Another short scene, following immediately after the last bit. Again, the usual question - am I getting the characters right, is this plausible, so on, so forth. =P
The other question is one of style. I write in both first-person interior monologue/stream of consciousness...or the more regular third-person narrative.
If I'm writing first-person, I tend to write fairly long and winding paragraphs...and consequently, lengthy scenes. Conversely, though, my third-person narratives tend to be fairly compact. I use short sentences, concise dialogue, and that makes it all pretty fast-paced.
I'm just wondering if it's too fast-paced. Is stuff zipping by too quickly?
This was a new situation, the dynamics of which Sasuke didn't yet comprehend. He didn't understand it, and he didn't like it.
He wasn't in control.
In the Academy, Sasuke knew what was expected of him. He knew what the teachers wanted, and how to achieve it.
He knew his goal in life. He knew how things stood between him and his brother. He grasped, fully, his vendetta with Itachi...and the only possible outcome of their eventual reckoning.
He knew that.
This...
This was different. This was new.
Sasuke looked across the table at Kabuto. The jounin was seated on the opposite side of the square table, with Naruto on the right and Sakura to his left. The team was in a small family-run restaurant, along one of the village's commercial streets. It was fairly late for lunch, so they had the place completely to themselves.
Kabuto had promised them a meal, ostensibly to make up for all the waiting in the classroom. So he'd brought them here.
Sasuke watched Kabuto through slitted eyes, trying to figure the jounin out. There was something about Kabuto that set him on edge - something that reminded Sasuke of his brother.
Kabuto didn't miss the intense scrutiny. He couldn't, not with the way Sasuke was staring at him. The Uchiha made no attempt to hide, openly challenging Kabuto with his gaze.
The jounin responded - not with ire, but with a smile.
"Come on, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto said, "I assure you, the food isn't poisoned."
Sasuke blinked. Belatedly, he realised that everyone was waiting for him. Well, Kabuto and Sakura were. Naruto was already clutching his chopsticks, an impatient look on his face.
"Fine," Sasuke muttered, picking up his own chopstick. He fended off Sakura's attempts to feed him, going for the food himself.
Kabuto had bought them each a bowl of rice - or in Naruto's case, noodles - plus some meat and vegetable dishes to share.
This meant Sasuke almost immediately found himself at war with Naruto, their utensils clashing as they fought for the same piece of chicken. The boys glared at each other, leaning across the table.
Kabuto watched them with a faint smile.
"Honestly, Naruto," Sakura complained, "can't you eat like a civilised person? Stop bothering Sasuke-kun!"
"I saw it first," Naruto insisted, tugging at the slice of meat.
Sasuke said nothing, but refused to give way, his chopsticks holding the other end of the meat in an iron grip.
"Na...RU...TO," Sakura growled, her voice rising dangerously.
Naruto paid her no heed, redoubling his efforts to win the chosen morsel...
...only to draw back, with a yell, when his chopsticks snapped.
Calmly, Sasuke popped the chicken into his mouth, and smirked.
Sakura was just as shocked as Naruto, but Kabuto had a speculative look on his face.
"Now, now," the jounin chided, "that wasn't nice, Sasuke-kun."
"Hmph," grunted Sasuke.
Naruto gasped, "What? What did he do?"
Instead of replying, Kabuto raised his hand, signalling a waiter. He asked for a new set of chopsticks for Naruto. It was Sakura who explained, her face lighting up as she discovered the answer.
"Chakra," she said, "Sasuke-kun channelled chakra through his chopsticks...and into Naruto's."
"That's CHEATING," Naruto wailed.
"That's ninjutsu," Kabuto corrected, as he placed some stir-fried vegetables into his own bowl, "though please refrain from further displays. We don't want to end up wrecking the restaurant."
For the next few minutes, they ate in relative silence, punctuated only by occasional outbreaks of violence between the two male genin.
Finally, Sasuke tired of the game. He pushed his rice bowl aside, and looked at Kabuto. "You didn't bring us here to eat," he said.
"Mmph?! Mmmph," Naruto blurted, his mouth full of noodles.
Kabuto tilted his head. "Didn't I?"
"You've hardly eaten anything, yourself. You've just been watching us," Sasuke stated, "in an obvious way. Like you want us to notice."
The jounin smiled.
"Kabuto-sensei," Sakura asked, "is this another test?"
"Of course," Kabuto replied, "everything's a test."
Naruto was somewhat perturbed by this, his face scrunching up. But that didn't put him off his food. It was rare for someone to actually buy him a meal, freely and of their own accord. If his pervert-sensei had an ulterior motive...well, so what? It was still a free lunch.
His teammates, however, were rather more suspicious. Both Sasuke and Sakura stared at the jounin, silently demanding an answer.
Kabuto rested his elbows on the table. He linked his fingers together, resting his chin in his hands. "A ninja," he said, "must always observe and analyse."
Sasuke frowned - and Kabuto grinned at him.
"Sasuke-kun," the jounin said, "you don't hold your chopsticks correctly."
Sakura started to object, but Kabuto cut her off. "I don't mean his table manners are bad. There's just a proper way to use chopsticks...which most people don't follow. These days, most parents don't actually teach their children. So many grow up holding chopsticks in their own way. Still perfectly serviceable, just slightly different from the 'correct' posture."
Kabuto turned to Sakura, then, favouring her with another of his knowing smiles. "Sakura-san...you, however, wield your chopsticks in precisely textbook fashion. Either your parents instructed you...or you deliberately practiced it yourself."
Sakura was torn between embarrassment and indignation. It showed on her face.
"I suspect the latter," Kabuto concluded.
Then he shifted his attention to Naruto. The blond was the only one at the table still eating.
"Naruto-kun," Kabuto said, "you use your chopsticks like a shovel."
"Oi," Naruto spluttered, a few flecks of half-chewed vegetables falling from his mouth.
"He's right," Sasuke agreed, with a smirk.
"Yeah," added Sakura, who was mildly disgusted.
Kabuto unfolded his hands, making a small gesture. "Then there's how you relate to each other. Sakura, you keep giving food to Sasuke."
Sakura blushed, going faintly crimson.
"Naruto," the jounin went on, "you seem determined not to let Sasuke get the best portions. But you're also saving the parts that Sakura likes - and slipping them into her bowl when she turns to feed Sasuke."
It was Naruto's turn to blush, while Sakura blinked at him, not quite sure how to react.
"And Sasuke...you don't care about either of them, you're just eating whatever you want."
"Hmph," Sasuke grunted.
Silence reigned round the table, once again, as they digested their food...and what Kabuto had said.
Once again, it was Sasuke who broke the impasse. He fixed the jounin with a level gaze. "So," he said, "are mind-games the only thing you play?"
"Oh, no," Kabuto laughed, "finish eating, all of you. Then we'll go get some exercise."
The chopsticks thing is true...or at least, it's true in Singapore. The last time I brought it up, I was having dinner with friends. The five of us were all Chinese (and raised that way), so we'd been eating with the things since we were kids. As it turned out, only one of us was using the "proper" technique.
My own way is fairly close, but I don't stretch out my fingers enough. I figure Sakura would have it right, though...if for no other reason than Kunoichi training.
Next up, Anko and Ibiki in the Hokage's office. And a fight scene.
-- Acyl
The other question is one of style. I write in both first-person interior monologue/stream of consciousness...or the more regular third-person narrative.
If I'm writing first-person, I tend to write fairly long and winding paragraphs...and consequently, lengthy scenes. Conversely, though, my third-person narratives tend to be fairly compact. I use short sentences, concise dialogue, and that makes it all pretty fast-paced.
I'm just wondering if it's too fast-paced. Is stuff zipping by too quickly?
This was a new situation, the dynamics of which Sasuke didn't yet comprehend. He didn't understand it, and he didn't like it.
He wasn't in control.
In the Academy, Sasuke knew what was expected of him. He knew what the teachers wanted, and how to achieve it.
He knew his goal in life. He knew how things stood between him and his brother. He grasped, fully, his vendetta with Itachi...and the only possible outcome of their eventual reckoning.
He knew that.
This...
This was different. This was new.
Sasuke looked across the table at Kabuto. The jounin was seated on the opposite side of the square table, with Naruto on the right and Sakura to his left. The team was in a small family-run restaurant, along one of the village's commercial streets. It was fairly late for lunch, so they had the place completely to themselves.
Kabuto had promised them a meal, ostensibly to make up for all the waiting in the classroom. So he'd brought them here.
Sasuke watched Kabuto through slitted eyes, trying to figure the jounin out. There was something about Kabuto that set him on edge - something that reminded Sasuke of his brother.
Kabuto didn't miss the intense scrutiny. He couldn't, not with the way Sasuke was staring at him. The Uchiha made no attempt to hide, openly challenging Kabuto with his gaze.
The jounin responded - not with ire, but with a smile.
"Come on, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto said, "I assure you, the food isn't poisoned."
Sasuke blinked. Belatedly, he realised that everyone was waiting for him. Well, Kabuto and Sakura were. Naruto was already clutching his chopsticks, an impatient look on his face.
"Fine," Sasuke muttered, picking up his own chopstick. He fended off Sakura's attempts to feed him, going for the food himself.
Kabuto had bought them each a bowl of rice - or in Naruto's case, noodles - plus some meat and vegetable dishes to share.
This meant Sasuke almost immediately found himself at war with Naruto, their utensils clashing as they fought for the same piece of chicken. The boys glared at each other, leaning across the table.
Kabuto watched them with a faint smile.
"Honestly, Naruto," Sakura complained, "can't you eat like a civilised person? Stop bothering Sasuke-kun!"
"I saw it first," Naruto insisted, tugging at the slice of meat.
Sasuke said nothing, but refused to give way, his chopsticks holding the other end of the meat in an iron grip.
"Na...RU...TO," Sakura growled, her voice rising dangerously.
Naruto paid her no heed, redoubling his efforts to win the chosen morsel...
...only to draw back, with a yell, when his chopsticks snapped.
Calmly, Sasuke popped the chicken into his mouth, and smirked.
Sakura was just as shocked as Naruto, but Kabuto had a speculative look on his face.
"Now, now," the jounin chided, "that wasn't nice, Sasuke-kun."
"Hmph," grunted Sasuke.
Naruto gasped, "What? What did he do?"
Instead of replying, Kabuto raised his hand, signalling a waiter. He asked for a new set of chopsticks for Naruto. It was Sakura who explained, her face lighting up as she discovered the answer.
"Chakra," she said, "Sasuke-kun channelled chakra through his chopsticks...and into Naruto's."
"That's CHEATING," Naruto wailed.
"That's ninjutsu," Kabuto corrected, as he placed some stir-fried vegetables into his own bowl, "though please refrain from further displays. We don't want to end up wrecking the restaurant."
For the next few minutes, they ate in relative silence, punctuated only by occasional outbreaks of violence between the two male genin.
Finally, Sasuke tired of the game. He pushed his rice bowl aside, and looked at Kabuto. "You didn't bring us here to eat," he said.
"Mmph?! Mmmph," Naruto blurted, his mouth full of noodles.
Kabuto tilted his head. "Didn't I?"
"You've hardly eaten anything, yourself. You've just been watching us," Sasuke stated, "in an obvious way. Like you want us to notice."
The jounin smiled.
"Kabuto-sensei," Sakura asked, "is this another test?"
"Of course," Kabuto replied, "everything's a test."
Naruto was somewhat perturbed by this, his face scrunching up. But that didn't put him off his food. It was rare for someone to actually buy him a meal, freely and of their own accord. If his pervert-sensei had an ulterior motive...well, so what? It was still a free lunch.
His teammates, however, were rather more suspicious. Both Sasuke and Sakura stared at the jounin, silently demanding an answer.
Kabuto rested his elbows on the table. He linked his fingers together, resting his chin in his hands. "A ninja," he said, "must always observe and analyse."
Sasuke frowned - and Kabuto grinned at him.
"Sasuke-kun," the jounin said, "you don't hold your chopsticks correctly."
Sakura started to object, but Kabuto cut her off. "I don't mean his table manners are bad. There's just a proper way to use chopsticks...which most people don't follow. These days, most parents don't actually teach their children. So many grow up holding chopsticks in their own way. Still perfectly serviceable, just slightly different from the 'correct' posture."
Kabuto turned to Sakura, then, favouring her with another of his knowing smiles. "Sakura-san...you, however, wield your chopsticks in precisely textbook fashion. Either your parents instructed you...or you deliberately practiced it yourself."
Sakura was torn between embarrassment and indignation. It showed on her face.
"I suspect the latter," Kabuto concluded.
Then he shifted his attention to Naruto. The blond was the only one at the table still eating.
"Naruto-kun," Kabuto said, "you use your chopsticks like a shovel."
"Oi," Naruto spluttered, a few flecks of half-chewed vegetables falling from his mouth.
"He's right," Sasuke agreed, with a smirk.
"Yeah," added Sakura, who was mildly disgusted.
Kabuto unfolded his hands, making a small gesture. "Then there's how you relate to each other. Sakura, you keep giving food to Sasuke."
Sakura blushed, going faintly crimson.
"Naruto," the jounin went on, "you seem determined not to let Sasuke get the best portions. But you're also saving the parts that Sakura likes - and slipping them into her bowl when she turns to feed Sasuke."
It was Naruto's turn to blush, while Sakura blinked at him, not quite sure how to react.
"And Sasuke...you don't care about either of them, you're just eating whatever you want."
"Hmph," Sasuke grunted.
Silence reigned round the table, once again, as they digested their food...and what Kabuto had said.
Once again, it was Sasuke who broke the impasse. He fixed the jounin with a level gaze. "So," he said, "are mind-games the only thing you play?"
"Oh, no," Kabuto laughed, "finish eating, all of you. Then we'll go get some exercise."
The chopsticks thing is true...or at least, it's true in Singapore. The last time I brought it up, I was having dinner with friends. The five of us were all Chinese (and raised that way), so we'd been eating with the things since we were kids. As it turned out, only one of us was using the "proper" technique.
My own way is fairly close, but I don't stretch out my fingers enough. I figure Sakura would have it right, though...if for no other reason than Kunoichi training.
Next up, Anko and Ibiki in the Hokage's office. And a fight scene.
-- Acyl