new quotelets

[Sirrocco]

This thread is for quotes that *aren't* in any written works - for those scrips and scraps that you figure someone else might use but you never will - or just bits that you find entertaining. Feel free to poach.
--------------
"If you have a Destined Savior - one hero about whom the fate of the world revolves, don't let him or her be horribly traumatized as a child. It will give the forces arrayed against the poor waif one more thing to attack with. It will leave them suffering and whimpering when they should be saving the world. Worse yet, it will lead to the creation of scads and scads of Horriby Emo Fanfic, and no one wants that."
----
"Sometimes, I lie awake at night and rederive forgotten bits of physics in my head."
"Sometimes, I lie awake at night and try to figure out what orders to give to my faithful gerbil worshippers this week, and what miracles to perform on their behalf."
----
"Why is he doing that?"
"Because he thinks it makes him look cool."
"It *does* make him look cool."
"Shut up! Don't encourage him."
----
He was smiling that smile - you know, the gambler's smile. The one that says "Someone's about to get taken for a whole lotta money, and I don't *think* it's me."
----
Getting in contact with a highly skilled, black market cyberdoc: 1,200 nuyen
three square inches of doublethick nanoweave, precisely placed: 15,000 nuyen
general medical fees associated with the process: 7,000 nuyen
that moment when the vampire realizes that your carotid arteries are armor-plated: priceless.
----
It's true. When the little green man warns you that you really ought to stop harrassing him and go away now, he *might* be bluffing.
----
"Dude! I couldn't deal out ranged damage if my life depended on it!"

"Y'know...that's just not a good sign."
----
Mr. Simpson had a problem. He had a little girl, who he loved with all his heart, who was as precious to him as his own life, and he knew - he *knew* that some day she would grow up. She would grow up to be beautiful. He was sure of it. She would grow up to be stunningly beautiful and ferociously intelligent and classy and charming and all of the boys would want her. They would want her. Those dirty little boys with their dirty little hands and their dirty little minds would want her, and some of them might even be brave enough to ask her out. She might say yes. Those little dirtbags didn't deserve his daughter! He had to keep her safe. He had to. They were going to ask her. He couldn't stop them, unless he killed them all himself, and he realized that killing off the slightly under 50% of the world population that consisted of Males Who Were Not Him was probably a little beyond him. In any case, it was an uncertain solution. He might miss one or two. Uncertainty meant imperfection, and for his daughter, everything must be perfect. He'd simply have to make sure that she never said yes. That's all. Still...how was he to do that? He had to think. Think!

[DHBirr]

---

that moment when the vampire realizes that your carotid arteries are armor-plated: priceless.

---

Ohhh, yes!
----
"Magic," he said flatly.
Uncharacteristically, she felt almost like cringing, recalling how she'd reacted to her first encounter with genuine magic. "Yes. It's..."
"All right," he interrupted. "Will you be able to use it to return to your own world?"
She blinked. "Well, yes. Our sorceress" -- she still didn't trust him enough to point out which young woman that was -- "assures us she can get us back just by reversing the spell. But there's an effect like turbulence between the continua -- we can't depart until that dies down in another two or three weeks."
"Very well," he said. "We can give you safe lodging here for that time."
A kind of indignation filled her. "Doesn't it bother you that we came here by magic? It upsets all reason!"
"For you, perhaps," he shrugged. "I take it you're a scientist. I'm a soldier, and a pragmatist. You're here. I wish you'd go away. It doesn't matter to me if you got here by the Laws of Physics, the Laws of Magic, or the Laws of the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel."
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[M Fnord]

"We will $not_do_evil_act_here in exchange for the Vatican Library's entire collection of pornography."
"..But the Vatican doesn't have a pornography collection!"
"Then they'd better start collecting."---
Mr. Fnord
http://fnord.sandwich.net/
http://www.jihad.net/
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Bob Schroeck]

Okay, I can see that I have new fodder for my quotefile burgeoning here...
...and that I have to go through my files and find stuff of mine to contribute.

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Herr Bad Moon]

Id just strapped in when I saw Vlad come up over the dune holding a Nerf football. Hey, where you going in my car? The games not over yet.
I rolled down the passenger window and stuck my head out before I yelled, Minnesota. Be back Monday. Breeze took his cue and sped off, kicking up a cloud of dust in the parking lot before hitting asphalt.
Vlad looked confused, but Im pretty sure I heard him yell. Uh, okay.
***
I asked my dad one day what that voice was in the back of my head that told me not to do things. He said it was my conscious, and it will question my every move throughout my life. What a pain in the ass.
***
Sir no sir! My friend also taught me the words to the theme song for the Imperial Floral Assault Division, ir! Not for the first time, Bobby reflects on how the people of Japan can make such a fruity sounding name in English into something grave and important in Japanese.

***
Ocean Shores - 3:24 PM: B & I leave. Probably commit GTA. Should look into that when we get back.
Snoqualmie Pass 6:30 PM: Semi throws up gravel, which puts a ding in the windshield. V. gonna be mad.
Ellensburg 7:00 PM: Getting a little bored.
Moses Lake 7:45 PM: Lack of landscape starting to be a drain. Very bored.
Ritzville 8:26 PM: Ok, mind starting to go numb. Only source of amusement is staticy Spanish station and overly hostile radiovangilist.
Sprague (I think) b/w 9-9:30: Radio went out, so no longer even have that. Dropped my cell phone behind my seat so cant check time. B. unsympathetic, says I should have brought a wristwatch. Hate him so much.
Somewhere Maybe 10ish?: Soul sucked into a unholy morass which mirrors the desolation and foulness of which the rain shadow effect produces. Would have paid more attention in school if had known the eldritch horrors that awaited on I 90.
Idaho No idea: Lack of sun makes drive better and worse. No bleak wasteland to look at, but nothing else to see either. Driving through mountains though, so should be in Montana soon?
Idaho No clue B. took an off ramp to get gas. Gas station nowhere to be seen. Drove around for maybe an hour. Hate lying signs.
Tarkio Time has no meaning for the dead: Signs say almost to Missoula, but they can lie. Signs also say theres a city called Butte. Haha, Butte.
Missoula- 12:38 AM: Found a motel and some fast food, sacking out for the night. First day of driving over. Feeling pretty good about it really. How bad could Montana and ND be?---------------
-Jon
Being the Mariner hitting coach is like being the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts.
-Poster on USSMariner.com
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[M Fnord]

In 1992, Professor Francis Fukuyama wrote a very famous book called The End of History, where he argued that all of the really important things had already happened and it was smooth sailing from here on out. In 1993, magic returned to the world, almost as if History had reared back and slapped Professor Fukuyama silly for his insolence.---
Mr. Fnord
http://fnord.sandwich.net/
http://www.jihad.net/
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Norgarth]

He's a sex object. He asks for sex and women object.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
9 out of 10 doctors say that the 10th doctor should mellow out.
Do not believe anything is foolproof. People tend to underestimate the ingenuity of a complete fool.
Us Dwarves may be short, but I prefer to think of myself as 'In weapons range of your groin.'
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Insanity doesn't run in my family, it stampedes!
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Vuja De: That feeling you've never been here before.
Growing old is manditory. Growing up is optional.
Now there's a man who suffers from delusions of adaquacy.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Someone has to finish last in medical school, how do you know it's not your doctor?
I was passing by a cornerstore and saw 2 signs in the window. The 1st said "Clerk can not open safe." the 2nd said "Help wanted."
He's a legend in his own mind...
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
One who knows little, repeats it often!
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
The Duckbilled Platapus, proof that even God gets stoned every once in a while.
Deja Moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Don't you wish you could turn up the intelligence on your TV sometimes? They've got one dial marked brightness, but that don't work.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" "I dunno, how many kinds are there?"
Does your little mind ever get lonely in that big head?
welcome to Hosed. Population, You.
"I'm not the idiot you think I am"! "Oh? Then which idiot are you"?__________________
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Epsilon]

---

And your God will throw up when he sees what I have done to you.

---

Aaron Stack - Robots do not need fleshy gods.
-----------------
Epsilon

[Morganite]

---

Vuja De: That feeling you've never been here before.

---

You know, I seem to remember reading a book that used the term "vuja-de", but for something completely different from that... Wish I could remember what it was now.
This one I haven't been able to figure out a way to get it to sound quite like I want it, but...
"This is what those of us in the business refer to as your last mistake."
-Morgan."This continuity is now a Princess of Darkness crossover."
"... They're all going to die, aren't they?"
"Yep. Popcorn?"

[anowack]

Hmm. I have a text file or two filled with random snippets of dialogue that I wrote, but most of them are old and not really that good. Let's see what I can dig up that's worth sharing:
"Fascinating. I don't know whether to thank you with words or vomit."
----
"Nothing says 'I hate you' like a few hundred pounds of high explosive."
----
"I've done it, and I assure you, it's impossible!"
----
This last bit was originally intended to be between Itachi and Orochimaru, though it veered kind of out of character for both of them and I never used it:
"We both know you're not strong enough to defeat me."
"I'm strong enough that you'd be a cripple before we were through."
"You'd be dead."
"I'm not afraid of death."
"Liar."

---

Aaron Nowack

---

Aaron Nowack

[Bob Schroeck]

Huh. As it turns out, I have fewer orphan lines and passages than I thought. And some of these may yet find their way into stories.

---

"I am a killer, yes. But I choose when and where to kill. I do not kill indiscriminately. I do not kill out of spite.
"Much."
****
"I do much better as a goddess," Urd said, "since my secretarial skills have always been limited."
****
There are things you do because they feel right and they make no sense and they make no money, and may be the real reason we are here: to love each other and eat each other's cooking and say it was good.
****
I saw them standing there, pretending to be just friends, when all the time in the world could not pry them apart.
****
"Pretty girl, but she's got the personality of a rabid wolverine."
****
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." -- poet Charles Bukowski, quoted in Jive Magazine
****
"It's Sister Ginny's turn to throw the bomb!
The last one it was thrown by Brother Ron.
Mama's aim is bad and the aurors all know Dad,
So it's Sister Ginny's turn to throw the bomb!"
****
"Mana is energy. Energy applied properly becomes force. Force applied properly becomes momentum. And momentum applied properly can do a lot of damage."
****
"While tantric magic is very good for certain tasks, it is somewhat... less than optimal for combat use."
****
If I could live full-time with Sana Kurata for a year and not go mad, I sure as hell could be Usagi Tsukino's coach.
****
"Usagi..."
"No, Mamo-chan."
"But, Usako..."
"Mamoru. If you say one more word, I'm going to put my umbrella in your pants and open it."
(pause)
"Sangnoir-sensei is such a bad influence on you."
****
"My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite."
****
"Get out of my way, Doug."
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Kirika. I can't let you do this."
"Don't make me escalate this," she said softly. "I know your limitations."
I let a little smile creep out. "That's as may be. But you don't know all my strengths."
****
"Don't listen to what anyone else says, Atsuko. One of my talents is that I can see the souls of living beings. And you have a soul that burns as brightly and as true as any human or god I have ever met."
****
"Sorry, Louie. I'm with the girls on this one. That was just fucking stupid." I paused for an infinitesimal moment. "Not that I wouldn't have done exactly the same thing if it were me in that situation, mind you. But it's still fucking stupid."
****
"Prue, Piper, do either of you have dibs on the unconscious hunky guy on our stairs?"
"The one strapped to the motorcycle embedded in the wall? Not me."
"Are you kidding? I've got Leo."
Phoebe Halliwell grinned and clapped her hands. "Goody! He's mine!"
"Feebs," her elder sister Prue objected, "we do not get possessive over strange unconscious men who have motor vehicle accidents in our house."
"Not right away, at least," amended middle sister Piper.
****
"I don't negotiate with kidnappers and terrorists." "I kill them."
(Edit: fixed spelling error)
(Edit 2: Removed a quote from a recent EPU story)

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Sirrocco]

---

It's Sister Ginny's turn to throw the bomb!

---

That's awful. It's simply awful!
Sir, I salute you.

[DHBirr]

"You will please me best if you kill them all before they have a chance to realize that surrender is their only chance of survival."
-----
"Some people are just too stupid to be allowed to remain in the gene pool."
-----
(About killing) "It's what I do. It's what I am."
-----
I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his back, starting to walk him toward the rest of the group. "You have the right to remain silent," I snapped. On the word "silent," I tripped him, and let him fall face down into the largest mud puddle. Not even breaking my stride, I marched up onto his back and stood there, reciting the Miranda rights as best I could recall them -- sue me; I'm not a cop -- while the bubbles came up on either side of his head.
(This one's actually the climax of a dream I had.)
(Do you notice a kind of pattern here?)-----
Those who believed the laws of physics made things "possible" or "impossible" were mistaken. Time travel violated one of those laws. Physics took its *revenge*.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[M Fnord]

I pulled this out of a book somewhere & have had it sitting in a textfile for somewhere around forever. I like to think of this as Ultimate Ownage:
Picking a fight with a species as widespread, long-lived, irascible and - when it suited them - single-minded as the Dwellers too often meant that just when - or even geological ages after when - you thought that the dust had long since settled, bygones were bygones and any unfortunate disputes were all ancient history, a small planet appeared without warning in your home system, accompanied by a fleet of moons, themselves surrounded with multitudes of asteroid-sized chunks, each of those riding cocooned in a fuzzy shell made up of untold numbers of decently hefty rocks, every one of them travelling surrounded by a large landslide's worth of still smaller rocks and pebbles, the whole ghastly collection travelling at so close to the speed of light that the amount of warning even an especially wary and observant species would have generally amounted to just about sufficient time to gasp the local equivalent of "What the fu-?" before they disappeared in an impressive if wasteful blaze of radiation.---
Mr. Fnord
http://fnord.sandwich.net/
http://www.jihad.net/
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[drakensis]

~Think of it as an opportunity, little brother.~
~Yeah, an opportunity to find dad and do some father-son bonding.~
~Bond him to a concrete block, you mean.~
~And drop him off of a bridge.~
-/-
She shot him annoyed look. "Paul, you remember, the new guy the Professor wanted us to look out for?"
Jean cut off the argument. "You've spoken to him?"
"I'm gonna meet him at the new pizza place in an hour to help him get caught up with his math," Kitty grinned.
"There's a DangerRoom session tonight," Scott pointed out.
Kitty smirked. "Well I guess the professor will have to decide which is more important - me in the Danger Room or finding out about Paul."
"Oh man," Kurt wailed, slapping his forehead. "Why didn't _I_ think of that!"
-/-
However, if anyone found out what I could really do... let's just say that there are officially NO A-class metahumans not in longterm contracts with governments or facing long-term prison sentences. Quite a few are serving those sentences. Because most of the time, if you have the sort of power that A-class suggests then either the Powers-That-Be-Asshats will do ANYTHING to keep you under their thumb or you will go into business for yourself. Just saying no to recruitment is illegal in nine-tenths of the world and once you're already a criminal, it's a lot easier to break one more law, then another and so forth until you belong on the cover of a comic book, gloating over your latest scheme to conquer the whole world.
-/-
Michael raised the toy light saber and snarled "Coniunctis Viribus ad Declino et ad Praecido!" before slashing the toy between the two duelling students, and deflecting both curses into the floor. Then he spun and cut twice, neatly lopping off the top of both student's hats.
"I warn you," he said coldly, "that I could as easily have carved you both like roasts. Lower your wands or we'll be seeing if Madame Pomfrey can reattach your wand hands."
-/-
"Jeez, Wes. When was the last time you had a decent night's sleep?"
"When I was about your age. Why?"
"Whoa... have some childhood trauma."
"I had a very nice childhood. It was growing up that hurt."
"Doesn't it always?"
"That might explain why Miss Summers avoids the prospect."D for Drakensis
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Bob Schroeck]

---

That's awful. It's simply awful!

---

Thank you!

---

Sir, I salute you.

---

Thank you!

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Norgarth]

"I think we need to add some more chlorine to the genepool."
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[robkelk]

---

"I don't negotiate with kidnappers and terrorists." "I kill them."

---

I'm stealing, er, borrowing this one for Fenspace, okay? (I know exactly where to use it...)
Ah, yes - a contribution of my own...
"I used to think truth was stranger than fiction because fiction had to make sense. Then I watched Excel Saga."

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[The Hunterminator]

There is no such thing as fair on the battlefield.
Honor's an awfully stupid thing to die for.
*BLAM* Alright, who else brought only a sword to fight me with?
(Note: In case those quotes are not obvious, I usually roleplay villains, or at least people for whom honor is, at best, optional.)

[Cobalt Greywalker]

I think this is a quote from a movie, but...
"But you're dead!"
"It's very restful. No calls."

[Rieverre]

---
Life's a bitch.
Fuck it.
---
I've made a startling discovery. More often than not, violence really is the answer. Now, if you'd excuse me? I can feel a pop quiz coming up.
---
"What's the matter, asswipe. You scared mute or something?"
"No, I've just never seen the point of insulting people ..."
*WHAM*
"... when a punch to the face is worth a thousand words."
---
*after a feared villain/opponent is faced in single combat, and reveals a tragic story of their past in the process*
Hero: "Let me tell you a little fact of life. Everybody's got a sob story. Doesn't mean I have to give a flying fuck."
---
"Hey, don't worry, I have it on good authority that death isn't the end."
"It's not?"
"Sure. You can croak and all, but I'll still be here, right as rain."
---
"You're fighting for what?"
"World peace."
"Ah. Admirable."
*throws a rock at his head, knocking him out*
"There you go, mission accomplished. We feeling good yet?"
---
I'd say 'up yours' but considering all the leather, you'd likely enjoy that too much.
---
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm

[Norgarth]

this bit actually happened, back in high school a bully decided he didn't like a friend of mine and wanted to intimidate him. Unfortunately for the bully, my friend didn't intimidate easily:
"You're dead after school."
"Why wait?" *wham!*
************
"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." - Sir Barnett Cock
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." - Nathaniel Borenstein
"It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway." - Evan Esar
No one's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain
That which does not kill us, postpones the inevitable.
That which does not kill us, has made its last mistake.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Albert Einstein (kinda appropriate to fenspace, eh?)
"Imagine the Creator as a stand-up comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable." - H. L. Mencken
"Fight fair? Mercy? I'm sorry, you've obviously mistaken me for someone that gives a damn."
Lead me not to temptation, for I can find it myself.
Does your little mind ever get lonely in that big head?
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
"Today might be a good day to die, but I prefer that it happen to somebody else."
"I believe that forgiving the enemy is God's function. Ours is simply to arrange the meeting." - General H Norman Schwarzkopf
"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?" - Albert Einstein
I don't know where we're going, but we're making great time.
Tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow.
"I've never understood why people think rabbits feet are lucky. If the rabbit lost a limb, it obviously didn't bring the rabbit luck, and it had 4 of them." - Tim Brazeau (me)
************
btw Griever, that last one was great. __________________
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Bluemage]

---

---

Vuja De: That feeling you've never been here

---

---

You know, I seem to remember reading a book that used the term "vuja-de", but for something completely different from that... Wish I could remember what it was now.
[/quote]
What about UF? I know PCHammer uses it in his intro.Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[jpub]

Spider Robinson used it in the Callahan's books.--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

[DHBirr]

Faith: Noun. The unknowable promoted to the irrefutable.
-----
Deity identification. God: Ours. A god: Theirs.
(Both come from the comic strip 9 Chickweed Lane by Brooke McEldowney, and are, within the strip, the musings of a New Hampshire farmer who claims to be a space alien and a time traveller, and has shown some evidence supporting those claims. He may also be an esper. Don't tell Haruhi.)
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.