Nanoha Fanfic

[CattyNebulart]

Thanks for the comments I really appreciate them.

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On a technical perspective, I think you switched from first person to third person during the General scene. Probably should keep it consistent.

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Yes I should. I always have trouble writing from a first person point of view. Which is why I am trying to do just that.

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Defenser...? Bardiche, I thought, was British?

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I checked a few episodes and Bardiche does say Defenser instead of Defender.

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Other than that, I'm having difficulties seeing this Fate v. the Fate we see in anime.

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You wouldn't believe the trouble this girl is giving me. She keeps insisting on a Valey-accent like whatevar. It's terrible It's why I need to keep trying and a prereader.

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I am, however, loving the smackdown laid by Fate. Bullets though huh? If that didn't bring Nanoha running (*more* smackdown), the feeling of magic power up would.

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It has only been a second or two. When we switch to Fates POV again we'll hear Nanoha frantically asking if Fate is alright.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."