First impression is I want be beat the male lead with a tire iron. That may seem very harsh, but I just can't like him as presented. He screams SI,
one with really lopsided Character Point distribution and a vaguely mixed race background for extra 'Win' factor. So I'll address things with him
and how the character as presented fit into this model.
First off there is the 'iconoclastic' thing... from what is written he sounds like he sits around calculating how much he fits into any particular
group and does something that will put him not so much of that group. He also does it to the level that it scares people to the point the girls are all
avoiding this OCD 'needs to be a nonconformist' nutjob. As far as I can tell he has no old friends, either burned all his bridges or kids just
didn't like him enough to try. Which means to me he is 'brillant', because, he reads, watches, and/or studies like mad at everything that catches
his attention for 5 seconds, until something else catches his attention, because he hasn't had anyone his age to attached to. His father's background
does indicate he doesn't actually stay anywhere for longer than a year or two and that probably doesn't help with his lack of social skills. Having a
high ranking Navy officer as a dad he has been constantly exposed to lines like 'All it takes for evil to win is for good men to do nothing' and the
very Japanese idea of not actually bothering to get involved... he lacks the Someone Elses Problem mind set and would consider developing one to be joining a
national stereotypical clique. Which makes him that guy in a Japanese class that is an entertaining train wreck to live through vicariously.
His usual intensity with randomly shifting focus was just to much in America. However, he is currently spending his first semester on a jam packed with all
the GenEd and prerequisite course time allows (at least half again as many or twice as many as normally taken). That this is actually eating up much of his
spare time by default. Thus forcing him to actually focus. Which is when combined with his need to ace everything is ironing some of the most jarring focus
switches of his.
As the Indian (feathers, not dots) background, as presented so far, make it seem like an excuse for massive mass of previously useless spiritual powers from
nowhere this much be addressed. So we have a partial ancestry of some undefined Indian background to deal with. First off, I'd make his mom half and
half... this will give him the connection he needs not to be some totally lame, born with super spirit powers SI. I'm guessing his dad moves him around
with him and does so every year or two so he doesn't have to deep specific routes with any particular group of Indians. However his grandfather a shaman
type that started teaching him and sets him up with a new teacher through the grapevine each move... so he has lots and lots of training in the basics, power
expansion meditation, and the like but can't actually Do anything useful to speak of (barring seeing spirits and minor things that aren't that
complicated.) Only this gives him a large amount of unfocused energy in ever increasing amounts.
So we have an engineering mind set with a load of unfocused power behind it. The engineering mind set involves taking things apart and seeing how the work
on a basic level. Also, a need to understand stuff at that level. The more defined detail the better. Which means item maker... in his case he mostly makes
things that consume lots of power but do little to nothing. That will fulfil his needs as an engineering mind for understand of small details and
micromanagement. He figures he can do something more useful later after college. This also means he has lots of notes sitting around and won't radiate
'eat me I'm yummy' vibes constantly. Also having him were nifty Indian (feathers, not dots) themed stuff (bracers, an amulet, and/or belt) under
his shirts will let him have a touch of background linkage without him obsessively pointing it out every ten lines.
So he heads off to Japan, 'They got all kinds of spiritual stuff to study and not only in far off monasteries with no electricity' is his reason for
wanting to go rather than 'anime good' thing going on. Which means he has something to talk with Rei about and keep them meeting each other for the
months it takes for her to become intrested without making it a sudden thing.Then comes in the Lum thing and with him being an engineering mind set so that he
has a valid reason to go all rules lawyer on her. That will also avoid him start channeling the foreknowledge of SI goodness vibe. Also, the do good things
tendancy of his with place nicely into the model that gets her to stake claim on him... I mean her dad has issues with understanding she wants a humaniod
husband.
MYTHRIL wants Our Hero and his paramours to work for them, for obvious reasons. The question of why Rei would be wanted is completely and utterly
unexplained here. To the point of not making any sense. As stated this seems rather a case of 'screaming "Look over there" followed by running
away' level hand waving. Rei isn't a Whispered. They can't have a bonfire on ship, sacred or not, for her preistess tallents. Oddly you have
stated nothing to confirm or deny any actual Sailor Senshiness involved. Considering you have a magic princess of Neptune, who lives there no less, who is
going to visit Lum... I can't see not using it.
Which means you have to decide which group of enimies are going to be currently facing the Senshi. If its the Dead Moon Circus its going to mean Lum is
going to report the giant invisible circus tent that is hogging airspace. Lum is literally a legal alien to Earth. She actually has a valid visa and renews
it at one point. If its the first season I'm guessing the one other surviving planet in the solar system is going to be full of not happy when they learn
Beryl is back. Though your lead male does fit the targets of the Death Busters... Pure heart (focused on the task of getting a complex multipart degree and
all) so I can see that being the type chasing him into the shrine. (Taking off his power wasting stuff would provide the burst of spirit power at that time
for the kitsune to note without making him a complete demon magnet.)
Not knowing that series off the top of my head (I can vaguely think of 4 with that general theme going on) I can't be really specific there. But I can
tell you to remember to decide if Youko is an alien like Lum or an actual demon. Lum kinda has most 'demons' end up as alien tourists of old and the
like.As for why Rei is on the sub, lets just say that Rei can't see invisible battlemechs and they can see her transform. Rei refuses to explain why she
is there and Teletha won't be clear on the reason. It appeals to MITHRIL to have someone that is useful against the super natural.Melon is the one I'm
real dubious on... largely because its going to take a lot of effort to use such a different character to give her the same personallity and upbringing... and
make it make sense. Go to far from the base character and you might as well use a different soda. I'd suggest making her caffinated soda (needs caffine
to keep up with the course load he is going with.).
The real weirdness comes in when you actually concider what Melon is racially. She is one of those spirits of a random object kamis. The kind found in
random rocks and twigs as well as mountains and rivers. Only her kind has been heavily modified. As a can of soda is totally disposable the spirits of them
should be so weak that they can't even manifest outside the can and are only a carbonation bubble or two high... only they have been modified so that only
one kami can manifest for the entire type of soda... on a global level. This makes them capable of tossing of attacks that can obliterate steal beams and make
craters a dozen or four feet wide. They also power up through an act of canabalism. This is from a regional soda... try to imagine what it would be like if
this happened with Pepsi or Coke. Think MG with DBZ powers and an extreme racial hate of each other (though it could be a hostile rivalry). Which is what
people are going to think Melon and her kind are. This is going to make the spiritally aware harem members freak a bit. Depending on how they see her is
going to mix things up a lot. I mean you pretty much have to make the Epically, flamingly gay guy into a duel whispered between making the Melon like race and
being really, really flamingly gay to add it to the series. And someone will think of the Kami of Pepsi and Coke and Mountian Dew and Dr. Pepper and the like.
I can see Gauron gleefully demanding people 'Kneel before Tab'.
I also guessing that Rei and Kanami go to the same school.Just remember that any harem member has to bring at least some of their collection of idiots with
them and you already opened up the universe on him. Can't make things to easy on him. Though him not being anywhere near as durable as as most harem
masters. I'd suggest having him learn shielding spells after the youma chase mess. Lets him use that power and walls are something engineers unstand how
to make.For a suggestion as a logical extension of the harem to torment him I'd go with Golden Darkness from To-LOVE-ru only need to have the doctor work
at one of the schools. I can see one of Lum's stalker wanna-be-husbands hiring her. Then totally screw things up and thinking Sosuke is your male lead...
causing Sosuke fighting her (misery loves company). I mean he is the only listed male that could end up as his male friend... the one that points out he has
formed on of those 'stereotypical cliques' from those harem animes. His class mates brought up the topic and he noticed the similarities so he asked
the lead about it later. Cue freak out by the lead.
That is about all I can think of with the data given.
one with really lopsided Character Point distribution and a vaguely mixed race background for extra 'Win' factor. So I'll address things with him
and how the character as presented fit into this model.
First off there is the 'iconoclastic' thing... from what is written he sounds like he sits around calculating how much he fits into any particular
group and does something that will put him not so much of that group. He also does it to the level that it scares people to the point the girls are all
avoiding this OCD 'needs to be a nonconformist' nutjob. As far as I can tell he has no old friends, either burned all his bridges or kids just
didn't like him enough to try. Which means to me he is 'brillant', because, he reads, watches, and/or studies like mad at everything that catches
his attention for 5 seconds, until something else catches his attention, because he hasn't had anyone his age to attached to. His father's background
does indicate he doesn't actually stay anywhere for longer than a year or two and that probably doesn't help with his lack of social skills. Having a
high ranking Navy officer as a dad he has been constantly exposed to lines like 'All it takes for evil to win is for good men to do nothing' and the
very Japanese idea of not actually bothering to get involved... he lacks the Someone Elses Problem mind set and would consider developing one to be joining a
national stereotypical clique. Which makes him that guy in a Japanese class that is an entertaining train wreck to live through vicariously.
His usual intensity with randomly shifting focus was just to much in America. However, he is currently spending his first semester on a jam packed with all
the GenEd and prerequisite course time allows (at least half again as many or twice as many as normally taken). That this is actually eating up much of his
spare time by default. Thus forcing him to actually focus. Which is when combined with his need to ace everything is ironing some of the most jarring focus
switches of his.
As the Indian (feathers, not dots) background, as presented so far, make it seem like an excuse for massive mass of previously useless spiritual powers from
nowhere this much be addressed. So we have a partial ancestry of some undefined Indian background to deal with. First off, I'd make his mom half and
half... this will give him the connection he needs not to be some totally lame, born with super spirit powers SI. I'm guessing his dad moves him around
with him and does so every year or two so he doesn't have to deep specific routes with any particular group of Indians. However his grandfather a shaman
type that started teaching him and sets him up with a new teacher through the grapevine each move... so he has lots and lots of training in the basics, power
expansion meditation, and the like but can't actually Do anything useful to speak of (barring seeing spirits and minor things that aren't that
complicated.) Only this gives him a large amount of unfocused energy in ever increasing amounts.
So we have an engineering mind set with a load of unfocused power behind it. The engineering mind set involves taking things apart and seeing how the work
on a basic level. Also, a need to understand stuff at that level. The more defined detail the better. Which means item maker... in his case he mostly makes
things that consume lots of power but do little to nothing. That will fulfil his needs as an engineering mind for understand of small details and
micromanagement. He figures he can do something more useful later after college. This also means he has lots of notes sitting around and won't radiate
'eat me I'm yummy' vibes constantly. Also having him were nifty Indian (feathers, not dots) themed stuff (bracers, an amulet, and/or belt) under
his shirts will let him have a touch of background linkage without him obsessively pointing it out every ten lines.
So he heads off to Japan, 'They got all kinds of spiritual stuff to study and not only in far off monasteries with no electricity' is his reason for
wanting to go rather than 'anime good' thing going on. Which means he has something to talk with Rei about and keep them meeting each other for the
months it takes for her to become intrested without making it a sudden thing.Then comes in the Lum thing and with him being an engineering mind set so that he
has a valid reason to go all rules lawyer on her. That will also avoid him start channeling the foreknowledge of SI goodness vibe. Also, the do good things
tendancy of his with place nicely into the model that gets her to stake claim on him... I mean her dad has issues with understanding she wants a humaniod
husband.
MYTHRIL wants Our Hero and his paramours to work for them, for obvious reasons. The question of why Rei would be wanted is completely and utterly
unexplained here. To the point of not making any sense. As stated this seems rather a case of 'screaming "Look over there" followed by running
away' level hand waving. Rei isn't a Whispered. They can't have a bonfire on ship, sacred or not, for her preistess tallents. Oddly you have
stated nothing to confirm or deny any actual Sailor Senshiness involved. Considering you have a magic princess of Neptune, who lives there no less, who is
going to visit Lum... I can't see not using it.
Which means you have to decide which group of enimies are going to be currently facing the Senshi. If its the Dead Moon Circus its going to mean Lum is
going to report the giant invisible circus tent that is hogging airspace. Lum is literally a legal alien to Earth. She actually has a valid visa and renews
it at one point. If its the first season I'm guessing the one other surviving planet in the solar system is going to be full of not happy when they learn
Beryl is back. Though your lead male does fit the targets of the Death Busters... Pure heart (focused on the task of getting a complex multipart degree and
all) so I can see that being the type chasing him into the shrine. (Taking off his power wasting stuff would provide the burst of spirit power at that time
for the kitsune to note without making him a complete demon magnet.)
Not knowing that series off the top of my head (I can vaguely think of 4 with that general theme going on) I can't be really specific there. But I can
tell you to remember to decide if Youko is an alien like Lum or an actual demon. Lum kinda has most 'demons' end up as alien tourists of old and the
like.As for why Rei is on the sub, lets just say that Rei can't see invisible battlemechs and they can see her transform. Rei refuses to explain why she
is there and Teletha won't be clear on the reason. It appeals to MITHRIL to have someone that is useful against the super natural.Melon is the one I'm
real dubious on... largely because its going to take a lot of effort to use such a different character to give her the same personallity and upbringing... and
make it make sense. Go to far from the base character and you might as well use a different soda. I'd suggest making her caffinated soda (needs caffine
to keep up with the course load he is going with.).
The real weirdness comes in when you actually concider what Melon is racially. She is one of those spirits of a random object kamis. The kind found in
random rocks and twigs as well as mountains and rivers. Only her kind has been heavily modified. As a can of soda is totally disposable the spirits of them
should be so weak that they can't even manifest outside the can and are only a carbonation bubble or two high... only they have been modified so that only
one kami can manifest for the entire type of soda... on a global level. This makes them capable of tossing of attacks that can obliterate steal beams and make
craters a dozen or four feet wide. They also power up through an act of canabalism. This is from a regional soda... try to imagine what it would be like if
this happened with Pepsi or Coke. Think MG with DBZ powers and an extreme racial hate of each other (though it could be a hostile rivalry). Which is what
people are going to think Melon and her kind are. This is going to make the spiritally aware harem members freak a bit. Depending on how they see her is
going to mix things up a lot. I mean you pretty much have to make the Epically, flamingly gay guy into a duel whispered between making the Melon like race and
being really, really flamingly gay to add it to the series. And someone will think of the Kami of Pepsi and Coke and Mountian Dew and Dr. Pepper and the like.
I can see Gauron gleefully demanding people 'Kneel before Tab'.
I also guessing that Rei and Kanami go to the same school.Just remember that any harem member has to bring at least some of their collection of idiots with
them and you already opened up the universe on him. Can't make things to easy on him. Though him not being anywhere near as durable as as most harem
masters. I'd suggest having him learn shielding spells after the youma chase mess. Lets him use that power and walls are something engineers unstand how
to make.For a suggestion as a logical extension of the harem to torment him I'd go with Golden Darkness from To-LOVE-ru only need to have the doctor work
at one of the schools. I can see one of Lum's stalker wanna-be-husbands hiring her. Then totally screw things up and thinking Sosuke is your male lead...
causing Sosuke fighting her (misery loves company). I mean he is the only listed male that could end up as his male friend... the one that points out he has
formed on of those 'stereotypical cliques' from those harem animes. His class mates brought up the topic and he noticed the similarities so he asked
the lead about it later. Cue freak out by the lead.
That is about all I can think of with the data given.