Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
I figured someone might appreciate an accurate portrayal of an Ataru-driven girl-stampede.  Quote:Bob Schroeck wrote:
That, and she's the biggest fish in their pond -- possibly because she's long outgrown her own griefer stage but is still plagued by the reputation she worked so hard in her youth to make for herself, and which is a major handicap now that she's grown up and trying to be more than she was...?
Hrmmmm... To make it work out sensibly, I think the chain of events would have to go like this:
- Hild outgrows rebelious streak. (Whether this has anything to do with her feelings for Odin is up for debate.)
- Hild spends time with Odin, becomes pregnant by him and has Urd. (I bet her baby pictures are ADORABLE.)
- Hild sees things in Hell taking a turn for the worst, returns so she can get things straightened out. Leaves Urd with Odin to raise.
- Status Quo is established. Soon, Belldandy and Skuld come along.
I'd say that's about right.
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
Odin might even know entirely what's going on, and support Hild's efforts, but has never gotten around to actually telling anyone because his own job and life are crazy busy. And/or because he's got his own blinders and thinks it's obvious to anyone who looks at what she's doing
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Quote:Bob Schroeck wrote:
Odin might even know entirely what's going on, and support Hild's efforts, but has never gotten around to actually telling anyone because his own job and life are crazy busy. And/or because he's got his own blinders and thinks it's obvious to anyone who looks at what she's doing
Hrmmm.... that or they just kept it a secret between the two of them, thus helping to maintain the new status quo - they openly regard each other as adversaries, and it takes on a flavor that is uncannily like the Cold War between USA and USSR - complete with a hotline between Odin and Hild (just saying - it makes sense that there would be one). But behind closed doors, they're using that hotline to make sure the two of them are on the same page.
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
Oh, I like that even better.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Done deal then!
And now, here's the next bit!
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
Can I get a link to the whole of this story. I'm liking the hell out of it
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Sorry, Rajvik - this is pretty much it.
I do intend to post it somewhere, but you must bear in mind that what I post here is the very first rough draft (after filtering out most of the spelling and grammar errors). I'm hoping to get critique over the style of writing, the plotline, and the portrayal of the characters.
That said, hearing that you like it so much is a helpful thing for me - I at least know that I'm on the right track with this.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Set a few minutes aside for this one guys! This update is a whopper at 6670 words!
And booyyyyyy howdy, it's a roller coaster at that!
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
Gods this is a story I would love to be in. I want to see it as a whole from start to finish.
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
Lovin' this reboot, BA. Keep it coming.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Quote:Rajvik wrote:
Gods this is a story I would love to be in. I want to see it as a whole from start to finish.
![[Image: emot-sbahj.gif]](http://www.uselesstenchi.org/Forum/Smileys/Useless/emot-sbahj.gif) That's the highest praise I've gotten yet!
I'm working on this as quickly as I can, but seriously, this is just the beginning! Would it help if I split off a dedicated story thread and keep this as a commentary thread? Quote:Bob Schroeck wrote:
Lovin' this reboot, BA. Keep it coming.
More is coming, Bob. Just need a bit of time to get it written up.
BTW: I just had a crazy idea. Anyone think it interesting that Rei has the same eye color as Yosho Masaki Jurai? *Grins wickedly* Just sayin'. It wouldn't be a huge stretch in this setting to say that Rei's mother is from the same branch of the family as Kiriko's... and unlike others her mother opted out of going into space and instead lived a normal Earthly life with a normal human lifespan. Which means that Rei would have no freaking clue that Old Man Katsuhito Masaki is about to come into her life with some very interesting news.
This would be the perfect way to get the Masaki clan involved in the fracas.
Thoughts?
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
My thoughts, DOOOO EEEEEET
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Okay then! Done deal.
Also, dedicated story and commentary threads are now go.
And I am now adding in the latest bit. Enjoy! 
EDIT: Oh, guess it might help if I add in the permalink. Silly me!
Posts: 25,533
Threads: 2,060
Joined: Feb 2005
Reputation:
12
While re-reading to see what the changes were, I noticed a couple of possible typos in one section. In any other story, I'd be sure they are typos, but ... it's Zeke.
Quote:##
I woke to the sound of fluttering wings and reflexively began to feel around. All I found in my bed was a hallow space that was still warm.
Is Zeke starting to think of Deimos as a demigoddes, or should "hallow" be "hollow" there?
Quote:In addition to the usual student’s compliment of stationary, workbooks and supplies,
As opposed to those mobile workbooks and supplies... Maybe some of his notes do wander off, and these are the others?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Quote:robkelk wrote:
While re-reading to see what the changes were, I noticed a couple of possible typos in one section. In any other story, I'd be sure they are typos, but ... it's Zeke.Quote:##
I woke to the sound of fluttering wings and reflexively began to feel around. All I found in my bed was a hallow space that was still warm.
Is Zeke starting to think of Deimos as a demigoddes, or should "hallow" be "hollow" there?Quote:In addition to the usual student’s compliment of stationary, workbooks and supplies,
As opposed to those mobile workbooks and supplies... Maybe some of his notes do wander off, and these are the others?
The first one is definitely a typo. Thanks for spotting that one - I'll get it fixed right away.
That second bit, it was meant to get the idea across that, at first glance, the contents of his school bag seem unremarkable, but once you dug a little deeper you'd find all that strange kit in there. I'll see about reworking that bit to be more clear.
Posts: 28
Threads: 1
Joined: Mar 2009
Reputation:
0
Minor Nit to pick ;)
06-06-2015, 04:29 AM
In the description of "Grumps" you said he was a Vietnam era Navy Pilot. Then you said he flew Thunderchiefs and Phantom II's. My nitpicker arose because the Thunderchief (aka F-105, aka "The Thud") was flown by the USAF. The A-6 Intruder might be a good choice if you want to have historical accuracy.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Damn. Thanks for the catch! *Adds to the 'fix list'*
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Okay, next segment is up. It feels pretty rough, though. You guys want to really tear into it, then please do.
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
Four franchises, BA? I take it Zeke's original world didn't have Parker Lewis Can't Lose, then, and he wouldn't recognize them as equally fictional?
And do I detect a bit of a hat-tip to Ozzallos' Heir to the Empire with the Jurai-Moon meeting there at the end?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
That one's still a bit of a blindspot for him at the time. Also helps that, in a certain sense, it's nowhere nearly as earth-shattering as the combination of the other four.
Also, never did read any of Ozzallos' stuff. I might need to fix that now. :p
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
No need -- there's just some throwaway Tenchi references in the very last chapter that I thought you might be referencing. Then again, it is a very good story.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
Does the happy dance cause it lives
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
So, an idea that hit me while Revisting Sailor Moon R and the Ayakashi Sisters sub-arc. The servants that they use to do their bidding.. Are referred to by them as 'Droids'... and when 'destroyed' they turn to a pile of clear, glassy-looking sand and an inert gemstone.
To me, this looks like a silica-based nanomachine colony with a crystalline central processing unit. And possibly something that can be salvaged and repurposed.
This leads into a bit of world building that I only covered in brief in the last incarnation of this story.
One of the things I wanted in this story was Persocoms from CLAMP's Chobits. However, rather than the full-scale models being commonplace, the smaller ones will be de rigeur, and for a very special reason: I also intend to bring in CLAMP's Angelic Layer. In this way, the Angels will be the smaller-sized Persocoms... only specialized for arena battles.
Now, I do clearly recall Necratoid and others arguing that this would upset awe-level of Leonard Testarossa's human-scale and AI-driven armslaves... But I hold by my argument that the impressive feat of those is not the AI being such a small package, but the fact that AMALGAM was able to also make the reactor, stealth systems, and Lambda Driver small enough to fit in there as well, and STILL move at superhuman speeds!
As for the Chobits/Angelic Layer characters...
Misaki will be a First Year student at Juuban Municipal High School and a class rep in one of the other classes. She will be the still-reigning champion of Angelic Layer (this, along with her earnest and hard working attitude is what earns her the Class Rep spot.) Her Angel, Hikaru, will be ladylike and demur, though subtly sassy and playful.
Kotaro and Tamaya will be, as ever, Misaki's classmates and co-founders of the Misaki and Hikaru fan club. Additionally, though, they'll have the dubious reputation of being that couple that, by all rights, ought to be married already. Rumors abound of their being sexually active, but strictly when neither of the two are in earshot.
Hatoko will become Chibiusa's close friend and classmate at Juuban Elementary school. She still uses her Angel, Suzuka, who will play the role of the ever dutiful kunoichi in service to her Lady. It will be thanks to Hatoko and Suzuka that Chibiusa (and later, Hotaru as well) pick up on Angelic Layer.
Ohjiro will be dating Miskai, even though he is a freshman at Tokyo University. (Of course, this pales in comparison to the gap between Mamorou and Usagi.) He'll have retired from Angelic Layer for the most part to focus more on Miskai as well as his studies, but he'll be more than happy to set time aside to share some pearls of wisdom with the newcomers to the game.
Shoko will still be a reporter in the field, albeit a top-level investigative reporter. She gets stuck to the new rash of Monster Attacks and quickly slips down the rabbit hole. Zeke and Teletha will eventually work out a contract of exclusivity with her to help keep the Paparazzi and others off their backs and also provide rumor control. (Potential love interest with a Paparazzi photographer?)
Ichiro and Shoko and a nuerologist and a robotocist, respectively. Together, they created Angelic Layer and Persocoms... But lately the two have gone missing and no one knows what's become of them. Although Teletha doesn't have to wonder much when Mithril's intelligence division delivers disturbing news about new high-end Persocoms that seem to fill the roles of bodyguards, sexaroids, and assassins.
The plot to rescue the couple will come after the FMP-Anime plot has run its course - it will be a means of striking back at Amalgam in hopes of reducing their capability - and only after 'Chi' shows up.
Chi herself is going to be somewhat different. To draw comparisons, if the other Amalgam-made persocoms are like 33-s Bumas, then Chi is more like Largo - literally built to bring about a revolution in every way. The simple matter of fact is that Chi will be a biomechanical von Nueman machine in that she even mimics the human reproductive system - her system will take a genetic sample, extrapolate it, and then use it to create a modified version of herself, grown within her own artificial womb. Additionally, she's fully combat capable and equipped with her own Lambda Driver.
The trick is, however, she doesn't even realize any of this - like in the anime, Chi's sister ('Freya' I believe her name was) is hiding in her head, keeping Chi's capabilities limited until they are needed. Although around Zeke, things like this tend to get blown wide open and a certain tiny mad scientist is gonna have fun with this. (It's canonical in Tenchi Muyo that Washu loves seeing 'primitive technology' in action - she gleefully watched Tenchi's Father painstakingly assemble and configure a PC for Tenchi to use for several hours. That said, she is gonna die of a nerd-gasm and go to geek-heaven over Chi.)
And everyone will collectively shit platinum bricks when Chi's reproductive capabilities come to light. Machines that reproduce as she does are taboo in the galactic community, and with good reason. But, Chi is as close to a living being as they come - Washu even confirms that she has a soul - and therefore has all the rights and privileges as such. She cannot be killed without committing a capitol offense and having been judged through due process, nor can her right to reproduce be denied. The cat is most assuredly out of the bag on this one.
Thoughts?
Posts: 27,582
Threads: 2,269
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
So... Chi's a Third? Interesting.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
Pretty much, though the end-product is another like herself, only with cosmetic traits taken from both Chi and the donor. But the real freaking magic is gonna be how Chi's AI is copied and modified to take on traits of the other parent's brain.
Getting back to the Droids used by the Ayakashi Sisters... (D'oh!)
What will eventually wind up happening is after Mithril examines the first few sets of remains and comes back with their findings, they send the inert nanomachines and cores back to Zeke to see if he can pull something off with the help of Ami.
Long story short, they succeed, and the result is reformatted Droids, entirely different from their previous incarnations. Zeke feels it's best if they take on disguise-forms as small vehicles such as mopeds, scooters, and even smaller things like drone-aircraft, computers, backpacks... and even one in the form of a hand-canon. For some reason, Zeke feels an irresistible urge to call them 'Minicons'.
|
