blackaeronaut Wrote:Ah, sorry. I think that part of the problem I had with the power levels might have been because I'm seeing this in a planning forum, not in the story itself. That is, I'm seeing what you plan as the end result, and not the progression you intend to get there. Also, when I read the word 'Avatar', a part of me makes a sort of mental jump to Aang's avatar state, which I shouldn't be doing. I had enjoyed the chapters that you had written previously, and thought the power levels shown in story were ok, from what I recall. It was what was discussed in the comments that rang a few of my alarm bells IIRC.Jorlem Wrote:I'd be asying something similar, but I was thinking that this is probably a counterbalance to his planned overpowering of Zeke, which I had objected to way back in the chapter threads. I'll be honest here, when you say that one of your OCs is so powerful that one of the three overgods that created the universe would have trouble defeating him, that sets off some warning bells.Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's taken me this long to get around to writing a reply because of a combination of work and me trying not to get all pissy about this.
Overall, I think the story might be better if both your OC hero and villains were not as awesomely powerful as you've implied they will be. Maybe make Zeke instead get by based on ingenuity, which is the impression that I get of your plan from the fixing Zeke thread. If you really want to keep the the whole corruption thing, I would suggest holding off on that until Galaxia shows up, and having the cousin act as a Knight Templar until then. Knight Templars can make awesome twisted reflections of a hero, and it would probably make for a more interesting story then this guy trying to conquer the world.
Let's put this into a bit of perspective. The way I've always seen it you can always do a multi-crossover story. But the thing is: what's the catch? What is the one thing that draws all the elements together? My solution has always been to have an OC that's a strange attractor for weird shit. He is there for the amusement of the powers that be and they have suitably equipped him to get the most nag for their buck - also nice that he's so useful to them as an instrument of chaos. If it helps, think of it as an urban renewal project on a metaphysical scale.
Okay, so he's over the top.
Fine. I get that. *Crumbles up the character sheet and whiffs the toss to the waste basket, not seeming to care anyhow.*
Snip
Okay, changes, aside from obvious:
1) Both parents dead, raised by grumpy grandpa.
2) Only special ability aside from being an Avatar is the ability to directly manipulate the wind... but he has to tap into his anger to do it to any real effect.
3) Not a Whispered, but has excellent mechanical aptitude with no formal training. Loves junk yards - once assembled a dune buggy out of various car parts. The engine died the first day, though.
4) Short fuse - forgivable, though, since he doesn't really angst about his past much. He'll reflect aplenty, but he won't anguish over it.
5) Medicine Man Idiot Savant - instinctively knows that the answer to the blues in most cases is a warm drink and an open ear.
Better now?
Also, if Zeke is a Whispered, then I can see that being a decent source of conflict with the UEC once it is revealed. Something along the lines of "If you hadn't been born a Whispered, I would have been the one that Raven would have picked!" Heck, this could be what drives him all the way to fully joining with Amalgam.
Anyway, sorry.
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Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.