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Black Aeronaut · 08-12-2021, 10:13 AM

(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)

Some have said that I was given keys
To the city of your dreams
I'm more content to walk outside
The walls and catch a breeze
I'm more inclined to climb on by
Or ride internal seas
I'm more alive to vibe inside
A mansion full of trees

I do this for a reason
That they can't pretend to glean
I lose myself infused in something more
Than what they've seen
I'm not a slave to greed
I don't embrace your make believe
I've never been for sale
No matter what they think I need

So let it be decreed
Let this music serve the deed
Let it spread like a disease
Let it spawn a noble seed
There's more than meets the eye
There's more than meets the price
If you can't see the sky
There's too much artificial light

I can't predict my path
But they can't fully see my past
I'm running from the flash
But heading straight inside the blast
A mountain full of ego
Built upon a heap of trash
Is exactly what you get
When you can't fully do the math

(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)
(This is not the right way)

Quote:"What the fuck do you even know about me, huh? You don't know shit. And not because I or anyone else have kept it secret. You could have asked anyone. You could have even asked me. You would have had answers. But no. You chose to be willfully ignorant. You chose to ignore my very clear and succinct warnings. You chose to take the word of someone you were told cannot be trusted. But worst of all, you work under this perverse notion of self righteousness under the guise of so-called love and justice.

"WHERE THE FUCK WAS LOVE AND JUSTICE WHEN YOU COMPLETELY UNMADE THOSE TWO GIRLS!?

"You two have betrayed the trust of your Queen and made her vision into a mockery. And in doing so, you've become the very monsters you've sworn to fight."

Black Aeronaut · 09-02-2021, 08:08 AM

Why do I have to fly
Over every town, up and down the line?
And I'll die in the clouds above
And you that I defend, I do not love

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side, I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind

Where will I meet my fate?
Baby, I'm a man and I was born to hate
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side, I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind

Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side
But you're long gone, yeah, you're long gone now

Yeeeeeaaaaaaa~aaaah
Where do we go?
I don't even know
My strange old face

And I'm thinking about those days
And I'm thinking about those days

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side, I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side
But you're long gone, yeah, you're long gone now

Yeeeeeaaaaaaa~aaaah

Quote:"Fitting, isn’t it?" said Ben with quiet resentment, nodding with his head to the freeze-frame. "That you can’t see them."

"See what?" asked Teletha, honestly confused.

"The tears," said Ben, matter of factly.

Teletha blinked in confusion. Yes, the expression on his face was troubled, but tears?

"What tears?" she asked.

"Exactly," hissed Benjamin angrily as he whirled on the smaller girl. "What tears? They don’t matter because you can’t see them. And you never will. You’re too far away. Too far for me to really matter. Sure, you know I exist. But I’m just one among billions. I don’t matter, and I never will. There is nothing special or exceptional about me. Anyone can do what I do. I’m replaceable. Cheap. Easily broken. Easily discarded."

Teletha looked back at the frozen image on the screen. It was slightly grainy as the resolution wasn't the best. But once she honestly looked, she saw a faint, tell-tale glimmer of light reflecting off of something wet on Ben's face.

He actually had been crying.

"But… What!? You…" stammered Teletha, barely able to even form interjections as the thoughts began to swirl in her normally orderly mind. How could she have not noticed? She had been sitting right next to him. She had been saying those things - things that mus have been ripping his heart into pieces. Saying such things so thoughtlessly and without regard to a man that had honestly confessed his own feelings towards her... and then settled for a professional relationship.

One that she had been utterly failing to keep "professional" by using him as a sounding board for her feelings. Just using him. Because she knew he understood her - knew her heart and her feelings and why she felt what she felt. It had been too good for her to pass up. But now, she was beginning to realize that there was a terrible price to pay for such things. Nothing should ever be that easy, after all. Least of all, loving another human being.

"Don’t try to convince me otherwise," snapped Ben. "That will be nothing more than a lie. How about you tell them, Belldandy. It’s true, isn’t it? There’s at least a thousand other guys out there that can do what I’ve been doing here."

"You are unique-" started the Goddess, but Benjamin was not about to let her finish that line. While it was technically true, it was actually only a half-truth that carried a caveat that he was all too terribly aware of.

If Belldandy made but one mistake here, it was underestimating just how sharp Benjamin is. He had seen it coming before the words even began to leave her mouth.

The terrible irony about Benjamin was that even though he was broken on the inside, those shattered pieces all possess edges as keen as an obsidian knife. So finely sharp that you could perform surgery on a blood platelet. So fragile that it was prone to breaking with just the lightest bit of stress.

He was broken, yes. But if you mistreated him, he would cut you so horribly.

"CAN. SOMEONE. ELSE. DO. IT."

"…Yes," said the Megami in a defeated tone. "It is true. There are others who can."

"And there it is," said Ben quietly. "Yes. I am unique. But only as one grain of sand is unique from all the others. Unique, yes. But nothing special." He then sighed and said, "I am broken. But more than that? I am tired. I am so very emotionally exhausted. I want to be able to stop living. But that would be selfish of me, wouldn’t it? I would make so many people feel bad if I did that. So I need to keep on hurting and suffering for their sake. Because that’s what I’m meant for. Not to be happy. But to always be heartbroken and sad."

He looked around the room and found everyone gaping at him in surprise. Even Kaname hadn't been immune - she being Benjmain's biggest critic thus far.

"I can't do this anymore," said Ben at last. "You all deserve better than this. You deserve better than me. I'll be in my office. Please don't bother me unless it's an actual emergency."

Black Aeronaut

Wooooooooo...

Been bouncing in and out of some seriously downer moods lately. I wouldn't really say that I'm in a bad place right now, but this has definitely been a series of low periods for me. That said? This is one of the more thoughtful and introspective episodes.

Brace yourselves. For the next few tracks, I'm about to do what I do best, and make you FEEL what I feel.

As for what this would represent in the story? Simply put, my character's horrifying, soul-destroying fear that this life he has been living... that it's all a dream, and that any minute he might wake up.

Youtube Music Playlist:
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=...ture=share

Track list:

Cosmo... Old Friend
James Horner
Sneakers Motion Picture Score (1992)

Right Where It Belongs (Studio Recording of Live: With Teeth version)
Nine Inch Nails
Live: With Teeth (2005)

Lyrics

(EDIT: WARNING: Exercise caution when google-searching this particular version of this song. There was accompanying video footage used in the concert tour that had graphic, full-color depictions of civilian casualties in war zones. It is most emphatically NOT SAFE FOR WORK, and potentially triggering as well.)

andata
Ryuichi Sakamoto
async (2017)

Richter: On The Nature Of Daylight
Max Richter
The Blue Notebooks (15 Years) (2018)

The Night King
Ramin Djawadi
Game Of Thrones: Season 8 (Music from the HBO Series) (2019)

The Day The World Went Away
Nine Inch Nails
Still (2002)

(Ocean) Bloom
Hans Zimmer & Radiohead
Blue Planet II - Take A Deep Breath Trailer (2017)

Lyrics

Time
Hans Zimmer
Inception (Music From The Motion Picture) (2010)

Yes, it's dark and moody. But I've wrapped it up with a bit of hope and triumph in the end. But all the same, it hurts knowing the awful truth. And even then, you're left wondering... "Will I ever wake up from this dream?"

This would be the Season 4 Climax - where Salem seems to have won, and Benjamin winds up meeting...

...Himself.

Nah, this isn't gonna be like Undocumented Features where the Author does something to save the day. It's only a chance-meeting, but one that my character needs in order to allay his fears... at least, just enough for him to do what needs to be done.

Quote:"So that's it? None of this really matters? This was all just... a dream?"

"No. It's not that and you know it. This is your reality. Not some parody. And not just some story. You're as real as I am."

"And what about this story you're writing?"

"What about it? I'm just writing it. You? You're fucking living it! And don't you dare try and talk your way out of this. You know what I mean. You know what I know. You know all of the implications. Infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters. Whether you like it or not, you and I are two entirely separate existences, both with their unique circumstances and consequences."

"But... what about you? This has to be killing you. Thinking about living this kind of... this fantasy."

"I'll live. One way or another, I'll live. It's all I have, after all. Even though I'm alone. Even though people won't ever understand me. I'll live however long I'm supposed to live. Maybe no one will really remember me when I'm gone. But at the very least, I can take comfort that there's another instance of me who won the ultimate lottery.

"But really, don't feel bad for me. If there's anyone you should feel bad for, it's the version of us who is the prime mover for all of this."

"What? You don't mean... It's not really you?"

"It's not really me in the same sense that I'm not really you. In other words, yes. There is another one of us somewhere out there. He's writing the very words we're speaking. He is doing this because he is utterly alone and he has nothing else in his life. Even among his own family he feels like an outsider. Not even happy things like holidays and birthdays bring him any joy. Every day is the same for him. And the only comfort that he takes is the hope that we're real. That we exist. That one of us can live the dream that, for him, only exists in his mind."

"I don't know if I could live this life happily knowing there's a me out there living a life like that."

"I know. It sucks big brass ones. But you have to keep in mind that there's nothing you or I can do to help him. He's beyond the reach of anyone or anything. Not even the Lord of Nightmares can see him. As for me? This fourth wall... even though we've knocked a hole in it, it's nothing more than a window. There's no doorway here. The only thing you can do is live the life I want to live. Go on. Be happy. It's the best thing you can do for me. For us."

Black Aeronaut · 04-03-2022, 06:43 AM

Okay, how about something a little more upbeat?

Well, relatively anyways.

This one by Cake from their second album, Fashion Nugget, somehow blends an odd sense of melancholy with "Happily Ever After". It seems to imply that Frank Sinatra is living a quiet, humble life in his very own slice of heaven, wherein exists his own little radio station that broadcasts his music, bathing the stars with its radiation.

We know of an ancient radiation
That haunts dismembered constellations
A faintly glimmering radio station

While Frank Sinatra sings Stormy Weather
The flies and spiders get along together
Cobwebs fall on an old skipping record
---
Beyond the suns that guard this roost
Beyond your flowers of flaming truth
Beyond your latest ad campaigns

An old man sits collecting stamps
In a room all filled with Chinese lamps
He saves what others throw away

He says that he'll be rich someday

We know of an ancient radiation
That haunts dismembered constellations
A faintly glimmering radio station
---
We know of an ancient radiation
That haunts dismembered constellations
A faintly glimmering radio station

While Frank Sinatra sings "Stormy Weather"
The flies and spiders get along together
Cobwebs fall on an old skipping record

Official audio from Cake's Youtube channel:

For me, it puts into my mind an image of an older version of Benjamin. It's long after Season 4, and he's long-since retired. The rest of the universe has moved on without him, and that's just fine. As far as Ben is concerned, he's done his bit, and is quite content to let the younger ones handle things. No need for this doddering old man to get in the way.

He resides at a private retreat, known only to a few. It's a place full of kitschy knickknacks, curios, and mementos. It seems a bit ramshackle, but there's a certain magic in this place that is warm and welcoming. To anyone that visits and asks about the bits and bobs all over the place, he'll say that they're things others were throwing out. And with a wink and a grin, will say that he'll be rich someday, implying that all these knickknacks will somehow net him a vast sum of money someday.

(The joke here, of course, is that he's been independently wealthy for quite a long time, and yet he lives in this seemingly old little house on a rogue asteroid in the middle of nowhere, pretending that he doesn't really have much in the way of money.)

The most peculiar thing about this retreat is that it has an old (circa 1950s) radio station. When he's not busy, which is most of the time, he's broadcasting all kinds of music that he likes, sending out the AM radio broadcast that anyone can tune into if they know just where to aim their antenna.

Not many do know, but he knows that some do, and if someone enjoys the playlist he's got on that day? Then that's enough for him.

In the meantime, he'll putter around, working on restoring whatever he's recently fished out of the trash, and spend quality time with whichever of his wives have decided to visit.

No, they don't actually live with him these days, but it's just fine. They've had their own things going on for quite some time, after all, and as such are very busy women. Whenever they need some time to relax, though, they know where to go. That cozy yet isolated little house, with warm comfort food, a plush bed with thick and heavy blankets, nice music, and most importantly, Benjamin himself.

Although if someone does come to him asking for help, and the need is genuine? He'll go ahead and get his gear... and then show whatever cretin is causing trouble why you do not make so much of menace of yourself that someone had to come to Benjamin for help. And he will do it with a strange sort of cheerful professionalism that will leave the cretin in question feeling like they just got played with. Like as if they had been a bank robber performing a heist and freakin' Sherlock Holmes just waltzed right on in and somehow coerced them into a round of bare-knuckle boxing.

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