Quote:I think the people best qualified to tell jokes about something are the ones who actually believe, however nominally, in it.
Like it! Oddly compelling, especially the fish bits. Don't ask me why. And it's nice to see Chritianity treated with humor that doesn't cross the line into condescension.
There's one I heard from a preacher...
Q. What's the first recorded case of constipation in the bible?
A. Moses took two tablets and went up the mountain. There was thunder and lightning.
Quote:The whole family of fish summons...is something I dreamt up for a fic focusing on the Waterfall village, "Lesser Nin". That one's sorta been on indefinite hiatus for a bit...I should probably sit down and finish the first 'episode' at least, since that's only a page or two away from completion.
Fish-based assassination jutsu? This I *gotta* see....
The fish are, specifically, Japanese koi - the ornamental fish, Nishikigoi. Ichiwa has a full contract, but he tends to use hybrid techniques rather than summoning the fish in the normal fashion.
Here's some:
Kuchiyose: Koi Shuriken
Ichiwa slams his palm into the ground, producing a rippling disc of blue chakra - and four large fish leap from it. The koi twist together, linking tail-to-tail...and then henge into a giant weapon of watered steel. It works exactly like the standard Windmill Shuriken...except the Koi Shuriken has an unnerving tendency to change direction in mid-air and swim after you.
Kuchiyose: Koi Kunai
Like the previous technique, except the fish transform into individual blades. In this form, their nature is somewhat more obvious. As they fly and seek after their target, each Koi Kunai doesn't take a straight path. Instead, steel flexes. They bend and move from side to side. They circle around a little. They behave, in other words, exactly like swimming fish. Which they are. Except sharper.
Kuchiyose: Koibabaru (Koi Babel)
Summoned creatures aren't always large. Naruto could tell you that. He's probably seen enough tadpoles. But small doesn't mean useless. This is the technique Ichiwa uses the most. Ichiwa performs the seals for Kuchiyose no Jutsu...and ends by placing his palm directly on someone's body. This summons a single, exceedingly small fish...inside his target.
The summoned fish resonates with the victim's chakra system, functioning as a passive observer. It can hear everything its host can, and when dispelled, report back to Ichiwa.
The Koibabaru can be used on an unwitting victim, but Ichiwa's also been known to use the technique on other Leaf ninja. Usually with their consent. Recording devices and other means of communication can be detected. But it is very difficult to sense one of Ichiwa's fish hidden within a body's chakra coils.
Kuchiyose: Koikisei (Koi Parasite)
As before, except instead of a single tiny fish, Ichiwa summons several.
So you've got a school of little fish swimming around inside you...and draining your chakra.
Kuchiyose: Koidoku (Koi Poison)
Of course, having lots of fish in your body isn't a pleasant experience. In fact, it can be downright painful, especially if they're just a bit larger, constantly growing as they gain chakra...quickly becoming too large for your tissues and bloodstream...
Boom.
-- Acyl