"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Why is it called tourist season if we aren't allowed to hunt them?"
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"Is there another word for synonym?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- George Carlin
"I can do nothing to stop you. Your background music is too strong for me."
- Who's Line is it Anyways?
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
- Mr Garison
"If honesty is the best policy, why isn't it government policy?"
- Dave Broadfoot
"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell."
- Brian Clark
The more complicated they make the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
- Lt Cmdr M. Scott
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
- Joseph Campbell
I'm an iccorigible punster, so don't incorrage me.
He's a sex object. He asks for sex and women object.
Where do homeless people have 95% of their accidents?
What did tornados hit before there were trailerparks?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
9 out of 10 doctors say that the 10th doctor should mellow out.
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Insanity doesn't run in my family, it stampedes!
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
Spotted on the back of T-shirt: I am a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up.
I let my mind wander and it never came back.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Now there's a man who suffers from delusions of adaquacy.
I was passing by a cornerstore and saw 2 signs in the window. The 1st said "Clerk can not open safe." the 2nd said "Help wanted."
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Why is it called tourist season if we aren't allowed to hunt them?"
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"Is there another word for synonym?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- George Carlin
"I can do nothing to stop you. Your background music is too strong for me."
- Who's Line is it Anyways?
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
- Mr Garison
"If honesty is the best policy, why isn't it government policy?"
- Dave Broadfoot
"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell."
- Brian Clark
The more complicated they make the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
- Lt Cmdr M. Scott
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
- Joseph Campbell
I'm an iccorigible punster, so don't incorrage me.
He's a sex object. He asks for sex and women object.
Where do homeless people have 95% of their accidents?
What did tornados hit before there were trailerparks?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
9 out of 10 doctors say that the 10th doctor should mellow out.
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Insanity doesn't run in my family, it stampedes!
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
Spotted on the back of T-shirt: I am a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up.
I let my mind wander and it never came back.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Now there's a man who suffers from delusions of adaquacy.
I was passing by a cornerstore and saw 2 signs in the window. The 1st said "Clerk can not open safe." the 2nd said "Help wanted."
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin