What if Almost Everybody was Shirou's Servant
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
Quote:"I'm not gay!" Lancer yelled as he stomped his foot on the ground. "Like I said before, I'm as straight as a lance!"
"Is that so?" Rider said, tilting her head curiously. "Then you don't want to go over to that half naked, muscular man and try to thrust your thick, long rod into him as he tries to smack you around with his giant, hard club of his?"
Lancer's eye twitched. That was technically an accurate description of what he wanted to do, but…
Quote:"Still – there is no doubt that that knight over there is King Arthur."
"Just how can you be so sure?" Rider asked, understanding that the truth behind legends was occasionally… different from how it was told. After all, she was one such misunderstanding. Besides, it was easy to see why someone would make that mistake. Saber happened to be, for lack of a better term, flat.
"It's simple, really," Ilya explained cheerfully. "You see, we summoned her in the last war."
"No, there's no way that can be true," Lancer said, shaking his head. There was a limit to how blind people could be in any era; mistaking a girl as their King, that just couldn't be right. There was no way they could have done that.
Unless… he was the one who was mistaken from the start. He had assumed that Saber was a girl, but he had never really taken a close enough look at her…
No. He wouldn't accept it. He couldn't accept it. There was no way that Saber had a penis. Absolutely no way.
"Come on," Lancer pleaded, turning to Saber. "Say something!"
Saber turned to meet Lancer's gaze, before casting her eyes downward. "No," she said after a moment, deciding that it was pointless to lie to Lancer. Ilyasviel would be their only enemy, and she already knew. "It's the truth. I was the King of Britain."
Lancer dropped his spear in shock, falling to his knees. "Th-then that means I just kissed a King," he said as he shook his head, trying to deny the truth.
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm no longer a king," Saber said.
It didn't make Lancer feel better. At all.
Quote:"Okay," Lancer said, annoyed that Archer had so easily beaten his challenge – even if it hadn't been intended as such in the first place. "So you guessed Saber's and Caster's identity. That doesn't mean anything. I bet you don't know who I am."D for Drakensis
Archer looked at Lancer, examining the other knight class servant with an investigative gaze. Lancer simply stood smugly, sure that there was no way for Archer to figure out who he was. And, apparently, Lancer was right.
"You're correct," Archer said, yet despite his "defeat," he grinned. "I don't recognize you at all. You must not have been that important."
Somehow, Lancer felt he was the one that was losing. "Hey now," he said defensively. "Just because you don't know who I am doesn't mean I wasn't amazing! It's your own fault for being ignorant of my legend."
Archer rolled his eyes, shrugging. "Right, because everybody should know about the guy who runs about in a blue leotard, trying to thrust his long, thick spear into any 'worthy opponent' that he can find."
You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.