Sick Thoughts About Jutsu

[Valles]

Armor piercing koi and blood-swimming guppies are, no doubt, very effective...
...but hitting somebody with half a ton of live, angry tuna? That has authority.

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"Reseeestunce ees fiutil. Yoo weeel bee Useemooletud. Borg Borg Borg."
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"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[Ebony]

It is certainly an argument ender. An exclamation point, you might say.
Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Acyl]

I totally want a summon contract with viruses and bacteria.
What, they need to be multicellular organisms? Okay, okay...
-- Acyl

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

All right, then... tapeworms!
--Sam
"I didn't want to have to do this. I mean I really didn't want to have to do this!"

[Ebony]

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I totally want a summon contract with viruses and bacteria.

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Being reminded of the Wizards' Duel in "The Sword and the Stone" now....
"Merlin? Where are you?! We agreed on no disappearing! That's the rules!"
"I have not disappeared, Mim. I am merely very small. I am a germ. A very contagious one. And you CAUGHT ME!!"Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Rev Dark]

Tremble in fear before my spastic pangolin enema attack.

[CattyNebulart]

There are better summoning contracts that can be made... Especially since some of the frogs come with equipment, which open up all kinds of big possibilities.
There is the possibility of power tripping
A contract with Zentradi maybe? (Ultimate Summon: Dolza + Grand Fleet.)
I wonder if you could do an organisational summoning contract, summon TSAB mage would be all kinds of usefull from the power level of 'weak and useless cannon fodder' to 'I need this planet gone now'.
Hmm, any of the 3 races from the alien vs predator games would also work. (Summon Alien Queen! The offspring sticks around after she is dispelled. Ok, maybe that wasn't such a good idea..)
While we are on the topic of summoning Queens, why not summon Borg?
A summon contract for whatever race Washuu is part of?
Of course you can also just be silly, such as making a summon contract with Pokemon (it would be so fitting though).
Personally I'd like to have a summon contract with blue haired female combat androids. It might seem a bit over specific, but not many will say that when I have one arm around Subaru and the other around Gina while Ifurita and Kosmos blast you. Sure there are plenty of other summons besides those four (Ryoko and Miyu come to mind, but there are plenty of others), but when those four can't get the job done, more summons are unlikely to help.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Necratoid]

CattyNebulart, You 'blue haired female combat andriods' contract would require you to put out enough chakra to summon the bosses of the cannon ones as a starting level summons. The Summon Grand fleet one would require you to sacrifice all the buji to get even a pair of minor ships.
The only way in cannon or anything even trying to be close to it, to get anywhere near that level of chakra you'd have to use Sasuke's absorb nuclear level (10 km blast radius) explosion and convert it directly in chakra and get a free time stop to use the chakra without being vaporized ability. Even then it required the author to almost kill him and give him the RPG charicter uber ability to heal any injury in one night while resting in an inn. So yeah even with absorb nuclear equivalent explosion ability you'd need to carry nukes with you to power the summons it makes the contract useless.

[The Hunterminator]

Mmmm... but there would be something wicked awesome about having a jutsu so strong that a nuclear explosion is just the power source.

[CattyNebulart]

I'd love to know the exact physics involved in using chakra to summon things, then I could actually calculate out the power requiered and compare it to my theoretical power output...
Ninja probably have an internal fusion reactor or use a mass to energy conversion to power their abilities, since the energy expenditure is highly unrealistic for resulting from a mere chemical reaction.
Anyway with such abilities as summon grand fleet you really should only need enough to make them notice it and trace it or to send coordinates, they have fold engines which they can use to get there, and their own methods of power generation, no need to beam all that power to them.
Also it doesn't seem unreasonable that summoning scales by mass, in which case my blue haired female combat android summoning would be quite efficient when compared to Orohimarus giant snake summoning, and he is merly a sanin, not a demon-vesel. This of course assumes that the snakes have about the same density as real snakes, and that combat androids are not that much denser than humans.
Of course when compared to the efficiency of microbe summoning if costs are indeed mass based I'm likely left in the dust. Still at least my summons would likely be immune.
that said though, bomb pumped jutsu would indeed be awesome.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Sirrocco]

Many combat androids are going to be heavier than a similarly sized human, but the point was that there weren't any really low-level summons to practice up on. That makes things a bit harder.
It also makes it harder that you'd have to somehow get your name on their summon scroll - or find and speak with their monarch, and convince that worthy to give you a new one. This makes things rather more difficult for both viruses and combt droids (or at least requires that the story be filled with rather more crack)
Mind you, I do recall a somewhat entertaining story about some guy (not Gai) who wound up with his name on the Succubus scroll. (Gai doesn't need it. He's got that tongue-pushup thing.)
Note that ninja are not burning chemical energy, or fusion power. They are burning life energy - essentially consuming little bits of their souls, which they then grow back. It's why chakra exhaustion is so lethal, and why the more powerful elder ninja always end up as such freaks. Now, it *would* be interesting to find out what the explosive yield is on a soul....

[Rusco Ducam]

Well, I suppose you could try to make an estimate from Diedre's grand finale.

[Herr Bad Moon]

You know, one summon I've never seen is dinosaurs. Seriously, who wouldn't wanna *poof* some Utah raptors up while hunting somebody down, or a Brachiosaurus to stomp some annoying shinobi into paste. Or if things really go pear shaped.
"WHO DARES SUMMON THE TYRANT LIZARD KING?"---------------
-Jon
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
The population density of Wyoming is very low, but that doesn't mean the people there aren't also out to kill you.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[Sirrocco]

...A story about some random Chuunin-level ninja with his name on the Fox scroll, who, when things go really pear-shaped pushes his limits past what he's ever managed before, pulls out his top-level summon - and gets Naruto. That *is* where the Fox is right now, after all.

[Norgarth]

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...A story about some random Chuunin-level ninja with his name on the Fox scroll, who, when things go really pear-shaped pushes his limits past what he's ever managed before, pulls out his top-level summon - and gets Naruto. That *is* where the Fox is right now, after all.

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Leaving the Akatsuki pulling their hair out when Naruto disappears just before they can capture him. __________________
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." - Terry Pratchett
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Hollow49]

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Armor piercing koi and blood-swimming guppies are, no doubt, very effective...
...but hitting somebody with half a ton of live, angry tuna? That has authority.

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Am I the only onegetting flashbacks to Monty Python's classic fish slapping dance sketch from this?

[ECSNorway]

Hmm.

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You know, one summon I've never seen is dinosaurs. Seriously, who wouldn't wanna *poof* some Utah raptors up while hunting somebody down, or a Brachiosaurus to stomp some annoying shinobi into paste. Or if things really go pear shaped.
"WHO DARES SUMMON THE TYRANT LIZARD KING?"

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Kuchiyose no jutsu: GOJIRA!!!--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Sirrocco]

Fusion! Gojira/Shakira:
"I don't want to take over the world. I just want to seduce it... or raze it to the ground. Whichever."

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

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Kuchiyose no jutsu: GOJIRA!!!

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So let's see, first you'd get Minira, maybe some Dorats, then work your way up to Rodan and Anguirus before becoming able to summon the Big G...
--Sam
"Bring him to ze pants... bring him to ze pants...!"

[Feinan]

*snickers* Could we get Godzuki instead of Minira? Godzuki's cuter, and can fly...
-Feinan

[TheTwisted1]

I summon Rent-a-Zilla!!!
--The Twisted One"Growing up means giving up everything that makes you happy"
--Marge Simpson
"If you
wish to converse with me, define your
terms."

--Voltaire