Not bad...
But one jarring detail that will require some rewriting itowards the end with Toph you have her doing things that would require to have sight which she
doesn't...
for example:
Toph and Mai looked at each other and rolled their eyes. It was blatantly clear that he didn't. Zuko smiled. "You're a fine administrator,"
he assured the older man. "My father couldn't have picked a better man to organise the rebuilding of Omashu. Mostly I want to discuss spiritual
matters with the former King. If you feel your time is better spent elsewhere, I wouldn't presume to second-guess you."
--Werehawk--
My mom's brief take on upcoming Guatemalan Elections "In last throes of preelection activities. Much loudspeaker vote pleading."
But one jarring detail that will require some rewriting itowards the end with Toph you have her doing things that would require to have sight which she
doesn't...
for example:
Toph and Mai looked at each other and rolled their eyes. It was blatantly clear that he didn't. Zuko smiled. "You're a fine administrator,"
he assured the older man. "My father couldn't have picked a better man to organise the rebuilding of Omashu. Mostly I want to discuss spiritual
matters with the former King. If you feel your time is better spent elsewhere, I wouldn't presume to second-guess you."
--Werehawk--
My mom's brief take on upcoming Guatemalan Elections "In last throes of preelection activities. Much loudspeaker vote pleading."