The Attack of the Martian Death Flu

[Dartz]

Last time I has a blood test I was warned about eating anything in the 12 hours or so before - it can really mess with the result. There's a couple of diabetics on both sides of the family. One of whom's had it for about 20 years and has been in grand health for the majority of it. The other one has the imploded pancreas. The oulfella is dithering along the pre-diabetic line too.

[hazard]

Come to Europe Lynn.

We don't tell you how much of the product is added sugar, we tell you how much of the product, by weight, is carbohydrate, and how much of that is sugar.

It's literally the law, you can't sell anything packaged without a sell by date and a complete and exhaustive list of its components as well as its fat (of which saturated), protein, carbohydrate (of which sugar) and salt contents in grams per 100 gram.


The place ain't perfect. But product quality laws tend to be stricter and rigorously enforced.

[LynnInDenver]

Where I'm at right now, all I really need to be is aware of the added sugar, and make sure I'm not overdoing other intake. A piece of two of fruit is OK, for instance, or juice without added sugar. It's been really annoying with breakfast foods; Plain yogurt, toast, fruit, or cereal with the lowest sugar we can find. I've tried the steel-cut oats and, well, I think I'd get more flavor out of the cardboard. I'll probably have to see about dusting that with cinnamon.

I think they really just ran the A1C number because they had my sample and wanted as much of a baseline as they could get. And, as I noted, I'd probably noshed way more candy than I should've that day. Officially, I'm not prediabetic unless it keeps reading high on the next bloodwork, and it wasn't far into the zone, but I'm choosing to treat it as if I am actually prediabetic.

But then, there's family history on my Mom's side of the fence, so it really doesn't hurt to make that change to the diet.

[Inquisitive Raven]

Noshing on candy for one day shouldn't have much effect on your A1C reading; that's effectively a three-month average. It could have a drastic effect on your then-current blood glucose level.

[Dragonflight]

We got news last night. Aaron (Epsilon) has passed away. I'll post the message from his father here:

Aaron lost his fight and passed away tonight. He was very comfortable and did not experience any pain. At the end he went very quickly and quietly with myself and my wife Valerie at his side. We'll all miss him so very much.

[SilverFang01]

My condolences.

[robkelk]

I... knew this was coming, and it still hurts.

I don't have a lot of friends. Aaron was one of the few friends that I had. He tolerated my foibles, which takes a lot of work. He ran a good game, in any RPG system you could think of.

Damn.

I'll miss him.

[robkelk]

Chris McNeil has posted this elsewhere; I think he wouldn't mind me re-posting it here.

I didn't want to write this.

Not just for the obvious reasons, that nobody likes to say goodbye to a friend like this. I didn't want to make this about me, because it isn't about me. I wanted to say something about him, to tell his story, to express the tiniest part of the loss I feel in a way others could understand.

But I came to realise that it wasn't for me to tell his story. I can't. That story was for him to tell, and unfortunately, he cannot. The only story I have to tell is the story of us. So that's what I'll do.

I met Aaron Peori when we were both new in high school, about twenty-five years ago. Glace Bay High was the tenth of the eleven schools that I attended in my eleven years of schooling, and so by then I was almost as well-practiced in "meet new friends" as I was in "meet the new local pack of bullies". Walking home, I noticed one guy about my age that always walked alone, reading a book. In other words, a fellow nerd, a weirdo, an outcast. Like me. After a couple of days of spotting this lone reading fellow, he happened to be reading a book by Christopher Pike, an author I also had books by. That was, as the saying goes, an opening.

"Hey, isn't that a Christopher Pike book?" I asked this stranger, casually, as if I hadn't already known.

He looked up at me, not even showing any surprise that some weirdo had walked up and asked about the book his nose was in. "Yes," he said, peering at me owlishly from behind his glasses, then after a moment added, "He's a good author."

By the time we reached home that day, we were already good friends. From that point on, in fact, we were virtually inseparable, aided by the fact that he lived almost literally in my backyard.

From the very beginning, we were creative collaborators. At first, we were using GI Joes and a few other toys in elaborate setpiece dioramas that spanned his house's enclosed front porch, and sometimes spilled out to occupy part of the year as well. Factions, sacrifices, betrayals, and no doubt embarassing-in-retrospect dialogue were all a part of those first afternoons and weekends.

I think he first got a copy of the Marvel Super Heroes RPG from his cousin. Before I'd met him, Aaron and his cousin had both been drawing their own comics about a space-based superhero team called Sonis. Now, with a tool that you could use tell stories about superheroes, and rules to arbitrate - our new great dioramas were ones made of words, not toys. I quickly made my own "expanded universe", about a group of mercenary superheroes called Heroes For Hire.

Very little of Heroes For Hire would be something I wouldn't be embarassed to show off today, but my former internet nom de guerre "Blade" comes from the most central and overpowered character of those days.

About a year before I left Cape Breton, Aaron and I discovered two things of lasting consequence: anime, via his having a comic adaptation of the movie "Project A-ko" in his huge box of comics that I would regularly raid, and fanfiction, which I had been introduced to via USENET by another friend of mine, Mark MacIsaac. After I left, Aaron had more free time, and thus he started writing a story that combined two of his favourite things: the then-popular anime Ranma 1/2, and Star Wars.

Aaron wrote prolifically, longhand on sheaths of paper, in his inscrutable and typo-laden scrawl. My role in those first stories, for all they were credited under both our names, was just to type these up and edit them - but that wasn't a small task, to be fair. I can type 60wpm despite still pecking with two fingers instead of touch-typing, a skill that dates to those early manuscripts.

The time came when we once again lived in the same city, able to really collaborate with both of us writing scenes. All of this finally culminated in Hybrid Theory, our longer-than-Lord-of-the-Rings magnum opus, and something we were both pretty proud of despite the various flaws and that we totally botched poor Rei's character arc.

After writing something like that, we were sure, it would be easy to write something for professional publication. But unfortunately, it never came to be. Circumstances separated us again, several promising projects got stalled after a few chapters, and then the grinding workload he faced at his job hurt his ability to write consistently.

But Aaron never stopped writing fanfiction. His mind never stopped working. Most of what he wrote was "junk" in his words, and he wouldn't even show it to me, but he was still thinking up stories and worlds and his favourite thing of all: elaborate fight scenes. He once told me he could write in any series, no matter how crappy or derivate, "as long as the main characters can run up walls".

In another world, even with the problems we had, I'm sure Aaron could have been a published author. The problem, if problem it was, was that Aaron's prolificness stemmed from his own joy in writing and creating. Ultimately, if he was more interested in writing about a magical self-insert Sakura than he was in something "professional", then that's what he did. He took note of criticism and changed things if he got it, but ultimately the only critic whose opinion he internalised was himself. He wrote because he enjoyed writing. If somebody else enjoyed what he did, great. If nobody did, he'd write anyway.

Aaron and I were so close that my father asked me if we were gay once. We weren't - I'm straight, and he was (unknowingly at the time) asexual. But we loved each other anyway. We had the kind of easy camraderie and understanding where we could nostalge and talk for hours upon hours, week upon week, and never get bored even when we didn't have really anything to talk about. We were never bored of each other's company. From that very first day we met, we understood each other in ways that nobody else ever did, or ever would. I never pictured my life without Aaron in it. I was going to be a writer, I knew at 15 years old, with Aaron. I was going to move back to Canada someday - and live near Aaron.

There is a hole, and it cannot be filled. It hurts, and it will always hurt. And yet I am greater for having it. It is unthinkable to wish that I didn't have it. My life without Aaron is unthinkable. I'll have to think of it, maybe another day, but not yet.

Aaron's last few years were difficult in some ways. He stuck in a predatory, horrible job that left him perpetually sick and exhausted, the only thing in the 25 years I knew him that actually forced him to stop writing and GMing for any length of time. He was too proud to take help, too tired to look for an alternative. He nearly died of a perforated ulcer a few years ago, and that added "chronic pain" to his ailments, and being him, he would only take painkillers when it became unbearable. It was unsustainable, we knew it, but he was always reaching for that promotion that would finally bring the shorter hours he had been asking for. In the meantime, he'd always say "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." I wish he had been right.

And yet.

In those same years, Aaron discovered himself. He discovered that he wasn't the strange not-wanting-sex freak he had grown up thinking he was, that there were many people like him out there. He got in touch with the emotions he had suppressed within himself due to a traumatic childhood experience, and while he sometimes had difficulty handling his newfound sadness (he was striken by grief like I'd never seen over the death of his grandfather) or anger (political topics were verboten in our conversations over the last few years), I believe that for all the pain and overwork and lack of creative output he was still in some ways never happier than he was these last few years.

He told me once that he wanted to find a partner of either gender, who didn't need or didn't want sex, but could be with him and hold him close when he needed it. I cried, and told him I knew he could find someone once he was out of that job. He deserved it. He deserved that happiness too.

The last time I spoke with him, he was still writing. He didn't need help with this one, but he wanted me to look it over when it was done. Just like the old days, but unfortunately, this time I didn't get to see it.

And suddenly, without enough warning or time, that's the end of the story of us. Aaron was exhausted - now, at least, he can rest. Aaron was in pain, but now the pain is gone. There was nothing good or right or kind or acceptable about it, but it can't be changed, it can't be helped.

Goodbye, Aaron. I love you. Thank you for writing stories with me.

[Matrix Dragon]

God dammit. I'm sorry guys. I only knew him in passing here and via some of this fics. I'm sorry.

[Dartz]

Ah no.

My condolences.

[Rajvik]

I am not an eloquent person, and we didn't agree on much if anything in politics which is where I knew him best, but damn it hurts to lose someone, even when you only know them online like this.

[Dragonflight]

As others in our group commented yesterday and today on Facebook and other places, don't raise a toast to him, roll a d20 and have fun instead. It's what he'd have wanted.

[robkelk]

And as I replied by email earlier today, Aaron was the only person I felt comfortable with as a GM for the last few years... so I'll have to decline.

[ECSNorway]

Shite.

Be at peace, Aaron, or at least, be comfortable Up There. We'll miss you.

[Bob Schroeck]

I've been busy all weekend, so I only found out about this last night via an email from Rob. All I can say is: crap. We may have lost members of the forums before, but they were silent vanishings that you couldn't be sure weren't just someone getting tired of the boards. This is, I think, the first time we've known for sure. And it hits doubly hard because Epsilon first came to my attention through the release of Hybrid Theory, and I have had a profound admiration for him because of his part in that work.

He will be missed.

[nocarename]

That down right sucks.

[Black Aeronaut]

Fucking hell.

This is one of those moments where I beat the living shit out of myself.

I'd noticed that this thread was a busy one, but with the whimsical title, I figured that everything was fine, and Epsilon would be out of the hospital with an interesting story to tell.

Fucking Hell.

I hate it when I do this.  I took something for granted, and then this happens.  We lose a friend, and I'm one of the last one's to realize it.  And it was only because of how Rob got cheesed off in the Politics forum.

FUCKING HELL.

I know it's stupid, but I feel like I have to make up for this somehow.  Anxiety and Asperger's Syndrome working together like twin engines of emotional turmoil.

But I know that there's nothing really that I can do at this point.  Except maybe for some empty gesture that would make no difference in the end.

It's weird that I just discovered the alt-rock band, Placebo.  They have a song that perfectly sums up my feelings about my online presence called Too Many Friends.

I've got too many friends
Too many people
That I'll never meet
That I'll never be there for
'Cause I'll never be there

I'm sorry Aaron.  I wish I could have been there.

I'll see you on the other side.  Hopefully not too soon.

[Labster]

When I wrote "Please don't die, we'd miss you" it was kind of intended as a joke.  I wasn't expecting him to seriously die.

I don't know if I ever read his writing while he was still alive, other than the occasional bit on the forums here.  That it itself feels kind of sad, because it feels like I never really connected.  There ought to be some kind of place where we list the things we worked on, without having to read through the entire Other People's Fanfiction archive.

[Bob Schroeck]

We can start a thread here of "here's where my stuff is" posts, and I can pin it to the top of the board with the other important threads.

(EDIT: A suggestion for those of us starting to get up there in years or who for other reasons are concerned that something might happen to them -- give someone access to or copies of your works in progress, with instructions to put them up on the Net for all who want them. I asked Rob last year to do this for me, and started with zip files of the various DW steps and other stuff I have in progress. And a couple months ago I gave him direct access to the svn repository where I store my stuff in the cloud. If I should suddenly ring down the curtain and join the choir invisibule, Rob will see to it that everyone has as much closure on my work as is possible at that time.)

On another topic, I just realized that no one had told the FFML of Epsilon's passing, so I posted a message about it to the list a few minutes ago.

[robkelk]

I know it's stupid, but I feel like I have to make up for this somehow.  Anxiety and Asperger's Syndrome working together like twin engines of emotional turmoil.

But I know that there's nothing really that I can do at this point.  Except maybe for some empty gesture that would make no difference in the end.

Aaron loved writing fanfic - his writing was even mentioned in his obituary. That's one reason why I've been so busy writing lately: because he would have wanted me to.

If you want to do something for him, tell him a story... and share it with everybody else.

We can start a thread here of "here's where my stuff is" posts, and I can pin it to the top of the board with the other important threads.

(EDIT:  A suggestion for those of us starting to get up there in years or who for other reasons are concerned that something might happen to them -- give someone access to or copies of your works in progress, with instructions to put them up on the Net for all who want them.  I asked Rob last year to do this for me, and started with zip files of the various DW steps and other stuff I have in progress.  And a couple months ago I gave him direct access to the svn repository where I store my stuff in the cloud.  If I should suddenly ring down the curtain and join the choir invisibule, Rob will see to it that everyone has as much closure on my work as is possible at that time.)

Which might end up being "here's the archive", but I would much rather approach some writers to turn the notes into stories.

Aaron was going to be one of those writers.

On another topic, I just realized that no one had told the FFML of Epsilon's passing, so I posted a message about it to the list a few minutes ago.

Thank you, Bob. I was reminded about rec.arts.anime.misc, but I completely forgot about the FFML.

[Bob Schroeck]

Rob, if you do find yourself in the position to ask people to finish my work, might I suggest Ed Becerra as one, if he is available? DW10 was going to be co-written with him already, and long ago I noted that (absent Legion's angst) we have very similar writing styles.

[Shay Guy]

I just saw the news, after logging into Spacebattles for the first time in a couple weeks. I don't know what to say.

This shouldn't have happened.

We hardly ever interacted, but at least he knew how much I liked Hybrid Theory. I suppose that's something?

A lot of my feelings about this are jumbled up with feelings that it's probably best not to get into here. Aside from that... my best wishes to his family and to McNeil.

[Star Ranger4]

*additional censored cursing here*

This is really unpleasant... I want to come up there and try and somehow shame him into recovering from this and I cant. BOTH my gorram credit cards got hit with fraudulant charges in the last 48 hours.

I've finally secured the housing issues that have Kept me away for the last 60 days and now I cant ride to the gorram rescue!!!

THIS GORRAM... EXPLETIVE DELETED!!!!!