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The New Math (Nanoha SI), Thread 2
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 Quote:Bluemage wrote:That Sein would set Imma up on a date with both her and Quattro at the same time.  And yup... Uno has every single bit of Jail's brilliance... only without the crazy. 
 Black Aeronaut Wrote:Not just "set up," but do her best to make sure it actually happens. Her last (shown) try at getting Imma and Quattro to talk didn't work too well - she'd have to work harder at making sure her plan works.Quote:Bluemage wrote:Rob, BA: What?That Sein would set Imma up on a date with both her and Quattro at the same time. -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 
I'm a bit unclear on how the two segments here are connected - at first I thought it was an in medias res with the briefing coming after the start of the mission, but then it wouldn't have said fast-forwarding memory in the divider. At the same time, if he dropped a lake on them like it looks like he's heading off to do, the issue of survivors should be pretty moot...
-- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
The last memory ended. This is a new one.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
The "Crawling back from the edge a bit" sentence appears to be narrative, but is italicized in the way that usually indicates Imma's thoughts.
Quote:The Wanderer wrote:Fixed. The perils of being half-asleep when copypasting+reformatting. My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Maybe if you include a couple more lines at the beginning of the second, then? It's just really unclear what they're talking about, except dudes that need to be bumped off before they threaten our cute little sisters. Or else a little more detail about the enemies in the first part... I'm probably at that "go to bed, you;re not making sense" point myself, actually, so let me sleep on it and see if I can explain better.
-- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Indeed. I'd like that better explanation, when you get around to it.
The bit with Sein and Cinque had a memory-end line. This bit had a memory-start line. Then there was the bit about how there were Syndicate goons and another group of goons down there, hashing out a truce. I'm not sure what I left out. The intent is basically that the SI is there to break up a treaty negotiation between the Syndicate that we're currently trying to eradicate, and another criminal organization. The Syndicate is sort-of inspired by the American Mafia. The Beni-ya, on the other hand, are half-Triad, half yakuza. (From my rudimentary understanding of Japanese, 'beni' can mean 'crimson' and is also a term used for lipstick, and 'ya' is both the name for the sort of arrows fired from a yumi, and the suffix that indicates that you're talking about a shop, so the Beni-ya are either the Red Arrow, or a cosmetics store. I figured the pun was appropriately Japanese, even if it's not 100% (or even 80%) linguistically correct.) My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Right, those things I got (well, not the Japanese pun bits) but why is Imma getting the briefing about the treaty meeting after he blows up a magic-dam to flood it out?
-- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
First, it's not a briefing. It's meant to be sort of a 'remember why this mission is so important' bit. How can I improve that?
Second, the dam hasn't been 'sploded yet. The intent was that he looked the place over, came up with the dam idea... and then went 'oh, crap. I need to change plans. That's going to suck.' Third, on reflection, I really need to rewrite that. It really isn't smooth at all. Thanks! My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Right, I was feeling really uninspired today. Work went sort of crazy.
Rewrites will come tomorrow if I'm lucky, or later if I'm not. ********** "WONDERFUL! What a wonderful deduction!" ...and along comes the real source of the problem. Turning to the new window that popped up, I gave Scaglietti a nod. "Doctor. I take it I passed your test?" He chuckled darkly. "Oh, the test has hardly begun! The true challenge begins now!" The doctor gave me a measuring look, his tone becoming more contemplative. "How will you handle it, I wonder? Will you be subtle... or simply destroy all that stands in my way?" I looked him right in the eye, and smirked. "Yes." That got me a light chuckle. "The mathematician's answer. How very literal of you." The levity vanished, as swiftly as it came. "Now go forth. Impress me!" With that last comment, both windows vanished... and I sighed in relief. Way to put the pressure on me, Doc! Time to think my way out of this mess! ...and that wouldn't work, either. Dang and blast! Why can't I find a way to do this?I cut that thought off with a snarl. This is getting me nowhere. I have to stop, center myself, and think. This. Through. So I did. I stopped pacing, put the problem out of my mind, and took about a minute worth of deep breaths. As I did, I felt myself relaxing, muscles I hadn't even realized were tense becoming slack, and peace returning. Finally, I continued.I have one objective here: keep these two criminal organizations from allying. Well, allying or conducting a truce. No, those are cases of the goal. Goal: Maintain or worsen the current relations between these two groups. That's better. Now, where does that lead? First, I have to prevent an alliance or truce from being agreed to. That's the superficial objective. Second, I need to... how to put it... prevent the two groups from wanting to ally? No, that's not quite right. I need to ensure that they don't trust each other. That would keep them from allying well enough. That's where the conflict comes in. I can't leave any evidence that I was here. If I do, then they have a reason to cooperate- me, a third party. So I have to stop the alliance, sow mistrust, and remain undetected. That's as cogent a summary as any. But can it be done without killing any of them? ...no. Even if I could fake being a member of one group, I'd have to take out their representatives, or they'd just disavow me. Sure, I could fake being from a different third party, but all that'd do is unite them against a scapegoat- with the chance of them discovering the deception, to boot.Then the idea came to me. Okay, that's my end state- and to get there I do this- that requires that I have done that- can I do that?- YES! I'll have to kill them all, but I can stop the treaty and then some. Is it worth it? ... ...it'll have to be. I don't like it, but it'll have to be. Just think of all the people these guys won't be hurting, and it'll work out. As best it can, really. I hope. Probably best I not sleep for a few days afterwards, just to make sure. My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Sometimes the key to enabling one's self to take out the mooks is to remind yourself just what sort of monsters they willingly and gladly serve, performing all given tasks with a smile.
Bluemage Wrote:First, it's not a briefing. It's meant to be sort of a 'remember why this mission is so important' bit. How can I improve that?That and the update clear it up pretty well, but if you insert a line where he realizes that blowing the dam would cause massive death and destruction everywhere downstream, not just to these guys, and put "I need to regroup and come up with a new plan" on screen, that should handle it. Only not the specific word "regroup" since it's a solo mission. "Fall back," maybe? -- "Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
True enough, BA. The SI doesn't want to kill, but that's not because these guys don't deserve to die. They do.
He's partially thinking 'every death that can be attributed to me is going to hurt my chances with the TSAB after StrikerS'... partially thinking 'killing is the easy way out- not a habit I should be in.', and mostly thinking 'killing isn't a moral cost I want to pay more than ABSOLUTELY necessary'. It's that odd dichotomy you get when you start talking about taking life, you know? Sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes it's the best option- for you and/or the species. That doesn't make it a good thing- just a necessary one. One you can loathe the necessity of, and at the same time, be proud to have done, because it manages to be horrible, beneficial, and necessary all at once. I changed the last line of that part, CD. He sees the dam, and basically goes 'that'd work, but there's got to be a better way'. Thoughts? Couldn't write all I'd hoped today. I need to go home and watch more StrikerS before I do. Gotta get some characters right, yaknow? ********** "Hey, Vince! Vince!" "...what? Whaddaya want?" "D'ya hear that?" "Hear what? All I hear's your stupid ass-" "Shut yer trap and listen! ...hear that rumbling noise?" "...yeah. Yeah, I do... but what is it? Only thing out here is us and... SHIELDS! SHIELDS UP, NOW! THE DAM'S SPRUNG A LEAK! GET THE VIPS OUT OF THERE!" There's my cue. I pushed that AV feed off to the side, switching my primary display to a more strategic view. Looks like I took out just the right part of the dam. That river is going right where I wanted it. Both groups of mooks are formed up to shield, their VIPs are joining them for transport... and I've got the field prepared. All I have to do is wait a bit. "...hey, Frankie?" "Yeah?" "The water's not gonna hit us." Frankie looked up, studied the rushing wall of water for a second, and then grinned. "...well, I'll be! You're right!" The torrential flood hit the compound (and the Beni-ya on the other side of it) with a tremendous WHUMP. The house broke apart like it was made of matchsticks, shredding under the titanic force; the Beni-ya fared significantly better, splitting the enormous wave with some well-placed shield spells. "Don't'cha think we oughta go help the other guys?" Frankie waved a hand dismissively. "Aaah, leave 'em be. They'll be just fine. See?" He pointed at a spray of water arcing into the air. "That water's bouncin' off their shields. They should be beamin' out soon." Perfect. One Zero Shift later, and I was standing in the middle of the Beni-ya formation, right behind their negotiators. "A moment of your time, please?" A precisely-calculated instant later- just long enough to let them realize I was there, decide to turn around, but not long enough for any of them to act- I triggered the gravity trap I'd placed right under their feet, and shifted out of its range. Now standing behind a tree, on the side of the river opposite the Syndicate, I watched the Beni-ya mages slump to the ground, their shields wavering as they fought the pull of my spell. ...this isn't right. I need to- -no. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and brought up an image in my head- Cinque and Sein on the ground, bleeding out from knife wounds, five or six laughing men standing over their bodies. This has to happen. I have no other option right now. "...forgive me." Then I reached out for my gravity trap, and amped it up to ten gees for a short time, just long enough to make them black out. If they have to die, I can at least put them out first. It's at least something. The shields vanished from his field of view, and Frankie smiled. "See? Already gone." He turned to his crew, raising his voice. "WHAT'RE YOU LOT STANDIN' AROUND FOR? INTO THE TRUCKS! WE'RE HEADED HOME!" My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Agreed. If that doesn't worsen relations between the two groups, I don't know what would.
-- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
That's the great thing about writing an SI. If I can come up with it in a decent amount of time, the SI could've come up with it. I never have to wonder if I'm being too clever or not clever enough.
I feel no shame in admitting that that particular solution to the situation I wrote myself into took me some time to properly come up with. Not too much time, but more than most everything else so far. I almost gave up on finding a sneaky way forward, and wrote it as a failure. ********** Before they could take more than a few steps, I shifted in behind 'Frankie', fully-charged Fencer's Blade pointed at his back, and triggered the gravity trap I'd planted earlier. "Gentlemen." BZAP 'Frankie' dropped like a rock... and so did the others, as they finally succumbed to three gees of pressure. Just to be sure, I gave each of them a zap, scanned them to make sure they were unconscious, and then called Uno. "Imma. You've finished your mission?" You sound disapproving. Was I supposed to have been done sooner?"Technically, yes." That got me glared at. "Technically?" I shuffled my feet sheepishly, looking down at the ground. "...'m not sure where to put the bodies." Uno didn't smile at that, but the disapproval faded from her stare, almost as if it'd never been there. Uno no likey failure. Got it. "'Where to put the bodies?' Why do you have to put them anywhere?" This got me back on familiar territory. "Oh, it's part of the plan. I need to make it seem like the Syndicate delegation left on their own, so I incapacitated them-" "Imma!" Uno sure looks shocked. "You didn't!" I put my hands up defensively, shaking my head. "No, no, no! See, the point is to make it look like the Syndicate guys left on their own- without a struggle! If I'd tried to kill them-" Uno calmed down again at that. "There would've been signs. That makes sense." ...hey, wait a second! "Actually, I just thought of something. I have here six Syndicate thugs, complete with vehicles and equipment... and three higher-ups. All alive and unconscious. Couldn't we use that?" Uno's expression grew pensive at that. "...yes. I believe we could. Gather them up, and let me know- I'll transport them to the base." She thought for a moment, and then gave me a small smile. "Good work." My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Whoa. Tough crowd. There's room for at least a couple more comments before the thread closes, you know!
I'll be on hiatus for all of next week. When I return, I'll be starting Thread 3. This doesn't mean I'll be gone- just at the beach, and not posting more fic. ********** "...and that's when the tidal wave slammed into the compound." Uno opened the door in front of us, waving me through. "Tidal wave? Where did you get a tidal wave?" I waved a hand airily. "Oh, the Syndicate compound was built right in the path of a local river. All I had to do was arrange for their dam to fail in just the right way- just a bit of stressed stone around the forcefield generators- and..." Uno gave me a smile. "Ah, I see. What happened next?" We rounded a corner, stopping at a set of stairs. "Well, I'd partially collapsed a hill, partway between the dam and the compound. It forced the wave to one side, just enough to swamp the Beni-ya and the compound, but not the Syndicate troops. Naturally, the Beni-ya put up shields and prepared to evacuate. So I knocked them out, and let the water take them." We went down the stairs, Uno contemplating the situation. At the bottom of the steps, Uno stopped me. "I believe I understand your logic." She began to pace as she talked. "When the Beni-ya investigate, they will find that the dam failed, in a way that could be considered suspicious, and that the path of the river was subtly altered to target their people. Then they will find the bodies of their people downriver, apparently drowned to death- but none of the Syndicate agents. The Syndicate will claim that their people have yet to report back, but the Beni-ya will find no evidence that they died... or were even attacked. In the end, it will appear that the whole incident was a Syndicate plot against the Beni-ya- and while the Syndicate know that they intended no such act, they cannot prove it. Am I right?" Gah... bwah... Smiling, Uno reached down to my mouth- currently hanging open in surprise- and gently closed it. "Remember who you're talking to. Information is my specialty, Imma- and deception is merely an exercise in controlling it." She led me through another hallway, and up to an impressively thick blast door. "We're here." A wave of her hand, and the door- the first of a series of three blast doors, if the numbering on it was correct- began to open. Once the door had opened, Uno started to walk into the storage room- only to stop, and turn to face me, a touch of... is that apprehension? Regret?- on her face. "I... my words may have implied that your strategy was... insufficiently well-developed. That was not my intention." She swallowed, and continued. "I have not conducted an in-depth analysis, but my immediate conclusion is that your actions have no less than a sixty percent chance of permanently preventing an alliance between the Syndicate and the Beni-ya, and an additional twenty-five percent chance of inciting hostilities between the organizations. I shall-" "It's fine!", I said, waving it off. "I already know you're smarter than the average-" bear- "-human being. If anybody could see through my ruse, it'd be you." I forced a grin. "I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. Or so thoroughly." There was a long pause after that. Jeez, this is awkward. "Alright." Uno pushed a virtual button, and the second door began to grind open. I had just enough time to notice the third door behind it before that one also began to open... revealing a fourth door. Their numbering is off... oh. It's a construct, not an actual door. My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit.
Wait, what? Construct? What sort of construct? *Is cunfuzzled.*
That was a hasty edit on my part, as part of clearing up a bit of miswriting when I actually did this piece. It's not a real door, but a force-field with an illusion of a door over it.
I'll tidy it up when I'm not busy making the most obnoxious piece of clothing ever. My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours. I've been writing a bit. |
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