Mad Science quirks

[kestrel404]

Now that's a really amusing quirk for self-replicators. You build one, it keeps building more of itself. Unfortunately, you built the first one on the cheap, and didn't give it a blueprint, instead you told it to look at itself and just build something like that. Well, it took this a bit too literally, and when your sister went and painted the prototype pink and gave it a little bow...
Then the third one went and fell down the stairs and got a giant dent in it's cranium, so now one out of every three of the things has a weird mis-shapen cranium. And let's not even think about the strain with no legs.
Other quirks:
Igor syndrome - Every bot you build develops a spinal malfunction and adopts an odd accent. Their walking algorithms also tend to self-corrupt in odd ways.
The inverse intelligence-to-mass ratio, and its corallary, the inverse size-to-ego correlation - Human shaped robots tend to get dumber as they get bigger. A man-sized robot has human-equivalent intelligence, while something ten-times the size of a person is resultantly 1/10th as intelligent (so battletech mecha would have the inherent smarts of a rather dim lemming). Of course, smaller robots are proportionally smarter, but not in a direct ratio - 1/10th scale robots tending to have genius level intellects. However, while intelligence does not scale directly with size in the smaller ranges, ego does. Thus, your incredibly intelligent toy robot will probably be constantly plotting your downfall, while the giant robot in hangar bay one will be wondering when he gets to go walkies.
Quirks for non-robots -
Never where you left it - Mad scientists, being often absentminded, can never quite seem to recall exactly where they left that destructo-ray. This may be because they don't have the best of memories, or it could be because the darn thing had to go and find the little lazer's room and forgot where it was put down. Creations of a certain bent can be anywhere from feet to rooms away from where you put it down last, under piles of clothing or debris, or accidentally winding up in someone else's pocket when it really should be in yours. This most often happens to incredibly complex control devices, really important widgets that are most often needed rarely but at a moment's notice, and for the scientist's 'favorite' anything.
Alwyas underfoot - The opposing quirk for items that are rarely needed but too important to get rid or, are those things that just seem to be always THERE but never useful. Like the fire extinguisher that wants a bit more attention or the Metric hydrospanner set when you use English for nearly everything on the ship. This also applies well to pets, small robots, and children's toys.
Others as they come to me.
"Not this again!" Minerva said. "Albus, it was You-Know-Who, not you, who marked Harry as his equal. There is no possible way that the prophecy could be talking about you!" - Harry Potter and the Method of Rationality, Chapter 84

[Ebony]

This a quirk for the Jet Car, but it would work for other things as well:
Oooo. Daddy want. - Something about this device causes people to covet it. It may not actually be all that impressive in its function, form, or general essence, but something about it inspires greed in the most charitable of souls. Expect this device to be stolen, many times.Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Bob Schroeck]

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Thus, your incredibly intelligent toy robot will probably be constantly plotting your downfall,

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"What are we doing tonight, Brain?"
"Same thing we do every night, Pinky -- try to take over the Moon!"
-- Bob
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...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[robkelk]

Another "anything 'danes can do, I can do better" entry: glow-in-the-dark pigs. Mind you, the Professor's pigs glow without needing to be spotlit with UV light... and so does anybody who eats the pork. The illumination effect is permanent for the pigs; temporary for the people (unless the 'wavium in the pork pushes the person over the biomod threshold, in which case, who knows?)

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Norgarth]

I thought of a 'weapon' that the Professor might use on those who annoy him, a Mime-Ray.
The ray temporarily causes the target's skin to turn white, renders them mute and even causes their writting to come out as gibberish, forcing them to communicate by charades.
Lasts around 1 hr per blast.__________________
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[CattyNebulart]

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The Overfan

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Oh dear. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Feinian, if you want it you can have it, that goes in general for everyone, the Professor makes all his blueprints available online, and he seldom hesitates to give out any of his prototypes, afterall necesity is the mother of invention and if he doesn't need anything how will he invent anything? So if you like any of these ideas feel free to use them, this is a comunity project afterall.
Mime-ray... definitly have to write about how he made that one. Maybe someone who just wouldn't shut up badgering him?
Thank all of you, this thread is definitly an inspiration.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[classicdrogn]

I mentioned in over in Laws of the Wave,m and it's not all that Mad, but... a toaster that gets the toast perfect, every time. It's not too light, and not too dark, the only thing is you have to continuously chant "om" until it's finished... it's a taoster.
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
For the next 72 hours, Itachi intoned, I will slap you with this trout. - Spying no Jutsu, chapter 3
"In the futuristic taco bell of the year 20XX, justice wears an aluminum sombrero!"hemlock-martini
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Norgarth]

biomod idea: the person looks like an anime character, literally. They look like an anime-style animated figure (possibly resembling their old form, or maybe wildly different).
Of course, looking like an extra from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' means you definately stand out in a crowd, and there the fact thatcertain anime tropes like sweatdrops when nervous and facefaulting (which hurts more than you'd think) are part of the package.__________________
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Foxboy]

Hm. Now here's the question: is it REALLY ink and paint, or a biomod that warps/redirects light to make an otherwise NORMAL human look like that?
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Feinan]

Um...I can see the illusion biomod. Just barely, but I could see it happening. The other one makes my brain hurt. I like to think that I can make the White Queen look like a piker, but that one's a bit too impossible, even for me.

[classicdrogn]

It's not that tough ,just asomewhat oddly proportioned body, and you glow all the time at the level of ambient light so you don't have any shading to make you look round. As a side benefit, your eyes cast enough light to get by, even in total darknessSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
For the next 72 hours, Itachi intoned, I will slap you with this trout. - Spying no Jutsu, chapter 3
"In the futuristic taco bell of the year 20XX, justice wears an aluminum sombrero!"hemlock-martini
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Kokuten]

the "web-cam". An intricately woven scrap of spider silk, surprisingly durable, and posessing a point of view, which video stream from is broadcast using it's onboard webserver and wifi connection.

The Professor lives a good life. Aside from people who don't believe in the Power of SCIENCE!, he's got very few frustrations. One of them is finding the appropriate cabling to go from port a to port b. So, he invented the Universal Cable.
A smallish spool, similar to the retractable modem cables in use today. Instead of RJ12 or RJ45 connectors, there are small blobs of protruding gelatinous handwavium protruding from the case. Pulling the blobs will result in a 'string' of handwavium, which will adhere to and conduct any connector it's plugged into, and any number of conductors. Good for 10gig/full duplex ethernet, or a couple thousand volts of three-phase AC, over any distance from one or two inches to twenty feet.
Quirks include a required 'Dramatic Closure', a swift tug on the 'cable' and a triumphant pose while it retracts, and an occasional need to be fed electricity.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[robkelk]

Doing a bit of thread resurrection, in honour of the Easter weekend...
Duct Tapeworms. Swallow one, and it'll patch up your perforated ulcer - but who'd willingy swallow a tapeworm?

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Logan Darklighter]

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the only thing is you have to continuously chant "om" until it's finished... it's a taoster.

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The Narn Bat Squad comes to ClassicDrogn's door...
TrampTrampTrampTrampTrampTrampTramp
Dingdong!
WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM!!!
-Logan
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"Wake up! Time for SCIENCE!"
-Adam Savage
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[CattyNebulart]

hmm, I am now writing a story that does involve the use of the mime-ray. Nothing like it to quiet down the audience when giving a speech. Thanks for the idea Timote.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[robkelk]

More "inspirational" than "quirked"... Bryan Mumford - Crackpot Inventor. If he can do all this with just hardtech, imagine what The Professor can do in the same style with 'wavetech...

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Sirrocco]

Cataclysm Balm
Let it never be said that the Prof is blind to humanitarian concerns - particularly when those concerns can be properly addressed by SCIENCE!
See, there are situations and events that happen all the time on poor mother earth, that leave a *lot* of people in serious trouble all at once. Earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, can leave people injured and unable to get help, starving, or any number of other problems. The Professor has a solution, and I bet you can guess what it's made of.
This is a specialized strain of handwavium, mixed with a variety of vitamin supplements, painkillers, antibiotics, antidepressants and so forth. It really blurs the line pretty thoroughly between handwaved medicines and handwavium grown on a medicinal base. When applied to a biomodded human in physical and/or emotional trauma, it will do what it can (some, but not all that much) to reduce suffering, seal wounds, and rebalance the psychochemicals so that the recipient can do what they have to to get themselves out of trouble. If it lands on an *unmodded* human, it will do all of the above, and then biomod them in a way that will adapt them as much as possible to surviving the trials and dangers they are likely to face as a result of the current disaster. It's never been tested on - well, really, it's never been tested at *all* on an unmodded human, but the Prof is pretty sure that if it hits an unmodded human who isn't in distress, it will leave them unmodified. He's *pretty* sure.
Then he loaded the thing into an *enormous* aerosol bomb, and attached a pretty functional suite of guidance systems, stealth systems, and reentry survival gear. He figures that he'll identify some catastrophe somewhere with lots of unhappy people in it - say, starving, freezing, and likely to drown - he'll drop the bomb, and 24 hours later they should all have brand new bodies , courtesy of handwavium, that are naturally aquatic, far more resilient to cold, and far better able to survive on little food. That's the idea, anyway.
but... see... there's this *thing*. The professor isn't *entirely* unaware of political realities, and once he woke up from having built the contraption, it occurred to him that his biomodding a few thousand people in a politically sensitive situation without warning or consent might be taken the wrong way by some people - and it might result in some people becoming, perhaps, a bit less pro-handwavium. *He* doesn't really understand why, but he does acknowledge that there are those who are not already convinced of its wonders. He doesn't *want* to turn people away from handwavium. That would be actively counterproductive to at *least* three of his long-term schemes. So he's got this balm, with delivery system... and it's *great*... and he can't bring himself to just get *rid* of it, but he's not sure he wants to use it either, and... well....

[Norgarth]

Considering this is the Professor, can we be sure it's even been tested on Biomoded people? or tested at all? __________________
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." - Terry Pratchett
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Sirrocco]

Well, he's tested it on himself, at least, in that "well, let's see what happens when we..." sort of way. Certainly not anything like *clinical* tests. There's not time in the day for that!

[Feinan]

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Certainly not anything like *clinical* tests. There's not time in the day for that!

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*snickers* There's never time enough for clinical tests. Pesky things, really. Besides, things are so much more...interesting...if you just dive in and see what happens. No, really! *cough* Of course, this is why George Takei's asteroid has been taken over by animate cherry trees...But the blossoms look gorgeous!
-Feinan

[Bob Schroeck]

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But the blossoms look gorgeous!

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And they always shed petals around lovers... -- Bob
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One of the primary differences between the Left and the Right is their attitude toward the Future. The Radical wants the Future to have gotten here yesterday. The Reactionary wants the Future quietly shot and the corpse buried where no one can find it.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Sirrocco]

Reader dye
It occurred to the Professor a while back, as he was working his way through yet another plan for the betterment of SCIENCE! that the sorts of people who liked handwavium, and the sorts of people who liked books were often the same sorts of people - and that perhaps he could encourage people to like boos, as a way to convince them to like handwavium. He wasn't quite sure how to go about it, though, so he stuck it in the back of his mind to percolate.
Then he overheard someone talking about a girl... someone who loved books so much that they loved her right back, and it somehow made her a fearsome combatant (As well as a fearsome reader and bookbuyer). This thought appealed to him, and suggested a way in which one *could* encourage reading, so he grabbed and mercilessly interrogated the hapless speaker. He heard about paper (and, particularly, books) that obeyed her will and desires, and somethign about... reader dye? Good enough! There were ideas to be had!
The results were... well...
First, a whole bunch of books with extra-thick covers and spines, containing a rudimentary antigrav (enough to flit around in areas of .8G and below), some mobility, an extremely basic AI and radio receiver, and a power supply... we'll get to that.
Second, a dye. It's part handwavium, part ink. It can only be used in one specific way, but you can culture it, just like handwavium, with a combination of a lot of ink, a bit of blood, some sugars and some metal dust. That was part of the point, after all. People have to be able to make it for themselves. When applied to skin, drunk, tattooed on or whatever, it is absorbed into the body. (Don't drink it, folks. It'll still work, but drinking ink isn't healthy.) By itself it just hits the user with a ferocious, perhaps fanatical, love of books and reading. In concert with the Books, well... First, it plugs into the brain, and sends out just the right kind of radio waves, letting the books know that it's there and that they should be friendly, and perhaps bits of what the user wants them to do. Second, it permeates the hands, drawing off the chemical reserves of the user to recharge the Books while they're being read. They'll need to eat more, if they don't want to start losing weight, but that's not too much of a problem, is it? They'll love the books, the books will love them, and everything will be perfect! No side effects, other than the fact that they'll want to spend much of their spare time reading, and need a bit mroe food. Well, not many. It *is* a bit addictive... and the more you read while under the effects, the more addictive it is. Reading's just not the *same* without it, after all - and thus the ease of culturing, because it would be awful and wrong to let someone experience that without giving them the means to continue it. Still, it's only a psychological addiction. You can quit any time, if you really want to.
Reader Dye: not so much a title as a way of life.

EDIT: just to make it clear, the effect wears off after a while - generally anywhere from an hour or two to a day or two, depending on how much of the stuff you absorb. It is entirely possible to remain constantly "inked", given a decent culture setup and adequate raw materials. There's no need to let it wear off before you take your next hit.

[Cobalt Greywalker]

Justin does not know the horrors a misplaced phase can cause.
Well, he DOES, but this mutation is beyond him.
Rob, I think U.M.A.A. needs a bit of feedback here...

[robkelk]

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Rob, I think U.M.A.A. needs a bit of feedback here...

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Fine - you tell them about this one. I'm too afraid to invite those folks over - they'd likely show us up... 8-)
-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Feinan]

*grin* First, may I just say that I LOVE Reader Dye? The Professor is scary...but it's a fun scary.
Second - my throwaway comment above wouldn't leave me alone, and decided to mutate. So, without further ado:
Bonsai Ents
This was an attempt by the Jason to create a miniature ent that people might want as pets. He set up a garden for them on Takei's asteroid, and proceeded to work on the concept.
He started with cherry trees, figuring that the blossoms would be a nice selling point. The final product is about a foot high, and separated into male and female genders. They're not exactly the brightest creature, and they are slow (though a bit faster than a traditional ent). They probably fall on the same scale as birds, though probably closer to songbirds than parrots. When in blossom, the males will do displays, posturing for the females to win a mate. Currently, he's left them alone on the asteroid to let them breed and increase in numbers, though he checks in on them from time to time to see how they're doing. If they do well, he might branch out to other types of trees as well.
-Feinan