Hmm. I'll have to go through the Sylia / Sylvie section to see if it's misleading. It happens sometimes. You don't like putting in "she said,
the other one said, then she said again" on every line of dialogue. But that means sometimes when you're trying to break out of the repetition that
you take it too far. So I'll take a look again.
The repetition of thoughts from the Yoshida-boomers was deliberate, to draw the reader's attention to the fact that all three of them were not only
essentially Yoshida-clones, but also all as equally obsessed with his ambition as he is.
Quick edit: Altered a few comments in the Sylia/Sylvie conversation to try and make it more obvious who's taking. Also neatened up some spelling and
grammer errors and tidied up the Spider-boomer's mental monologue.
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.
the other one said, then she said again" on every line of dialogue. But that means sometimes when you're trying to break out of the repetition that
you take it too far. So I'll take a look again.
The repetition of thoughts from the Yoshida-boomers was deliberate, to draw the reader's attention to the fact that all three of them were not only
essentially Yoshida-clones, but also all as equally obsessed with his ambition as he is.
Quick edit: Altered a few comments in the Sylia/Sylvie conversation to try and make it more obvious who's taking. Also neatened up some spelling and
grammer errors and tidied up the Spider-boomer's mental monologue.
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.