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The most purple prose EVER (NSFW)
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Buh. How did that seem like a good idea to the writer? :O
_________________________________ Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World. 
Being paid by the word, maybe?
No, that doesn't explain all of... that... -- Rob Kelk "Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of the same sovereign, servants of the same law." - Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012 
...Men
I don't think I can put enough sneer in my typing to convey that. Some people will publish anything these days. --- The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself." >Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI 
even odds that's a) a female author, and b) a largely female audience.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger." From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies Quote: Wiredgeek wrote: Then "Ron Miller" must be a pen name. Question for everyone: how many words did it take for you to stop reading? --YJK, AKA Arnold Kim --------------------------- Watch my brand new video blogs at my Youtube channel! "Kanrinin-SAAAN!" - Yusaku Godai Avatar- Lum Invader, courtesy of this fan made Youtube video My Anime List: http://myanimelist.net/profile/ArnoldK
Ron Miller is not likely a pen name (or just a very widely used one) but I do know that Wire might've thought me a little forward in my assumptions. (I am,
I know) *Ahem* Anyway. I read about the first 3 to 5 words of every paragraph, skimming to see when the horror ended. --- The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself." >Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI Quote:Anyway. I read about the first 3 to 5 words of every paragraph, skimming to see when the horror ended. Same. followed through all the way to the end, though.. it hurts me in my thinky bit "No can brain today. Want cheezeburger." From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies 
That was just ... awful. A crime against writing.
Or created with a travesty generator. Or both. -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak.
Isn't it hilarious?
I have this mental image of someone using a (sanitized) portion of that text, putting it in one of those motivational frames, with the slogan, 'If your writing sounds like this, you're doing it wrong.'
Now that you've said it, it's going to happen....
_____ DEATH is Certain. The hour, Uncertain... 
... it's not a pen name. O_O
( http://en.wikipedia.org/w...ller_(artist_and_author) , scroll a little past halfway down the list of published books) Sad thing is, I've read some of this guy's other works, and they _aren't bad_. *sobs* --sofaspud --"Listening to your kid is the audio equivalent of a Salvador Dali painting, Spud." --OpMegs 
"Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon".
What the hell does that even mean? My poor poor brain. -- If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all.
I'm wondering if it wasn't a deliberate thing, some kind of test of his readers -- or his editor.
-- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak.
Oh WWWOOOOOOOooooooowwwwwww! LMAO
I read the first paragraph, saw where the next was going, and there I started to just skim over the rest. And you just gotta love the caper that blogger threw in immediately after: "And then he rapes her." I lost it right there and then, and I'm still giggling. It's not the idea that she got raped, heavens no! It's just that it's like someone took painstaking time and effort to build a great ziggurat, except that they used grub-infested wood and along comes a lone woodpecker with a hell of an appetite. *Insert sound of chainsaw here along with the laugh of Woody the Woodpecker*  Quote: "Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon".Well, among other things, it means he doesn't grasp the definition of the word "fragrance." Maybe he was thinking of "radiance." One of the thoughts that crossed my mind when I glanced over his, ummm, writing, was that some of the metaphors reminded me of a few from the Song of Solomon (which has more than its share of stupid metaphors* -- whoops, that lightning bolt nearly got me), but with the stupidity level cranked up not to eleven, but to twenty-two. * What, "breasts like twin fawns"? Does that mean they've got legs? "Belly like a heap of wheat"? Somebody must've shipped Solly some really good hash just before he wrote that. ----- Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING. Quote:"breasts like twin fawns"? Does that mean they've got legs? "Belly like a heap of wheat"?Well, it depends on what you get out of their descriptions. Both would be golden-tan in color, which is a good candidate for at least part of of his intent, to draw a parallel to the skin color of his beloved (middle east, remember). You've got the connotations of youth with fawns -- always a safe bet when making comparisons to breasts. And a heap of wheat would also be smoothly rounded -- the penchant for a perfectly flat belly is a relatively recent development; rounded bellies were considered beautiful for millennia. -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak.
Like fawns they leap and bound gracefully (Gainax-fully?)
Quote: Well, it depends on what you get out of their descriptions.Grok, and the color is a good point -- I love thinking about how Dixiecrats must gnash their teeth at the clear evidence that Solomon's beloved isn't a lily-white Southern Baptist -- but still, those particular comparisons just strike me as ludicrously phrased. (And I should've referred to them as similes, not metaphors, mea magna culpa; I do know the difference, but I wrote "metaphors" and then didn't correct it when I looked up the quotes and saw they were similes.) I was being sarcastic about the legs, of course. ----- Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
Don't forget, the phrasing and structure is (depending on your particular favored translation) at least originally the product of Elizabethan England. I
suspect that the original Hebrew/Aramaic/Whatever is somewhat more euphonious, not to mention the cultural matrix of the intended listener probably makes a difference. -- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak.
Ah, I saw this when it was brought up on weepingcock...
I just can't get over the part where her neck is compared to "Bottles of wine, covered with dew, and otters." ... At least, everyone seems to think that's talking about her neck. -Morgan. |
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