"Harry Potter and The Unlikely Gryffindor" by "Hera Malfoy"
I stumbled on this by accident last night over at "Sink Into Your Eyes", a "Harry Potter" fanfic site. It had a five-star rating and was in their top-25 listing so I grabbed the whole thing in a lump and saved it to read later.
Well, I read it later, and dear gods I wish I hadn't. I stopped after about two and a half chapters, and that was entirely too late. Quick capsule summary: Draco has female cousin, a couple years or so older than he is, who was taken from her parents by the Ministry of Magic's equivalent of Child Protective Services and put into fosterage during the first Voldemort war; the foster parents are killed and she disappears only to turn up in Texas (of all places) when she's 19, at which point she then goes to Hogwart's as a first year and gets sorted into Gryffindor. She's a goth except she's kept the Malfoy hair, has her own motorcycle, a thick Texas accent, and lots of kewl wicca-themed jewelry. Oh, and she's engaged to marry Draco Malfoy by virtue of a long-ago agreement between their parents. By purest coincidence, she has exactly the same name as the author, and already the beginnings of the Harry-attraction are starting.
You can see where this is headed.
It is also one of the most incompetently-written stories I've seen in a while. Well, that's not entirely fair. "Hera Malfoy" is mostly a fair writer -- no horrendous misspellings or grammatical gaffes -- but she's careless and overconfident as a writer. Every once in a while she'll come out with something like this:
Anyway, I found this thing to be so spectacularly bad that I just had to share it. And I am seriously considering registering at SIYE just so I can go into the comments for this story and repeatedly post "Are you people nuts?"
-- Bob
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...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...
I stumbled on this by accident last night over at "Sink Into Your Eyes", a "Harry Potter" fanfic site. It had a five-star rating and was in their top-25 listing so I grabbed the whole thing in a lump and saved it to read later.
Well, I read it later, and dear gods I wish I hadn't. I stopped after about two and a half chapters, and that was entirely too late. Quick capsule summary: Draco has female cousin, a couple years or so older than he is, who was taken from her parents by the Ministry of Magic's equivalent of Child Protective Services and put into fosterage during the first Voldemort war; the foster parents are killed and she disappears only to turn up in Texas (of all places) when she's 19, at which point she then goes to Hogwart's as a first year and gets sorted into Gryffindor. She's a goth except she's kept the Malfoy hair, has her own motorcycle, a thick Texas accent, and lots of kewl wicca-themed jewelry. Oh, and she's engaged to marry Draco Malfoy by virtue of a long-ago agreement between their parents. By purest coincidence, she has exactly the same name as the author, and already the beginnings of the Harry-attraction are starting.
You can see where this is headed.
It is also one of the most incompetently-written stories I've seen in a while. Well, that's not entirely fair. "Hera Malfoy" is mostly a fair writer -- no horrendous misspellings or grammatical gaffes -- but she's careless and overconfident as a writer. Every once in a while she'll come out with something like this:
Quote:Cinderblocks? Spinnerets? Bwah? I have found the example I will be using in the "Vocabulary" section of my Fic Writer's Guide...
There rising up out of the darkness, was a castle Hera had only thought could exist in fairy tales. There were huge walls made of stone cinder blocks, spinnerets climbing into the sky, and the windows were each burning with torch light.
Anyway, I found this thing to be so spectacularly bad that I just had to share it. And I am seriously considering registering at SIYE just so I can go into the comments for this story and repeatedly post "Are you people nuts?"
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...