My Father Is Dying

[Bob Schroeck]

Some of you know this already -- my dad has suffered from Parkinson's with dementia for about ten years now. It's been several years since he's reliably recognized me, a couple years since he could move under his own power, and about six months since he became bed-bound.

In the last few weeks, he's been intermittently refusing food and water, and it's finally taken its toll -- he's reached a point where his organs are likely to shut down in a few days if nothing is done. The only measures that can be taken at this point, though, are explicitly forbidden by the terms of his living will. His doctor has told my mom to not take him to the hospital, as it would only prolong the inevitable. Plus doing so would break the agreement she has with the hospice agency which has taken on a fair chunk of the cost of his care and which provides a lot of services for that care. The agency has, by the way, indicated that it will provide narcotic patches that will make sure that he is not suffering during these last hours -- but he also appears to have suffered a small stroke that has wiped out any vestiges of personality which had retained up to this point; I'm not entirely sure he's actually "in there" any more.

Even so, it was me my mother turned to me in order to "help" her decide whether to send him to the hospital or not.

Weighing everything I've cited above plus a few things that are private to the family, I had to counsel her not to.

So. I am right now sitting at home, hoping my father does not die before Peggy and I can get down there tomorrow, feeling a welter of emotions including but not limited to a certain anger that I was the one essentially forced to make the decision to let my father die (for all my mother claimed to be asking my advice, she was really asking me to take the decision out of her hands). And feeling a need to spill this out somewhere. And lacking a blog proper, this is my most prominent forum (pun not intended).

It's not going to be a good weekend, no matter what happens.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Wiregeek]

how incredibly horrible. my sympathies, sir.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[robkelk]

I have the vaugest idea of what you're going through, Bob - my sister died of MS a decade ago (not quite as long or lingering an illness as your
father's), and I was the last person to see her alive.

Family comes first, especially at times like these. Go do what you need to do; we'll still be here in a week or two.

And may whichever deity your father believes in grant him a peaceful passing, and grant you the strength to carry on.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Sweno]

Having experienced something similar (though to a much lesser degree, as it was my grandmother passing away, so the main burden fell to my parents) you have my
condolences and sympathies.

Here is to hoping your weekend has a minimum of heart wrenching.
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[Logan Darklighter]

Oh geez... I...

(I literally stared at the screen for about 5 minutes either not thinking of anything to type or starting something to start over and erase it.)

I don't really know what to say. Nothing can "make this better" for you no matter how much I (we) sympathize. I guess the only way out is through
at this point.

Count yourself lucky that you have Peggy to help you through this as well as friends. Let them help you. It won't make a difference in what needs to happen
and what needs to be done. But it may make that load easier to bear, if only just enough to bear. Or to have a
shoulder to cry on to later once you can afford to.

Damn it. All I can do is toss lame words your way. I'm so sorry I can't do more.

[Epsilon]

My grandfather is currently undergoing surgery, so I can appreciate your sentiment. The prognosis is good, however, but at his age everything has to be taken
slowly. Especially since the attending nurse forgot to tell him he shouldn't be taking his asperin regimen for a week beforehand and thus they had to
reshcedule from last week.

I hope you and your family find the strength to endure these hard times, and the joy in reliving the good ones together.

-----------------

Epsilon

[Valles]

Let us know if there's anything we can do to help, 'kay?
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[ECSNorway]

*wince* Ow, Bob. Ow. I'm very sorry to hear this.

God bless him.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[WengFook]

I have nothing to say that others have not said already.

About all I can say is please don't be angry at your mother for passing the decision to you. Instead be strong for her now when she needs it the most.

It might not mean much but my deepest sympathies and prayers are with you.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Star Ranger4]

.....

.....

(long string of deleted explitives)

All I can do is echo what my electronic comrades here have already said.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[Duane Peters]

I'm so sorry, Bob. Here's hoping his passing is quick and easy.

[Rev Dark]

Bob,

Cindy and I are thinking about you and Peggy.

While it cannot be easy, and should not be easy, your father made his intentions clear in his living will, and you are strong enough to see his intentions
fulfilled.

Stay strong.

Shayne and Cindy

[Foxboy]

Let me add my voice to the supporters here already.
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Bob Schroeck]

Thank you, everyone.

We will be heading down to my parents' home by the end of the morning. I'll probably be AFK for most of the weekend, longer if the worst comes to pass
while we're there.

I'd say "I'll keep you all informed", but it somehow seems too flip.

Thanks again.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Kurisu]

...

I wish you strength for what lies ahead.

...I can't think of anything else to add.
_____
DEATH is Certain. The hour, Uncertain...

[NotDavies]

...

Chris Davies.

(Says nothing for there is nothing he can say that has not already been said. Even this.)

[Jinx999]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope his passing is peaceful and I hope that you don't hurt too much from it and that your pain at losing a loved one
is quick and clean. It sounds like it's his time, so I'm more worried about you.

I'm not sure I'm doing this right. I'm trying to say that I don't want you to suffer from this, but it sounds like I'm being calous about
your father. I'm not. I'm just trying to think of the living.

I'm sorry.

[Bluemage]

I get broken up at the thought of my father dying, and he's still got decades in him yet. I shudder to think of how the reality of it must be, and wish
you and your family the best.

Anything else I could say here would either be trite, a massive understatement, or has already been said.

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[jpub]

Having been through a similar situation, I can only give you my utmost sympathies.

[Herr Bad Moon]

I can't imagine having to make that decision. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[DHBirr]

Aw, crap....

I lost my dad in '96, when it got to the point where the dialysis was doing more damage than it was helping. I was luckier than you, though, because nobody
asked me to make the decision, and he was lucid practically to the end.

All my sympathy to you and yours.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Bob Schroeck]

Again, thank you everyone.

We are back from the weekend with my family, as you can no doubt guess. My father has not yet passed away, but it's only a matter of days, and his decline
from day to day is visible, even between Saturday and Sunday. It's scary, and it's disturbing, and I'm feeling guilty that I'm a little glad I
won't be there for his last moments because of my work obligations.

His funeral, when it happens, will be very hard for me. I have a profound fear of dead bodies which I am going to have to master, however momentarily, to
properly attend to all the ceremonies and whatnot and give respect and love to his memory. It will be very difficult.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Shader]

Bob,

All though, in the end it may not mean much...

Let me just echo the sentiments above, having just learned about this - without trying to be too sappy. You are in my thoughts and may everything work out.

Having faced similar difficulties, nothing can prepare you for the shock, and each one will deal with it differently. We will be here for you. Always.

Family comes first. Be strong for your mother.

Shader.

[Ebony]

Coming in late on this, due to Life being Life. You have my condolences, thoughts, and prayers.
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Bob Schroeck]

Thank you.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.