[beta] DSKSWDYHMS? - Chapter 1

[robkelk]

Ah, you've decided to set this at the start of Sailor Moon R. A good choice for storytelling purposes, IMHO - the Senshi have experience with their abilities, but still have some powerups ahead of them (that Ezekiel can accidentally invoke early, maybe).

Much of the chapter is "talky" (a failing I have myself with first chapters), but I don't see any way to show the information instead of telling it. Ah, well.

Nits and giggles (two of each):

He'd recently turned eighteen and he was ready for college.

You missed changing this one to sixteen.

Please, Da-lu-ku-wu-do-san,

"'Dalekwood-san?' They show Doctor Who in Japan?" (Actually, they do, or did, but the only anime reference I can think of right now is in Sailor Moon Stars so Ezekiel can't possibly have seen it.)

"I want to revolutionize the world," he said,

...just before pulling a sword out of my chest.

"In your mental state I don't think your could force me to leave, but I will anyways. Good luck, Rei. You are going to need it."

Is Darkwood-san being intentionally insulting here? He's been in Japan for long enough to learn about yobisute - one does not address a person by that person's given name without an honorific unless one feels that person is either an extremely close friend (and likely a lifemate if the opposite gender), or not worthy of any respect at all.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012