For some reason, I feel the impact would be greater if you stopped with this line instead:
Sakura gasped and paled, and then the world exploded.
Your current ending is a natural pause but it just doesn't seem to have the same oomph. Perhaps it could be switched so that second portion was first and the Emiya perspective last? It'd play with the timeline but not that much and would make a nice transition into the next scene.
Sakura gasped and paled, and then the world exploded.
Your current ending is a natural pause but it just doesn't seem to have the same oomph. Perhaps it could be switched so that second portion was first and the Emiya perspective last? It'd play with the timeline but not that much and would make a nice transition into the next scene.