 1: GRRR 4, 10 HP, 2 En, 2xp
Level 2: GRRR 5, 12 HP, 3 En, 5xp
Level 3: GRRR 5, 12 HP, 3 En, one special, 10xp
Level 4: GRRR 6, 14 HP, 4 En, one special, 15xp
Level 5: GRRR 7, 15 HP, 6 En, two specials, 20xp
Mini-Boss: GRRR 7, 21 HP, 14 En, two specials & 1 talent, 25xp
Boss: GRRR 8, 32 HP, 16 En, three specials, 1 talent, & 1 equipment, 35xp
NPCs can use a spare character sheet or be basically the same as a Level 3+ monster, except they probably won't immediately attack, and usually will want to talk about something.
Magical attacks or special martial arts moves cost one point of ENERGY, regardless of the check result, and En spent to get a bonus on the stat total are also used even if the check still fails. Additional points of ENERGY can also be spent to attack more monsters at once, one extra target per point. A single attack roll is made for the whole attack, but depending on the defense checks damage may still vary.
All the characters and opponents take turns doing something until one side is defeated, whether they fight to the end, surrender, or run away. All the player characters involved in the battle get the XP listed for the highest level monster involved, and can use them to improve their STRONG, BAD, or CRAP by 1 point per 100xp, which also adds a point to either HITS or ENERGY. The maximum for any stat is 9. When you reach 9-9-9 and 100xp, YOU WIN! The prize is getting to start a brand new character who can do different things.
*** Most likely, by the time combat ends at least one of the characters will be hurt. They can stop to rest and recover, or use first aid or healing spells on each other. First aid is like any other action check, and restores as many HITS as the stat plus all bonuses minus the die roll. Healing spells cost one ENERGY but restore twice as many HITS. Healing spells don't cost ENERGY if the check fails, but if the character also spends an En point for a +1 bonus that point is still lost on a failed check.
*** When the characters are finished in the area, the person who got the next-lowest result for storytelling takes over. All characters recover one point of ENERGY each time they begin a new scene.
I call this "Strong Bad's Crappy Adventures, the game," though obviously the name is unofficial unless you decide to endorse it. Aside from those sentences which include “Strong Bad” as the proper name of the trademarked character, I am placing it under the Creative Commons Attribution license.
From a jail on a boat being chased by bees in a swamp surrounded by monsters,
dialNforNinja
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows