ROTFL: Can has Cheeseburger?

[Bob Schroeck]

Another little bit from "G is for Gabrielle", this time from chapter 15 -- George has taken Gabrielle (who is still all of 11) into a rather dodgy leather shop in Knockturn Alley to get her "best quality" dragonhide gloves:

Lunky and George had moved off to poke through sheets of leather hanging in frames. Dove left her when he heard the door to the shop open. At least no one will recognize me while I am in this shop, thought Gabrielle. What do people do with whips these days? She took a piece of cake from the tray.

Dove reappeared, his head visible over the racks of leather things. He was speaking to someone. Gabrielle moved to a better vantage point and could see the couple Dove was speaking to. The wizard, to Gabrielle, looked like any of the tired clerks in Papa's office. He was a little heavy, more sagging than fat, with thinning hair. The witch with him, on the other hand, looked amazing and would stand out anywhere. She was as tall as the wizard in her high-heeled boots, had glossy hair that was impossibly black, and wore blood-red lipstick to set off her pale skin. Her robes were also a shiny black, and were slit almost all the way up the sides revealing the fishnet stockings she wore. Gabrielle watched the witch prod her companion with something Gabrielle at first thought was her wand but could then see was a riding crop. That's one way to deal with boys, thought Gabrielle.

-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.