not sure what a mark-element is supposed to be, but I'm intrigued enough to continue reading.
One minor gripe, you may want to have his run in with sully be on the way to/from the lockers. Requiring a coincidence (that they would know each other and be
in adjacent lockers) this early in the story when you don't need it is something to be avoided.
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy
One minor gripe, you may want to have his run in with sully be on the way to/from the lockers. Requiring a coincidence (that they would know each other and be
in adjacent lockers) this early in the story when you don't need it is something to be avoided.
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy