Dear Mother,
Five years...since I heard your voice, saw your face...I like to think you're proud of me...of how I grew up. Tomorrow is the day. The day I begin my
Pilgrimage in order to finally become an adult. Father is quietly confident in my success, but at the same time....everyone knows whose daughter I am. The
concept of coming back with what might even be a "passable" gift for anyone else is probably far from anyone's mind. Everyone has expectations,
even Father....but I can hardly say anything about it to anyone. You were the only one I could talk to and be sure that if it didn't need to be known by
anyone else, it wouldn't be. And so here I am. Writing you letters, even now.
I am not afraid of what's coming. I know it is necessary. But I am...worried. Something in the air....the way you told me you and Grandmother could often
"hear" something in the old air recyclers before momentous events happened... I do not know if I have your old intuition, but it feels as if I am not
the only one holding my breath. It's as if the entire Flotilla is as well, and perhaps beyond. Something is about to happen.
Watch over me, Mother. As I undergo this rite as you have all this time. And...I miss you.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
So many things have happened since I last wrote you. You always said my curiousity got me out of trouble as often as it got me into it, and you were right
again, it seems. The Geth memory core almost got me killed, but it also gave me the chance to fly aboard this ship....it's incredible, Mother. Like some
sort of dream. The Normandy is like nothing the Flotilla has ever seen....the ideas that went into it...the
combinations of turian and human technology....even stranger and more incredible are the crew. Most of them are human, but the Commander's squad is
different. Turian, krogan, human, asari...even me.
I know that you always said my place was in an engine room where my talents were best used, but I also know that you made sure I could take care of myself, and
I've gone on several missions with Commander Sheppard now...I have to. Remember when I said it felt like everything was holding its breath? This
must've been why. We're after a rogue Spectre. One I helped convict of treason. And one who's somehow learned to control the geth. I know what
you'd probably say. That the geth are best left behind us. And I agree....that's why I have not sent word of this back to Father yet. Even if he
believes as I do, the other Admirals could possibly override him. So, for now, I will keep it quiet.
Truthfully, I have heard little to nothing from the Flotilla. This is normal, I guess, given our situation, but it seems strange at the same time. At the same
time, I feel foolish for starting to feel homesick, but I can't deny I miss some things....nevertheless, I will carry on. Watch over me...and the rest of
the crew as well, if you can, Mother. Not just for my sake, but for the people we're fighting to protect.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I'm writing you at this late hour because this ship is too quiet. The silence was relaxing at first. Nothing to distract me when I slept....until it began
to sink in.
I have not mentioned it to anyone, because I know there's nothing they could do about it. There's nothing they should have to do about it. Really, that'd be rather silly. 'Oh, by the way Commander, could you have someone break the
air filtering system in my room so it's louder? I can't sleep because the silence reminds me of when the one in the Flotilla broke down and my mother
died of a virus that got through the nonfuctional scrubber.' Really. That would just be such a lovely way to
endear myself to the rest of the crew. The twitchy quarian who can't sleep when it's quiet.
I am sorry, Mother. I don't mean to be so cross. I haven't been sleeping well, and.....well, you know why. Perhaps...perhaps I could tell someone.
Maybe the Commander. She actually listens. I'll try next time we talk. Wish me luck, Mother.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I found it! I can't believe I found it!
The Commander was leading us on some missions to suppress geth incursions into human space when we came across something. The geth still held onto some data
from the homeworld, even after all this time. It's a copy of the pre-exodus epic Tal'Nar ni Shirinnah, by
Yen'Ceed. Technically, it's classified Alliance data since the Commander found it on one of her missions, but still....I asked her if I could have a
copy, and she agreed. I did not even have to barter or beg or anything! She gave it to me because it was important to me....to my Pilgrimage, I mean.
Between this and her helping me with my other problems....Shepard is different from other humans. Even the other Council races. She cares about her crew
and....and she sees me as part of that. You remember when Sirl left on her Pilgrimage. How I worried so when she failed to return. You told me that one way or
another, she'd found where she was meant to be. I thought you were telling me such things in order to evade the fact that Sirl had died....but were you
maybe telling the truth? Did you know that she'd found...some place like this? Some place that accepted her away from the Flotilla? I know you can't
answer me, but....I still wonder.
Nonetheless, thank you, Mother. Without your watching out for me, I may never have found my way onto the Normandy.
Never have found this. When I return from my Pilgrimage, I won't have to worry about anyone accepting this gift.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I don't know what to do. Or perhaps more specifically, I don't know what I'm feeling. Since the last mission (which I mentioned in an earlier
letter), Commander Shepard has been....distracted. Well, no, that's not the right word. She's been interested.
In one of our crewmembers. The asari scientist I mentioned to you. Liara T'soni.
Seeing this...or rather, hearing about it through the crew...I found myself...annoyed. Irritatable, even. I don't know why. I like to think that Commander
Shepard and I are friends, but I can hardly begrudge her for having other feelings for someone else. Right? And really, even if there were something between
us, the concept is laughable. I can't take off this mask at all, except in my cabin, which is even more rigorously cleaned than anything else on the
Normandy. It's not like she'd find me attractive. I'm a blank mask with a glowing translator instead of a
mouth. And Dr. T'soni is...well, for a species that doesn't claim to have any sort of gender, she certainly makes some of us who do have gender feel a
little inadequate. And that's before you factor in her biotics.
Of course, there's also the fact of that old superstition of the asari as siren singers out to snatch away crewmembers to their doom away from the
Flotilla. Which is entirely too bizarre in general, let alone the fact that for someone who's 106, Dr. T'soni is so naive I almost feel the need to
smack her over the head with the obvious sometimes. And then there was the rumored confrontation between her and Lieutenant Alenko after Noveria....
I don't know, Mother. Maybe I'm just having an odd time of the month. Some sleep will probably help, especially since Shepard got ahold of some audio
files to simulate the old clunky feel of home. Perhaps this will all settle down at our next stop. I hear Virmire is a very beautiful world, even if we're
going in expecting trouble.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
If ever I wished you were here to advise me, it's now. So much has changed, and....
Lieutenant Alenko....Kaiden....is dead. He stayed behind to make sure that the bomb destroying Saren's base, and the secrets to curing the krogan of the
genophage, would go off. There was nothing we could do. Chief Williams was trapped in the AA tower, and the salarians were with her, and....keelah, he's dead. He's really dead. We talked from time to time, and even though we weren't especially close, he
always treated me nicely and fairly. He was a soldier, but he was also such a gentle, friendly man.
Chief Williams is taking his death especially hard. Even though no one could possibly blame her for what happened, she blames herself. I've heard from
Chief Engineer Adams about the reputation her family has. I can see now how it drove Chief Williams to excel in order to clear her family's name. To lose a
member of the crew, especially a superior officer, must be crushing to her. Especially since, despite their differences, I know the two were friends.
Moreso than Chief Williams, however, the Commander is taking Lieutenant Alenko's death badly. They were close friends, possibly more according to ship
rumors before the "confrontation" which I discovered to be more a clarification about the fact that the Commander, while very close to Kaiden, was
not...interested in him in that way. While Chief Williams blames herself for not doing more so she didn't need to be rescued, Commander Shepard knew that
the person she chose to go after would be the one who lived. She made the choice to rescue Williams, and I heard the conversation that was the last time we
heard Kaiden speak. He and the commander both knew that he wasn't going to make it.
As if this were not enough, the revelation of the Reaper, Sovereign, and the true causes behind Saren's actions....have been conveniently ignored by the
Council. Ambassador Udina has locked down the Normandy and grounded our crew. All life...the entire galaxy....is at
stake, and the politicians won't listen to Shepard at all.
And despite it, I can't help but be shaken the most by what I saw by the lockers. The commander has always been a stalwart woman. Determined. But...she
seemed so...fragile. The drive had gone out of her. Between the Lieutenant's death and the Council and her own government's withdrawal of support for
her, it was like for a moment, she considered giving up....until Dr. T'soni....Liara...came to talk to her. I don't remember much of what they said,
but....it's clear that they almost....
I shouldn't be feeling this. I shouldn't be doing this, spying on the commander and Dr. T'soni. It's
none of my business. And yet....and yet....she was kind to me. She cared. And...I care for her in return, but I can't say anything. I can't make it plain. It wouldn't be fair to her or to me. We
could never be together. Not the way things are. I couldn't ask her to give away everything for my sake. Especially not the love of another.
I've heard from Liara that, occasionally, asari bondings are brief. That they...move on, eventually.
Am I wrong....am I selfish, mother...to hope for that? Is it so petty of me to not want to see someone else enjoy what I never can? Oh, mother....I wish you
were here. I wish you could tell me what to do.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
It's done.
We've broken the cycle. The Reapers won't be signalled....not this time. Sovereign is dead. And...we're heroes.
And I saw it all. I was with Shepard when we met the Prothean AI on Ilos. I was with her when we scaled the Council tower itself to confront Saren. I saw her
convince Saren that he himself was a puppet, and helped destroy the avatar that Sovereign created out of the turian's dead body. And....and I must be
honest with myself. I saw, for a brief moment, something that nearly stopped my heart in my chest.
The debris from Sovereign's destruction hit the tower directly. Wrex and I were unharmed, but trapped until we were dug out...but Shepard....for a moment,
we thought she was...gone. That she'd saved the galaxy, but lost her life to nothing more than random chance....but she wasn't. She survived! It was
then that I realized that I would have grieved for her like no other since your own death.
Now, humanity has joined the Council. Councilor Anderson is a man I trust will make his species proud. And when I think of what we averted, it seems like some
kind of story. Like something that can't be real. But it was....and I've decided, for now, to remain on the Normandy. Shepard believes that the Reapers are still out there. Still a threat. And if she believes it, so do I. So I will stay
by her.
I don't know what happened between her and Dr. T'soni. I don't know if they took the final step, or if they stepped away from the edge. But I do
know that it doesn't matter. Regardless of that, I will stay with Shepard. Even if I can't tell her why. Even if she's found someone else. The
Pilgrimage shows we're willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. And so I will give of myself as well. For her greater good. It will be good
enough.
But...perhaps...maybe. Maybe something might change in the future. You always told me our actions determined our destinies, not the other way around. After all
I've seen, I believe that more than ever....and I hope that my....our...destiny isn't quite finished yet.
Your daughter,
Tali
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."
Five years...since I heard your voice, saw your face...I like to think you're proud of me...of how I grew up. Tomorrow is the day. The day I begin my
Pilgrimage in order to finally become an adult. Father is quietly confident in my success, but at the same time....everyone knows whose daughter I am. The
concept of coming back with what might even be a "passable" gift for anyone else is probably far from anyone's mind. Everyone has expectations,
even Father....but I can hardly say anything about it to anyone. You were the only one I could talk to and be sure that if it didn't need to be known by
anyone else, it wouldn't be. And so here I am. Writing you letters, even now.
I am not afraid of what's coming. I know it is necessary. But I am...worried. Something in the air....the way you told me you and Grandmother could often
"hear" something in the old air recyclers before momentous events happened... I do not know if I have your old intuition, but it feels as if I am not
the only one holding my breath. It's as if the entire Flotilla is as well, and perhaps beyond. Something is about to happen.
Watch over me, Mother. As I undergo this rite as you have all this time. And...I miss you.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
So many things have happened since I last wrote you. You always said my curiousity got me out of trouble as often as it got me into it, and you were right
again, it seems. The Geth memory core almost got me killed, but it also gave me the chance to fly aboard this ship....it's incredible, Mother. Like some
sort of dream. The Normandy is like nothing the Flotilla has ever seen....the ideas that went into it...the
combinations of turian and human technology....even stranger and more incredible are the crew. Most of them are human, but the Commander's squad is
different. Turian, krogan, human, asari...even me.
I know that you always said my place was in an engine room where my talents were best used, but I also know that you made sure I could take care of myself, and
I've gone on several missions with Commander Sheppard now...I have to. Remember when I said it felt like everything was holding its breath? This
must've been why. We're after a rogue Spectre. One I helped convict of treason. And one who's somehow learned to control the geth. I know what
you'd probably say. That the geth are best left behind us. And I agree....that's why I have not sent word of this back to Father yet. Even if he
believes as I do, the other Admirals could possibly override him. So, for now, I will keep it quiet.
Truthfully, I have heard little to nothing from the Flotilla. This is normal, I guess, given our situation, but it seems strange at the same time. At the same
time, I feel foolish for starting to feel homesick, but I can't deny I miss some things....nevertheless, I will carry on. Watch over me...and the rest of
the crew as well, if you can, Mother. Not just for my sake, but for the people we're fighting to protect.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I'm writing you at this late hour because this ship is too quiet. The silence was relaxing at first. Nothing to distract me when I slept....until it began
to sink in.
I have not mentioned it to anyone, because I know there's nothing they could do about it. There's nothing they should have to do about it. Really, that'd be rather silly. 'Oh, by the way Commander, could you have someone break the
air filtering system in my room so it's louder? I can't sleep because the silence reminds me of when the one in the Flotilla broke down and my mother
died of a virus that got through the nonfuctional scrubber.' Really. That would just be such a lovely way to
endear myself to the rest of the crew. The twitchy quarian who can't sleep when it's quiet.
I am sorry, Mother. I don't mean to be so cross. I haven't been sleeping well, and.....well, you know why. Perhaps...perhaps I could tell someone.
Maybe the Commander. She actually listens. I'll try next time we talk. Wish me luck, Mother.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I found it! I can't believe I found it!
The Commander was leading us on some missions to suppress geth incursions into human space when we came across something. The geth still held onto some data
from the homeworld, even after all this time. It's a copy of the pre-exodus epic Tal'Nar ni Shirinnah, by
Yen'Ceed. Technically, it's classified Alliance data since the Commander found it on one of her missions, but still....I asked her if I could have a
copy, and she agreed. I did not even have to barter or beg or anything! She gave it to me because it was important to me....to my Pilgrimage, I mean.
Between this and her helping me with my other problems....Shepard is different from other humans. Even the other Council races. She cares about her crew
and....and she sees me as part of that. You remember when Sirl left on her Pilgrimage. How I worried so when she failed to return. You told me that one way or
another, she'd found where she was meant to be. I thought you were telling me such things in order to evade the fact that Sirl had died....but were you
maybe telling the truth? Did you know that she'd found...some place like this? Some place that accepted her away from the Flotilla? I know you can't
answer me, but....I still wonder.
Nonetheless, thank you, Mother. Without your watching out for me, I may never have found my way onto the Normandy.
Never have found this. When I return from my Pilgrimage, I won't have to worry about anyone accepting this gift.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
I don't know what to do. Or perhaps more specifically, I don't know what I'm feeling. Since the last mission (which I mentioned in an earlier
letter), Commander Shepard has been....distracted. Well, no, that's not the right word. She's been interested.
In one of our crewmembers. The asari scientist I mentioned to you. Liara T'soni.
Seeing this...or rather, hearing about it through the crew...I found myself...annoyed. Irritatable, even. I don't know why. I like to think that Commander
Shepard and I are friends, but I can hardly begrudge her for having other feelings for someone else. Right? And really, even if there were something between
us, the concept is laughable. I can't take off this mask at all, except in my cabin, which is even more rigorously cleaned than anything else on the
Normandy. It's not like she'd find me attractive. I'm a blank mask with a glowing translator instead of a
mouth. And Dr. T'soni is...well, for a species that doesn't claim to have any sort of gender, she certainly makes some of us who do have gender feel a
little inadequate. And that's before you factor in her biotics.
Of course, there's also the fact of that old superstition of the asari as siren singers out to snatch away crewmembers to their doom away from the
Flotilla. Which is entirely too bizarre in general, let alone the fact that for someone who's 106, Dr. T'soni is so naive I almost feel the need to
smack her over the head with the obvious sometimes. And then there was the rumored confrontation between her and Lieutenant Alenko after Noveria....
I don't know, Mother. Maybe I'm just having an odd time of the month. Some sleep will probably help, especially since Shepard got ahold of some audio
files to simulate the old clunky feel of home. Perhaps this will all settle down at our next stop. I hear Virmire is a very beautiful world, even if we're
going in expecting trouble.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
If ever I wished you were here to advise me, it's now. So much has changed, and....
Lieutenant Alenko....Kaiden....is dead. He stayed behind to make sure that the bomb destroying Saren's base, and the secrets to curing the krogan of the
genophage, would go off. There was nothing we could do. Chief Williams was trapped in the AA tower, and the salarians were with her, and....keelah, he's dead. He's really dead. We talked from time to time, and even though we weren't especially close, he
always treated me nicely and fairly. He was a soldier, but he was also such a gentle, friendly man.
Chief Williams is taking his death especially hard. Even though no one could possibly blame her for what happened, she blames herself. I've heard from
Chief Engineer Adams about the reputation her family has. I can see now how it drove Chief Williams to excel in order to clear her family's name. To lose a
member of the crew, especially a superior officer, must be crushing to her. Especially since, despite their differences, I know the two were friends.
Moreso than Chief Williams, however, the Commander is taking Lieutenant Alenko's death badly. They were close friends, possibly more according to ship
rumors before the "confrontation" which I discovered to be more a clarification about the fact that the Commander, while very close to Kaiden, was
not...interested in him in that way. While Chief Williams blames herself for not doing more so she didn't need to be rescued, Commander Shepard knew that
the person she chose to go after would be the one who lived. She made the choice to rescue Williams, and I heard the conversation that was the last time we
heard Kaiden speak. He and the commander both knew that he wasn't going to make it.
As if this were not enough, the revelation of the Reaper, Sovereign, and the true causes behind Saren's actions....have been conveniently ignored by the
Council. Ambassador Udina has locked down the Normandy and grounded our crew. All life...the entire galaxy....is at
stake, and the politicians won't listen to Shepard at all.
And despite it, I can't help but be shaken the most by what I saw by the lockers. The commander has always been a stalwart woman. Determined. But...she
seemed so...fragile. The drive had gone out of her. Between the Lieutenant's death and the Council and her own government's withdrawal of support for
her, it was like for a moment, she considered giving up....until Dr. T'soni....Liara...came to talk to her. I don't remember much of what they said,
but....it's clear that they almost....
I shouldn't be feeling this. I shouldn't be doing this, spying on the commander and Dr. T'soni. It's
none of my business. And yet....and yet....she was kind to me. She cared. And...I care for her in return, but I can't say anything. I can't make it plain. It wouldn't be fair to her or to me. We
could never be together. Not the way things are. I couldn't ask her to give away everything for my sake. Especially not the love of another.
I've heard from Liara that, occasionally, asari bondings are brief. That they...move on, eventually.
Am I wrong....am I selfish, mother...to hope for that? Is it so petty of me to not want to see someone else enjoy what I never can? Oh, mother....I wish you
were here. I wish you could tell me what to do.
Your daughter,
Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
***
Dear Mother,
It's done.
We've broken the cycle. The Reapers won't be signalled....not this time. Sovereign is dead. And...we're heroes.
And I saw it all. I was with Shepard when we met the Prothean AI on Ilos. I was with her when we scaled the Council tower itself to confront Saren. I saw her
convince Saren that he himself was a puppet, and helped destroy the avatar that Sovereign created out of the turian's dead body. And....and I must be
honest with myself. I saw, for a brief moment, something that nearly stopped my heart in my chest.
The debris from Sovereign's destruction hit the tower directly. Wrex and I were unharmed, but trapped until we were dug out...but Shepard....for a moment,
we thought she was...gone. That she'd saved the galaxy, but lost her life to nothing more than random chance....but she wasn't. She survived! It was
then that I realized that I would have grieved for her like no other since your own death.
Now, humanity has joined the Council. Councilor Anderson is a man I trust will make his species proud. And when I think of what we averted, it seems like some
kind of story. Like something that can't be real. But it was....and I've decided, for now, to remain on the Normandy. Shepard believes that the Reapers are still out there. Still a threat. And if she believes it, so do I. So I will stay
by her.
I don't know what happened between her and Dr. T'soni. I don't know if they took the final step, or if they stepped away from the edge. But I do
know that it doesn't matter. Regardless of that, I will stay with Shepard. Even if I can't tell her why. Even if she's found someone else. The
Pilgrimage shows we're willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. And so I will give of myself as well. For her greater good. It will be good
enough.
But...perhaps...maybe. Maybe something might change in the future. You always told me our actions determined our destinies, not the other way around. After all
I've seen, I believe that more than ever....and I hope that my....our...destiny isn't quite finished yet.
Your daughter,
Tali
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."